I have been blindsided... the MM does it to me again...

[I Miss the Kiss]

I am literally too weak to type much now. Please read old threads for background...

 

The latest is that xMM was unable to fulfill his committment to me to move out right after Jan 1st. He talked to me one dsy, then disappeared without a word the next. I called him and got answers. Was distraught but feeling better. His W called me a few days later, opened the wound. I still was feeling stronger.

 

Last saturday i started getting emails from him from work. He was saying we "really must have been real" and he was worried he made a mistake in letting me go.

 

He called me a few more times that week. Talked for hours. He really sounded different, much more desperate to be with me. He sucked me RIGHT back in...

 

Instead of being closed up about his feelings as in the past, he opened the floodgates. "I love you. I want to be with you. I have only been staying here for my kids...."

 

So yes, I was under his trance again. This past thursday, I made plans for a hotel and drove 3.5 hours to his town. I let him know by email, the day before, that I was coming. I was not telling him where I was staying unless he wanted to know. Of course he did want to know. I went to get away from this apartment I have been holed up in. I didn't have anywhere else to run to. As much as I love this man, the only place I wanted to be was closer to the space that is his.

 

He was actually very happy I was coming. The first night, he couldnt' come to me because he couldn't just leave for the evening with no explanation, but I totally understand that. I spent the evening in my suite taking a bubble bath, drinking wine, listening to music, and reading. These are things I haven't done in a very long time, and it felt AMAZING.

 

MM gets up really early on the days he is not on his shift as a firefighter. He goes out to his various small business and takes care of things at those places. So at 6:00 a.m. I had a text, asking me my room #. He brought us coffee from my favorite place... I had just gotten out of the shower so no makeup, but he was kissing me and holding me and telling me I was more beautiful than he had ever seen me. We kissed for what seemed like forever... It was an amazing reunion...

 

He had to leave after about 1.5 hours to go get his kids to take them to school. As he was about to go, he was mumbling and holding me and telling me he missed me more than he thought he did since we saw each other in September. Then he said "She has to work til noon. I could go and pack my things, wait for her to get back, tell her, then that would give her a few hours to compose herself before the kids come home..."

 

WTF?! I was in shock to hear this, but after as many times as he has said things and never once followed through (for example, for the last two months of last year, he was looking for a house for him/us, was meeting with an attorney, we had every last detail planned... and then he disappeared without the kindness of an explanation). When he started calling me last week he did finally explain his fears of leaving his kids, etc. He did apologize. It seemed a little late to me, but I am in love with this man.

 

Anyway, his mention of leaving her really went in one ear and out the other. I actually kind of laughed about it....

 

Well, at about 1 p.m., there was a knock at my hotel door. It was MM. I was excited he came back to hang out with me for the day... but when I let him in, he looked upset. So he says, "I just moved out..."

 

He went to sit down. I hugged him. I kissed his forehead. I held him tight. I was there fore him, but I tried not to say much or ask a million questions. I could tell he was quite upset, and rightfully so. He had told his W when she came home, and of course the sh*t hit the fan, so to speak...

 

We talked and he assured me he was ecstatic with his decision, just scared because he didn't have anywhere to stay yet. He can't come to my town because he still has to work. Much too far to drive... As the dya progressed, his in-laws were livid and were calling around and threatening friends and other family of MM to not "help" him and not give him anywhere to stay. He was literally homeless. His in-laws were completely freaked, and his W's brother is a cop. I guess this guy was threatening MM within an inch of his life.

 

MM said he had tried to tell them that its his life, they don't live with him. They don't truly know what their marriage is like...

 

Anway, to make a long story shorter, MM had to go pick up his kids and tell them after school. He did this. They were very upset but calm when he left... he ended up going to meet his best friend for a beer, which I was happy about because this friend is his only support other than me.

 

Finally MM comes back to the hotel later in the evening. He seemed very happy and had nothing but positive things to say. We started to plan our future again. He was talking about meeting my girls. He was telling me repeatedly how he had wanted to do this for so long but was scared, but when I came up there he felt he had the strength. He told me he loved me over and over, and he is not one to throw that phrase around very much.

 

Here comes the sex part, so stop reading if you want

 

Obviously we spent the night in an amazing intimate reunion. it was the most powerful thing I have ever experienced. Keep in mind, over 9 months this was only our 3rd occasion of being intimate. He told me he loved me... we had no inhibition. We were as close as ever....

 

Even the next morning... he had to work that next day but we set the alarm early. We were even closer to each other this time. I can't explain it...

 

So he showers and leaves for work.... He came back to the bed and sat next to me, kissed me, told me how happy he was. I asked him straight up "Are you going to break my heart again?" He replied, "No baby... I will never break your heart again. This is it. I love you... All I am going to do now is make you happy..."

 

So I took a little nap after he left. I started my long drive back home. I texted him a few times but got short replies, but he was at work, so not a big deal.

 

After a while, I felt ill at ease. I finally texted to ask what was wrong. At first he said he didn't want to talk, he had to think! WTF?! So after much pressuring, I finally got my answer: (a text) "I am angry at myself for lying to (insert wife's name here), to you, to myself. I want my family. Forget about me. Move on with your life. I have to put mine back together..."

 

And there you have it: A mere few hours after he left my bed, knowing I was trusting him NOT to break my heart again, he did it. He effed me and kicked me aside.

 

Of course I freaked and called him immediately. He was cold and distant. He got irritated when I asked questions! I was scathing mad. I told him he is SICK and insane that he could do this to someone. He is sick that he LEFT HIS WIFE not even 24 hours before, spent the night with me, then changed his mind AGAIN.

 

I have reason to believe his W called an attorney the very day he left her. Not that matters now, if she takes him back.

 

So his plan was to work his 24-hour shift yesterday then go home today to beg her forgiveness. He told me he can't leave his kids, yet he already had. I have NO IDEA what will happen with he and the W today. None at all... If I were her, all hell would break loose. If MM were here where I could see him, all hell would be breaking loose with me, too.

 

But I am the OW. I have to hide. I don't have a right to pulicly grieve or be in pain.... to anyone reading this who is thinking of having an A.... DON'T. Just DON'T. You will never feel the same about yourself again. I was treated like trash, but maybe that's what I let him do.

 

So here I am, thinking seriously of finding a way to fall into eternal sleep. I can't believe that another human could treat someone the way he has over the past 2 days. It is mind boggling.

 

I want to die. I really do.

 

So if anyone out there is inclined to say I had this coming, I beg you as a human being to just keep it to yourself. I can't take anymore....

 

he has done this to his W and to M more than 5 times now, but this was the most severe, the most in depth. What is wrong with this man??? Really.... Does anyone know? I am begging for answers here...

 

I love this man with every fiber of my being. Yes it is insane. I hate him for what he has done, but I love him. I hope that too will pass very soon.

 

Can someone please tell me what he is thinking? is he going to try to do this to me again? I can't handle any more pain...

 

thanks for reading... sorry for any typos, I am a mess

[bentnotbroken]

Go get some help. Suicide is never the answer.

[doushenka]

No, no. No "told you so" here. He sounds like a master manipulator, and I really do feel sorry for people who get caught up in that sort of mess. So, first of all, many hugs to you. Fix yourself some tea or some cocoa, dry your eyes, put on your comfy clothes.

 

Now the hard part: Yes, he is going to do this again.

 

If he's done it five times, the sixth is all but inevitable. It will turn out the same way, because nothing will have changed, and there's nothing you can (or should) change on your part to make it happen differently.

 

I think -- and I say this with love -- that expecting a man with children to leave the mother of those children is optimism at its most fanciful. Even if he leaves her, she'll always be tied to him through their kids, unless he ditches them to be with you, and as a mother yourself, would you really want a man like that?

 

Please hang in there. Reread your sig line. No New Hurts. Repeat it over and over until you want it like you want your next breath -- then make it happen by going NC no matter how hard he pushes. You do not need him. You can be whole on your own, and when you are, someone better will come along. It really does work like that, even when you think "Nah, not to me. I'm a hopeless wreck."

 

Love you, first of all. Love you, love your daughters, love your world, and you'll pull in even more love. Hold love, real love, truth and honesty love, in your heart as the goal.

 

Remember always that we're here to listen.

[RedDevil66]

I was actually thinking about you today cause I had not seen you on here

 

How many more times do you need before you realize he's a sick man? Will you go back when he calls again?

You're an addict, he's your drug. Please get into serious addiction therapy.

 

I mean and say this with MUCH love to you. He's sick. Sounds like he's a sociopath

 

hugs and more hugs

[RedDevil66]

And PLEASE do not think he did this to you. It's not about you. It's about feeding the sickness.

 

When my ex, from many years ago, did unspeakable things, it took me a LONG time to realize, he was not doing it to me, but for his own survival.

 

When someone lacks a conscience, they cannot feel. He cannot feel.

You will not end your life, you will learn from this pain. I know it hurts

Man I wish I could call you right now to talk.

You DO NOT have to be alone with this pain

[whichwayisup]

There you have it. He showed you who he truly is... A liar, a cheater and a scumbag. And his behaviour, the way this all happened seems like he's a narcissistic person. Hense him being so cruel to you and ending it like that, so cold and final.

 

You fell for someone who you *thought* you knew, he created a fantasy, a man whom you could start a life with. All of it was a lie and now it's gone.

 

Grieve, cry it out. Don't be alone, call a friend to come stay with you.

 

My advice is, never see/talk to/email with him ever again. Let your EGO and PRIDE take over and silence is the way to go. It'll help you in the long run with getting over him.

 

Sorry he turned out to be so cruel, it's like he intentionally set you up, had a last and final session with you.

 

For your own sanity, stay away from him, especially if he IS a narcissist. N's show no real remorse and depending on how mean he is, you don't want to mess with him as he will hurt you more than you'll ever believe - All Because he CAN.

[RedDevil66]

you don't want to mess with him as he will hurt you more than you'll ever believe - All Because he CAN.

 

This sums it up right there.

Because HE CAN!

 

People like this get off on the pain of others. He's sick, really sick. Not just an ahole, but psycho sick.

 

You are not in love, you're addicted to the crumbs and the perception of what you wanted and hoped.

[I Miss the Kiss]

That's odd that you mention him being a narcissist. i had never once thought of that, because he doesn't come across that way at all. he is actually quite sweet and soft spoken. However, when I was with him this time I noticed he said a couple of times, "I'm actually a very confident person." Then later he commented on how he was "confident" he is good in bed. The funny thing is, as much as I love him and love being intimate with him, he really is NOT that great in bed. He's all over the place. Kind of how I imagine a teenage boy during his first time LOL He is good at a lot of things in bed, but actual sex is not one of them. LOL LOL But I guess when you love someone, that isn't the most important thing.

 

Anyway, my point is that he did say things this last couple of days that indicated he is quite proud of himself. I wonder if he is proud of himself for pulverising my heart...

[whichwayisup]

Sweetie, go read up on Narcissistic personality disorder.

 

Someone else said it, it's not about you, or his wife, or his kids. It's always and JUST about him.

 

This is going to be hard for you, but if you can keep telling yourself that he IS sick (you said so yourself) and he's INSANE, the easier it'll actually be to get over him and let go of who you 'thought' he was. Don't ever let yourself fantasize or remember the good times. There's NO point in doing that because he created a false image of who he is and even though all that you feel is real, and you believed it all, reality is, it isn't there and never was, he led you to believe..... All..A..Lie.

 

You are strong, you will get through this.

[I Miss the Kiss]

This sums it up right there.

Because HE CAN!

 

People like this get off on the pain of others. He's sick, really sick. Not just an ahole, but psycho sick.

 

You are not in love, you're addicted to the crumbs and the perception of what you wanted and hoped.

 

I know I am having a hard time grasping that he is really sick, but he has to be. No normal person could do these things. The sad part for his W is that he will convince her again that it will be different, that he wants to be a better man (his words to me). I guess I am the lucky one in this mess, strangely enough.

 

I do think he is sick. He freaking PACKED UP HIS SH*T, left his W, came to me, spent the night with me, went to work yesterday, and today is back home begging her forgiveness. That is just so messed up on so many levels...

[whichwayisup]

That's odd that you mention him being a narcissist. i had never once thought of that, because he doesn't come across that way at all. he is actually quite sweet and soft spoken. However, when I was with him this time I noticed he said a couple of times, "I'm actually a very confident person." Then later he commented on how he was "confident" he is good in bed. The funny thing is, as much as I love him and love being intimate with him, he really is NOT that great in bed. He's all over the place. Kind of how I imagine a teenage boy during his first time LOL He is good at a lot of things in bed, but actual sex is not one of them. LOL LOL But I guess when you love someone, that isn't the most important thing.

 

Anyway, my point is that he did say things this last couple of days that indicated he is quite proud of himself. I wonder if he is proud of himself for pulverising my heart...

 

You saw little glimpses of his narcissistic ways. All because he was getting something out of it. He was in control...He had control over you.

 

The boosting, the self confidence.. Think about it, take a step back and think...I bet you you'll think of atleast 10 more senario's that make you wonder.... AND, because now your eyes are open, you will see him in a new and different light, which WILL slam your heart back into reality. It actually may not take you as long as you think to get over this guy...

[I Miss the Kiss]

WWIU, I hope you're right... Maybe the truth about him will make it easier. I am going to read up on NPD right now. Maybe I should send him a link LOL (just kidding, NO CONTACT!)

 

I'm not sure anyone would truly even believe what really happened over the last two days. I am still sitting here in disbelief. Its one thing that he chickened out at the end of the year on our plans, but this event is just completely off the chain. He went nuts in a 24-hour period...

 

His W told me when we spoke the one time that he had issues, that he was VERY hard to live with... hmmmmm

 

I did just think of another scenario!!!! We were in bed (LOL) and I was telling him how I love being with him, how he makes me laugh, etc... He looked up at me and said, "Do you really want to live your life with me? I'm kind of a dick..."

 

Hmmmmm.... NPD rearing its ugly head? Was he looking for validation?

[fooled once]

I am literally too weak to type much now. Please read old threads for background...

 

The latest is that xMM was unable to fulfill his committment to me to move out right after Jan 1st. He talked to me one dsy, then disappeared without a word the next. I called him and got answers. Was distraught but feeling better. His W called me a few days later, opened the wound. I still was feeling stronger.

 

Last saturday i started getting emails from him from work. He was saying we "really must have been real" and he was worried he made a mistake in letting me go.

 

He called me a few more times that week. Talked for hours. He really sounded different, much more desperate to be with me. He sucked me RIGHT back in...

 

Instead of being closed up about his feelings as in the past, he opened the floodgates. "I love you. I want to be with you. I have only been staying here for my kids...."

 

So yes, I was under his trance again. This past thursday, I made plans for a hotel and drove 3.5 hours to his town. I let him know by email, the day before, that I was coming. I was not telling him where I was staying unless he wanted to know. Of course he did want to know. I went to get away from this apartment I have been holed up in. I didn't have anywhere else to run to. As much as I love this man, the only place I wanted to be was closer to the space that is his.

 

He was actually very happy I was coming. The first night, he couldnt' come to me because he couldn't just leave for the evening with no explanation, but I totally understand that. I spent the evening in my suite taking a bubble bath, drinking wine, listening to music, and reading. These are things I haven't done in a very long time, and it felt AMAZING.

 

MM gets up really early on the days he is not on his shift as a firefighter. He goes out to his various small business and takes care of things at those places. So at 6:00 a.m. I had a text, asking me my room #. He brought us coffee from my favorite place... I had just gotten out of the shower so no makeup, but he was kissing me and holding me and telling me I was more beautiful than he had ever seen me. We kissed for what seemed like forever... It was an amazing reunion...

 

He had to leave after about 1.5 hours to go get his kids to take them to school. As he was about to go, he was mumbling and holding me and telling me he missed me more than he thought he did since we saw each other in September. Then he said "She has to work til noon. I could go and pack my things, wait for her to get back, tell her, then that would give her a few hours to compose herself before the kids come home..."

 

WTF?! I was in shock to hear this, but after as many times as he has said things and never once followed through (for example, for the last two months of last year, he was looking for a house for him/us, was meeting with an attorney, we had every last detail planned... and then he disappeared without the kindness of an explanation). When he started calling me last week he did finally explain his fears of leaving his kids, etc. He did apologize. It seemed a little late to me, but I am in love with this man.

 

Anyway, his mention of leaving her really went in one ear and out the other. I actually kind of laughed about it....

 

Well, at about 1 p.m., there was a knock at my hotel door. It was MM. I was excited he came back to hang out with me for the day... but when I let him in, he looked upset. So he says, "I just moved out..."

 

He went to sit down. I hugged him. I kissed his forehead. I held him tight. I was there fore him, but I tried not to say much or ask a million questions. I could tell he was quite upset, and rightfully so. He had told his W when she came home, and of course the sh*t hit the fan, so to speak...

 

We talked and he assured me he was ecstatic with his decision, just scared because he didn't have anywhere to stay yet. He can't come to my town because he still has to work. Much too far to drive... As the dya progressed, his in-laws were livid and were calling around and threatening friends and other family of MM to not "help" him and not give him anywhere to stay. He was literally homeless. His in-laws were completely freaked, and his W's brother is a cop. I guess this guy was threatening MM within an inch of his life.

 

MM said he had tried to tell them that its his life, they don't live with him. They don't truly know what their marriage is like...

 

Anway, to make a long story shorter, MM had to go pick up his kids and tell them after school. He did this. They were very upset but calm when he left... he ended up going to meet his best friend for a beer, which I was happy about because this friend is his only support other than me.

 

Finally MM comes back to the hotel later in the evening. He seemed very happy and had nothing but positive things to say. We started to plan our future again. He was talking about meeting my girls. He was telling me repeatedly how he had wanted to do this for so long but was scared, but when I came up there he felt he had the strength. He told me he loved me over and over, and he is not one to throw that phrase around very much.

 

Here comes the sex part, so stop reading if you want

 

Obviously we spent the night in an amazing intimate reunion. it was the most powerful thing I have ever experienced. Keep in mind, over 9 months this was only our 3rd occasion of being intimate. He told me he loved me... we had no inhibition. We were as close as ever....

 

Even the next morning... he had to work that next day but we set the alarm early. We were even closer to each other this time. I can't explain it...

 

So he showers and leaves for work.... He came back to the bed and sat next to me, kissed me, told me how happy he was. I asked him straight up "Are you going to break my heart again?" He replied, "No baby... I will never break your heart again. This is it. I love you... All I am going to do now is make you happy..."

 

So I took a little nap after he left. I started my long drive back home. I texted him a few times but got short replies, but he was at work, so not a big deal.

 

After a while, I felt ill at ease. I finally texted to ask what was wrong. At first he said he didn't want to talk, he had to think! WTF?! So after much pressuring, I finally got my answer: (a text) "I am angry at myself for lying to (insert wife's name here), to you, to myself. I want my family. Forget about me. Move on with your life. I have to put mine back together..."

 

And there you have it: A mere few hours after he left my bed, knowing I was trusting him NOT to break my heart again, he did it. He effed me and kicked me aside.

 

Of course I freaked and called him immediately. He was cold and distant. He got irritated when I asked questions! I was scathing mad. I told him he is SICK and insane that he could do this to someone. He is sick that he LEFT HIS WIFE not even 24 hours before, spent the night with me, then changed his mind AGAIN.

 

I have reason to believe his W called an attorney the very day he left her. Not that matters now, if she takes him back.

 

So his plan was to work his 24-hour shift yesterday then go home today to beg her forgiveness. He told me he can't leave his kids, yet he already had. I have NO IDEA what will happen with he and the W today. None at all... If I were her, all hell would break loose. If MM were here where I could see him, all hell would be breaking loose with me, too.

 

But I am the OW. I have to hide. I don't have a right to pulicly grieve or be in pain.... to anyone reading this who is thinking of having an A.... DON'T. Just DON'T. You will never feel the same about yourself again. I was treated like trash, but maybe that's what I let him do.

 

So here I am, thinking seriously of finding a way to fall into eternal sleep. I can't believe that another human could treat someone the way he has over the past 2 days. It is mind boggling.

 

I want to die. I really do.

 

So if anyone out there is inclined to say I had this coming, I beg you as a human being to just keep it to yourself. I can't take anymore....

 

he has done this to his W and to M more than 5 times now, but this was the most severe, the most in depth. What is wrong with this man??? Really.... Does anyone know? I am begging for answers here...

 

I love this man with every fiber of my being. Yes it is insane. I hate him for what he has done, but I love him. I hope that too will pass very soon.

 

Can someone please tell me what he is thinking? is he going to try to do this to me again? I can't handle any more pain...

 

thanks for reading... sorry for any typos, I am a mess

 

He is only going to continue doing this if you let him.

 

I don't believe for a second that he told his wife. Sorry, I just don't. He tells her he wants a divorce and then comes to your hotel room -- no bags packed, nothing??

 

Why did you feel the need to drive out there to see him? Why did you do that to yourself? If you needed to get away from your apartment, then go spend the night in a hotel anywhere else.

 

Please let him go. He isn't going to be with you. He is telling you this and showing you this with his actions.

 

We teach people how to treat us..... seriously. By continuing to accept crumbs from him, you are telling him to treat you that way.

 

He can only continue to hurt you if you let him. Seriously. You are going to have to come to a place where you refuse to let this continue.

 

Quit calling him/texting him. IF he wants to be with you, he will file for divorce, move out and get his act together. ONLY after doing that, should you accept him back into your life.

 

I don't mean to sound mean or harsh, but you keep walking in front of the train. You keep thinking he is going to change. He isn't. He chose his wife/family. Accept that.

 

I know it is hard, I know you are hurting. But accept his words AND his actions. There is no doubt in my mind, IF he and his wife 'make up, he will call you again down the road. This guy is a cheater - plain and simple. I do believe he cares about you, but he cares about his wife/family more.

 

He isn't doing to you anything that you haven't been willing to accept, over and over again. It is time for you to say "NO MORE". Until you do that, it is going to continue.

 

I am very sorry you are hurting....

[RedDevil66]

I know I am having a hard time grasping that he is really sick, but he has to be. No normal person could do these things. The sad part for his W is that he will convince her again that it will be different, that he wants to be a better man (his words to me). I guess I am the lucky one in this mess, strangely enough.

 

I do think he is sick. He freaking PACKED UP HIS SH*T, left his W, came to me, spent the night with me, went to work yesterday, and today is back home begging her forgiveness. That is just so messed up on so many levels...

 

 

what's scary, is he's a firefighter and is suppose to save lives. He's in control of people lives when it comes down to it and I wonder if he would play with people's lives there also.

 

Listen, he's going to contact you again. He's going to see how much he can keep doing this.

He's going to prove to himself he can get you back

You're his mouse, he's the cat.

 

You need to have a plan for when he contacts you again. You may fall for his sickness because you're not in your right mind right now.

He'll "hit" again when he knows you're still weak

[babycakes2]

It will get better. Your heart will heal. I promise. It just takes time.

[RedDevil66]

Quit calling him/texting him. IF he wants to be with you, he will file for divorce, move out and get his act together. ONLY after doing that, should you accept him back into your life.

 

....

 

I agree with EVERYTHING you ever post at LS, but this

 

Even if he does get a divorce, get's therapy, declares his undying love and gets a brain transplant, this man is SICK!

Look what he just did to her?!

 

She should NEVER accept him in her life

[I Miss the Kiss]

Fooled Once, I did want to say that he did have his bags packed. He brought a ton of stuff into the hotel, and once I went out to his truck with him and it was stuffed with bags and laundry baskets full and everything else... but it still doesn't matter.

 

He says he won't contact me again because he had to make a choice. He said he loves me, that hasn't changed, but he can't be with both of us, so he chose his family. He says no more texting, no more emails... he saysa he has to focus on fixing what he did, even if it takes years.... Honestly, I don't think he has that kind of patience. Over and over he does this. He goes back to her, makes a grand statement. She accepts his stories. All is well and good until the "new" wears off...

 

...but I have let him do the same to me.

 

I don't think he will try to contact me again. I always say that, but this time he was so cold....

[I Miss the Kiss]

what's scary, is he's a firefighter and is suppose to save lives. He's in control of people lives when it comes down to it and I wonder if he would play with people's lives there also.

 

I know!! I thought about that too. He is quite proud of his career (he is an officer), and he should be proud. It is a very noble profession and I am in awe of anyone who find it his or her calling to be a part of it. But he often comments about how he can handle any disaster professionally, but in his own life he is a mess.... Scary he is saving lives, huh?

[RedDevil66]

I know!! I thought about that too. He is quite proud of his career (he is an officer), and he should be proud. It is a very noble profession and I am in awe of anyone who find it his or her calling to be a part of it. But he often comments about how he can handle any disaster professionally, but in his own life he is a mess.... Scary he is saving lives, huh?

 

It's actually common for narcissists to be in professions of control, such as dr's, lawyers, cops, etc.

 

My friend owns a deli next to a cop station and she serves cops all day. She wanted to date one of the cops once and her friend who is a cop said "Don't, cops have a high rate of spousal abuse and betryal"

 

there was a study of this done, but I would not know where to find it

 

Not saying all cops are nuts, but I think the people who lack control in their lives try to find professions where they can have total control over others

Prob why most cops are power hungry

[freestyle]

This does sound like NPD behavior, according to everything I've read.

 

It's all about gratifying their egos.

 

And what an enormous boost, for him, to know that he had you waiting on the sidelines, pining over him. Desiring him.......

 

 

( wind 'em up.......watch 'em go.........) It's like a game to them.

 

Cut your losses, and realize you may have dodged a very nasty bullet.

 

There are some support forums for narcissitic abuse that may be able to provide you with more answers, and help. Here's one :

 

http://www.webofnarcissism.com/forums/

 

Hope you heal swiftly........

[I Miss the Kiss]

Freestyle, thank you so much for the link. I am heading over to check it out... I think what struck me the most about your post was the temr "victims" of narcissitic abuse... I really think you're right. I was abused and I didn't even see it coming...

 

I was just reading breifly about sexual narcissism. It involves a low self-esteem with grandiose ideas of sexual ability. BINGO!!!! He talks about how confident he is in bed, but he also talks about the fact that he can't understand why someone as "hot" as me would love someone like him, etc.... He's actually quite hot himself, well built strong, healthy. But he thinks his slightly receding hairline is a turnoff. I don't even notice it, his hair is cut very short anyway.

 

He was always fishing for me to build him up, yet in his mind he is a sexual superstar.

[whichwayisup]

Cops are a different breed all together. Can't compare them to firefighters or paramedics. I've dealt with all kinds, and in my experience with many cops, they certainly attract a personality type. Not all ofcourse, but alot.

 

WWIU, I hope you're right... Maybe the truth about him will make it easier. I am going to read up on NPD right now. Maybe I should send him a link LOL (just kidding, NO CONTACT!)

 

I have a strong gut feeling. I am right.. And it will get easier, not putting a time limit on it, but I would say in less than two months you'll be back on your feet and not as upset as you 'think' you'll be. ALL because now you know he's an N. Read up and see for yourself.. Yeah don't send him the link.

 

I'm not sure anyone would truly even believe what really happened over the last two days. I am still sitting here in disbelief. Its one thing that he chickened out at the end of the year on our plans, but this event is just completely off the chain. He went nuts in a 24-hour period...

 

He was always nuts, now you're seeing it up close and personal.

 

His W told me when we spoke the one time that he had issues, that he was VERY hard to live with... hmmmmm

 

Believe her! Even more so now! Just imagine the sh,it he's thrown her way!

 

I did just think of another scenario!!!! We were in bed (LOL) and I was telling him how I love being with him, how he makes me laugh, etc... He looked up at me and said, "Do you really want to live your life with me? I'm kind of a dick..."

 

Yup, again he gave you a glimpse of who he is..

 

Hmmmmm.... NPD rearing its ugly head? Was he looking for validation?

 

Yes probably.

 

The thing is, even though he packed up his stuff, STILL doesn't mean he left her. You will never know if he told her he was leaving, for all you know he didn't meantion a word and just told her he was taking stuff to the laundry matt. It doesn't matter anymore though..

 

Something snapped in him, he felt like HE was losing control and when that happens, it sends a Narcissistic person (HIM) into a fit - Hense what happened, how he treated you and how it ended. He wants you to HATE him to get you out of his life, to get over him. I know this is extreme, but it is possible (depending on serve his narcissism is..) that's why he was such a dik to you.

[bittersweet memories]

Fooled Once, I did want to say that he did have his bags packed. He brought a ton of stuff into the hotel, and once I went out to his truck with him and it was stuffed with bags and laundry baskets full and everything else... but it still doesn't matter.

 

He says he won't contact me again because he had to make a choice. He said he loves me, that hasn't changed, but he can't be with both of us, so he chose his family. He says no more texting, no more emails... he saysa he has to focus on fixing what he did, even if it takes years.... Honestly, I don't think he has that kind of patience. Over and over he does this. He goes back to her, makes a grand statement. She accepts his stories. All is well and good until the "new" wears off...

 

...but I have let him do the same to me.

 

I don't think he will try to contact me again. I always say that, but this time he was so cold....

 

I feel for you. You also gotta stop excepting his stories. If i remember correctly this the 2nd time he has pulled this crap.

 

I have no doubt he will come around again and hopefully you've learned this time around.

 

Good Luck to you!

[jwi71]

Blindsided.

 

No. Not really. He's pulled this BEFORE and will do so again.

 

And you'll let him.

 

For me, this is like blaming the drug entirely for the addict's addiction. Not entirely true. And here, blaming your MM for this is NOT entirely accurate. Problem is YOU.

 

And I base this on the old phrase of "fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me".

 

HE has REPEATEDLY shown you who and what he IS.

 

And until you are TIRED of it...it will continue. You will still get "sucked back in". This pattern of you not accepting YOUR ROLE is beginning to become clear to me.

 

I predict ANOTHER thread from you...same song and dance...just a different verse.

 

Good luck IMTK...until YOU own your role and DECIDE to END IT, this soap opera continues...

[jennie-jennie]

IMTK, your MM is a classic Split Self. This is what they do: go back and forth between the wife and the other woman. He needs to heal that internal split within himself between his emotions and his obligations. Until then he is going to continue to go back and forth between the two of you.

 

((((IMTK))))