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Is my husband jealous or upset ?


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Old 27th January 2018, 10:02 AM   #46
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Maybe. But for her sake I hope this was the wake up call she needs. The husband sounds like a doormat but I suspect there is a cultural aspect to this I'm missing.
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Old 27th January 2018, 10:52 AM   #47
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Well, if your husband has to set YOUR boundaries then your Marriage will fail 100%.

Even asking him to suggest that maybe you are not ready to be married.
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Old 27th January 2018, 11:37 AM   #48
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your husband knows that your "honest" promises are doubtable, so that's why he is suspecious with you.

After getting the silent treatment you had the chance to come clean, and to put on yourself some boundaries and to tell him that. Instead, you started negotiating. Instead of giving him a full confession, you only asked him questions for him to show you his cards first... Why??

The only explanation I can think of (and probably your husband thinks that too), is that you didn't come clean and promissed to change, because you had a hope to maintain your wild lifestyle... Why giving it up if you don't really have to... This is a negotioator way of thinking, not a totally loving wife.

People here warned you. So actually you had your second chance, you could have promised to change a few days ago. But you blew this chance, and now you seek for a 3th chance. your husband might give it to you.

Do you want a strong advice how not to blow your 3th chance, too? When your husband sets his boundaries for you - Don't try to follow this boundaries. Set your own boundaries which shuld be much harder than the rules your H will ask. Put yourself tighter limitations.

This is your only chance to succeed. If you will only fullfill your H rules, this will be a proof for your H that you haven't leared anything. That you're only thinking how to do the minimum and still keeping your H.
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Old 27th January 2018, 11:48 AM   #49
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Remarkable memory, where you recording this?
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Old 27th January 2018, 12:53 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Maybe. But for her sake I hope this was the wake up call she needs. The husband sounds like a doormat but I suspect there is a cultural aspect to this I'm missing.
It sounds a lot like the post coming from India. A traditional husband marries what is past off as a traditional bride. But the bride is not, she has been in sexual relationships with her bfís. Thatís is why she never told about her past. She knew her husband would never have married her if she did.
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Old 27th January 2018, 12:56 PM   #51
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This makes three that are on LS. All three dealing with infidelity. At least this one isnít as bad as the others. Unless LW hasnít been completely truthful with how far she went.
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Old 27th January 2018, 5:21 PM   #52
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Update,


Yesterday arrived in Los Angeles to meet my husband, he came to the airport,


I tried to hug him or kiss him, he refused to do that and maintained distance,


Through out the driving back to the hotel, he was silent and distant,


When we entered our suite, he told me he will be staying in a king suite bedroom and I have to live in a different room, I asked him the reason for this, he asked me, if I want to freshen up and eat food and relax, we will talk after that, I agreed.


I went to shower alone and had a nice bath and then we had diner together,


After diner, he gave me an envelope, consisting of documents, the moment, I opened it up, I saw post nuptial agreements and divorce paper documents,


I was shocked, tears came through my eyes and like lot of emotions were going in my mind, I asked him, why all of a sudden, these things, he said, his signature is already there on the postnuptial agreement, but not on the divorce paper,


He requested me to go though these documents, and sign on the postnuptial agreement document,


Then after going through that document, I have signed it but I told him, I am not going to sign on divorce paper, we need to talk,


I told him, I know you are not happy and I am sure, I might have done something which upsets you.


Then he came near to me, wiped my tears, he told me that he will try his best never to hurt me,


Then conversation started, few excerpts are here


My husband: Then he asked, did I ever hurt you or upset you.
Me: No.


My husband: do you love me or trust me or do you have faith in our relationship
Me: Yes

My husband: You can’t change your past, and I can’t change mine, but hiding your past and present, not sharing with each other, and doing certain acts or things which is very strange for a married woman or a married man and to indulge in other activities, raises many doubts, and questions in my mind, where I am lacking or where my support to you or faith in you went wrong.


You are the first person with whom I started my relationship, we fell in love with each other, I lost my virginity to you after marriage, you were my emotional support, I have never cheated on you, neither I have hidden anything from you,


You know when we do sexual act, or when we cuddle or kiss or caress or do any other intimate acts.


It means a lot to me, because emotionally I am connected to you, that’s why I enjoy those things with you. I consider you as my soulmate, life line, a kind of motivational and essential factor for my survival, these things mean a lot to me.


I am not getting those kinds of feelings towards you anymore,


If you feel certain changes are required from my side, please tell me.


Can you answer that?


Me: I do understand your concern, and what I have done, those are bad things, which I am not justifying, but will you give me another chance.
I am sorry for that, I am sorry I did hurt your feelings, trust, emotions.
I beg you to give me another chance.


You give me the boundaries setup, and border line, I will change, if not you are free to take decision on that.


Let me tell you, the best thing happened to me is our marriage, the best person in my life is you, and the best sex or intimate activities, or excited physical activities, I have done is with you.


Then I started crying.

Husband: I don’t feel good to make you beg or feel sorry,
but after all you are my companion, if I won’t share my feelings with you, then I don’t know with whom I will share.


Me: can I kiss you or hug you ?



and


I started crying, he hugged me, and wiped my tears.


Then again, we had a conversation for few hours, my husband told me, you are not a bad person, we have setup the certain timeline period and dos and don’ts.

Now we are taking rest in our separate rooms in the same suite.

Honestly speaking, I am happy that we had a talk, and I am going to take some positive steps, and deep down inside I know, I will be incomplete without my husband, my life will be meaningless without him.
I am happy to have such a wonderful, loving, loyal, caretaking and happy going man as my husband.
What a farce. Certainly you don't think that any of us reading this post would believe you have any intention of following through with your promises.

You talk a lot..talk is cheap. Thus far the only action we have seen was you undertake being surprised when you saw the divorce papers.

You are one misstep away from being alone. Frankly, I think you are well on your way to divorce but you've manipulated your poor husband to the point where he thinks this is all his fault.

I feel the pain in his words, because they are words that show a deep distrust in you , your motivations, and your commitment. He would like to pull the plug on this right now but he doesn't want to be faced with the Tanker Truck full of histrionics that are sure to ensue from you if he does.

Basically your LA experience is nothing short of putting a Band Aid on a Bullet hole.

You are incapable of thinking about anyone but yourself. The words you speak are words that have been uttered by cheaters hundreds of times to their spouse in order to try to save their own skin and skirt consequence.

I'll just go out on a limb and say you better see an attorney. You WILL be getting divorced. Not by your choice, as I doubt you will be able to check yourself and your behavior. Attempting reconciliation like this is a gift from your husband. A GIFT. And I figure it will be one you'll want to return at some point when somebody else shows you a scintilla of attention.

If you can do something positive, send your husband here so we can help guide him in his healing. Because even though you've put him through the wringer, you have not a single clue how to help anyone, let alone yourself.


A very sad thread indeed....
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Last edited by Space Ritual; 27th January 2018 at 5:23 PM..
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Old 28th January 2018, 11:39 AM   #53
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It was a good move on his part to bust out that post-nuptial agreement. I'm pretty sure he's going to need it sooner rather than later.

If you really do want to save your marriage then be transparent, don't lie, lose the guy friends (all of them), and stop acting like a horny teenage girl with men you're not married too instead of a married woman who seems to humiliate her husband to others on a regular basis.

You also might want to get into therapy if you haven't. The fact that you couldn't figure out what the cause of the problems in your marriage were and how to deal with them until your husband and a bunch of strangers on the internet told you doesn't exactly scream Self-Awareness or Critical Thinking.

Marriage counseling might not be a bad idea either but I think you have to work on yourself first.

Honestly you better pull out all the stops and get your **** together quick because most men would have kicked you to the curb by now. I'm sure your husband isn't going to put up with you forever if you keep acting the way you do and living life obliviously.

And he can kiss you, say all the sweet words in the world, promise not to hurt you, blah blah etc. He picked you up from the airport with divorce papers ready. Don't forget that.

Last edited by JS84; 28th January 2018 at 11:44 AM..
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Old 28th January 2018, 11:54 PM   #54
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Remarkable memory, where you recording this?
Exactly what I was thinking, they must have had a stenographer with them.

I've noticed a pattern with cheating or unfaithful people. Their threads become a narrative rather than a discussion.
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Old 29th January 2018, 12:05 AM   #55
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Any update lovelywife?
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Old 29th January 2018, 3:01 PM   #56
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Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.


i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.


Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,


i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,


last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.


I came back to Chicago.
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Old 29th January 2018, 5:48 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by lovelywife View Post
Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.


i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.


Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,


i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,


last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.


I came back to Chicago.
Sadly, I do not think HR is even going to be much help to you. You have seemed to have left a very obvious trail of Workplace Shenanigans on your very own. In Illinois, this will probably sink any case you have. Based on the fact of your nefarious track record around men, I'm sure if it came down to it, all the guys you'e messed about with will get their stories straight and you will have Tire Treads on your back after you get thrown under the bus.

By your own admission you publicly allowed people to do things with you. Crap like that floats downhill.

Not only are you probably going to lose your marriage in the not too distant future, but maybe your job too...And then everyone on Devon Avenue will wonder why you are divorced and unemployed.

God Luck. I have to say things are probably going to change for you in the near future.And not for the better.
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Old 29th January 2018, 6:07 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by lovelywife View Post
Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.


i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.


Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,


i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,


last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.


I came back to Chicago.
Have you had a discussion with him about what you
plan to change about your actions?

In other words - it is important to communicate with him about exactly how you intend to change... and see if he thinks it will be enough to reconsider a future with you after you prove that you keep your word over an extended period of time.
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Old 29th January 2018, 7:24 PM   #59
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Originally Posted by Space Ritual View Post
Sadly, I do not think HR is even going to be much help to you. You have seemed to have left a very obvious trail of Workplace Shenanigans on your very own. In Illinois, this will probably sink any case you have. Based on the fact of your nefarious track record around men, I'm sure if it came down to it, all the guys you'e messed about with will get their stories straight and you will have Tire Treads on your back after you get thrown under the bus.

By your own admission you publicly allowed people to do things with you. Crap like that floats downhill.

Not only are you probably going to lose your marriage in the not too distant future, but maybe your job too...And then everyone on Devon Avenue will wonder why you are divorced and unemployed.

God Luck. I have to say things are probably going to change for you in the near future.And not for the better.
Don't you agree that when a person (especially female) says NO, it's a NO? Even if she has a reputation of that kind, she has the right to say "No more". If she proves that she did say NO in a very clear and unambiguous way... that she doesn't want it any more, the other side must stop, and will find it very hard to defend themselves, while facing a solid evidence of the NO that was clearly pronounced.
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Old 29th January 2018, 7:28 PM   #60
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Originally Posted by lovelywife View Post
Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.


i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.


Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,


i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,


last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.


I came back to Chicago.

I didn't realize that you had been sexting coworkers but it figures. At least you understand that now has to stop. I applaud you for trying.


As a first step I suggest you inform your husband of this progress & how you said no. He can't see that from all the way in LA.


At this point if your husband is not kissing you & is talking about a 6 month trial to see if you can behave, he already has one foot out the door. He is obviously concerned because he spend the money to have a post nuptial agreement & a divorce complaint drawn up.


Transparency & lots of affection for him, even if it's not returned, is in order. Suggest that you two get some MC when he comes back to Chicago. I doubt you will be able to heal the rifts without professional assistance.
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