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Date in hospital/after hospital


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Old 25th January 2019, 3:44 PM   #1
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Date in hospital/after hospital

So some background.

I worked with my boyfriend and we have a policy where same office relationships. I left and we came out as dating. We've been happily dating for a year now.

We both work in IT and we travel all over the world to see our users. I was in Dubai and I got a call from his work, He is under medical investigation because he gets shooting pain to his brain and it is like he has a brain spasm and he goes into a fit. He was in the office and had a major fit he fell and hit his head. He was rushed to hospital and I try getting a flight back to the UK but my company won't pay because we are not married.

I get back and he has been in hospital. I've been visiting when I can. My employer sent me to another office. My boyfriend hasn't had many visitors nor has my Irish charm (As he calls it) cheered him up.

Now I have an idea to cheer him up and I just want other peoples input. He has been in for 2 weeks because he keeps fitting quite badly and they can't get a mix of medication to calm it down and he said he wants to take me to our favourite restaurant and that will cheer him up. Its on deliveroo. So my idea (I'd get permission off the nurses) was to order what he would like from there as a surprise, get it delivered to the hospital and I'll get one of those NHS TV cards and have like a restaurant meal in the hospital whilst watching rubbish tv together. Just a different sort of date to try and cheer him up. Or is it a bad idea?

After the hospital he is going to need someone to look after him. I stay over a few nights a week already and he stays at mine. So I was just thinking of just staying over to look after him and if he has an attack he has someone there, I will discuss it with him or is it a silly idea and don't bother talking to him about it?

We've also planned to go see my parents in Ireland, I'm thinking its best to cancel it because of whats happened or should I leave it booked and let my boyfriend decide if he wants to go?
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Old 25th January 2019, 4:08 PM   #2
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The delivery to the hospital sounds very thoughtful.

So does the helping him once he is discharged.

As for the trip, do you have insurance on it? Can you get a refund? It may be best to see how his health plays out with that one.
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Old 25th January 2019, 4:19 PM   #3
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The food is of course subject to doctor's orders. Do not bring in food that will make things worse but you are on the right track. Your presence alone is the best medicine.

Flying will also be subject to what his doctors say so hold off on that trip.
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Old 25th January 2019, 4:26 PM   #4
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The delivery to the hospital sounds very thoughtful.

So does the helping him once he is discharged.

As for the trip, do you have insurance on it? Can you get a refund? It may be best to see how his health plays out with that one.
Its just flights as we were going to stay at my parents in Ireland. We both have insurance but they are Aer Lingus flex fares so we should get a refund if not I'll ring our insuance and claim.
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Old 25th January 2019, 4:36 PM   #5
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The food is of course subject to doctor's orders. Do not bring in food that will make things worse but you are on the right track. Your presence alone is the best medicine.

Flying will also be subject to what his doctors say so hold off on that trip.
Generally the nurses in the hospital don't mind outside food, Food serviced in an NHS hospital generally isn't the best.

I'll of course get permission before arranging a deliveroo. I wish I could stay with him.
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Old 25th January 2019, 4:38 PM   #6
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It's not a matter of them minding. It's a matter of some food being contraindicated medially due to his condition.
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Old 25th January 2019, 4:45 PM   #7
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It's not a matter of them minding. It's a matter of some food being contraindicated medially due to his condition.
I'll of course get permission

I guess its normal that I feel helpless and scared when he has an attack. I feel so helpless. I don't know what to do.

Sometimes he doesn't remember anything for a few minutes after, sometimes forgets who I am I have cried a few times.
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Old 25th January 2019, 4:48 PM   #8
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It sounds great, but don't be hurt if it doesn't work out on his end. He may have one of those fits right before or during, and end up not being up for the TV watching. I am sure he will greatly appreciate the gesture.
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Old 25th January 2019, 4:53 PM   #9
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It's terribly scary. Just be there. Pray if you are so inclined.
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Old 25th January 2019, 4:58 PM   #10
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First, I hope he gets some answers! That sounds just awful .

I like your date idea. It is super thoughtful, as is you offering to stay with him upon his return home.

As far as the trip, I'd leave that up to him.

You sound like a very caring girlfriend. He's a lucky guy.
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Old 25th January 2019, 5:33 PM   #11
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It sounds great, but don't be hurt if it doesn't work out on his end. He may have one of those fits right before or during, and end up not being up for the TV watching. I am sure he will greatly appreciate the gesture.
I get that, I just want him to know that I don't care that he is ill and we can still have fun even if his medical condition takes over. If we do get some tv watching in and he falls asleep I'll just sit there and watch tv for a bit holding his hand, so he knows someone is there.

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It's terribly scary. Just be there. Pray if you are so inclined.
I have said many prayers

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First, I hope he gets some answers! That sounds just awful .

I like your date idea. It is super thoughtful, as is you offering to stay with him upon his return home.

As far as the trip, I'd leave that up to him.

You sound like a very caring girlfriend. He's a lucky guy.
Me too. He is such a nice and thoughtful guy. Our third date I kind of forgot about being back home in Ireland (Double booked!) and he got on the next flight he could to come and see me. If anyone needs answers its him. I try and be thoughtful. Although I'm a bad girlfriend for agreeing to go out to Dubai when I could have tried to do the work remotely.

I'm the lucky girlfriend to have him. One night I was at the hospital he had 4 fits after each other, he come round and he was sleepy. He gave me some money and said go to the cafe and get something to eat and don't worry about me. After everything he had been through his first thought was to look out for me.

Someone from back home text this to me

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He is only going to get worse. What about when he finally loses his memory and the plot and you are stuck with wiping his bum? You should walk now. Keep the happy memories and cherish what you have. He won't mind.
Needless to say they are no longer a friend of mine. Its genuinely upset me this message. I couldn't just leave him, I'm sure he thinks "Whats going on?" after an attack so me going will destroy him.


Ive got another idea I've got this teddy bear. I bought it as a memory of home. Its been everywhere with me when I've travelled (Even when I stay at his I bring it with me). I was thinking of spraying it with my perfume and leaving it with him in the hospital so a bit of me is always with him. Tell me if it sounds silly but I feel if he does love all memory I hope the smell will make him think of me or remember me.
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Old 25th January 2019, 5:39 PM   #12
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Good idea ... as long as you realize he may not be up for it ... and you're ready to shift and be OK if he's not.

Look, I've visited way too many family members in the hospital ... for many conditions ... Just show up! ... You don't need to "cheer him up."

In fact cheering him up ... can miss the boat. He might have a scary condition and for a scary condition, it's fine to be frightened. And you don't want to try to fix his mood if he's frightened. Instead, you just want to comfort him.

Just be there ... your regular self ... tell stories about work ... stroke his hair ... comb his hair ... look for something to make him comfortable ... go get the nurses when he needs something ... Literally you just being there is the special treat.
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Old 25th January 2019, 5:46 PM   #13
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What the hell!! Your friend sounds so insensitive! Good riddance!!

The teddy bear might be a good idea, but I'd refrain from spraying it with perfume given the nature of his illness. It could trigger a fit if this is anything at all like migraines.
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Old 25th January 2019, 5:58 PM   #14
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Food for thought....my friend's husband (who is in his thirties) was diagnosed with this last year. Came on suddenly and was debilitating for a while. https://www.columbiaspine.org/condit...l-hypotension/
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Old 25th January 2019, 6:03 PM   #15
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Good idea ... as long as you realize he may not be up for it ... and you're ready to shift and be OK if he's not.

Look, I've visited way too many family members in the hospital ... for many conditions ... Just show up! ... You don't need to "cheer him up."

In fact cheering him up ... can miss the boat. He might have a scary condition and for a scary condition, it's fine to be frightened. And you don't want to try to fix his mood if he's frightened. Instead, you just want to comfort him.

Just be there ... your regular self ... tell stories about work ... stroke his hair ... comb his hair ... look for something to make him comfortable ... go get the nurses when he needs something ... Literally you just being there is the special treat.
As we both work in IT, Ive ran problem issues past him and he's come out with solutions. We talk about our days and its nice we can talk technical and understand each other. When I'm telling him off for something he says "When you are CCIE or higher I'll listen until then Miss CCNA" its a joke we have based on qualifications we have.

He loves his commercial planes. When I get there he has a website with all the planes flying on it. I want to hear more about it and hold a conversation, So I joined one of the local airport groups to get pointers. but they just confused me with science. There's also pictures of him at some plane museum in Holland and talks about the jumbo there. I'm going to try and get him to tell me more. I feel if he can nerd out a bit about planes it might bring some normality.
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