Is there any hope for us? (LONG)

[El-Producto]

Well, I did it. I had a heart to heart with the woman, and although I feel better in being totally honest, I feel like I've hurt her. I think I jumped in, and gave her the wrong impression, not intentionally. I just have so much **** to work on myself, I don't need the stress of a relationship hampering that.. no matter how amazing she is.

 

She seemed very understanding, and all through the last month she kept saying that she needed me to be "OK", she didn't want to get hurt. She said that she knew that I really wasn't... even though I kept saying I was. It just got way too serious, way too fast for me. It scared the **** out of me.

 

I guess I just don't know how to proceed from here. I don't want to stop talking to her totally, but I also want things to slow down big time. She said she wanted me to take things at my pace, so I think I'm just gonna start doing some things for myself.

 

Thanks for the kind words again all. I really missed this place over the past month, and I need to get back here.

 

sumdude, your post was very well put. It's exactly how I feel, like 2 different views. I know though, that I need to invest all my energy into myself and my kids, because my STBXW is not making things easy on me.

 

I am kind of upset with myself for breaking my boundary of not being physical with anyone for a while. I guess that means I need to check my boundaries more often.

 

 

Azian? How did your relationship/breakup pan out?

[azianpride143]

EP I'm glad to hear you have made a good decision. Then again the decision is yours since you have control over your life. I read this thread with interest since we both are going through the same thing.

 

I am keeping contact with my lady friend to a minimal. She calls and sends text messages constantly. I just don't have time for drama in my life right now. I need my space and some time to think. I know the relationship will go nowhere.

 

I still feel like I'm at a crossroad. I know the direction I want to travel. But can't seem to take the first step towards my goals. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Although I seem to enjoy just bumming around the house all day. With no one to tell me what to do anymore.

[El-Producto]

I still feel like I'm at a crossroad. I know the direction I want to travel. But can't seem to take the first step towards my goals. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Although I seem to enjoy just bumming around the house all day. With no one to tell me what to do anymore.

 

Hehe, I feel the same way. I love just doing nothing sometimes. I know that isn't the most productive, but it's so nice not having someone bitching at me for what I haven't done.

 

I feel bad about what happened between myself and the other woman. I think I unknowingly gave her the impression that I was ready for a serious relationship. I'm upset at myself that I let those emotions come through, because now I feel badly. This is PRECISELY why I don't need a relationship now. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with my own crap, that just adds to the pile of crap that I'm already wading through.

 

Oh well, keep on keeping on I guess.

[Ladyjane14]

EP, AP, and all you other guys in a similar sitch...

 

I really don't think there's anything wrong in enjoying a woman's company or even her sexual favors, provided you're up-front and honest in your intentions.

 

We're not talking about little girls here. We're talking about WOMEN. Big girls, who ought to be able to manage their own emotions. Adult women don't need you doing it FOR them.

 

So as long as you're providing her with the correct information, and you're not losing control over your "brain-housing group"...

(Is that the right verbiage, Gunny? )

... go out, have fun, play safe, and enjoy yourselves.

 

:bunny:

[Herzen]

Kudos to the major contributors to this excellent thread. This is LS at its best: informative, helpful, not argumentative and a just plain pleasure to read.

 

Thanks for helping me out, too.

[El-Producto]

What you should do is dump this little gal, shave your head, eat nothing but rotting fuit and vegetables out of dumpsters, walk around in robes, self-flaggulating yourself with a cat of nine tails, ridding yourself of the impurties of your soul that women have wrought upon you ~ until your have cleansed yourself of said impurties

 

Seriously though ~ in my own case ~ when I got with my last LTR GF after my divorce I had been "over-there" across the pond during the first Gulf War. Only to come back and have my azz handed to me in the form of divorce papers, (and no there were no freaking yellow ribbions tied around any old oak tree! )

 

So, I collected up the pieces of my azz, head, and soul and in a stunned and dumbed fashion found my way to North Carolina to finish up my twenty in the Corps.

 

Having become more than accustomed to the Spartian life of a Marine ~ I moved into the SNCO (Staff NCO) barracks. It was nothing more than a room with a bathroom on the side, pretty much like your typical motel room, but with an entertainment center type thing, a double bed, and a recliner. One man per room.

 

Now to your average civilan type going from a home with a wife and children ~ this is the "pits" ~ but to a carrer Marine its "good living" all things considered, (Hey! When I first went in, I lived in a barracks with forty other guys, no AC, "gang" showers, and toliets, where you could turn your head and look the other guy in the eye as you did your business. When the guys in the "head" (Marine-Nautical term from toliet facalties) would get ready to flush they would yell "Fire In The Hole!" so that the guys in the shower could step back. If they didn't, they would suddenly get scolded with nothing but hot water! If they didn't yell this courtesy ~ everyone got a good laugh at watching you do tha' "dance" in the shower.

 

The good thing about living in the SNCO barracks is that its "free" The only thing I had to pay for was my phone bill and cable tv (both optional).

 

I could eat in the mess hall ~ three meals a day ~ for less than $5 a day. I know military mess halls get a bad rap via the media ~ etc. But in 20 years in the Marines I've never had a bad meal. Maybe my taste buds died back in boot camp ~ I don't know?

 

Bottom line my out of pocket living expenses would have been less than $100 a month, where are you going to find a deal like that? I mean most of you would have been depressed and horrified living like that ~ but to a Marine that's damn good living. And there's lots of things to do on base ~ golf, horseback riding, state of the art gym ~ all free, (Side-bar, let me clear something up about all this ~ the taxpayers don't pay for all this stuff ~ Marines do. When a Marine gets in trouble and gets his 2/3'd of his pay anywhere from a week to six months ~ etc, it goes to the MWR fund ~ (MWR meaning Moral, Welfare, Recreation Fund)

 

So realistically ~ I could have been banking most of my pay for four years.

 

I was stationed 13 hours from my children ~ and what I should have been doing was moved my azz into the SNCO barracks, gone to work, and learned how to adapt and overcome 12 years of being married, having a wife and a home.

 

But No! I had to have me a girlfriend. And, so I went out and found myself one ~ and wham, bam, Thank you Ma'am ~ before you knew it and with little or no effort I had one. Then Bam! Before you know it we're shacking up.

 

Ahhhhhhh relationships? So damned EASY to get into, but they can be hard to maintain and even harder to get out of.

 

I figure that my need to have a GF cost me about $120,000 over the course of about four years, even more if you factor in that it lasted six and half years. I would have a tighter relationship with my children if I had moved my azz into the SNCO barrakcs and just concentrated on getting my head and azz wired back together.

 

Well? She's long gone now, and all I've got left are some memories of some seriously HOT monkey-type sex!

 

Hindsight being 20/20 ~ the way I describe her in my mind now is "Almost the right woman, in the wrong place, at the wrong time in my life!

 

I'm telling you EP, (Smack, smack, smack ~ upside your head!!) :mad:

 

 

You've been giving a blessing HERE! Don't blow it! You've been given a second chance! A new lease on life!

 

One thing for damn sure and certain! You just can't go wrong by yourself!

 

Yes it takes some doing to learn how to live by yourself and with yourself. Its hard ~ all day hard. Bite the bullet hard! Chew through leather hard! But you get through the otherside of it ~ its every bit worth it!

 

FREEDOM!!!! Free from want, freedom from need, freedom from desire! Freedom from worry!

 

Its out there, its attainable, ~ but you've got to want it! You've got to work for it! You've got to suffer through it.

 

I'd rather be just another single guy ~ than another miserable married man!

 

I'm not opposed to marriage, but I'm not looking for it, marraige is going to have to find me, not me find it!

 

Be married just to be married? Be in a relationship ~ just to be in a relationship rather than be alone? I don't think so!

 

 

I've been reading Gunny's comment over and over, it sums up exactly what I want. My STBXW got us VERY far into consumer debt. It was equally my fault for allowing it to happen, but what's done is done. It's amazing that even after all the money I have to give her for child support, which is a hell of a lot, I still have money left over, without her indiscriminant spending. It's not much, but it's better than the living paycheck to paycheck that I did for the last 10 years. It's gonna take me a while to dig out of this mess, but the bottom line is I'm going to, and when I do.. look out!

 

Thanks again Gunny, totally helpful.