pureinheart Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 A point was brought up in IMTK's thread ...please feel free if this should move into other areas/issues/feelings have at it. I want to rest this in my mind, and men your imput is more than welcome...concerning men and women: Do you still hold a "flame" for your first love? Were there children involved? Does this affect your new R's, or feelings you have for your "new love"? The reason this is not settled in my mind is: My dad held a flame for my mother even though he M'ed his OW and they remained together until his leaving this earth. My stepmother loathed her exH, but he held a flame for her. My mother remained "pissed" at my dad I think till the day she left this earth. My stepfather kept silent, although was totally lost when my mother passed and passed himself 4 yrs later. Theirs was an A based R My first exH still holds a flame for me, and so does my second exH and have regrets of seeing others (they are not currently with the OW in which they had R's with). I like them, although donot desire a R with either of them. My first seems to be happy in his R...my second remains to be seen...I had kids with both of them...is that the reason? I know this is a lot of questions. I realise to each his own...although I am wondering if men have a harder time letting go. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Yes, I still carry a flame for my college GF. It's been 6 years since we were together, and she still is in my heart. Yes there was a child, and yes it has affected my whole life. Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 A point was brought up in IMTK's thread ...please feel free if this should move into other areas/issues/feelings have at it. I want to rest this in my mind, and men your imput is more than welcome...concerning men and women: Do you still hold a "flame" for your first love? Were there children involved? Does this affect your new R's, or feelings you have for your "new love"? -------------------- An interesting topic.. Pure.. In spite of my hairy divorce after my husband left me for the other woman - I still love him, and remember him for the wonderful husband, father that he was .. I do have to admit though - that I think his death clouded me .. I don't know if I would have this closeness if he were still alive and resenting me - along with the OW. I was very open to remarriage in the first years following the divorce - but after he died - nothing.. Then a MM came along .. and that is another story ... And thankfully a Short story .. Now, I remain greatful - that I didn't marry just anyone - at least I have something to look forward to .. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 After burning through six Olympic games, I'm happy and content to say the flame has finally run out of gas Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I'm not exactly a spring chicken, but hopefully it might be inline with others near my age. I've had 6 LTR's counting my present one and includes 2 marriages. No flames.......although I do feel a sense of sadness and I have regrets that my second marriage did not work out. I suppose it has a lot to do with that he is the father of both of my girls. I would not want to revisit it. Another one of my LTR's also makes me feel sad but yet I would not revisit it regardless of circumstances. My 1st marriage.....and a couple of the other relationships I look back and think my gosh.......what was I thinking?? One of the LTR's I can be quite forgiving of myself about it as I was quite young and ignorance can be aplenty in our youth. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 After burning through six Olympic games, I'm happy and content to say the flame has finally run out of gas Seriously. I think i have to rate this as one of my all time favorite posts on LS.. lmaoooooooooooo Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 The only fire that sparks in my heart is the flame of my current romance with My Sweetheart. I still care for and even love some of the men/boys (was i ever that young) that I dated in the past, but the spark died long ago, and i have no torches burning other than the bonfire of my current relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I carry a small flame for my first kiss/first love. We never dated, he was my brother's best friend, but we sure as heck made out all the time. I will also always love my H. I can't see myself ever stopping, even if we cease to be. Otherwise, nah. A fondness for many old lovers, but then, I never really loved them either. Not as I love the first and most likely the last ones. CCL Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 No flame, embers or smoke. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 A point was brought up in IMTK's thread ...please feel free if this should move into other areas/issues/feelings have at it. I want to rest this in my mind, and men your imput is more than welcome...concerning men and women: Do you still hold a "flame" for your first love? No - it was over 30 years ago. I can't image holding a flame that long LOL Were there children involved? No - I was 16 and a virgin before and after him. Does this affect your new R's, or feelings you have for your "new love"? absolutely not. I wouldn't be in my M if I ever had feelings for someone else. That would just be plain wrong and deceitful, IMHO. The reason this is not settled in my mind is: My dad held a flame for my mother even though he M'ed his OW and they remained together until his leaving this earth. My stepmother loathed her exH, but he held a flame for her. My mother remained "pissed" at my dad I think till the day she left this earth. My stepfather kept silent, although was totally lost when my mother passed and passed himself 4 yrs later. Theirs was an A based R My first exH still holds a flame for me, and so does my second exH and have regrets of seeing others (they are not currently with the OW in which they had R's with). I like them, although donot desire a R with either of them. My first seems to be happy in his R...my second remains to be seen...I had kids with both of them...is that the reason? I know this is a lot of questions. I realise to each his own...although I am wondering if men have a harder time letting go. I don't know why people would get into another relationship when they are carrying a torch for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 I don't know why people would get into another relationship when they are carrying a torch for someone else. Because loving one person does not diminish the ability to love a second person. At least that's the case for me. And its not the same love I have for my H, but its a little one, and not simply a fond rememberance. CCL Link to post Share on other sites
Chingaling Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Flames and torches. That's an interesting thought... I have always felt a flame for my old boyfriend... there is something there that I have always longed for but couldn't have... He, on the other hand, I think has held a torch for me - it was always him that called, emailed, wrote, and initiated contact even when I was in a "no contact don't think about him" mode... During a recent conversation about his first marriage and subsequent relationships he admitted that many of his relationships failed because his heart was someplace else. It's amazing to me that I feel the same way about him as a grown man as I did when we were both 21... I do believe that the lure of an old flame is almost irresistable - with the emphasis on almost... Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBlue72 Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 My first love ... no. I can honestly so nothing at all. He cheated on me. I found out by the OW knocking on my door. We had dated for 3.5 yrs in college.... no kids, etc. Funny thing - he called me on the phone before she came over and told me that this 'wild woman' was going to come over and see me. She was a mutual acquaintance - friends of my brother. It wasn't until she actually came to the door that I knew it was true. Yeah - I saw him again years later. No sparks - at all. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Seriously. I can't even go here. Old timers will understand. The only way I deal with it is to keep in locked in a speacial place in my memory. Taking it out to play hurts way to much. Worse... I can get in the car and be there in 11 minutes. No, I've gone to far already. I want to sleep tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted March 23, 2010 Author Share Posted March 23, 2010 Yes, I still carry a flame for my college GF. It's been 6 years since we were together, and she still is in my heart. Yes there was a child, and yes it has affected my whole life. Wow dude...sounds like you need to hook up with her like ASAP...well this is the one that you were talking about getting together with? Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Yep, it's her, and the **** of it is, that I KNOW she feels the same way. After we split up , she got married, then divorced. I started my affair, sort of as a rebound from her. We love each other, but have so much baggage, How does a person overcome it? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 No flame at all tho I do wonder what happened to someone from high school but I wouldnt call him my first love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted March 23, 2010 Author Share Posted March 23, 2010 A point was brought up in IMTK's thread ...please feel free if this should move into other areas/issues/feelings have at it. I want to rest this in my mind, and men your imput is more than welcome...concerning men and women: Do you still hold a "flame" for your first love? Were there children involved? Does this affect your new R's, or feelings you have for your "new love"? -------------------- An interesting topic.. Pure.. In spite of my hairy divorce after my husband left me for the other woman - I still love him, and remember him for the wonderful husband, father that he was .. I do have to admit though - that I think his death clouded me .. I don't know if I would have this closeness if he were still alive and resenting me - along with the OW. I was very open to remarriage in the first years following the divorce - but after he died - nothing.. Then a MM came along .. and that is another story ... And thankfully a Short story .. Now, I remain greatful - that I didn't marry just anyone - at least I have something to look forward to .. I could tell you still cared for your first H...and be greatful you didn't marry very much...it's a lot of work. I haven't heard your story about MM yet....please tell us when your ready to share Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Yep, it's her, and the **** of it is, that I KNOW she feels the same way. After we split up , she got married, then divorced. I started my affair, sort of as a rebound from her. We love each other, but have so much baggage, How does a person overcome it? Ask me in five years if it is possible to overcome a lot of baggage. I'm planning on it and that is the way I see it, but 5 years will tell the story.......so ask me then. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 I will be sure to do so, if I'm still here 5 years from now. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 I will be sure to do so, if I'm still here 5 years from now. If there is love you will overcome anything! Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Love can overcome many things, but I'm thinking it's going to take a lot of hard work also.:D Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 If there is love you will overcome anything! ???????? I'm buyin.. but that ship has sailed. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 No flames here. I like to finish my Rs when they end. No hatred involved, but no flames are ever left burning. There is, of course, physical attraction left to some. But I doubt I ever really loved those ones ever. Sexual chemistry does not equal love for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted March 23, 2010 Author Share Posted March 23, 2010 A point was brought up in IMTK's thread ...please feel free if this should move into other areas/issues/feelings have at it. I want to rest this in my mind, and men your imput is more than welcome...concerning men and women: Do you still hold a "flame" for your first love? Were there children involved? Does this affect your new R's, or feelings you have for your "new love"? -------------------- An interesting topic.. Pure.. In spite of my hairy divorce after my husband left me for the other woman - I still love him, and remember him for the wonderful husband, father that he was .. I do have to admit though - that I think his death clouded me .. I don't know if I would have this closeness if he were still alive and resenting me - along with the OW. I was very open to remarriage in the first years following the divorce - but after he died - nothing.. Then a MM came along .. and that is another story ... And thankfully a Short story .. - at least I have something to look forward to .. I could tell you still had feelings for your H...although I can't remember seeing any replies on your OW experience...I know that one must have hurt.... Yes be glad you don't have as many M's as me...it's a lot of work and a lot of name changing! Hang in there CN....God has good things for all of us! Link to post Share on other sites
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