Boyfriend emabrrassed by nothing, gross behavior.

[McConaughey]

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 21, we've been together for 2 years and live together while I attend college. He's always had a lot of rather nasty habits? He's always been a pretty smug guy and kind of an "*******" type personality, though he's a sweetie to me. The reason I explain that is because when I confront him about his habits he just laughs about it and finds it funny but ugh I'm tired of it.

Issue one is his obsession with always having his hands down his pants, whether he's actually doing anything I don't know but his hand is either on his crotch or in his pants. Which wouldn't be a problem, except he does it in public and just doesn't care the looks he gets for it!

Issue two in not even sure he can help? He has the highest sex drive of anybody I've ever met. Going through his "rituals" every morning, afternoon, and before bed and watching porn like it's just a normal show in the middle of the living room. He also dreams about sex every night and either makes a mess or wakes me up, I literally have a pillow between us so he doesn't get anything on me ! And he's so loud in his sleep and his dreams and moves around so much I can't sleep at night. I wash the sheets every morning!

And nothing embarrasses him, it doesn't matter if he stinks, has a stain on his shirt, gets turned on in public (which happens far too often the darn horn dog * *) absolutely nothing brings shame to him.

I really don't know what to do, I love him with everything but I'm losing sleep and I am sick of his behavior!

[CarrieT]

Welcome to the world of moving in with someone too early and too young.

 

I'm sorry, but you are living with a man/child who is more childish than manly. Your love isn't enough to change him and - frankly - he is still more of an adolescent than adult. I predict it will be years before he breaks through from this type of behavior.

 

You can either accept it or see that there is much better out there and that you would probably be best on your own for a few years....

[basil67]

People only change if they want to change. And your boyfriend with his smug attitude clearly does not want to change.

 

This is who he is - and it's who he will continue to be for a very long time.

[morrowrd]

You are missing out on a real relationship. Your hmmmm "boyfriend" uses you as a sex machine. A real man would make you feel so much different, why are you even asking advice for something you already know the answer to?

 

Extract yourself from this selfish unhealthy (sick) relationship and find the real thing.

In a healthy relationship there is romance, fun, respect, security, safety, affection/s, (I can expand this list)

 

You are wasting yourself, and your time.

[McConaughey]

Oh there's absolutely nothing missing from our relationship, the romance and respect is definitely not the problem! It's just the little extras that bother me some.

And as for being a sex machine I think you may have misunderstood me. We only get intimate four or so times a month (which I assume should be enough, I'm not big on sex as I finish way too easy and quick and just wanna sleep lol!) He is pretty good at handling his needs himself, so I guess it should be none of my concern how often he needs it.

My real only "issue" is him often being ill-mannered, the constant dreaming and waking me up (Not intentional waking me up, just from the moving and sounds) His lack of embarrassment from obviously embarrassing things, and my inability to understand how someone can have such a high drive. Thank you though!

 

Then again looking back maybe I'm more of ranting than actually asking for help?

Edited August 14, 2016 by McConaughey
Self acknowledgment

[Poppyolive]

Yea, I think you're ranting. I think because of his age, and his comforts of being & living with you it's not going to change anytime soon. I hope you get him to wash the sheets too, right? If you're out in public, can you tell him he's embarrassing you? What does he do/say?

.sounds like this kid needs to grow up. I hope you don't do everything for him?

[BaileyB]

Something is off here if you have sex four times a month but his behavior indicates that he has a very high sex drive. It makes me worry about the compatibility of your relationship.

 

Listen to Carrie and basil - they are older have have much more experience. He sounds like an immature boy and his behavior will not change if he is not motivated for it to change.

 

I definitely think you are young and have much to learn about a mature, respectful relationship. Good luck to you though.

[Redhead14]

He's young and dumb and full of . . . you two are babies and have no business playing house. Focus on your studies and move on from this one. You will grow to resent all this, trust me. It's already wearing on you or else you wouldn't be here . . .

 

Imagine the future, nice dinner party, friends and family gathered, Little Jr. walks out to the yard and his father says "hey, son, pull my finger!".

[seeingthisguy]

Please break up with this boy. Seriously; he's a BOY, not a man. I actually look forward to when you do start dating the latter - for your own sake You're wearing the pajama pants of the boyfriend world (...and wearing them in public!) - time to put some jeans on

[longjohn]

He's young and immature in particular. There's one way to fix the issues your having and that's to move out or kick him out. At 21 he really should be trying harder to be a man and less of a teenage boy trying to impress his immature friends. I hate to say it but we all have to grow up at some point. There's always a time/place to have a laugh. At your ages and I hate to say this it's not "if" you breakup it's when more so with his attitude. Some guys never grow up, some up us take a bit more time than others. Think about it like this how nice will it be to see him act out like a teenager as a 40 something year old with a gut two kids and mortgage

[basil67]

And as for being a sex machine I think you may have misunderstood me. We only get intimate four or so times a month (which I assume should be enough, I'm not big on sex as I finish way too easy and quick and just wanna sleep lol!) He is pretty good at handling his needs himself, so I guess it should be none of my concern how often he needs it.

 

I too am concerned at this.

 

"I'm not big on sex as a I finish way too easy and quick" doesn't make sense. It makes sense that someone who struggles to enjoy sex wouldn't want it, but if you find sex easy, why don't you enjoy it?

 

Is he happy with only having sex with you once a week?

[Zapbasket]

Omg, seriously? This whole scenario = GROSS.

 

The dude is a pig. People ban their DOGS from the family room when the dogs lie there licking a big hard-on. Porn isn't a thing you watch out in the open and you don't cum all over shared sheets and then not wash them. I'm so grossed out on your behalf that I can barely form a sentence, let alone finish eating the bowl of fruit I just prepared.

 

Please do yourself a favor and let this dude either continue being a pig (and many people do) or learn on his own that this is all just...foul and no one, man or woman, will put up with that sh*t.

 

The fact that he's arrogant explains a lot about why at age 21 he is still this way. And the fact that he's arrogant is why he most likely will be 31 and still like this, and 41, 51, 61...you get the picture.

[McConaughey]

I too am concerned at this.

 

"I'm not big on sex as a I finish way too easy and quick" doesn't make sense. It makes sense that someone who struggles to enjoy sex wouldn't want it, but if you find sex easy, why don't you enjoy it?

 

Is he happy with only having sex with you once a week?

He would certainly like to be intimate a bit more often, and sadly I don't think I am very good in bed. There's a lot of pain involved just due to him being over six foot five and me being just about five foot two. And that I may only last five minutes where he can go for forty. I also don't really enjoy a climax? It's just too strong and rattling for me. He of course respects this to all end and has never pushed for more, this is why I try to put up with his ill behavior the best I can.

[JoeSmith357-1]

I don't understand why you moved in with him.

 

He has an obviously HIGH sex drive, you don't. He is apparently fine with jerking off a lot to satisfy his own needs.

 

I don't understand how someone (you, the OP) can have such low sex drive. You are in your early 20's and only want to have sex once a week, with someone who is obviously willing to supply. You complain about coming too quickly (?!?).

 

This just does not add up. But it's obvious you are not sexually compatible, and probably need to break up.

 

As a guy, and looking at the behavior of an early 20 something dude, the only thing I really see an issue with here is his grabbing his crotch in public.

 

Him jerking off all the time is probably his subtle message to you to jump on his cock. Which, is not the type of way I would go about doing this, but then again, I would not be living with someone who just put out once a week...

[Lorenza]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think she's saying that he (or his cock) is too big for her and sex isn't comfortable which discourages her?

 

Besides, I would be extremely turned off by seeing him splash his juices all over the house and watch porn all the time. OP is only 19, maybe her mind is still on other things in life. At her age I wasn't interested in sex at all.

 

You two are incompatible and too young for a common household, as others said. Being the horn dog he is, I'm pretty sure your bf will want to explore other options sooner or later so it won't last anyway.

[BaileyB]

 

Besides, I would be extremely turned off by seeing him splash his juices all over the house and watch porn all the time. OP is only 19, maybe her mind is still on other things in life. At her age I wasn't interested in sex at all.

 

You two are incompatible and too young for a common household, as others said. Being the horn dog he is, I'm pretty sure your bf will want to explore other options sooner or later so it won't last anyway.

 

I agree. There is so much more to life. You are so young, you just don't know this yet OP.

[JoeSmith357-1]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think she's saying that he (or his cock) is too big for her and sex isn't comfortable which discourages her?

 

Besides, I would be extremely turned off by seeing him splash his juices all over the house and watch porn all the time. OP is only 19, maybe her mind is still on other things in life. At her age I wasn't interested in sex at all.

 

You two are incompatible and too young for a common household, as others said. Being the horn dog he is, I'm pretty sure your bf will want to explore other options sooner or later so it won't last anyway.

 

Look, I get that it's not cool for him to be jerking off on her, not cleaning up. But at 19, having the sexual desire for no more than once a week is going to limit her options. That seems really low for that age. Her current BF is way on the other end of that scale.

 

They are sexually incompatible, I think we all agree that.

[Els]

He walks around in public with his hands down his pants all the time????? Better ditch him before you witness him getting arrested.

[JoeSmith357-1]

He walks around in public with his hands down his pants all the time????? Better ditch him before you witness him getting arrested.

 

Come one, gross, tactless, juvenile... but probably not illegal.

 

I don't think the OP said he was jerking it in public, just grabbing it.

[Lorenza]

Look, I get that it's not cool for him to be jerking off on her, not cleaning up. But at 19, having the sexual desire for no more than once a week is going to limit her options. That seems really low for that age. Her current BF is way on the other end of that scale.

 

They are sexually incompatible, I think we all agree that.

 

Lol, many girls aren't even ready to start having a sex life at 19. Women reach their sexual peak waaay later than men and I've got articles and statistics to back up what I just wrote. So it's completely normal for OP to not be that much into sex. She's going to college, studying, I'm assuming she has started living independently not that long ago. Sure there are 19 y o girls fully enjoying sex but vice versa is not that uncommon at all.

As I said, at 19 sex didn't thrill me at all and my girlfriends were pretty much the same. So please don't misinform OP that she's not normal.

[ChickiePops]

Come one, gross, tactless, juvenile... but probably not illegal.

 

I don't think the OP said he was jerking it in public, just grabbing it.

 

Oh it's very illegal if he's standing near a child.

 

OP this behavior sounds almost compulsive. Has he seen a doctor about it?

[O'Malley]

People in early-twenties relationships often mature incompatibly. If you used to ignore his behavior but now it's increasingly making you feel embarrassed, it might be that you're noticing the overall differences in character between you two.

[McConaughey]

Oh it's very illegal if he's standing near a child.

 

OP this behavior sounds almost compulsive. Has he seen a doctor about it?

 

I set him up with a meeting with my universities counselor to discuss the issue I wrote about here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/591455-delusional-bf-not-coping-well

I could bring this up if you really see that it could be compulsive?

 

As for us not being sexually compatible, I do agree on that and we've been trying to experiment with other ways of being intimate without him ripping me in half or finishing me in twenty seconds flat. Luckily he is very patient!

 

I don't think my low sex drive is too odd? I enjoy being sexy and flirty but again, ouch. And I find it embarrassing always yelling at him to stop and wait twenty seconds before he can do anything again. I wish I enjoyed it more, it's just not my thing

[Gaeta]

NO amounts of sweetness would have me put up with this behavior.

 

His hands down his pants in public places?? how old is he!! 2 years old and discovering his body!!

 

He is disgusting, and if you think this is cute wait till he is 30 and 40 and 50 and you still see him with his hands down his pants at grocery store, see if it's still cute.

 

He acts like a football player who's had too many hits on the head and is left with 1 brain cell. I bet he thinks crushing empty beer can on his head is funny.

[McConaughey]

Oh it's very illegal if he's standing near a child.

 

OP this behavior sounds almost compulsive. Has he seen a doctor about it?

 

I tried to respond to this but the site said I had t wait 24-48 hours or something???