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Heís still all on his exís social media. Should I be worried?


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Old 7th December 2017, 9:05 AM   #1
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Heís still all on his exís social media. Should I be worried?

Let me preface this by saying I hate social media.

I just got back into the dating world after taking some time to work on myself after some crappy dating experiences. Iím pretty rusty after all this time.

A good friend of mine set me up with her SOís buddy. We met about 1.5 months ago. We seem to be hitting it off. The issue is, upon finding out, my friend told me he likes about every other picture his ex has posted. They broke up in early October. I do know she broke up with him and shortly tried to reconcile, he said no, but then later told her he was struggling with the breakup and she said she was too. Also, they had also discussed marriage.

Iím trying to tell myself itís just him liking the content. Heíll like his other exís pictures too, but sheís from years ago. Heíll even like pictures of old flings that didnít work out, so maybe heís just weird?

It wasnít until recently that my friendís SO really spilled the beans about their breakup- none of which my friend knew prior to setting me up. So apparently after he turned her away he was blowing up her phone saying stuff like the breakup really messed with him, how he wanted to stay but couldnít. Then a little later the Iím having a hard time message followed. Also, my friend is under the impression that he tried to make her jealous (I donít agree). He snapped a video of his food and then showed the girl he was on a date then posted it on social media. This was a few weeks after telling her that he was struggling. Not quite sure showing off your date on social media means you're trying to make someone jealous though.

Anyway, she said she was hurt but loved him enough to be happy for him to be moving on. He replied with a question mark, and she said your video that you posted. He told her how he loved her very much but they just argued a lot. Then sent her another message saying itís not wise to give out information about what may or may not be going on his dating life. She said she wasnít asking but wished him all the best. He then liked her picture a few days later and I was told he was looking at her social media. This happened in November. Heís still liking her stuff now.

Either way should I be worried? Iím fairly interested, but itís more so I just donít want to get burned again. I just donít want to potentially invest in something down the line if there may be a red flag.
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Old 7th December 2017, 9:23 AM   #2
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You should be very worried. He and his ex have only been broken up like a month and a half and it's clear they still want each other.
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Old 7th December 2017, 10:36 AM   #3
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Yeah, I'd step away from this one. Too much drama. Break up was too recent. Sometimes it's okay to date someone recently broken up but only if it was a clean break with no lingering feelings or contact. I met my OH 2/3 weeks after breaking up with my ex but I knew I was done. The residual feelings were almost done, and we were NC and moving on with our lives. If I met a guy like this and he clearly had unfinished business with an ex I wouldn't waste my time. He's not exactly trying to impress you or put his best food forward here, is he?
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Old 7th December 2017, 11:14 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
You should be very worried. He and his ex have only been broken up like a month and a half and it's clear they still want each other.
How does he still want her? He didnít want to reconcile and told her its not smart to give out info on his dating life. Doesnít that sound like heís over it?
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Old 7th December 2017, 11:19 AM   #5
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My initial thought right off is your the rebound person.
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Old 7th December 2017, 11:22 AM   #6
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My initial thought right off is your the rebound person.
Hmmm, why? Because of how recent the breakup is?
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Old 7th December 2017, 11:34 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by zawadi16 View Post
We met about 1.5 months ago. We seem to be hitting it off. The issue is, upon finding out, my friend told me he likes about every other picture his ex has posted. They broke up in early October.
that would make it mid-October when you met.

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I do know she broke up with him and shortly tried to reconcile, he said no, but then later told her he was struggling with the breakup and she said she was too. Also, they had also discussed marriage.
He's not ready to be in a serous dating relationship and you should only deal with him on a very surface, casual level and not let anything like your feelings get caught up in this. He'd just broken up with her and he's waivering on that decision. I'm sure your friend meant well, but she did both of you a disservice by meddling where she had no business. He's not emotionally available for you--it's just too soon and he hasn't resolved and disposed of his feelings for his girlfriend.

I'd keep myself so in check as to not even try to project anything except platonic friendship in his direction. You're only going to end up hurting yourself by trying to extract romance from someone who is still fragmented over someone else and is wrestling with wanting to get back with her (and she him). Just stop.
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Old 7th December 2017, 11:38 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by zawadi16 View Post
Hmmm, why? Because of how recent the breakup is?
Yes because a week of being broken up before he met you is nothing in continuum of how much time he needs to spend on his own before he is emotionally clear to be with someone new.

So yes, you're rebound girl who is keeping him from being lonely for his ex while he's telling his ex he's struggling with his feelings for her.

How long were they dating one another? If they were dating longer than a year then yeah, it's too soon for him to be completely over her and clear in his feelings so that he can move forward with no emotional impediments.
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Old 7th December 2017, 11:40 AM   #9
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OK so I read the first paragraph......you need to move on and don't look back. This by no means is a healthy situation. This guy isn't ready to be dating.....let it be someone else's problem.
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Old 7th December 2017, 11:40 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by zawadi16 View Post
How does he still want her? He didn’t want to reconcile and told her its not smart to give out info on his dating life. Doesn’t that sound like he’s over it?
Ask yourself this: wouldn't the clear sign of being done with someone would be to block them on all social media and to quit talking to them on all social platforms? He's not doing that--he's found a way to stay attached to her and she him. This might be a twisted foreplay between them, especially if he's taunting her with pics of him out with other girls. If he's truly over and done with her emotionally, why would he be spending any time sending her pictures instead of focusing on that girl 100%?

you say she broke up with him, so he's not the one who initiated this. If it was up to him, they'd still be together.

Yeah--leave him alone. You'll survive Christmas and New Years in a better frame of mind if you do.
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Old 7th December 2017, 12:06 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
Ask yourself this: wouldn't the clear sign of being done with someone would be to block them on all social media and to quit talking to them on all social platforms? He's not doing that--he's found a way to stay attached to her and she him. This might be a twisted foreplay between them, especially if he's taunting her with pics of him out with other girls. If he's truly over and done with her emotionally, why would he be spending any time sending her pictures instead of focusing on that girl 100%?

you say she broke up with him, so he's not the one who initiated this. If it was up to him, they'd still be together.

Yeah--leave him alone. You'll survive Christmas and New Years in a better frame of mind if you do.
Not true, the ex tried to come back and he said no. Maybe I don’t get social media, but why doesn’t it seem like he moved on if he posted that other girl, not that he’s taunting the ex?

Either way OP just casually date. This early in the game that’s what you should be doing anyways.

Last edited by LenaBean94; 7th December 2017 at 12:16 PM..
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Old 7th December 2017, 12:24 PM   #12
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Not true, the ex tried to come back and he said no.
You didn't read the rest of what she wrote:

Quote:
she said she was hurt but loved him enough to be happy for him to be moving on. He replied with a question mark, and she said your video that you posted. He told her how he loved her very much but they just argued a lot. Then sent her another message saying itís not wise to give out information about what may or may not be going on his dating life. She said she wasnít asking but wished him all the best. He then liked her picture a few days later and I was told he was looking at her social media. This happened in November. Heís still liking her stuff now.
When I'm done with someone, I go NC. I don't gameplay by posting anything on social media for it to get back to them. I don't go liking their pictures. 2 months post break up, I'm not your friend in any way, shape or form, if you're the one who ended it.

I don't go look at their social media--in fact, I block them on everything. I leave no path of return to them or for me because I'm done.

Dude isn't doing that. He's still got hooks in and why shouldn't he? He's only been broken up with her for 8 weeks, which is a bit soon to be out on the prowl for someone new--the fact that he met OP 2 weeks after breaking up means he truly wasn't ready to move on, especially if it wasn't him who did the dumping.

Dumped people, by and large, don't get over being dumped in 2 weeks time. They're still reeling from being blindsided. We only have OP's word that he got over it, not his, because she's got a dog in this hunt.

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Maybe I donít get social media, but why doesnít it seem like he moved on if he posted that other girl, not that heís taunting the ex?
Quote:
Also, my friend is under the impression that he tried to make her jealous (I donít agree). He snapped a video of his food and then showed the girl he was on a date then posted it on social media.
OP doesn't have to agree (because it's not in her interests right now to agree with it)for it to be true because human nature doesn't change. Because clearly, he knew his ex hasn't blocked him on social media and he didn't block her from seeing his stuff, so he knew on some level she would see it.
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Old 7th December 2017, 12:52 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
You didn't read the rest of what she wrote:



When I'm done with someone, I go NC. I don't gameplay by posting anything on social media for it to get back to them. I don't go liking their pictures. 2 months post break up, I'm not your friend in any way, shape or form, if you're the one who ended it.

I don't go look at their social media--in fact, I block them on everything. I leave no path of return to them or for me because I'm done.

Dude isn't doing that. He's still got hooks in and why shouldn't he? He's only been broken up with her for 8 weeks, which is a bit soon to be out on the prowl for someone new--the fact that he met OP 2 weeks after breaking up means he truly wasn't ready to move on, especially if it wasn't him who did the dumping.

Dumped people, by and large, don't get over being dumped in 2 weeks time. They're still reeling from being blindsided. We only have OP's word that he got over it, not his, because she's got a dog in this hunt.





OP doesn't have to agree (because it's not in her interests right now to agree with it)for it to be true because human nature doesn't change. Because clearly, he knew his ex hasn't blocked him on social media and he didn't block her from seeing his stuff, so he knew on some level she would see it.
Thanks for breaking this down. Question; do you think it matters that he said I loved you very much in past tense?
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Old 7th December 2017, 1:19 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by zawadi16 View Post
Thanks for breaking this down. Question; do you think it matters that he said I loved you very much in past tense?
No.

What matters is that he's still talking to her and he's still keeping connected to her.

Had it been six months that transpired between the break up and him saying this, I'd think differently.

As I said: a person who is emotionally done doesn't keep an emotional connection nor do they seek them out on social media to let them know they're still connected by liking pictures, which they know the other person will see. What other point is there to liking something other than to let the person know you like something they posted? That's keeping connected. It's just as easy to look at it and keep scrolling without clicking the thumbs up or heart icon.

Last edited by kendahke; 7th December 2017 at 1:29 PM..
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Old 7th December 2017, 3:17 PM   #15
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How does he still want her? He didnít want to reconcile and told her its not smart to give out info on his dating life. Doesnít that sound like heís over it?
No, not even close to being over it.

He said that stuff because him making her jealous backfired so he was being an a$$. He was hoping for conversation when he replied back to her AND sent her another message.

Bottom line is he still wants to be with her.
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