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New romantic interest is flaky. Feel I might be wasting my time...


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Old 15th March 2019, 11:48 AM   #46
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I didn't believe he was a bad guy. But would like to think a good guy would come clean; I won't cry over a simple 'I like you but not enough'. I will cry over spinning a web of bullsh*t for me to keep me hooked. That is not, in my mind, a good guy...
I understand your logic, though I don't think most people think "I'm going to spin my web of lies so that she is hooked!"
He could be really on the fence.

The responsibility is on you to set your own boundaries and weed out people who aren't good enough/into you enough for you, not them.

Anyway, glad you've decided to move on!
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Old 15th March 2019, 2:19 PM   #47
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Yeah, I know I am not to blame here although I should have been more guarded and protected myself. Then again when someone is being charming and sweeps you off your feet it can be hard to stay in control of those things.

As I mentioned, I will be grateful for the dates we did have; they were great.

He is also still trying to keep me hooked by the way: I got a message super late last night asking a really huge favour (Complete with cute little pet names and kisses). I really can only say one thing to him at this point, and it is far too impolite for me to post it here.

I was trying to kid myself that he was not a bad person, and was maybe just wired wrong. But I think after last night sending texts suddenly calling me 'babe' or 'beautiful'. Amazing how the nice words can get thrown around when someone wants something.

He can take his favour and shove it where the sun does not shine to be frank.
What a jerk, disappears and then reappears to ask for favors? Oh hell naw. So Iím assuming you ignored his message? Did he say anything else after you ignoring him?

Last edited by c1nderella; 15th March 2019 at 2:23 PM..
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Old 15th March 2019, 3:37 PM   #48
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What a jerk, disappears and then reappears to ask for favors? Oh hell naw. So Iím assuming you ignored his message? Did he say anything else after you ignoring him?
Yup, fully ignored... I am not stupid enough to fall for this 'babe/ beautiful' crap. Y'all only calling me that now you need my help. NEWSFLASH: I aint got no more time for this guy. He has not responded further, Im assuming the message is loud and clear at this point.

I am actually starting to realize I had a lucky escape here. He seems almost like he has some sort of personality disorder... a bit like dealing with two people...!

Best of luck to whoever is next up...!
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Old 15th March 2019, 3:42 PM   #49
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I understand your logic, though I don't think most people think "I'm going to spin my web of lies so that she is hooked!"
He could be really on the fence.

The responsibility is on you to set your own boundaries and weed out people who aren't good enough/into you enough for you, not them.

Anyway, glad you've decided to move on!
I liked him a lot, and had high hopes but it has turned out that he really is a bit nuts. I am still absolutely gobsmacked at the late night message asking me for a favor (that would also really put me out!) despite being an absolute dick to me all week. I note that when he wanted me to help him out it was all 'babe, you know you're so amazing xxx' . . . I am amazing. But not for you kid, off you f*ck because I can see right through that act...!

Not sure where in the world that will fly with any sane minded person.

I don't think he is on the fence at all; I think he led me down the garden path and then when better options presented themselves I was for the chop.

And really, at my age, I should probably be looking for someone with better prospects who is not trapped in teenage party boy mentality!

Now how do I go about changing my taste in men to successful career guys who are not crazy away from bad boys with the same prospects in life as an old potato . . .
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Old 15th March 2019, 4:56 PM   #50
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Yup, fully ignored... I am not stupid enough to fall for this 'babe/ beautiful' crap. Y'all only calling me that now you need my help. NEWSFLASH: I aint got no more time for this guy. He has not responded further, Im assuming the message is loud and clear at this point.

I am actually starting to realize I had a lucky escape here. He seems almost like he has some sort of personality disorder... a bit like dealing with two people...!

Best of luck to whoever is next up...!
Ugh bet that felt so good to ignore his bytch4ass as he did to you. In a way I’m hoping this guy I was seeing reaches out to me so I can do the same and ignore his 4ss! But if he doesn’t he’ll be doing me a favor.

As for future guys, we know the flags for these type of guys. Hot and cold, disappearing, poor communication, love bombing and calling us “babe” and telling us they miss us early on. All of those aren’t things an honest serious mature man does. Lying about their feelings and know we are very into them they manipulate us into getting hooked again to get what they want..favors, sex, ego boost... we know all this now. So next time we won’t even give this kinda guy a second date.

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Old 15th March 2019, 5:52 PM   #51
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Ugh bet that felt so good to ignore his bytch4ass as he did to you. In a way Iím hoping this guy I was seeing reaches out to me so I can do the same and ignore his 4ss! But if he doesnít heíll be doing me a favor.

As for future guys, we know the flags for these type of guys. Hot and cold, disappearing, poor communication, love bombing and calling us ďbabeĒ and telling us they miss us early on. All of those arenít things an honest serious mature man does. Lying about their feelings and know we are very into them they manipulate us into getting hooked again to get what they want..favors, sex, ego boost... we know all this now. So next time we wonít even give this kinda guy a second date.
In some ways it did, but it took every ounce of strength in all honesty... I so badly wanted to respond to him, but really I might as well just keep stabbing myself in the eye. Im not stupid enough to fall for this rubbish!

I need to recognize this stuff better. I should have seen that all the warning signs were there, but the whole thing felt so intense at the time that I literally feel like I am coming out of a 4 year relationship after 4 dates! But I have the power; not him - I have no doubt he will come back time and time again, and I will ignore him each time. And then perhaps the next time I am at his bar I will be with someone who genuinely cares for me and he will still be there playing the same games and inside I can take a huge sigh of relief knowing that I got out before he had a chance to really mess my life up.

It felt good to get that off my chest!
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Old 15th March 2019, 6:44 PM   #52
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For future record, guys who are really interested DO NOT cancel dates (unless they or a loved one is in an accident/deathbed). Any other reason is an excuse because they are not interested enough in you. In 5 1/2 years, my partner has never canceled a date or plans with me, not once.
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Old 16th March 2019, 2:29 AM   #53
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For future record, guys who are really interested DO NOT cancel dates (unless they or a loved one is in an accident/deathbed). Any other reason is an excuse because they are not interested enough in you. In 5 1/2 years, my partner has never canceled a date or plans with me, not once.
I think at least I have learnt this. The warning signs were all there from the start, but he sweet talked me and charmed me, held my hand at the right times and said just the right things to make me feel like I actually was special to him.

I've finally deleted and blocked just this morning, time to move on with my life.
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Old 16th March 2019, 12:03 PM   #54
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I think at least I have learnt this. The warning signs were all there from the start, but he sweet talked me and charmed me, held my hand at the right times and said just the right things to make me feel like I actually was special to him.

I've finally deleted and blocked just this morning, time to move on with my life.


Alright !!! I was just going to say block that loser!!

Good job on the progress, well handled
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Old 17th March 2019, 3:26 AM   #55
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Alright !!! I was just going to say block that loser!!

Good job on the progress, well handled
It could have been much, much better handled and I should have seen this coming weeks ago. But at least I got here now rather than months down the line when the fade out would have been much harder to cope with By this stage, I'm not that emotionally invested.

Still hurts, but at least I tried!
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Old 18th March 2019, 6:14 AM   #56
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So there is an update.... the saga continues. I received an Email response to my last text to him asking what the hell was going on last week...

It read ''The thing is, I like you a lot. I'm scared of getting attached to someone and then losing them. A lot of people that meant a lot to me F***ed me up big time in my life and made me the person I am now. Not to mention I have a lot on my mind anyway at the moment. I am crap at replying, especially to the people I care about which is selfish and wrong. But I don't want you to F*** off at all, please don't say that'

Now I don't know HOW to react or what to even say. Is this him trying to keep me on the hook, OR have I just been a bad person in all of this?
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Old 18th March 2019, 9:06 AM   #57
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Breadcrumbs.

If you reply, you'll only keep yourself on the hook. He's emotionally manipulating you (consciously or not) into feeling sorry for him and, therefore, "hanging in there."

I call BS. You want to be a partner, not a therapist.

Don't settle for breadcrumbs when what you need/want is the entire sandwich.
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Old 18th March 2019, 9:14 AM   #58
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Breadcrumbs.

If you reply, you'll only keep yourself on the hook. He's emotionally manipulating you (consciously or not) into feeling sorry for him and, therefore, "hanging in there."

I call BS. You want to be a partner, not a therapist.

Don't settle for breadcrumbs when what you need/want is the entire sandwich.
I have not responded, and he had to look up my Email as I have his number blocked. I am too busy to be playing this game with him for another week. We choose our drama, and it seems he thrives on it.

I wonder if I will get any more of these going forward
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Old 18th March 2019, 11:41 AM   #59
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So there is an update.... the saga continues. I received an Email response to my last text to him asking what the hell was going on last week...

It read ''The thing is, I like you a lot. I'm scared of getting attached to someone and then losing them. A lot of people that meant a lot to me F***ed me up big time in my life and made me the person I am now. Not to mention I have a lot on my mind anyway at the moment. I am crap at replying, especially to the people I care about which is selfish and wrong. But I don't want you to F*** off at all, please don't say that'

Now I don't know HOW to react or what to even say. Is this him trying to keep me on the hook, OR have I just been a bad person in all of this?
Damn, knowing me I would reply because Iím weak AF when it comes to guys I really like. But I would probably tell him that you donít have time for people who come in an out of your life. If he likes you so much why ignore you? That makes no sense. His excuses are stupid heís sabotaging and pushing himself away by playing these stupid games. Idk girl this is your call.
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Old 18th March 2019, 12:30 PM   #60
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Damn, knowing me I would reply because Iím weak AF when it comes to guys I really like. But I would probably tell him that you donít have time for people who come in an out of your life. If he likes you so much why ignore you? That makes no sense. His excuses are stupid heís sabotaging and pushing himself away by playing these stupid games. Idk girl this is your call.
I don't know what to do for the best at this point. He seems sincere, but do I really want this constant battle. How he ever gonna find anyone if he cannot stop comparing people to his past? Im not his ex or whoever hurt him - and I think maybe that is something he needs to address.

I will respond when I have a chance and maybe extend the hand of friendship for now, and tell him more or less what I just said. I like him, but he needs to sort himself out before he can be with me or anyone else . . .

What an absolute sh*tshow this has all turned out to be!
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