Yes, MM Do Leave their Wives. Read This Story....

[Luckyluss]

Dear OW,

 

I'm Luckyluss who a few years agao had a brief but very intense affair whose aftermath lasted, well, almost 2 years.

 

For those gorgeous 4 months of our affair, there were almost 2 years of an emotional roller coaster, with my hopes destroyed and revived and destroyed again. Long story short, my MM never came through. For me, that is.

 

As a post-script, I would like to describe what happened to the MM recently.

 

Just after I broke it up with him 3 years ago, he began another affair with the ex-wife of his best friend.

 

His wife found out about that affair by accessing his email and left with his children back to her home country, which was the MM's biggest fear. She also managed to ruin his career as she revealed some unsavory facts from his past to his employer. She also requested an immediate divorce.

 

The MM then had to leave town for several months until he sorted it all out - divorce, employment situation, visa situation. I thought his new affair wouldn't survive the long distance between him and the OW, nor the uncertainty of their fates.

 

But I learned he just got back in town after 1 year of being abroad, and that he just got married to ex-OW. A bit of a shocker, given he was so adamant about never being married again.

 

The morale of that story - for me- is that I wasn't the right one for him. But there was a right OW for him, one who was willing to wait, cajole, be patient. That wasn't me.

 

If you have it in you to be that type of OW, take the gamble, and you may end up the lucky winner. In any case I wish you to eventually find a free and good man who you deserve.

 

I have been since been in a serious relationship with a decent man who adores me and who I have learned to love. Less pizzaz, more honesty, more committment.

 

Do I miss the ex-MM? Sometimes. Do I regret not waiting? No. Because if a relationship is meant to be, it will happen no matter what . MM do leave, they do divorce on their own timeline, which may not necessarily be yours. MM can move mountains for the woman they love. I wasn't the one for him, but he is making someone else happy. And I have found someone I'm happy with, too.

 

So good things can happen despite obstacles.

 

Best to you all!

[bentnotbroken]

I don't get it. He didn't leave for the OW...he got served and dismissed. I wish them everything they did for others.

[Spark1111]

He lost you, his best friend I would assume, his wife, his children, his job and his assets.....His children live in another country, but we should be happy he married the ex-wife of his best friend, the woman who also had an affair with him?

 

what you see as a wonderful love story ending, I view as a train wreck of broken hearted disaster.

 

why would anyone wait or think THAT man a prize, one worth waiting for?

 

Unless you view it as some sort of victory over his evil xW?

 

because I view him as a fluster cluck of serial cheating cowardice and relational disaster.

 

I'd tell my daughters to stay FAR, FAR away from THAT man.

[Decorative]

I don't get it.

 

Like others said- his wife kicked him to the curb and the new OW "caught" him.

 

So she won, what? Second place in a serial cheating contest?

 

Not understanding why that's a victory for a healthy person.

[Luckyluss]

You're right, this is not common occurence.

What I'm saying is that ex-AP must have been very tenacious and persuasive to get what she wanted, even if the reasons are all wrong.

Usually, the newly kicked out ex-MM ends the relationship with the AP soon after divorce. They call those rebound relationships, right?

This ex-MM stuck to the new relationship despite distance, social opprobe I assume, and his phobia about remarrying.

[Spark1111]

You're right, this is not common occurence.

What I'm saying is that ex-AP must have been very tenacious and persuasive to get what she wanted, even if the reasons are all wrong.

Usually, the newly kicked out ex-MM ends the relationship with the AP soon after divorce. They call those rebound relationships, right?

This ex-MM stuck to the new relationship despite distance, social opprobe I assume, and his phobia about remarrying.

 

I see her as available, his Plan B fall back girl; the rebound lady who really has a lot of odds stacked against her statistically.

 

Ex-wife of his best friend? I smell vengeance in the air, not love. how badly did she want to stick it to her xH to marry his best friend?

 

pretty badly I would think and maybe, just maybe, she was tenacious and patient for a long, long time for this reason alone.

 

Too much mess and baggage all around on this one, IMO.

[Decorative]

You're right, this is not common occurence.

What I'm saying is that ex-AP must have been very tenacious and persuasive to get what she wanted, even if the reasons are all wrong.

Usually, the newly kicked out ex-MM ends the relationship with the AP soon after divorce. They call those rebound relationships, right?

This ex-MM stuck to the new relationship despite distance, social opprobe I assume, and his phobia about remarrying.

 

Nobody said anything about common.

 

People are saying she's in for sloppy seconds, or thirds, and how is that "winning"?

[bentnotbroken]

You're right, this is not common occurence.

What I'm saying is that ex-AP must have been very tenacious and persuasive to get what she wanted, even if the reasons are all wrong.

Usually, the newly kicked out ex-MM ends the relationship with the AP soon after divorce. They call those rebound relationships, right?

This ex-MM stuck to the new relationship despite distance, social opprobe I assume, and his phobia about remarrying.

 

 

Ahh. I don't know the real reason they are together...but a serial cheat has little phobia of marriage and a great deal of need to have a "nest" to return to when he is done doing whatever he wants with the females he has affairs with. The AP might have been tenacious or persuasive but she is certainly fallback. He did not leave for her. He was punted, told to hit the road, left in the lurch, hung out to dry...take your pick.

[SidLyon]

Dear OW,

 

...

 

So good things can happen despite obstacles.

 

Best to you all!

 

It sounds like you and your new partner were the only "winners" in this case. Everyone else (and there seem to be a lot of them) - no way!

[bentnotbroken]

Just after I broke it up with him 3 years ago, he began another affair with the ex-wife of his best friend.

 

His wife found out about that affair by accessing his email and left with his children back to her home country, which was the MM's biggest fear. She also managed to ruin his career as she revealed some unsavory facts from his past to his employer. She also requested an immediate divorce.

 

The MM then had to leave town for several months until he sorted it all out - divorce, employment situation, visa situation.

 

But I learned he just got back in town after 1 year of being abroad, and that he just got married to ex-OW.

 

So good things can happen

 

OP....I do have to say the above does make me happy. His ex deserves all the good coming her way....starting with losing him. It's like instant weight loss without the diet.

[fllygirl]

"But I learned he just got back in town after 1 year of being abroad, and that he just got married to ex-OW. A bit of a shocker, given he was so adamant about never being married again."

I hope he didn't marry her because of his visa issues.

[Turtles]

No, I read the post more as a "take heed" for OW than describing a happy ending. It didn't strike me as positive at all for the MM or the new OW who had to wait 1 year to get her prize - a liar & serial cheater. Kudos to LL for seeing the light and finding happiness.

 

My take is if and when the guy is ready to leave then he will do so... If he is not ready then having a hot & willing partner on the side is not going to give him an incentive to leave - but rather the opposite, since he can now get what he wants without suffering the consequences! So I wonder why get involved with a married person unless they are already actively in the divorce process AND moving things along at a good pace... UNLESS you were looking specifically for a "fun on the side" type of relationship, I don't see how that will bring anything but drama & heartache, which it sounds like he did for OP's MM and his xW. Seriously are single men / women that rare??? Why even want to be with someone who is capable of that level of deceit?

[bentnotbroken]

It's not always about that. My guy has a long business relationship with my ex, but that's not why I love him: revenge or anything like that. Sometimes: things just happen.

 

I agree with the poster who said that when something is meant to be, nothing will interfere. There were numerous obstacles between my guy and I, yet: they dissolved like sand on the seashore.

 

 

Business relationship does not equal best friend.

[waterwoman]

Ahh! True love.....

 

Apart from the small fact that wife left MM not the other way round.

[neveragain34]

Great, some poor OW is going to hang on to this as a tiny piece of hope for her and her MM. If you are that OW, note the following:

 

• The chances of this ever happening to you are about 1%.
  
• He didn't really leave his W for the OW. W kicked him to the curb after discovering he was a lying sack of poop and then he probably married the OW because he needed another VISA and/or place to stay when returning to the country.
  
• If I am wrong about the point above, then maybe he really does love her. However, chances of this LASTING are again, minimal. They have not lived outside of fantasy land long enough to see if they are truly compatible. She will soon start to question his faithfulness to her and it will all go downhill from there. If he cheated on his first wife, she will start to realize he's capable of doing it to HER.
  

OP, be lucky you are not this woman. Cheers to you for not being as patient as her and finding someone a million times better. :-)

[ThatJustHappened]

He didn't leave his wife..his wife left him because he was a serial cheater and liar. He's probably cheating on his new wife as we speak. I don't understand how this is a positive ending.

[stevie_23]

Sometimes the MM DOES leave the wife voluntarily for the OW though. My parents have 2 friends who this has happened to. Both MM fell in love with their secretaries (the 2 men don’t know each other), who were 10-20 years younger, and actually left their marriages BEFORE being found out by the wives. Everything came out in the open during that process, but they did not leave because they were forced to by their wives. One of the secretaries got pregnant and both new couples have been married for many years now.

 

In terms of my ex-MM, he is somewhat of a serial cheater, however I qualify that by saying in the past, every time he has cheated it has been with the woman who would become his wife. So…he never “just” cheated and then continued on with whatever marriage he was in. He would actually leave the marriage for the new person. And he would’ve left his current marriage to be with me also, if we hadn’t had so many obstacles in our way that made it impossible.

[Decorative]

Sometimes the MM DOES leave the wife voluntarily for the OW though. My parents have 2 friends who this has happened to. Both MM fell in love with their secretaries (the 2 men don’t know each other), who were 10-20 years younger, and actually left their marriages BEFORE being found out by the wives. Everything came out in the open during that process, but they did not leave because they were forced to by their wives. One of the secretaries got pregnant and both new couples have been married for many years now.

 

In terms of my ex-MM, he is somewhat of a serial cheater, however I qualify that by saying in the past, every time he has cheated it has been with the woman who would become his wife. So…he never “just” cheated and then continued on with whatever marriage he was in. He would actually leave the marriage for the new person. And he would’ve left his current marriage to be with me also, if we hadn’t had so many obstacles in our way that made it impossible.

 

How would you ever feel secure ?!?

[bentnotbroken]

Sometimes the MM DOES leave the wife voluntarily for the OW though. My parents have 2 friends who this has happened to. Both MM fell in love with their secretaries (the 2 men don’t know each other), who were 10-20 years younger, and actually left their marriages BEFORE being found out by the wives. Everything came out in the open during that process, but they did not leave because they were forced to by their wives. One of the secretaries got pregnant and both new couples have been married for many years now.

 

In terms of my ex-MM, he is somewhat of a serial cheater, however I qualify that by saying in the past, every time he has cheated it has been with the woman who would become his wife. So…he never “just” cheated and then continued on with whatever marriage he was in. He would actually leave the marriage for the new person. And he would’ve left his current marriage to be with me also, if we hadn’t had so many obstacles in our way that made it impossible.

 

 

But the bolded is not what this thread is about. It has been established in other threads (by people who post here)that it does happen. No one is disputing that fact.

[Luckyluss]

A lot of strongs reactions here about the "happy ending". And yes the title of my post should have been in the lines of "Ex-MM Marries OW".

 

Whether the behaviors and the circumstances were right or wrong, this is what happened. That OW (not me) waited and she got what she wanted. Whether the ex-MM is a bad guy is certainly open for debate. But my point is that some OW get what they want, that's all. There are plenty of factors that made for the fact she got to marry her ex-MM, one of them being that as another poster mentioned, "obstacles dissolved".

 

And as of me, yes, I went through hell during my affair, and I wouldn't recommend to anyone to date a married man. I would never do it again, but hey, some of you are still involved in one. Only a few OW come out ahead...and I wasn't one of those few, until I met my current partner, who was single. That's all.

[stevie_23]

How would you ever feel secure ?!?

 

I have no idea. I guess I wouldn't, not 100%.

[bentnotbroken]

She "got what she wanted?" She wants a serial cheater?

 

 

Apparently she married him. Will probably make the mistake so many women (me included)thinking she could love him into something he isn't. Grandma used to say a hard head will make a soft behind.

[eleanorrigby]

Grandma used to say a hard head will make a soft behind.

 

I think you and I are related. My grandmother said the same thing!

I haven't heard that in years....

[Turtles]

A lot of strongs reactions here about the "happy ending". [......] and I wasn't one of those few, until I met my current partner, who was single. That's all.

 

There's your happy ending For the OW who got wise and left. Thought it was a great post, just had to read a bit between the lines.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, sometimes they do leave and divorce their wives. A MM or MW who falls in love with someone else and wants to be with them no matter what the difficulties will be later, they will deal with it and go on with their lives. MM or MW who leave make a plan and follow through. Of course there are some OW and OM on here who have ended up with their AP. Problem is, MOST don't. And in your situation your exMM only is with his Ow now turned wife because his previous (ex) wife busted him and his affair. If she hadn't, they'd still be married and he'd still be cheating, having affairs.

 

That OW has not won her prize.. That man is constant cheater, more than one affair, and he never did take time for himself to be alone. He bounced around being married and having affairs, then got re married. I feel for his new wife. He's so used to cheating (as it seems from what you've said about him) I hope he doesn't cheat on his new bride.