Why do women get so upset at their men who watch porn???

[Shan2k]

Why do women get so upset when they find out their boyfriends, or husbands watch pornography? I could understand the discomfit if he watches it to where it's interfering with his priorities, denying you quality time & intimacy, or if it’s against your religion… But if those aren’t the reasons, why is it a problem?

[directx]

I get upset at women that DON'T watch porn.

[a4a]

Why do women get so upset when they find out their boyfriends, or husbands watch pornography? I could understand the discomfit if he watches it to where it's interfering with his priorities, denying you quality time & intimacy, or if it’s against your religion… But if those aren’t the reasons, why is it a problem?

 

I am afraid he might see one with me in it..... they are still out there I am sure.

 

:lmao:

[directx]

I am afraid he might see one with me in it..... they are still out there I am sure.

 

:lmao:

Hey a4a, I probably downloaded it. What was the plot? That should narrow it down!

[StayClose]

1) The guy would rather do porn than have sex with his wife,

2) The woman is insecure about her appearance and feels inadequite because she doesn't look like the omen in porn.

3) The woman tries to control her husband through withholding sexual attention, and porn undermines her ability to do this.

[LulaMae]

I agree with StayClose. Personally, it is something that I watch personally and would like to watch with my SO. I think that if some men did not make it seem like something they are doing outside the relationship, then some women could be more open to it. We all have some sexual hangups (some of us more than others), but I say hey let's get all the porn out in the open. Many men from a young age however have been taught to keep porn hidden, including their innermost sexual desires.

 

Me and my SO tried to watch porn together but it backfired....we may try again in the future. I felt that he was ogling at the women in the porno as opposed to using it as a turn-on or catalyst for us both to enjoy each other....for me it was a tool to enjoy each other, for him I think he approached it as he does when he watches it alone. For him it is just a tool to "get the job done". He also has never met someone like me that is open to it so really didn't know how to behave and felt somewhat akward. Would like to try again in the future, and we have talked about it.

 

Another reason could be that women view it as clues into a man's sexuality that he is unwilling to share with us. (We can sometime think too much and over-analyze.) Many thoughts can occur: If he likes to watch people doing that, then how come he doesn't try that with me, or does he want to try that with someone else, etc., etc. Not really my personal feelings but a way of thinking for some women IMHO.

[Shan2k]

3) The woman tries to control her husband through withholding sexual attention, and porn undermines her ability to do this.

 

I think that is so evident. LOL!

[Shan2k]

3) The woman tries to control her husband through withholding sexual attention, and porn undermines her ability to do this.

 

I think that is so evident. LOL!

[princssangl0204]

I don't have a problem with porn its self so long as it isn't watched or viewed in secret

 

that being said as a women I struggle with the fact that by buying/ordering a move or magazine I am supporting the pornography industry which is demeaning and objectifies women. It is also known for drug abuse and many women struggle with issues that lead them to the pornography industry such as molestation, rape, depression, drug abuse, and low self esteem. If the pron industry sought out people who were comfortable with themselves and were making movies/pictures because they enjoy it in a healthy way I wouldn't have such an issue with it.

 

 

hope that helps clarify

[Carbine]

Because it hurt me deeply and f**ked with my self-esteem and confidence. I have incredibly low self-esteem mainly because I'm very unhappy with my looks.

 

1) I'd always compare myself to the women in porn movies, knowing I could never measure up, and this would make me feel even more ugly and insecure. In turn I'd get severely jealous, depressed, self-abusive and it would turn into a vicious cycle.

 

2) It would make me feel like I wasn't good enough or attractive enough in bed/during sex. So, for him to enjoy sex he'd have to compensate by viewing hotter women than me.

 

3) It's blatant hypocrisy because on one hand he'd tell me I was beautiful and that he was perfectly happy with me and my looks. Yet, he was getting off to women who were ten times hotter than me and totally different in terms of physical appearance. Made me feel 2nd-rate, used, and lied to. You always hear the line "Men are visual creatures" especially to explain porn-watching behaviour. If that's true, then am I expected to believe that my physical traits are irrelevant to him, while the physical traits of porn actresses are counted?

 

4) I consider it cheating. If a single guy wants to watch porn, then fine. But in a monogomous relationship then forget it. By watching porn he was bringing another woman into the relationship and expecting me to put up with it.

 

5) Given all of the above, if he continues to watch porn after my request for him to stop, then it's blatantly disrespecting my needs and feelings.

[Shan2k]

Woman aren't the only ones in porn, and how do we know which women aren't doing it for the fun of it?

[princssangl0204]

Woman aren't the only ones in porn, and how do we know which women aren't doing it for the fun of it?

 

Yes this is true men are in porn as well.... but our society hasn't set men on the same standard when it comes to porn it is considered ok and doesn't carry the stigma it does when women are feathered in a movie.

 

Also it the porn industries target audience is predominately men so if your talking heterosexual porn it is the women who are "featured" not the men.

 

 

as far as knowing which woman is doing to it in a healthy way...... you don't that is the problem.

[directx]

Because it hurt me deeply and f**ked with my self-esteem and confidence. I have incredibly low self-esteem mainly because I'm very unhappy with my looks.

 

Who can blame you in this 'beautiful' people driven society. I bet you look fine.

 

1) I'd always compare myself to the women in porn movies, knowing I could never measure up, and this would make me feel even more ugly and insecure. In turn I'd get severely jealous, depressed, self-abusive and it would turn into a vicious cycle.

 

Dont do that! And remember: amateur porn is the highest selling porn, with normal women. The hidden truth is its more exciting to watch.

 

2) It would make me feel like I wasn't good enough or attractive enough in bed/during sex. So, for him to enjoy sex he'd have to compensate by viewing hotter women than me.

 

Nah, its not that. Men are just afficienados with sex. Kind of like people that appreciate cars. Men just want to see it all. It should be taken personal if its not implied

 

3) It's blatant hypocrisy because on one hand he'd tell me I was beautiful and that he was perfectly happy with me and my looks. Yet, he was getting off to women who were ten times hotter than me and totally different in terms of physical appearance. Made me feel 2nd-rate, used, and lied to. You always hear the line "Men are visual creatures" especially to explain porn-watching behaviour. If that's true, then am I expected to believe that my physical traits are irrelevant to him, while the physical traits of porn actresses are counted?

 

Well, dont 'expect to believe'. Find out exactly what he thinks. Its easy to jump to assumptions, but again, men just love porn like some people like candy.

 

4) I consider it cheating. If a single guy wants to watch porn, then fine. But in a monogomous relationship then forget it. By watching porn he was bringing another woman into the relationship and expecting me to put up with it.

No. That is NOT cheating. If I am going to be blamed for cheating for that, then I might as well actually cheat. If Im going to do 20 years for stealing a penny, I might as well steal a million if its the same offense. Does that mean he cannot fantasize in his head? What if he found scantilly clad or rated R movies hot? Is it the same?

 

5) Given all of the above, if he continues to watch porn after my request for him to stop, then it's blatantly disrespecting my needs and feelings.

 

Yes, you have a point here. But try to come to some compromise. I dont think its an unnatural desire for him. YOu might be unreasonable.

My replies in bold

[StayClose]

Because it hurt me deeply and f**ked with my self-esteem and confidence. I have incredibly low self-esteem mainly because I'm very unhappy with my looks.

 

1) I'd always compare myself to the women in porn movies, knowing I could never measure up, and this would make me feel even more ugly and insecure. In turn I'd get severely jealous, depressed, self-abusive and it would turn into a vicious cycle.

 

2) It would make me feel like I wasn't good enough or attractive enough in bed/during sex. So, for him to enjoy sex he'd have to compensate by viewing hotter women than me.

 

3) It's blatant hypocrisy because on one hand he'd tell me I was beautiful and that he was perfectly happy with me and my looks. Yet, he was getting off to women who were ten times hotter than me and totally different in terms of physical appearance. Made me feel 2nd-rate, used, and lied to. You always hear the line "Men are visual creatures" especially to explain porn-watching behaviour. If that's true, then am I expected to believe that my physical traits are irrelevant to him, while the physical traits of porn actresses are counted?

 

You are assuming that how good sex is is determed soley by how good looking your partner is. The women in porn may look better, but you have an important advantage as far as your husband goes: YOU ARE REAL, and sex with you IS REAL. The porn woman are just images as far as your husband is concerned.

 

If you stay in touch with your sexual energy and express toward and with your husband, then his experience with porn will remain a distant 2nd best to what he can expereince with you, regardless of what you look like. Then you will not feel threatened by porn.

 

4) I consider it cheating. If a single guy wants to watch porn, then fine. But in a monogomous relationship then forget it. By watching porn he was bringing another woman into the relationship and expecting me to put up with it.

 

No. It is not another woman. It is his imagination.

 

5) Given all of the above, if he continues to watch porn after my request for him to stop, then it's blatantly disrespecting my needs and feelings.

 

I don't know if you are withholding sexual attention or not, but if you are, that is blantantly disrespecting his needs and feelings.

[princssangl0204]

I feel that as porn that is used as a tool with in the relationship or in addition to it it is fine.... the problem is when it is used Instead of.

[Shan2k]

Because it hurt me deeply and f**ked with my self-esteem and confidence. I have incredibly low self-esteem mainly because I'm very unhappy with my looks.

 

1) I'd always compare myself to the women in porn movies, knowing I could never measure up, and this would make me feel even more ugly and insecure. In turn I'd get severely jealous, depressed, self-abusive and it would turn into a vicious cycle.

 

2) It would make me feel like I wasn't good enough or attractive enough in bed/during sex. So, for him to enjoy sex he'd have to compensate by viewing hotter women than me.

 

3) It's blatant hypocrisy because on one hand he'd tell me I was beautiful and that he was perfectly happy with me and my looks. Yet, he was getting off to women who were ten times hotter than me and totally different in terms of physical appearance. Made me feel 2nd-rate, used, and lied to. You always hear the line "Men are visual creatures" especially to explain porn-watching behaviour. If that's true, then am I expected to believe that my physical traits are irrelevant to him, while the physical traits of porn actresses are counted?

 

4) I consider it cheating. If a single guy wants to watch porn, then fine. But in a monogomous relationship then forget it. By watching porn he was bringing another woman into the relationship and expecting me to put up with it.

 

5) Given all of the above, if he continues to watch porn after my request for him to stop, then it's blatantly disrespecting my needs and feelings.

 

You need to find strength within yourself and know you're a beautiful person.

 

A lot of men in relationships don't watch porn to be attracted to other women. It's the fantasy of it. Women aren't the only ones in the porn (unless you're watching an all lesbian one). Believe it or not, a lot of men love the submissiveness and the overwhelming satisfaction women receive in the pornography. In reality, it's not like that. Sex is work and a guy has to consider his woman's needs or it won't workout in the long run. It's a lot of pressure on men.

 

Some men can't always get sex on a regular base from their women so it's an outlet. Yes, we are visual creatures.

 

I'm highly attracted to my woman but sometimes she's not in the mood and I need something to relieve that neglect. I don't want to sound like a pervert but that's the reason a lot of guys watch porn. Without porn, a lot of sexual fantasy and positions would not be thought of. When I first had sex with a woman, she thought I was experience. So in some ways it's beneficial.

 

Maybe you should try dressing up in something sexy to make your man want you more. Role play.... Fulfill some of his sexual fantasies.

 

 

Women in porn are sex goddess! No complaints, forever horny, submissive, always exceedingly satisfied, and sexy.

[Shan2k]

Yes this is true men are in porn as well.... but our society hasn't set men on the same standard when it comes to porn it is considered ok and doesn't carry the stigma it does when women are feathered in a movie.

 

Also it the porn industries target audience is predominately men so if your talking heterosexual porn it is the women who are "featured" not the men.

 

 

as far as knowing which woman is doing to it in a healthy way...... you don't that is the problem.

 

Well, men like porn more than women and the industry is going to advertise to the group that it sells too more. Just like there are more female strip clubs than male, but there are male strip clubs.

 

 

 

There is porn for women, just Google "porn for women".

[princssangl0204]

Originally Posted by Carbine

Because it hurt me deeply and f**ked with my self-esteem and confidence. I have incredibly low self-esteem mainly because I'm very unhappy with my looks.

 

1) I'd always compare myself to the women in porn movies, knowing I could never measure up, and this would make me feel even more ugly and insecure. In turn I'd get severely jealous, depressed, self-abusive and it would turn into a vicious cycle.

 

2) It would make me feel like I wasn't good enough or attractive enough in bed/during sex. So, for him to enjoy sex he'd have to compensate by viewing hotter women than me.

 

3) It's blatant hypocrisy because on one hand he'd tell me I was beautiful and that he was perfectly happy with me and my looks. Yet, he was getting off to women who were ten times hotter than me and totally different in terms of physical appearance. Made me feel 2nd-rate, used, and lied to. You always hear the line "Men are visual creatures" especially to explain porn-watching behaviour. If that's true, then am I expected to believe that my physical traits are irrelevant to him, while the physical traits of porn actresses are counted?

 

4) I consider it cheating. If a single guy wants to watch porn, then fine. But in a monogomous relationship then forget it. By watching porn he was bringing another woman into the relationship and expecting me to put up with it.

 

5) Given all of the above, if he continues to watch porn after my request for him to stop, then it's blatantly disrespecting my needs and feelings.

 

I find your feelings valid and you are entitled to them

 

 

I don't think this is fair we were asked why women have such a problem with porn and we as women gave your our honest answers how did it turn it to invalidating her feelings and telling her SHE needs to change.

 

she as every right to feel that way about porn and is entitled to someone that respects her feelings on the matter. I also think there could be a compromise instead of throwing her feelings into wind. I think that you could talk to him and tell him how you feel about it and maybe you two can find a solution you can both be happy with.

[Shan2k]

I find your feelings valid and you are entitled to them

 

 

I don't think this is fair we were asked why women have such a problem with porn and we as women gave your our honest answers how did it turn it to invalidating her feelings and telling her SHE needs to change.

 

she as every right to feel that way about porn and is entitled to someone that respects her feelings on the matter. I also think there could be a compromise instead of throwing her feelings into wind. I think that you could talk to him and tell him how you feel about it and maybe you two can find a solution you can both be happy with.

 

She has every right to feel the way she wants about porn, but there is nothing wrong in trying to change her or anyone else opinion.

 

This is not an attack. I know I'm not trying to attack her or anyone. We're just having a discussion.

[princssangl0204]

Well, men like porn more than women and the industry is going to advertise to the group that it sells too more. Just like there are more female strip clubs than male, but there are male strip clubs.

 

That is my point..... it isn't like we are talking about individuals making movies we are talking about corporate America where the only thing that matters is the bottom dollar and to hell with morality, and ethics.

 

I an not arguing that porn is immoral just the industry, they don't care how or why they make a dollar or who their hurting in the process.

[Shan2k]

That is my point..... it isn't like we are talking about individuals making movies we are talking about corporate America where the only thing that matters is the bottom dollar and to hell with morality, and ethics.

 

I an not arguing that porn is immoral just the industry, they don't care how or why they make a dollar or who their hurting in the process.

 

So true! Just like the pharmaceuticals companies and the food industry. They don't care about the severe side effects; It's all about the money.

[Carbine]

Who can blame you in this 'beautiful' people driven society. I bet you look fine.

*shrug* I may look 'fine' but I don't look like the ideal woman that both women and men put up on a pedestal.

Having this rubbed in my face would just do my head in.

 

Dont do that! And remember: amateur porn is the highest selling porn, with normal women. The hidden truth is its more exciting to watch.

Well the original question was about my feelings regarding his porn use. And the porn HE used featured models, not amateurs.

 

Nah, its not that. Men are just afficienados with sex. Kind of like people that appreciate cars. Men just want to see it all. It should be taken personal if its not implied

What, isn't it enough that he has me, someone he chose to be with?? I'm not like a car, I'm not an object. Why can't men realise that?

 

Well, dont 'expect to believe'. Find out exactly what he thinks. Its easy to jump to assumptions, but again, men just love porn like some people like candy.

 

I'm not making assumptions, I got the truth out of him after he tried to dodge giving me a direct answer for ages. Yes, his ideal female is tall, blonde, stunning and has a great body. Strangely enough his porn collection mostly features actresses who posess these traits. I have none of these features.

 

No. That is NOT cheating. If I am going to be blamed for cheating for that, then I might as well actually cheat. If Im going to do 20 years for stealing a penny, I might as well steal a million if its the same offense. Does that mean he cannot fantasize in his head? What if he found scantilly clad or rated R movies hot? Is it the same?

Whatever, directx. If you and your SO are happy with each other watching porn then good for you, each to their own. But you don't have the right to form my opinions for me. To me porn = cheating because he's allowing himself to become emotionally/sexually attached to another woman. Fair enough, it's a 'milder' form of cheating, but cheating all the same. And yes, fantasising = cheating, and the movies, well it depends on the context of the situation.

 

You are assuming that how good sex is is determed soley by how good looking your partner is. The women in porn may look better, but you have an important advantage as far as your husband goes: YOU ARE REAL, and sex with you IS REAL. The porn woman are just images as far as your husband is concerned.

Firstly, he was my bf, now my ex . Secondly, it's not my assumption, it's the way he thinks. I found details of a conversation he had with a girl on the net, some girl he's interested in. He asked a bunch of probing questions about her body, asking her if she had a nice body etc and the reason given was "because ive learned from experience that sex is usually better when the girl has a good body".

 

No. It is not another woman. It is his imagination.

How is it his imagination? The other woman is a real human being on the television. If he can see her and I can see her, then she's real enough.

 

I don't know if you are withholding sexual attention or not, but if you are, that is blantantly disrespecting his needs and feelings.

I certainly was not. Quite the opposite in fact. I let him have his freedom in the relationship, all I asked was that he give up porn, one tiny little thing, and it was like I'd asked him to cut his own arm off.

[directx]

*shrug* I may look 'fine' but I don't look like the ideal woman that both women and men put up on a pedestal.

Having this rubbed in my face would just do my head in.

 

hey, I dont put ANYONE on a pedestal (except maybe WonderWoman...oh man those blue star shots peeling off...). But really, any man putting a woman on a pedestal only for looks is wrong in any case.

 

 

Well the original question was about my feelings regarding his porn use. And the porn HE used featured models, not amateurs.

But he's seen you already. Its not an insult. There is something about sex where NEW is exciting. And its not possible to find someone NEW all the time. Its just insane, unless you want someone obsessive about you.

I dont care if you have Angelina Jolie for a wife. A normal guy is still going to look around.

 

What, isn't it enough that he has me, someone he chose to be with?? I'm not like a car, I'm not an object. Why can't men realise that?

Is not with you anymore? If he is still with you, then he has chose to be with you. Sex is DIFFERENT for men than women. Its different for each person! You have to accept that fact. Just because he is not seeing it as you do does NOT make it a bad person.

 

I'm not making assumptions, I got the truth out of him after he tried to dodge giving me a direct answer for ages. Yes, his ideal female is tall, blonde, stunning and has a great body. Strangely enough his porn collection mostly features actresses who posess these traits. I have none of these features.

Which is why he is looking at them. Its NEW and DIFFERENT. If you did have those features, he would probably be looking at something else you dont have. If he starts saying 'Gee. I wish you had a big a heart shaped butt.' or something, then it wrong.

 

To me porn = cheating because he's allowing himself to become emotionally/sexually attached to another woman. Fair enough, it's a 'milder' form of cheating, but cheating all the same. And yes, fantasising = cheating, and the movies, well it depends on the context of the situation.

Are you SURE he is EMOTIONALLY attached? That is different. I dont get emotional to any porn. WOuldnt even know how. Its not even alive. That EMOTIONALLY statement you made might be telling the whole issue you have with it. There isnt a girls butt I dont look at and evaluate that crosses my path, and im never going to change.

 

The only guy that can fit your definition of never cheating is someone asexual completely or in a coma.

[Carbine]

It's a lot of pressure on men.

Do you honestly expect me to believe that the majority of men actually feel this pressure? I doubt that they really consider things on such a 'deep' level. Sorry, I'm trying to get my head around what you're saying, but it's the first time i've ever seen it put this way...

 

Some men can't always get sex on a regular base from their women so it's an outlet. Yes, we are visual creatures.

I respect this, but at the same time men don't need porn to be able to get off. My ex told me that he used to feel uncomfortable masturbating at home (where his porn is) if someone was there, so he'd often relieve himself at work because the houses he worked at were empty (he's a tradie). He'd do it without porn or visual stimulation and it seemed to suit him fine.

 

Maybe you should try dressing up in something sexy to make your man want you more. Role play.... Fulfill some of his sexual fantasies.

Ugh, no. I tried this, I felt that i'd probably never be able to live up to his fantasies, based on my looks. I just couldn't carry it off as I was too self-conscious.

 

She has every right to feel the way she wants about porn, but there is nothing wrong in trying to change her or anyone else opinion.

 

This is not an attack. I know I'm not trying to attack her or anyone. We're just having a discussion.

It's ok I don't feel 'attacked'. Sorry Shan2k, discuss all you want but it wont change my opinion one bit. I'm no stranger to this issue and I know exactly where i stand.

[Carbine]

.But he's seen you already. Its not an insult. There is something about sex where NEW is exciting. And its not possible to find someone NEW all the time. Its just insane, unless you want someone obsessive about you.I dont care if you have Angelina Jolie for a wife. A normal guy is still going to look around.

If new and exciting is what he wants, then he shouldn't even attempt to be in a committed relationship. Someone with that mentality is obviously still at the stage where women are nothing more than objects to him.

 

Are you SURE he is EMOTIONALLY attached? That is different. I dont get emotional to any porn. WOuldnt even know how. Its not even alive. That EMOTIONALLY statement you made might be telling the whole issue you have with it. There isnt a girls butt I dont look at and evaluate that crosses my path, and im never going to change.

Yes, there is an emotional attachment. He values porn because it makes him feel a certain way and he won't give this up for anything.