I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[Trimmer]

And I hate how all of the positive progress I've made during my therapy is now being overshadowed by this situation.

...and that's one of the huge reasons that therapists are forbidden, by the professional standards of their field, from entering into such relationships with their patients. At the very best, you end up with a patient who doesn't make as much progress as would have been possible; even more likely, you end up with more, new damage being created.

[Teeky3]

Please don't let this go on. Things like this never work out. Perhaps it was a thrill of a married man..but ask yourself, what kind of "man" is this really? And even worse...he belongs to some poor woman who has no idea that her man just kissed you. I believe a man is always gonna be a man..but as women, we have to stop allowing men to get away with this. We as women have got to stop biting each others back out. Don't go there....please. No one will win in this situation....the unsuspecting wife has already lost.

 

I can't believe I'm posting in this forum. I am always against getting involved with a married person - BUT today I kssed a married man I've had a crush on and now it feels like we're on fire.

 

He is happily married but initiated the kiss, a full long one:love: whereas in the past I have initiated short friendly peck kisses.

 

Do I pursue this? He asked to see me later in the week and I have butterflies just thinking about him. I am falling in love with him, but I have to remind myself he's married and am not sure what to do.

 

I think he is the love of my life and don't want to miss the opportunity of having a future together. He used to talk about his wife (nice things) but lately he has not mentioned her so I can also assume they might be having problems though they seem happy together so I don't know, am so confused. Any advice?

[GregsBad]

Please don't let this go on. Things like this never work out. Perhaps it was a thrill of a married man..but ask yourself, what kind of "man" is this really? And even worse...he belongs to some poor woman who has no idea that her man just kissed you. I believe a man is always gonna be a man..but as women, we have to stop allowing men to get away with this. We as women have got to stop biting each others back out. Don't go there....please. No one will win in this situation....the unsuspecting wife has already lost.

 

 

Poor Teeky,

 

Where the heck have you been?

Just to bring you up to speed with the thread ...

 

Fun2BeMe is not concerned about the wife. She's already banged the wife's husband too. That's not the concern here.

 

The real concern here is for everyone to pitch in to convince Fun2BeMe to get another therapist. Or at least stop paying him for the conjugal visits.

 

Anyway, the wife is no big thing.

 

But you hang in there! Get all these girls to stick together, as women, because men will be men.

[pricillia]

Wait GB... she slept with him, when did that happen...

 

I thought nothing physical happened...

[GregsBad]

Wait GB... she slept with him, when did that happen...

 

I thought nothing physical happened...

 

after her post #490, where she said things went further than a kiss but she won't reveal (at least for now) how far things went.

 

Then after that post she uses the terms "got physical" and "having an affair with a married man"

[Fun2BMe]

FUN, I'm sorry. I definitely didn't mean to distract from your post---I just got overwhelmed to see how similar our situations are. No, he's never told me he loves me and I've intentionally not asked about his family situation because I don't want to know too much...but there is a deep affection between us. Strange how the people here keep pointing out that we must have had "some issues to begin with". Well pardon me for stating the obvious, but I wouldn't be in THERAPY in the first place unless I had some issues to work out. And I hate how all of the positive progress I've made during my therapy is now being overshadowed by this situation. But I'm still grateful to have run across this post because it has really brought me back to reality. Anyway, my session is today in a few hours. I'm going to try to focus on asking some of the questions suggested here.

 

I'm glad this post is helping you too. It is really opening my eyes. I feel like we are in a somewhat similar situation, except that you and your therapist seem to not be in love, just having fun with the physical part, whereas my therapist tells me that he loves me 'from the depths of my soul' and the such and I have developed deep feelings for him too.

 

Let me know how your appointment goes and if you got around to asking him any of the questions.

[Fun2BMe]

Wait GB... she slept with him, when did that happen...

 

I thought nothing physical happened...

 

No, we haven't slept together. But the kisses have progressed to heavy fondling of our private parts, which is what I meant when I said it's become physical.

[Fun2BMe]

Please don't let this go on. Things like this never work out. Perhaps it was a thrill of a married man..but ask yourself, what kind of "man" is this really? And even worse...he belongs to some poor woman who has no idea that her man just kissed you. I believe a man is always gonna be a man..but as women, we have to stop allowing men to get away with this. We as women have got to stop biting each others back out. Don't go there....please. No one will win in this situation....the unsuspecting wife has already lost.

 

First of all, I have no idea whether or not the wife is 'unsuspecting.' I don't know what he reveals to her and what she is or is not ok with. As a woman you'd think she'd sense he was up to something, I know I always do when a bf is cheating. It's like a 6th sense. After I thought they had a great marriage based on how I see them together, for all I know they might not have a sex life if he is coming on to me. If someone is in love, they don't cheat on their SO, and he tells me that he loves ME.

 

After not calling me at all outside our appointment this whole week, I feel hurt and am suspecting how much he really loves me. He left me a message last night that he will be traveling and unable to keep our Monday appointment which feels like a stab in the heart. He asked that I call him tomorrow to reschedule. I feel abandoned and like he only loves me during our sessions.

 

It's hard to turn feelings on/off as all of you who have ever had deep feelings for someone know, even when to a third party it seems obvious you should. As soon as I call him tomorrow, I feel like I might start getting mad at him for the first time, asking him how he could give me such short notice that he is going away, that how could he say he loves me but act like he doesn't, all the while having allowed me to develop feelings for him.

 

Maybe if I had the guts to tell him I didn't want to reschedule and that I was ending my sessions, I'd find out how he really feels from the reaction he'd give, but at this point I am sadly eager to see him again, and I wish that wasn't the case.

[GregsBad]

First of all, I have no idea whether or not the wife is 'unsuspecting.'

 

You always sidestep responsibility on this point.

 

It's obvious that you picked one word - easier to defend.

I'm pretty sure that the point was NOT about wheather or not the wife is 'unsuspecting' but more about you carrying on with her husband.

 

I don't think you care who you hurt as long as you get what you want.

 

I think you're selfish, even vicious - willing to destroy a marriage and screw over some other woman. You're incurring you're own problems, and playing on sympathy.

 

I don't feel sorry for you. You're a capable of correcting you're course but you're choosing not to.

[Fun2BMe]

I don't think you care who you hurt as long as you get what you want.

 

I think you're selfish, even vicious - willing to destroy a marriage and screw over some other woman. You're incurring you're own problems, and playing on sympathy.

 

I don't feel sorry for you. You're a capable of correcting you're course but you're choosing not to.

Good, I am not looking for sympathy (unless that would solve my problems, but it won't), I am looking for help and advice - something you have shown not to be capable of giving. I keep getting tempted to put you on ignore but then you might post stupid things like your post a few down about having sex with your female therapist on your first visit for free. I think you are a bitter person who will say negative things to try to upset me no matter what so I really don't know why you are posting, other than to stroke your inflated ego at the expense at attempting to put someone down.

 

Since you have chosen to ignore my posts stating that on my last visit I refused to touch him, and you have somehow concluded that I'm selfish and all, then I don't understand your motives or thought process, other than YOU are a selfish person who wants to hurt someone in need of and asking for help. I have A LOT of issues which you have NO CLUE about, so as caring as I am, you are putting energy to convince yourself otherwise, even when I am struggling to end the physical relationship especially when I have such strong feelings towards a man who loves me, but REALLy I don't expect you to understand, go ahead punch me some more, your words don't carry weight or credibility since you have the same negativity regardless of anything I post - progress, pain, setback or whatever I am experiencing.

 

Your life must be so simple, as soon as you are in a pickle, you automatically know what to do and act on it. You probably follow a perfect diet too and are a perfectionist with no flaws, who loves to throw rocks at other people who are not as good as you. Again, not sure what your motives are other than trying to add fuel to my problems.

 

You've never had sex with a married person, oops you have! (something I at least haven't done). Once with your OW or MW (not sure if you were the married one with the affair or the woman was married) and again with the therapist - showing how morally and emotionally bankrupt you are to have sex within less than one hour of meeting someone for the first tme:sick:.

 

But your cases are 'different' and don't count. If I was so selfish, I would've proceeded going through with having intercourse with him (after having grown close over the the course of 7+ months and expressing our love for each other), and giving in to the strong feelings we have for each other. Anyways, not sure why I am bothering to respond to someone who acts 12 years old. Definitely no mature comments made in any of your posts, other than the selfish ones about you having sex with other women, married and a therapist. But I guess its your way of having fun at the expense of someone else's feelings like a loser bully. You are trying to make me out to be someone I'm not so that you can feel better about your sorry self.

 

Most people (like you) give in to their physical desires, then try to get help. I am trying to get help before I give in (so far I haven't had intercourse and am currently not touching him even). I think the more progress I make, the angrier you are getting because you like that you have found someone in trouble who you can put down to make yourself feel better.

[Teeky3]

Let me say this....by being on this board, you are bound to get comments that will help and that may hurt. It's an open forum. You have to be able to decipher what is useful and what is not. I've gotten comments too that bothered me, but I used what wsa useful in my sitation because no one on this board walks in MY shoes! Mr. Lucky did make some good points, but we are not walking in your shoes and only you have to go through this...not us. So don't beat him up too much...and don't waste time defending...use that enegy (and you have a lot of it) and turn his situation around. It all comes down to a choice and you are choosing the wrong path. Sure, it may sound easier said than done, but it is just that EASY and it's your choice.

 

Good, I am not looking for sympathy (unless that would solve my problems, but it won't), I am looking for help and advice - something you have shown not to be capable of giving. I keep getting tempted to put you on ignore but then you might post stupid things like your post a few down about having sex with your female therapist on your first visit for free. I think you are a bitter person who will say negative things to try to upset me no matter what so I really don't know why you are posting, other than to stroke your inflated ego at the expense at attempting to put someone down.

 

Since you have chosen to ignore my posts stating that on my last visit I refused to touch him, and you have somehow concluded that I'm selfish and all, then I don't understand your motives or thought process, other than YOU are a selfish person who wants to hurt someone in need of and asking for help. I have A LOT of issues which you have NO CLUE about, so as caring as I am, you are putting energy to convince yourself otherwise, even when I am struggling to end the physical relationship especially when I have such strong feelings towards a man who loves me, but REALLy I don't expect you to understand, go ahead punch me some more, your words don't carry weight or credibility since you have the same negativity regardless of anything I post - progress, pain, setback or whatever I am experiencing.

 

Your life must be so simple, as soon as you are in a pickle, you automatically know what to do and act on it. You probably follow a perfect diet too and are a perfectionist with no flaws, who loves to throw rocks at other people who are not as good as you. Again, not sure what your motives are other than trying to add fuel to my problems.

 

You've never had sex with a married person, oops you have! (something I at least haven't done). Once with your OW or MW (not sure if you were the married one with the affair or the woman was married) and again with the therapist - showing how morally and emotionally bankrupt you are to have sex within less than one hour of meeting someone for the first tme:sick:.

 

But your cases are 'different' and don't count. If I was so selfish, I would've proceeded going through with having intercourse with him (after having grown close over the the course of 7+ months and expressing our love for each other), and giving in to the strong feelings we have for each other. Anyways, not sure why I am bothering to respond to someone who acts 12 years old. Definitely no mature comments made in any of your posts, other than the selfish ones about you having sex with other women, married and a therapist. But I guess its your way of having fun at the expense of someone else's feelings like a loser bully. You are trying to make me out to be someone I'm not so that you can feel better about your sorry self.

 

Most people (like you) give in to their physical desires, then try to get help. I am trying to get help before I give in (so far I haven't had intercourse and am currently not touching him even). I think the more progress I make, the angrier you are getting because you like that you have found someone in trouble who you can put down to make yourself feel better.

[GregsBad]

Good, I am not looking for sympathy (unless that would solve my problems, but it won't), I am looking for help and advice - something you have shown not to be capable of giving.

 

Fun,

 

You're right about me in a lot of what you said. There's never any way to justify being unkind. I apologize.

 

My motives are that I'm seeking help for myself too, like you are.

And I was tying to help you too, and I've gone too far.

 

I can never undo the damage that I've done to the husband of the MW that I fell in love with. I'm a grown man and I wake up crying some nights because of pining for her ... but also because of so much shame over how I hurt him, and others in my life who I loved very much.

 

I was so in love with her and she said she loved me too.

She did so many things to back up her claim of love.

She also did some things, like you're doc, to indicate that she didn't really love me.

 

Her husband was and still is very much to be pitied. He's obese, non sexual, controlling, sometimes mean to her. She should have left, if only for herself, but couldn't do it.

 

It went on for a long time - it's over

I'll never be ashamed of loving her.

 

I'll never be the same. I still can't get over what I've done to him.

I had so many excuses to justify trying to take her from him.

 

I still can't figure what hurts more.

Missing her ... or how much I hurt him, and others.

It hurts so f*cking bad, and it's been so long.

I really really f*cked up.

 

And I want to help you

 

Each step you're taking is like a chain where each next link is stronger.

You're mind is actually working against you, keeping you from ending it.

It only gets harder and more painful as it advances.

 

The only way out is cold turkey, today, right now.

You have to even be cold and resolute against him.

Abrubtly end it. Explain nothing to him. Turn your back on him.

Forget about fixing him, getting revenge or ANYTHING that could keep you linked in anyway.

 

It will be painful, you'll cry, and pine for him.

But the pain will be far less now than what's in store for you if you don't stop now.

 

I hope you don't put me on ignore.

I'll back out from posting here.

But I'll check in to read and see how you're doing.

[Touche]

I don't know whether Fun will heed your advice or not but I must say I'm impressed with your last post. That couldn't have been easy to admit. And it was big of you to apologize to her.

 

I think you both can help each other.

[Teeky3]

I accidentally quoted the wrong person in my thread (Mr. Lucky) and meant to say GregsBad.

 

Anyway...I commend you for your apology. Fun2beme is hurting bad enough and it's obvious that she felt some comfort in talking to strangers in this forum as opposed to the supoort people who may be in her space. All of us have pain and hurt and the way you wrote you last note to her, did my heart a world of good. I hope Fun2beme, accepts yor apology and continues to let you in. You tow actuallyhav a lot in common.

 

Thanks and God Bless You!

Fun,

 

You're right about me in a lot of what you said. There's never any way to justify being unkind. I apologize.

[LucreziaBorgia]

If someone is in love, they don't cheat on their SO, and he tells me that he loves ME.

 

I expect his current wife thought the exact same thing.

[torranceshipman]

Lord above, 3 people in this post have had s*xual relations with their therapist?? Have you all got in touch and found out if this is the sae guy?! I think you should, just in case...and my advice is to buy a recorder NOW and record all of your sessions from ow on in. You need evidence that this has happened-this/these guys are dangerous, nasty people, and they should NOT be practicing as therapists.

[Claudia Elysa]

From experience, unless you are ready for chaos and guilt do not pursue it. The feelings you are feeling will fade in time. Just remember what you always said to yourself that you would never get involved with a married man. I know it may seem like in time it may become something but it does not some always gets hurt and it is usually the most innocent party.

[Sharazad]

FUN, I really feel your pain. I can tell your feelings are sincere and I hope you find the strength to communicate your needs and concerns to him soon. Maybe if you can feel more in control of the situation it will help you decide if want to continue on or if you're ready to let it go. I'm still in up to my eyeballs, but I didn't pay for my session yesterday. I told him how uncomfortable it made me feel and that I would rather stop being physically involved with him than to let it interfere with my therapy. It was kinda hard to get the words out but I felt so much better after telling him and he completely understood where I was coming from. I won't sit here and say that I'll never be with him again, but at least any future personal contact that occurs between us will happen outside of my sessions.

[Hugh_950]

Is this thread still active?

 

What's happened to F2BM ?

[a4a]

The Mothership landed?

 

She disappears all the time and comes back with major entertaining drama.

[Hugh_950]

The Mothership landed?

 

 

 

You mean they took her away?

 

Guess I could go to block buster and see what's new there.

[Fun2BMe]

The Mothership landed?

 

She disappears all the time and comes back with major entertaining drama.

 

I do not "disappear alll the time." Sometimes I need some time to think about and apply some of the advice posted, so I don't give knee jerk responses to every feedback I read, and continue discussions one on one with those you care via PM. What's entertaining drama to you is pain and suffering in aother's life.

[Fun2BMe]

And I want to help you

 

Each step you're taking is like a chain where each next link is stronger.

You're mind is actually working against you, keeping you from ending it.

It only gets harder and more painful as it advances.

 

The only way out is cold turkey, today, right now.

You have to even be cold and resolute against him.

Abrubtly end it. Explain nothing to him. Turn your back on him.

Forget about fixing him, getting revenge or ANYTHING that could keep you linked in anyway.

 

It will be painful, you'll cry, and pine for him.

But the pain will be far less now than what's in store for you if you don't stop now.

Thank you so much for your post GB. It meant a lot to see your human side, and for you to share your experience so I can see where you're coming from.

 

I also appreciate the excellent advice you gave. I think I need a little more time to convince myself that he doesn't really love me. I am continuously reading a lot of good information people are PM-ing me, brochures and so on, that are opening my eyes, and I think the moment I am ready to move away from the situation, I will act according to your excellent advice - to end it abruptly, without trying to 'fix' or work on anything. THANK YOU.

 

I hope you don't put me on ignore.

I'll back out from posting here.

But I'll check in to read and see how you're doing.

I'm glad I didn't put you on ignore, and responded with the result of getting your post. thnx again, and I hoep you are able to heal and forget about the woman you had too.

[GregsBad]

 

I'm glad I didn't put you on ignore, and responded with the result of getting your post. thnx again, and I hoep you are able to heal and forget about the woman you had too.

 

So this means you still like me?

 

I'll be nice from now on.

I'll stay close til you work things out. You'll do the right thing.

 

As for me - it's getting better as I date.

 

I just recently discovered that I'm cool and chicks like me!

That really helps!

 

I have a feeling you'll discover the same thing about yourself.

[Fun2BMe]

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0876307241/ref=sib_dp_pt/102-9899328-6452947#reader-link

 

I just finished reading this book and have come to the conclusion that the therapist does not love me, but instead he has his own issues and insecurities he is using me to feel better about. I was already feeling very upset that I am at home while he is with his wife. Before making any demands, my issue was to figure out if he was in fact really in love with me (I guess I'm an overly cautious personn who was afraid to get hurt again). Then I was going to make my moves and demands.

 

Now I am convinced he was using me. Maybe it is an immediate reaction to the book that will wear off, but I wrote an email terminating our sessions however I do not have the courage to send it. I don't want to come across as the ungrateful mean client who suddenly drops him so I guess I will have to tell him in person at our next session that I don't want to continue seeing him. However I am afraid if either I don't get the courage to tell him, if I change my mind, or if he changes my mind. Any suggestions?

 

In the book, written by a respected psychotherapist and professor at Rutgers University, he writes in detail about several of his patients who are psychotherapists who come to him for help because they are having sex with their patients. All of the therapists have MAJOR issues and none of the affairs are based on real love they have on the patient.

 

It was heartbreaking to read but an eye-opener that makes me feel like I've been totally in the dark, but I really can't blame myself because how was I to think differently when here I am in love with a man telling me he loves me too. Anyways, I am grateful for the comments which kept me putting things on 'hold' while I pondered upon the thoughs and opinions, and now the book that has sealed the deal so to speak. I think HE'S the one who needs help and also I feel sorry for his other patients because chances are according to the book that I'm not the only one since all of the therapists in the book reported 'acting out' with multiple patients.

 

Thanks again for the book rec. Pricilla. I am now reading another book by the same author on how therapists can prevent losing their patients.

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Lose-Your-Patients-Responding/dp/0765701715/ref=sr_1_30/002-0511699-8360806?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1179621987&sr=1-30

This will inform me on the tactics the therapist may use or say to keep me from leaving him. I think educating myself has been the strongest tool instead of letting my feelings dictate my behavior. What a world of difference...