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Is my husband jealous or upset ?


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Old 19th February 2018, 1:02 AM   #91
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Hi Folks, to say this this thread borders on the ludicrous is putting it mildly. I cannot even begin to imagine the disrespect and humiliation the OP's husband must have suffered through. A person who cannot comprehend why her behaviour was completely over the top is someone who is unfit intellectually and emotionally to be married let alone to have been married for over three years. All I can say is that wonders never cease. I also think one cannot advise someone so bereft of commonsense to change her ways and get back on to a path resembling normalcy. All one can do is wish her husband the very best.
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Old 19th February 2018, 1:04 AM   #92
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Why did you call yourself “lovely wife”?

I have read your thread, OP, and My questions have not changed much?

From your descriptions of your husband, he sounds like a mature man with class, discrimination and character. So I wonder how you describe yourself and why you picked the name “kovelywife.”

I’d also like to say that it sounds like you were dismissing the significance of your inappropriate actions in part because others were doing it and all of you were convincing each other it was just flirting. But I think you knew it was wrong; that’s why you came here.
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Old 19th February 2018, 3:35 AM   #93
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Maybe I should clarify - I’m asking if “lovely” is a reference to your physical beauty Ir an ideal you’re aspiring to, perhaps?
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Old 19th February 2018, 10:37 AM   #94
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Hi Lovelywife, subsequent to my first post I have thought about things and I have a few questions for you if you can kindly answer them. The first is are you and your husband citizens of the US and if so, what is your ethnicity? If you are immigrants then how long have you been living in the US? Also, are your friends of the same ethnicity as you? How long have you known these friends? Why is it that you have thought that this kind of sexually provocative behaviour is acceptable for you and your circle of friends? Why, knowing that your husband was not comfortable with this kind of behaviour, did you rub it in his face and think that he would be okay with it?

On another note I want to ask you how you and your husband met? Was yours a love marriage or was it an arranged one? If it was an arranged marriage then the likely hood of your being from an Asian background seems almost certain. If that be the case then your behaviour is certainly out of the norm. Your husband being a virgin leads me to believe that you and your husband come from a conservative background which would fit in with the Asian perspective. I know that sexual mores are changing rather rapidly in Asian countries particularly the subcontinent but that is happening more so in the sophisticated upmarket yumpie crowd who have imbibed western values and behavioural patterns more readily than their less sophisticated less well to do and underpriviledged counterparts for whom rising up through the ranks of low middle class angst is more important than flaunting flagrant sexuality. The commonly accepted wisdom which still holds true was the term "Middle class morality"! Obviously you do not fit in with this class but possibly,, your husband does. You would have to shed light on this. However I am puzzled by the fact that your command of the English language is not commensurate with that of the yumpie crowd who have an excellent facility with the language. If you could clarify on these points it would be much appreciated. Best wishes.

Last edited by Just a Guy; 19th February 2018 at 10:40 AM..
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Old 19th February 2018, 11:25 AM   #95
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Oh, forgot to answer your question: is he upset or jealous? From what you’ve presented, I’d say not jealous but upset doesn’t quite work either. I’d say that at first he was probably shocked. Then as the disrespect sank in he probably felt somewhat angry, disappointed and disgusted. He didn’t show you his feelings at first. He kept his distance, consulted a lawyer, then gave you your ultimatum and second chance. That he’s not vulnerable to your manipulations to try and get him to give in sooner than six months attests to the extent of his disgust.

You’ve only been married three years, but the events in your first posts must have been developing over some time. So I wonder if part of his disappointment is that this is not the wife he thought he was getting.

The good thing is you’re beginning to see the problem with the help of counseling. I just hope you can change enough in time. You’re lucky he’s so calm and reflective and gave you this second chance.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 12:44 AM   #96
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It is difficult to accept that you did not realize your repeated actions were only discovered to be upsetting to your husband after receiving advice from anonymous strangers on an internet site. You suspected it after he disappeared to Los Angeles, but seemed quite unsure until many of us offered our critical opinions.

Your husband is acting with deliberate planning. If he is wise, he sought legal advice in Illinois. There may come a time you may wish you had also done so. I hope you have a copy of these documents.

His lack of trust isn’t going to vanish overnight. He will watch your actions while ignoring your words.
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Old 25th February 2018, 3:21 AM   #97
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bufo View Post
He will watch your actions while ignoring your words.
This bears repeating and reinforces for me the difference in maturity. Really it's not about introspective personality and whatever other explanations you gave initially. It's that he has the wisdom and insight of maturity whereas you started out lacking self-awareness and driven by libido with almost zero self-control or restraint.

I suspect he's more than a few years older (sorry if you've already said this) and may be giving you an extra margin because of your immaturity. It sounds like he cannot be moved by tears or seduction.

I'll say it again: Don't waste time. Just work hard with the therapist and try to grow up as fast as you can. Be humble. Be sincere. Work hard but don't call attention to it. He will see. The only excuse you have is that you were immature. It's beyond magnanimous that he's given you this chance to prove yourself. It sounds like he's worth every bit of pain you're going through.
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Old 25th February 2018, 9:03 AM   #98
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Hi Folks, I hope the OP comes back to respond to the various posts made since the last one by her. She seems to be a seriously flawed person to have entered the institution of holy matrimony. Obviously, hers would have been an arranged marriage as her husband, considering the kind of person he is, would not have been moving around in the circles that she was in, to be able to fall in love with her. If he had, even by mistake, been moving around in that circle, he would not have made the mistake of falling in love with her after observing her behaviour. At that time, when she was unaware of who he was, she would have been at her flirty best and that would have put him off completely.

To my mind plain common sense should have dictated to her that she should be circumspect in her behaviour while in the presence of her husband in social situations. That she was not and was overtly flirting with the men present on these occasions speaks of a complete lack of both common sense and respect for her husband. That her husband tolerated her shenanigans for three full years before presenting her an ultimatum speaks of a level of tolerance and patience which is remarkable. However, as they say, 'All good things come to an end' and so it was in her case. I only hope that the rectification process she has now undertaken is not too little too late! Wish her the best.
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Old 25th February 2018, 7:47 PM   #99
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just a Guy View Post
To my mind plain common sense should have dictated to her that she should be circumspect in her behaviour while in the presence of her husband in social situations. That she was not and was overtly flirting with the men present on these occasions speaks of a complete lack of both common sense and respect for her husband.
But can we please not play the minimizing game with vocabulary? There’s flirting:
And then there’s explicitly provocative sexual behavior:
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelywife ... there are certain instances where I have touched, groped or cuddle with my best friend husbands, and my best friends are fine with their spouse that they also do with each other irrespective of the gender, ...

There was a party and unfortunately my ex bf was also there so we danced together in a sensual way, ...

Similar kind of instances happened, once daring task in a fun activity was given to me so I performed a kind of twerking activity on my male colleagues ...

Recently a month ago during some fun games, my best friend husband touched my body and kissed on my navel
...
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelywife View Post
Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me.
Let us not change meaning. THAT was not flirting and allowing this misconception is what got her here in the first place. Sexting, sensual dancing, kissing navels are NOT mere flirting. And it’s not just me and Wikipedia that think so.

Even if it were “just” flirting, how is that harmless for a married person?

[Okay just looked up “twerking.” Knew what It looks like but not what it’s called. In any case, definitely not flirting.]

Last edited by merrmeade; 25th February 2018 at 7:59 PM..
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Old 26th February 2018, 5:07 AM   #100
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Hi Merrmeade,, as usual you are spot on. However, in my defence I have to say that I was making a point about her hurting her husband's feelings and openly disrespecting him. In fact I had initially thought of using the word promiscuous instead of flirty to describe her behaviour but subsequently restrained myself to using a milder term for the sake of being polite on a forum like this to avoid being unnecessarily rude or provocative. I guess most people who have read through her thread would know exactly what 'flirty' meant in the context that it was used. But thank you for pointing out the danger of a wrong interpretation by folks on here.

By the way, since you looked it up, what is 'twerking'? I have'nt the foggiest! Thanks.
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Old 6th March 2018, 11:44 PM   #101
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"They don't seem to respect or value her much either. Remember these women have so little respect for her they don't even see her as a genuine threat they need to guard against when she is cuddling/groping with their boyfriends/husbands. She seems to be more like some kind of party entertainment, something to laugh at and have fun with than a friend."

Sadly, that was my first thought.
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