Imageiko Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 What would be the 3-5 dating tips or advice you wish somebody had given you 5-10-20 years ago? It can be anything.
baguette Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 There are plenty of fish out there. Seriously.
CarrieT Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Someone actually DID tell me this in my mid-20s and I didn't believe them... Your whole perspective about life, who you are, what you want, and how you see the world will change between your 29th and 31st year of existence. One cosmically "settles" into their skin and who they are and are meant to be; before that, it is all experimentation and learning. Decisions mean nothing and it is hard to remember one's frame of reference in one's 20s. I'm in my 40s now and I wished I had listened.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Don't contort yourself in any way to make things work with a guy. Make decisions and take action from a position of strength. Compromising yourself will weaken you and wear on your self-respect. Vent and work on your insecurities to your therapist and friends, not your partner. Don't expect your partner to complete you or "make you happy". Be complete on your own, be happy on your own, and there will be far less pressure on the relationship -- which means you can just enjoy it more. If he's an ******* to everyone but you, eventually, he will be an ******* to you, too. Realize that big promises are just the statement of ideals -- beautiful possibilities that likely won't be fully reached. But aspiring to them is what it's all about.
Voldar Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Well not that I've journeyed very far in relationships. But I -kind of- wish I had listened when told to date in high school for "practice." I never believed in "practice" with girls who I knew would not be there one day. I still don't really, but as I grow up a little more each year, I realize there is something to this practice, but it's not too late. However at this point it's just dating and not practice, so I'm low on the experience scale, lol. Oh well.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Well not that I've journeyed very far in relationships. But I -kind of- wish I had listened when told to date in high school for "practice." I never believed in "practice" with girls who I knew would not be there one day. I still don't really, but as I grow up a little more each year, I realize there is something to this practice, but it's not too late. However at this point it's just dating and not practice, so I'm low on the experience scale, lol. Oh well. I just figured out that it's OK to date (and even have sex) with someone who's not going to be your mate for life, as long as you're honest and open. I didn't figure this out until mid-30s.
eatNrM Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 You're a lot more charming and handsome than you thought you were.
LadyWriter Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Just because you love someone, doesn't mean it's "meant to be" Don't let your perfectionism spill over into your dating life. Works great for your career but wreaks havoc in your relationships.
baguette Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Don't contort yourself in any way to make things work with a guy. Make decisions and take action from a position of strength. Compromising yourself will weaken you and wear on your self-respect. Vent and work on your insecurities to your therapist and friends, not your partner. Don't expect your partner to complete you or "make you happy". Be complete on your own, be happy on your own, and there will be far less pressure on the relationship -- which means you can just enjoy it more. If he's an ******* to everyone but you, eventually, he will be an ******* to you, too. Realize that big promises are just the statement of ideals -- beautiful possibilities that likely won't be fully reached. But aspiring to them is what it's all about. Good stuff.
somedude81 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 You will never get a girl you like so don't even bother trying. Instead, notice the ones who are friendly and might like you. Settling is better than nothing. Wish I heard that back in my teens. Would have made my life a lot less painful.
HeavenOrHell Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Settling for what? Someone you're not totally/at all attracted to? Yes, you'd have been so much happier in an unfulfilling r/ship with someone you made to do with, just because you thought you couldn't get someone more suited to you. Desperation, again. You will never get a girl you like so don't even bother trying. Instead, notice the ones who are friendly and might like you. Settling is better than nothing. Wish I heard that back in my teens. Would have made my life a lot less painful.
HeavenOrHell Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 No dating tips, but wished my parents or whoever, had explained MUCH more about sex to me when I was a teenager, so that I didn't spend so long not having a clue what I/we were doing. What would be the 3-5 dating tips or advice you wish somebody had given you 5-10-20 years ago? It can be anything.
oaks Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 What would be the 3-5 dating tips or advice you wish somebody had given you 5-10-20 years ago? It can be anything. Don't get into an exclusive LDR. Do try online dating at an earlier age (than I did). Do talk about your feelings (with your partner) more.
oaks Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Imageiko, everytime I see that frog I light up! What a charming avatar. Surely it's a gecko?
Teknoe Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) Settling for what? Someone you're not totally/at all attracted to? Yes, you'd have been so much happier in an unfulfilling r/ship with someone you made to do with, just because you thought you couldn't get someone more suited to you. Desperation, again. +1. What a damaging perspective to hold onto. You don't have to settle for crumbs. You settle for crumbs though when you think lowly of yourself. To answer the topic question what you wish somebody had told you years ago Quite simple and simply this: Don't worry (so much) about girls. Put all that energy into your career instead. Gosh I wished I knew this 5 years ago. Oh well. Better now than never! edit: 2nd thing: Communication is EVERYTHING and 3rd thing: Do NOT rely on another person to "complete" you or bring you joy. Humans are flawed and will always let you down from time to time. You got to learn to be content on your own first. Edited September 22, 2011 by Teknoe
Woggle Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Stop worrying about making myself into what people wanted me to be and just be myself. Never try to have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person Never give somebody with blatant red flags a chance in order to be PC.
rafallus Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Be aggressive and not ashamed to admit that you are attracted to somebody. Difference between success and being labelled as "creep" is in that how you go about it.
somedude81 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Settling for what? Someone you're not totally/at all attracted to? Yes, you'd have been so much happier in an unfulfilling r/ship with someone you made to do with, just because you thought you couldn't get someone more suited to you. Desperation, again. Considering how I'm 30 now and never had a girlfriend and only kissed one girl my entire life. Settling for a girl I'm not totally attracted to would have been a lot better. If only I'd done that in Jr. High and High School. Things may have turned out very differently for me.
yessy21 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 You will never get a girl you like so don't even bother trying. Instead, notice the ones who are friendly and might like you. Settling is better than nothing. Wish I heard that back in my teens. Would have made my life a lot less painful. DUde! this is super negative. I wish someone would have told me that in order to love someone else fully u have to love urself first. it took me 24 years to figure that out. -_-
yessy21 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Considering how I'm 30 now and never had a girlfriend and only kissed one girl my entire life. Settling for a girl I'm not totally attracted to would have been a lot better. If only I'd done that in Jr. High and High School. Things may have turned out very differently for me. Yea you would have been a little more confident. thats all. u need to let go of that negative and embrace the positive.
blueskyday Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Wish someone had told me to pay attention to how I feel when I'm with someone. I thought if I felt insecure or anxious, then it was MY problem! Thing is, with the right person you generally feel secure and happy because their behavior and underlying intention is something you feel in a subtle way. Oh, and I wish someone had told me to watch someone's actions way more than their words, and not to make excuses for bad behavior.
somedude81 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 DUde! this is super negative. Yea you would have been a little more confident. thats all. u need to let go of that negative and embrace the positive. Nothing is more negative than the intense emotional pain I suffered for most of my life by having strong feelings for girls I was never able to get. Being able to trade that for actually getting with a girl even though she's not my type, yes please.
GoodOnPaper Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 What would be the 3-5 dating tips or advice you wish somebody had given you 5-10-20 years ago? It can be anything. Just the tip of the iceberg . . . 1. If you think a girl is a dating prospect, get to know her while you are dating -- don't get to know her well, then ask her out 2. Until you propose, everything is practice -- do some "cold-calling" and don't take awkwardness, glitches, rejections, etc., over-personally 3. If you are on the introverted, nerdy side, your strength is probably in the long term -- you can still be a great catch in your 30s and 40s even if you feel that in your teens/20s you are way behind 4. Find any excuse to travel around the country and/or abroad -- even if you have to do so alone. 5. While you're single, spend some time living alone and use some of that time to figure out where you really want to go with your life -- geographically, professionally, educationally, and spiritually
Author Imageiko Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Imageiko, everytime I see that frog I light up! What a charming avatar. Thanks! It's actually a self portrait though, I'm a gecko. Things I wish somebody had told me would be: - Tips on avoiding the friend zone. I was an expert in this in highschool basically because my brain always jumps 2-3 steps ahead so I'd move to fast. Just thinking about this is making me laugh - I was clueless to a lot of subtle body language stuff so I'd be totally clueless that a girl was interested. No expert at this now but much better - How to project confidence, the best way is to actually be happy with yourself and you are automatically ahead of the pace without changing yourself.
iJester Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) Those are some really good ones GoodOnPaper, especially the last one. I think it would've been nice to have a lot of the tips people have mentioned in this, but I would bet that many of us did get many of these tips, we just weren't ready to listen to them. Wisdom comes from experience. Experience comes from practice, and more precisely, from mistakes. With that in mind, I think the most important piece of advice is not to fear rejection, and always try again(not with the same person). Edited September 22, 2011 by iJester
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