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Accepting the [sexual] situation [in my marriage]..

Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 19th January 2019, 8:03 PM   #76
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Did you actually read past the top?

Couple things, thyroid problems are easily treated, so its should not be a long term problem.

It also states that roughly the same rate of men suffer from it as well.

I stand by my statement, most of these women are perfectly healthy, just lack desire for the husband.
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Old 19th January 2019, 8:05 PM   #77
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We're using corner cases here to try to come to a conclusion that's not indicative of the most common presentation of this issue. And I think other posters have said it well, the most often thing I hear isn't that a guy's wife has some horrible illness that's destroyed her vagina (in fact, I've never heard that) or that she's incapable of sex (also never heard that). No, we all know, the 99% presentation of this is "I don't feel like it". Now, there can be a MILLION reasons why that's the case, but, it's not that sex is awful, painful, or any other reason like that. It's because, simply put, one partner is being selfish with his or her sexuality.

Let me tell you a story. My wife had surgery a few years ago that went very badly. She was incapacitated for months, some of the time to the point where I needed to go to the bathroom with her. We were in our 30's at the time, so this wasn't end of life stuff, but we had 3-6 months of awful physical health in our relationship. During that time, I think maybe we had sex a few times. And you know what? I missed sex, but I wasn't "mad" or upset with her. I was worried about her health and barely gave sex a thought.

But, now, to make sure I'm not seen as a saint, you know what I would get real pissed about sex? When we were sitting around in the years before that awful medical problem and she'd turn me down on a random Saturday night. No health problem. No, I'm not awful in bed. No, I wasn't looking for 2 minutes and roll off and go to bed. No, I hadn't let myself go. Nope, she just didn't feel like it. And you know what, that did piss me off and I would get upset and resentful about that. But I dealt with that too, frankly, I had it better than most of my friends and I told myself, "That's just her". Well, then, she has an A. And you know what that A looked like sexually? Pull up your favorite porn tube site. That's basically it. Sex, sex, and more sex. Suddenly she couldn't get enough. Was the other guy better looking/better in bed/bigger package? I don't know (well, actually, the first I do, and no, he wasn't). So, what that showed me, she was entirely capable of having a very sexual relationship, she just didn't want that with me.

And while we can all spin these corner case scenarios; what if my vagina falls off kind of stuff, that's not what most people are talking about here. It's just the "I don't feel like it" that we all kind of know has little to do with her sex drive and a lot more to do with control and resentment.
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Old 19th January 2019, 8:15 PM   #78
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Overtaxed, been there.

My wife had a impacted spinal cord, they had to completely remove c5 and 2/3 of c6. Titanium spacers and rods were inserted. Sex was off the table for almost a year. No problem, she had a tougher time with the no sex then me. Now when we were younger and she withheld sex it was a issue. Later found out it was her fear of getting pregnant too soon after our son was born.
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Old 19th January 2019, 8:29 PM   #79 Moderator Moderator
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Looks like it's been two weeks since the OP last logged in so we will close this one up and give them a chance to catch up.

OP can request this thread reopened via the ALERT US button.
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