I caught my fiancee cheating but she doesn't know it

[AloneNow]

I just caught her two days ago. I felt like a total loser. I didn't even beat up the guy but all I did was collect the ring she left on the dinning table and took off.

 

She doesn't really know I know and right I'm staying in my cousin's house, he's the only one I told this to. I'll be going to a motel by tomorrow. I've been receiving several missed calls from saying asking where I'm I, why I'm not returning her calls and if I've seen the ring.

 

I've been doing nothing but drinking to the point of getting drunk. Should I even have to explain to her that I caught her or break it off with no real explanation. She is really acting like nothing happened and is wondering what I haven't call. I feel like a total coward. Should I have beaten up the other guy she was cheating with? I still can't believe I did absolutely nothing.

[AloneNow]

Is there a way to get back at her for what she did?

[Toddbt12y1]

Tell her: you called off marriage. That she has cheated on you, and you saw it. That she doesn't feel any remorse...and it's over. Call me, or my family, I'll get the law involved. Bam, over!

 

 

 

Causeyou deserve better man.

 

What a loser she is.

[Toddbt12y1]

Is there a way to get back at her for what she did?

 

Childish revenge in these cases, resolves nothing. Just end it, and go no contact, avoid this worthless woman. There are better women out there. Why waste time doing the revenge game?

[AloneNow]

Tell her: you called off marriage. That she has cheated on you, and you saw it. That she doesn't feel any remorse...and it's over. Call me, or my family, I'll get the law involved. Bam, over!

 

 

 

Causeyou deserve better man.

 

What a loser she is.

I'll tell through her email. I don't even to look at her nor even speak to her over the phone.

[AloneNow]

Childish revenge in these cases, resolves nothing. Just end it, and go no contact, avoid this worthless woman. There are better women out there. Why waste time doing the revenge game?

I know but it hurt what she did. We had a great relationship and there was nothing missing. I put all my effort and energy to it and that's what I get in return?

 

Is it because I'm just too good that I failed? I don't really get it. I haven't mistreat her in any way. I never insulted her nor ever lay a hand on her. Why??

[Toddbt12y1]

People do things cause they want too. Lust, or whatever. You may very well have been good to her, but she did what she wanted, no remorse, cause she wanted too. She is a whore.

 

I know full well where you're coming from. My fiancee of four yrs cheated on me. No remorse. With multiple guys.

 

I wanted revenge. Had pictures, etc. I was tempted to do this to her. However, I realized the pointlessness of this. I was the victim. The good guy. Just like you. Revenge puts us at their level. It only gives a temporary high. I'd rather look good in the eyes of people, then so bitter with revenge to destroy my own reputation, to hurt hers.

 

She will pay. Your ex girl will pay.

[road]

Not worth confronting the OM. He did not have the courtesy to confront you before he banged your GF. OM is nothing more then a sneak with no values.

 

How did you catch your GF?

 

The way to handle the break up is to man up and tell that you caught her cheating. She will ask for proof. You tell her you do not have to prove the truth. She knows the truth first hand.

 

She will ask how did you find out. Never reveal your sources. It only will make it harder to catch her again. No need to make her wiser in that way.

[Journee]

I know but it hurt what she did. We had a great relationship and there was nothing missing. I put all my effort and energy to it and that's what I get in return?

 

Is it because I'm just too good that I failed? I don't really get it. I haven't mistreat her in any way. I never insulted her nor ever lay a hand on her. Why??

 

 

It's not your fault that this happened. It's something in her. Her character. Her personality. You will agonize over what you could had done differently. It was her choice and her choice only.

 

You should let her know why you are breaking up with her. She needs to know the consequences for her cheating are losing you.

 

I am so sorry you are hurting. It will get better. No one deserves this. YOU do not deserve this.

[NXS]

Should I have beaten up the other guy she was cheating with?

 

Absolutely not, why risk going to jail over her? She's the one who cheated on you not him. Was he a friend?

[AloneNow]

Not worth confronting the OM. He did not have the courtesy to confront you before he banged your GF. OM is nothing more then a sneak with no values.

It sucks I didn't even confront at that very moment.

How did you catch your GF?

I came early from work and saw it all happening. I couldn't stand being there anymore, took the ring and walked away quietly, in total silence.

The way to handle the break up is to man up and tell that you caught her cheating. She will ask for proof. You tell her you do not have to prove the truth. She knows the truth first hand.

I saw it. That's my prove.

She will ask how did you find out. Never reveal your sources. It only will make it harder to catch her again. No need to make her wiser in that way.

So I shouldn't tell her I saw her with the OM?

[AloneNow]

Absolutely not, why risk going to jail over her? She's the one who cheated on you not him. Was he a friend?

No, I don't know who he is.

[NXS]

No, I don't know who he is.

 

If he doesn't know you then he just went along with whatever she said or just took advantage of some available ass. Either way beating him up is just misdirecting your anger. She's the one who cheated on you.

[carhill]

Her leaving the ring on the table, along with her apparent infidelity, constructively ended the engagement, so I'd move into recovery mode. Spend time with friends, talk it out (no indignity in that) and go through the stages of grief. There's really nothing constructive to be gained from interacting with her or the other party at this point. Care less and regain your personal power. My sympathies.

[oldshirt]

First step is stop drinking and clear your head. Substance abuse will only make you feel worse and will make you do something stupid. Stay sober and come up with a realistic doable plan.

 

Please give us a little more background info, ie your ages, how long dating, how long engaged, what were the marriage plans, how was she treating you up until the discovery of OM, how did you find out about this etc.

[oldshirt]

Then you need to come up with a plan and you need to execute it.

 

Your priority in this plan needs to be to preserve your resources and your assets. Are you two living together with a shared lease or shared mortgage etc? Do you own a car or any property etc together? any children together???

 

First step is making sure that she can't take anything of yours and that any shared property is divided up fairly.

 

Do you have any deposits on the wedding???

 

If you have shared assets you need to treat this like a divorce and see a family law attorney.

 

You may even need to consult an attorney about the ring. In some jurisdictions if the female terminates the engagement, she is obligated to return the ring. However in days of yore, if the man terminated the engagement there were times he was obligated to let her keep it. In this case since you repossessed it do to infidelity, you should be able to keep it but you may need to check to make sure.

 

As far as this OM, at some point I do believe you should confront him and express to him to stay out of your affairs until your situation has been resolved whether that resolution be attempted reconciliation or a formal break up.

 

I of course am not advocating violence or vandalism or terrorism or any other criminal activity which could land you into legal trouble, but he does need to understand he is an unwelcomed interloper into a planned marriage. A marriage is a legal contract and a legal institution and as such engagement can be looked upon as a form of a defacto legal construct and therefor you have every right to impede upon their relationship until your relationship status has been defined and all legal and financial issues between you and your STBX fiancé have been resolved.

 

Another major part of your plan at this point needs to be basic fact-finding and determine a number of crucial things. Things such as was her engagement to you sincere at all? Was she truly invested in the future marriage or was she just wanting to wear a ring and tell her friends she was engaged? Was she ever invested in you personally or was she attempting to defraud you in some manner (ie money, support, lifestyle etc) How long has she really been seeing this OM and what is the depth of their relationship? Has she been wrapping her legs around other dudes in a addition to him ??

 

This fact-finding mission needs to include disclosure of phone records, emails, txts, social media, testimony from friends/family (both hers and yours) and any physical evidence ie mens underwear and work boots in her apt that she claims were her brother's, the condom you found at the bottom of the waste basket last month she claimed was when she let her girlfriend use her apt etc etc You can NOT repeat NOT rely on or believe anything she says as she has proven herself a lier and a cheat.

 

Then you need to decide whether to attempt reconciliation or termination of the relationship. This should only come AFTER AFTER AFTER you have thoroughly and I do mean THOROUGHLY gone through everything in your fact-finding.

 

AND ABOVE ALL, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE SEX WITH HER NOW. When this breaks open she is going to do her best to seduce you and get your sperm into her. She is going to do this for two reasons. One is she may already be pregnant by the OM and she is going to try to say it is your's and have you raise another mans child. Even if she isn't knocked up, she may try to get knocked up now to trap you and force your hand. The other reason is to just keep you hooked and to break down your resolve to hold her accountable for her actions. Men are easily managed puppy dogs when their tank is dry.

 

Those are the things you need to start doing in earnest NOW!

 

 

Other recommendations can follow once you have given us some more background information.

[aliveagain]

You need to tell her, but ask her if there is anything she needs to tell you first, give her a chance to tell you the truth. If she refuses to give you the truth, tell her you know everything and the wedding is off. She had the Other Man in your home? Nasty. If she will cheat before your married, she'll cheat after your married. Tell her you have the ring and you saw everything and she has to find a new place to live. If you have joint banking, change that now, protect your finances, you wouldn't be the first betrayed spouse to have the bank account cleaned out. If you live together you need to talk to a lawyer, depending where you live common law marriages may have dower rights. Never confront other man, who needs a record? I would have let her know that when she was finished banging her friend she'd have to leave with him permanently. You deserve better, one of the hardest things to get over is the image of them together. When you meet her do it in a public place.

[oldshirt]

I'll tell through her email. I don't even to look at her nor even speak to her over the phone.

 

No don't do it through email. Don't be a pu$$y. She probably already thinks you are a pu$$y and that is why she cheated on you in the first place. don't confirm it by addressing this by email.

 

This is one time when someone needs to see the fury in your eyes and feel your righteous indignation. She really needs to worry over what you are going to do next.

[Chi townD]

Dude, you are not a coward. You did the right (and the smartest) thing to do.

 

If you confronted right then and there, you would have ended up catching a case for assault and battery; and, probably a domestic. You would have ended up in jail and a possibility of losing your job. And to be honest, this cheating bitch isn't worth getting a record that's going to follow you around for the rest of your life.

 

Take a few days to calm down. Try not to hit the bottle too much. All that's going to do is make you feel worse.

[HokeyReligions]

There is good advice here. I think its the only words I would say to her is to ask "do you have anything to tell me? (Pause for two seconds) no, I didn't think so" and walk away.

[Chi townD]

Even though you don't see it now, it's a blessing you found out now rather than 5 years into a marriage. You can just tell her that you're done, the wedding is off and you never want to see her again.

 

You need to tell people the truth on why it's over. She's got a lot of people invested in this wedding and when she has to tell people that the wedding is called off, she's gonna be in damage control and she's gonna lie her ass off.

[Realist3]

You don't need to play any games, just tell her straight up. What exactly are you hiding out for?

[Deeplydisturbed]

Should I have beaten up the other guy she was cheating with? I still can't believe I did absolutely nothing.

 

Not sure why you would want to beat up the other guy? He wasn't the one who made the commitment to you. If you don't want to reconcile, just let her know that you're done with the relationship and you're moving on. Why put yourself through the agony of finding out more details. Delete her completely from your life and start afresh. If you've been a good partner to her, you deserve better than this.

[AloneNow]

We've been together in total for 4 years and engaged for 9 months. No children but I we talked about having kids after the wedding.

 

I'll be seeking a lawyer because that's my house. We were already living together way before getting engaged and no I had no idea she had a cheating heart. I really didn't see that coming. Regarding cars, yes both of us have our own cars. I left in mine when I saw it all.

 

Ages: I'm 28 years old and she's 26.

[AloneNow]

I just feel I want to grief for the moment and talk to her in the following week. I really don't feel like talking to her.