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Visa denied- What do I do now?


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 7th March 2018, 12:53 AM   #1
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Visa denied- What do I do now?

Hello,

I had been in a long distance relationship with a man I met on vacation in Mexico for over a year. We compliment each other very well and there was lots of love. We had great online communication each day via messaging and phone. The problems started when he was denied entry into USA for a visa twice when he tried to come visit me. We had talked about moving to another country to live but I got really stressed and couldn't make a decision and our talks began to become stressful over the situation. Finally he said, I don't want you to leave your country, I will try again to come to you.

He didn't want me to come to his country because he lives with his mother and his mother doesn't approve of me marrying him. His mother is strict and wants him to marry a girl of his nationality. Unfortunately his country doesn't have good economic conditions either which is why he wanted to leave. Its hard to have a house or job and not a great place to start a future.

Up until last week he was loving me, he told me I am close to his heart. He said he will try for USA visa one last time to come to me. We submitted proof of our relationship and everything but the visa was denied again. He pretty much told me the day his visa was declined that he wants me to find another man. He said it will be easier for him to marry in his own country and he doesn't want to promise me anymore. He wished me luck and I didn't hear from him for close to three weeks.

Finally I reached out to ask him a question and he remained cold. He told me he hopes I have a good life and that it wasn't God's will for us to be together. He told me he felt like a bad man for making so many promises to me. He said I will find a better man and that I was a nice dream he had.

He said he felt that I felt tired with him. The day before his visa interview we got into a small fight about me joking about a man giving me candy and making him jealous. I joked that I do that because he needs hurry up and be with me.

I told him when i reached out to him other day, I hate have any enemies and i want to see him happy. He responded that he is there if I ever want to call him or share anything with him. That now, I am his best friend and that he likes me.

I told him the I will be moving to Ireland for graduate school, and he responded that I never had intentions before to leave USA and I should think carefully about doing that. He said however if I go there he might visit me.

He then excused himself from the conversation and I haven't heard anything for 3 days since.

So my question is, I know he is deeply hurt and possibly depressed and tired from the long distance and problems we have faced. What should I do now? Abide by the no contact rule or keep texting him one sided with simple things like quotes and how are you. Should I call him as he said or is he just being polite? I don't want to appear desperate yet at the same time I don't want to let him wallow in his misery and our relationship fail forever. I know he is a very sensitive man and feels things very deeply. In his culture men are the ones who work very hard for their women so I feel by him not being able to come to me he feels like he has failed.

Another issue, he seems to be feeling that he is "old" or time is running. When I suggested we apply for K1 visa he said he didn't want to because he felt he would never be approved by USA and that it takes too long. He seems very lonely and needy for love NOW.

Thank you for listening and open to all feedback and suggestions

Last edited by strawberry1984; 7th March 2018 at 12:56 AM..
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Old 7th March 2018, 4:41 AM   #2
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How much do you know about him, apart from what he has told you? Have you been able to verify where he lives and that he does in fact live with his mom? How old is he?

It seems you have spent little time together in person, so while online communication is good, it's generally not sufficient evidence for Immigration authorities that it's a legitimate relationship. To that end, I am not too surprised they keep refusing him.

I have to say, it seems odd to me that he is keeping you away from his country completely. I could understand him being hesitant to introduce you to his mom if he knows she wouldn't approve, but I would be concerned that he doesn't even want to meet up with you if you stayed in a hotel in his area, for example.

In the end, if his visa keeps getting denied, and he won't permit you to come to him, there's really not much of a future here, OP. It doesn't appear he's up to the length bureaucracy required for more visa applications.
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Old 7th March 2018, 8:07 AM   #3
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This isn't really adding up for me.

He's been denied a (tourist?) visa to the USA twice? When he was denied, they would have told him why his was denied. What did they tell him? Typically it would be because he didn't have strong enough ties to his own country to make them comfortable that he would return -- things like a job, owning property, bank accounts, supporting family, etc. So, it doesn't make sense that you two would submit proof of your relationship for his tourist visa -- if anything, that may have worked against him. Are you sure he actually applied?

Why can't the two of you meet in a third country, like Mexico, where you met?

It's suspicious that he doesn't want you to go to his country. Are you sure he doesn't have a wife and family there?

What are you hoping to accomplish by remaining in touch with him? If he can't come to the USA and you can't go to his country, and you don't want to leave the USA, and he doesn't want to go the K1 (or I assume marriage) route, then what really are the options?

I think you should just leave it be and move on.
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Old 7th March 2018, 8:52 AM   #4
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I don't see a happy ending here... Another who says you don't really know this man. An online relationship is not the same as developing a relationship in real life. And the fact that he has been denied a visa twice - something is wrong here. Does he have a criminal history? I would move on. I'm sorry.
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:17 AM   #5
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Are you kidding with the K1 visa? You met some guy on vacation one year ago. You haven't seen him since. He can't get into the US on a tourist visa but you are offering to marry him? You don't even really know him.

If you are serious about trying to make this work, pay the money & hire an immigration lawyer.

Meanwhile, get your butt on a plane & meet him somewhere in Mexico or any other country where you can both go so you at least have time together. To jump into marriage just to be able to see each other is crazy.

You also need that lawyer to educate yourself about the responsibilities of K1 marriage. You will have to sign the application & on it you have to promise to financially support him even if you divorce. It doesn't matter if he declines alimony or is not eligible for it. Your legal obligation to financially support him is an immigration issue not a family court matter.
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:40 AM   #6
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You also need that lawyer to educate yourself about the responsibilities of K1 marriage. You will have to sign the application & on it you have to promise to financially support him even if you divorce. It doesn't matter if he declines alimony or is not eligible for it. Your legal obligation to financially support him is an immigration issue not a family court matter.
That sounds like a pretty good deal for this man who hooked a woman on vacation, and gets a free entry to the US. Very little work required on his part. Think carefully OP.
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:49 AM   #7
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How old is he and how old are you?
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Old 7th March 2018, 10:29 AM   #8
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Classic green card hack. Billions on the planet. You'll meet another. I remember a similar hack from a lovely young lady in South America back when the internet was young.

Since you could easily travel to his country and stay in an apartment or hotel, his 'mother' wouldn't have to know a thing as I presume he isn't chained to a table all day and night. It smells.

I've done the long distance thing and was researching a K1 when I met a local lady a couple decades ago. Long distance has a lot of challenges even when the two people are transparent and focused on making it work. I'm not seeing that here. Move on would be my advice.
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Old 7th March 2018, 3:09 PM   #9
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Yes

Honestly i feel i know him close enough to be family.
I know about all his friends and his workplace, our relationship was very close. Hes very sensitive thoughtful man, he took alot of effort to get know me.
I feel he is impatient and giving up but maybe also holding some resentment. Maybe i wasnt enthusiastic to meet him in other places and when we talked for these options i was irritated with him because i was having atress at my job. Now seems the damage is done. I guess i dont know if i should call him or let it be. He said call him whenever i want to talk to him, i am his best friend now.
I want to try fix the issue but am in conflict because he told me its over and have nice life. I know in past he hides his real feelings and might just be saying this because he thinks its what i want.
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Old 7th March 2018, 3:13 PM   #10
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Date an American man who is available.

The universe is telling you not to pursue this man further - respect that.
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Old 7th March 2018, 3:22 PM   #11
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How do you imagine this will play out even if you do "manage to fix things with him"? You're going to Ireland for grad school. Even if you weren't, are you SURE you know about what sponsoring someone under a spousal visa entails? You should re-read the other posts here about that.
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Old 7th March 2018, 7:34 PM   #12
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If he's in his 20s (how old is he?) he is probably married with kids already. People have kids young in Mexico. Have you asked him how many kids he has? Ask him just like you assume he has them and see what he says.
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Old 7th March 2018, 10:55 PM   #13
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If he's in his 20s (how old is he?) he is probably married with kids already. People have kids young in Mexico. Have you asked him how many kids he has? Ask him just like you assume he has them and see what he says.
20's are still pretty young. Some men don't have kids until they are 40.
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Old 8th March 2018, 12:04 AM   #14
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yes

He is from North Africa, he was visiting mexico on vacation. He's travelled all around the world from Canada to UK, just for some reason he can't get approved for a USA tourist visa.

We are the same age, 33.
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Old 8th March 2018, 5:26 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by strawberry1984 View Post
Honestly i feel i know him close enough to be family.
I know about all his friends and his workplace, our relationship was very close. Hes very sensitive thoughtful man, he took alot of effort to get know me.
I feel he is impatient and giving up but maybe also holding some resentment. Maybe i wasnt enthusiastic to meet him in other places and when we talked for these options i was irritated with him because i was having atress at my job. Now seems the damage is done. I guess i dont know if i should call him or let it be. He said call him whenever i want to talk to him, i am his best friend now.
I want to try fix the issue but am in conflict because he told me its over and have nice life. I know in past he hides his real feelings and might just be saying this because he thinks its what i want.
Knowing about them is not the same as knowing them, OP. And you don't know him well enough to be like family; it sounds as though his family (or at least his mother) doesn't even know you are in his life.

Why could you not meet in another country in the meantime? He clearly has been able to obtain tourist visas for other places, so what was stopping him from doing so again to see you?

I think he wanted to end this and didn't have the courage to tell you.
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