TheCoolest Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 (edited) What can i do? I am a real fit guy. Used to be a fatter guy. My girlfriend was a real fit girl who used to be fat when i met her. Now shes a fat girl again. And its turning me off. I do love her. And any problems that we have we are always able to work through them fairly easily. I do think that i want to marry her. But she has been steadily gaining weight. It would be one thing if she was chubby. But shes actually getting fat now. Wanna she does little strip teases for me i have to try hard not to grimace. When i see her from behind i just feel like killing myself. Honestly i am quite insecure. Say what you want but i care a lot about what other people think of me. And when i walk around with her it doesn't exactly boost my ego. I have tried getting her to lose weight. But she refuses to exercise with me. I have tried putting her on a personalized diet plan that was too easy to follow. She does it for a week then tells me she can't anymore. When we first met i actually didn't want her to lose anymore weight and SHE was the one who was trying to lose more weight. Now its like she just doesn't care what she looks like. What can i do about this? I just want the girl i met. I know looks fade but fitness doesn't. At least not if you try hard. Should I tell her that her current bodyweight is honestly just grossing me out? I tell her that i love the way she looks no matter what but i am blatantly lying to her. Edited July 4, 2011 by TheCoolest Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 In my opinion, life is too short to live it as a fat person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheCoolest Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Just reread post. She was fit* when we met. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Should I tell her that her current bodyweight is honestly just grossing me out? I tell her that i love the way she looks no matter what but i am blatantly lying to her. I don't know about the question, but you shouldn't lie to her. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I'm sure you could put it a little more delicately than 'grossing you out' but you should definitely tell her the truth about how you feel. If you tell her you love her 'no matter what', implying that you don't mind her getting fat, she's going to be pretty devastated when you eventually tell her it's over - especially as you haven't given her the chance to do something about it. You may be trying to help her to lose weight, but currently she has no motivation. Perhaps if you tell her you found her 'gorgeous and sexy' (or whatever) when she was slim and fit and you're concerned about maintaining your attraction for her as she currently is, that might give her the motivation to lose weight. Make sure you do tell her you still love her though. As for the long term future of the relationship, this isn't just about how she looks. It's also about values. So you could add that, perhaps she isn't the person you thought she was, if she doesn't value being fit and healthy as much as she appeared to when you first met. In other words, be honest but focus on the positive aspects of how attractive she was when you met her, rather than on how 'gross' she is now. That might even prompt her to ask if you're still attracted to her and that gives you the perfect opportunity to say 'no - right now I don't'. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I dunno. It just seems a reversal of the roles from the time you met, don't you think so? What's her height/weight anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 when i walk around with her it doesn't exactly boost my ego. Then don't. Some other man will be happy to. I'll guarantee that. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheCoolest Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I dunno. It just seems a reversal of the roles from the time you met, don't you think so? What's her height/weight anyway? We were both fit when we met. When we met she was 5'5 130 or so and she said she wanted to lose another ten pounds. I told her not too. Now she is the same height and she tells me that she is 160. But i think she is closer to 175-180. Thats not even that much weight gain to me because i have lost 130 pounds and kept it off. But she is pretty much back where she started as far as weight goes. And its not like she lost it too quick and couldn't keep it off. I watched her keep it off for years she is just stuffing her face with too much junk food. Then don't. Some other man will be happy to. I'll guarantee that. Good luck If you can't give any helpful advice why answer at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Tell her what you think, without being rude about it. If she won't get back in shape, you don't have to stay with her. But at least give her the facts and the opportunity to improve. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 If you can't give any helpful advice why answer at all? Boosting your ego is not the job of other people. It's not their mission in life. As I said, if she is not someone you wish to walk through life with as she is, then don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 We were both fit when we met. When we met she was 5'5 130 or so and she said she wanted to lose another ten pounds. I told her not too. Now she is the same height and she tells me that she is 160. But i think she is closer to 175-180. Thats not even that much weight gain to me because i have lost 130 pounds and kept it off. But she is pretty much back where she started as far as weight goes. And its not like she lost it too quick and couldn't keep it off. I watched her keep it off for years she is just stuffing her face with too much junk food. You said you were fatter when you met? Or you lost the 130 pounds before that? Regardless, it is true that it's no one's duty to boost your ego when you walk around. But if you genuinely find yourself not sexually attracted to her at all, it's best you tell her that, gently. She is disrespecting herself, you and your relationship by not taking care of herself. It is the exact same as if you started staying out all night once a week and not telling her where you were. Have been in your situation in the past and I just lay the cards on the table in a matter of fact way without using any extreme terms, "You need to take better care of yourself via diet and exercise if you want this relationship to continue." No, that's a crappy analogy. Her gaining weight is the exact same as him gaining weight. Him staying out all night once a week is the exact same as her staying out all night once a week. There is absolutely no reason why one action by her should be equivalent to a completely different action by him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheCoolest Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Boosting your ego is not the job of other people. It's not their mission in life. As I said, if she is not someone you wish to walk through life with as she is, then don't. And did i say it was? Trust me when i say that my ego is plenty big. I am simply stating that i want a girlfriend who takes care of herself. Not one who lets herself go. And i realize that it would be simple enough for me to break up with her. But i obviously care about more then her looks or else i would have done that. So if the only advice you have is "break up with her" Just do me a favor and don't post in my thread. Link to post Share on other sites
SnowandStars Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 If she is this lazy about losing weight even when she has someone encouraging her, I can only imagine what other aspects of the relationship she will be lazy about in the future. Wow, just imagine if you get her pregnant! Yikes! Tell her that you want the girl you met back and express some concern regarding her health. If she pulls the "You should love me for who I am" crap, roll out and find a girl serious about her health and fitness. She is taking advantage of your love for her and has become comfortable. Meanwhile, her health is deteriorating right along with your attraction to her. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Boosting your ego is not the job of other people. It's not their mission in life. As I said, if she is not someone you wish to walk through life with as she is, then don't. Carhill is right. If you need a 'hot' woman to give you an ego boost then the problem is with you and not her. If she is happy with being overweight or at least happy enough that she really doesn't want to do anything about it, then perhaps the two of you just aren't compatible. Perhaps the 'fit' girl you met was just someone she was trying on for size and she would rather be as she is now. There will be many men who are proud to have her on their arm - if that's not you then maybe you should let her go and find someone who is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheCoolest Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 You said you were fatter when you met? Or you lost the 130 pounds before that? Regardless, it is true that it's no one's duty to boost your ego when you walk around. But if you genuinely find yourself not sexually attracted to her at all, it's best you tell her that, gently. . I lost the weight long before me and her ever met. This isn't just an ego thing. If i wanted a trophy wife i could find one. I want her. But in all honesty she is repulsive to me from the neck down. I don't want to break up with her over this. I just want her to lose the weight. I have done everything i can to motivate her but it just seems like its not enough. And weight is one of the one things we can't talk about because it seems like throughout her whole life her family has belittled her because of it. So whenever i bring it up she feels as if i am just trying to put her down. I could tell her that if she doesn't lose weight i will dump her but idk if that will work. I know that if someone told me that i would surely dump them. Shes submissive but not one to be walked on so if i were to say that she would probably tell me to dump her and make a conscious decision to not lose any weight. Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 And did i say it was? Trust me when i say that my ego is plenty big. I am simply stating that i want a girlfriend who takes care of herself. Not one who lets herself go. Ah, but you did say that. You said you're insecure and your ego doesn't get a boost from walking around with her. Honestly i am quite insecure. Say what you want but i care a lot about what other people think of me. And when i walk around with her it doesn't exactly boost my ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Content Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Trust me when i say that my ego is plenty big . Sounds like it Link to post Share on other sites
SnowandStars Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Carhill is right. If you need a 'hot' woman to give you an ego boost then the problem is with you and not her. If she is happy with being overweight or at least happy enough that she really doesn't want to do anything about it, then perhaps the two of you just aren't compatible. Perhaps the 'fit' girl you met was just someone she was trying on for size and she would rather be as she is now. There will be many men who are proud to have her on their arm - if that's not you then maybe you should let her go and find someone who is. This isn't fair. What man doesn't want eye candy on his arm? I'd be proud to be a man's eye candy and boost his ego. She took advantage of him by reeling him in and then letting herself go once she had him. He has every right to be upset about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I could tell her that if she doesn't lose weight i will dump her but idk if that will work. I know that if someone told me that i would surely dump them. Shes submissive but not one to be walked on so if i were to say that she would probably tell me to dump her and make a conscious decision to not lose any weight. Look, you either have to talk to her honestly about this, stay with her and continue being repulsed by her, or dump her. If it were me, I would state the FACTS: "I love you and I want to be with you, but I am turned off by the weight. I will do anything I can to support you in being healthier and getting back in great shape." Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Boosting your ego is not the job of other people. It's not their mission in life. As I said, if she is not someone you wish to walk through life with as she is, then don't. Carhill is right. If you need a 'hot' woman to give you an ego boost then the problem is with you and not her. If she is happy with being overweight or at least happy enough that she really doesn't want to do anything about it, then perhaps the two of you just aren't compatible. Perhaps the 'fit' girl you met was just someone she was trying on for size and she would rather be as she is now. There will be many men who are proud to have her on their arm - if that's not you then maybe you should let her go and find someone who is. I agree with both these^. Let me know if you don't want me to post in your threads any more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheCoolest Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Ah, but you did say that. You said you're insecure and your ego doesn't get a boost from walking around with her. Tis one reason out of many. Not the most important reason. As i said if i just wanted a woman who looked good i would find one. I honestly don't see myself breaking up with her anytime soon. Even if she doesn't lose weight. I mean I have more fun with her then i do with any other girl. And she is too easy to talk to. I know i love her and i know she loves me. But it sucks that i am constantly comparing her to other women when i know it is wrong. I mean i don't want to look at my girlfriends body and think ewww but i can't help it. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 This isn't fair. What man doesn't want eye candy on his arm? Huh. And I guess 'what woman doesn't want a Prince Charming to provide for her', either, eh? It's no one's duty to be eye candy (or to provide for someone else's living). OP, I still say tell her gently that you don't find her sexually attractive anymore, but you still love her and want to try and make the R work. It's harsh but the right thing to do. In the meantime, try to diet and exercise along with her. It's easier when you have a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I'm not one to discriminate, but gotta agree with the OP here, 5'5" 180 is a seriously large woman. My wife has a natural tendency to let herself go too -- she loves junk food and hates any type of physical activity whatsoever (except sex). I've been able to motivate her to stay in shape over the years through a combination of the following: -Maintaining my own fitness. I have 6-pack abs and whenever we stand in front of the mirror together she can't help but notice her stomach is not up to par. -Getting rid of all the junk food in our apartment. I was organizing the kitchen cabinets yesterday and the amount of junk food that we have totaled one small bag of cheetos and maybe 5 pieces of candy. -Physically dragging her out of bed at 4am every morning to go to the gym. I hover over her with the lights on breathing my bad breath in her face until she gets up. Overall my wife knows I have a low tolerance for unattractiveness so to her credit she works hard to stay in shape for me, but I know if it was up to her she would be perfectly happy being fat on the couch with a tub of ice cream watching Bravo. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Tell her what you think, without being rude about it.How? What can a guy say in this situation? Espcically if he notices that she is gaining weight? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheCoolest Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I agree with both these^. Let me know if you don't want me to post in your threads any more. Yes you can go ahead and stop posting also. You guys seem to take one part of my OP and dwell only on that. As i have already stated i am not only with her to boost my ego. But ONE of the things that attracted me to her in the first place was that she looked great. Guys were all over her when we went out. And it feels good to know that out of all the guys she could of had i was her first choice. Keyword was one incase you didn't catch it. Link to post Share on other sites
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