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Consolidated discussion - Online dating


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 15th July 2012, 12:28 AM   #1
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Consolidated discussion - Online dating

Moderator note:
Since OLD (online dating) is a generally hot topic in the dating forum, I'm consolidating the discussion into one master thread, subject to closing and renewing periodically.

When posting, be aware that naming dating sites, linking to dating sites and/or using the verbiage <online dating> can get one caught by the forum's automated moderation software and one's post won't appear until approved by a moderator. Unless you're a spammer, we approve them as quickly as we see them, generally within one to 12 hours of posting time.

To start, I'll be merging some recent threads into this one. Take it from there.

William


I've tried online dating for a while now. I haven't been on many dates during the past year, just didn't like the guys much and didn't trust most. After various unpleasant experiences, I am coming to the conclusion that there are only a minority of decent guys online. Most of the guys drag sex into the conversation from message 2. Most don't seem to want to know the real person, just whether I'll meet or not (when I hardly know them). There are plenty of decidedly weird guys online and I've had unpleasant experiences with some of the few I've met, basically concerning whether they were telling me the truth about their backgrounds and previous relationships. A friend had a scary experience of abuse after meeting a guy online. He was OK initially. Who knows what his true background was? People can move about and hide their backgrounds online. It's true that these guys could be anybody and how can you tell they are decent?

The guys I meet socially just don't behave like these guys online. They are better mannered and kinder. They seem interested in me not just sex. They are literate and intelligent. I might not feel attracted to them but that's a different issue. The guys online are self-selecting to a degree. Is it just that guys online behave differently because they can or are the majority really more dodgy than those one meets naturally in the outside world?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 25th June 2013 at 4:36 PM.. Reason: Add consolidation announcement
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Old 15th July 2012, 12:42 AM   #2
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The question begs to be asked...what kinds of guys are you picking to correspond with online...?
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Old 15th July 2012, 12:45 AM   #3
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Consolidated - Online dating discussion

I don't get it. I created an account on one of the free sites about a month ago with 4 or 5 nice pictures (everybody says I am very handsome) and a well written profile that I showed to 4 or 5 people (who all said it was fine) and I haven't gotten 1 response to 13 sent messages by me. This is just simply unbelievable. I'm not sending anything sexual either, I would actually like to meet somebody nice - I have no problem getting laid in my personal life. I'm just engaging the ladies in regular conversation


How does online dating work? Do the top 1% of guys get 90% of the women while everybody else gets nothing? What is it that women are looking for?


For god's sake, I used to message girls on Myspace way back in the day and got a way better response rate than this

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Old 15th July 2012, 1:02 AM   #4
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I'm willing to bet most of the men you meet socially are also online. I don't know why so many people believe dating was easy and everyone met their future spouse and lived happily ever after in the days before internet dating. People are people.
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Old 15th July 2012, 1:46 AM   #5
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Basically... but not exactly. Its more like the top 10% of men get 80% of the women. Still pretty crappy.

The bottom line is most women on dating sites are overly picky to start. That's why they are on a dating site in the first place. Clearly they are rejecting all the men they meet in person to find some "superman" online.

Also, a lot of the more attractive women just go on their for fun and attention. They often get 20 messages a day and don't read the majority of them.

Sadly if you want to do well "as a man" with online dating, you're gonna have to lie a little and pretend to me the impossible standard they want. I do ok online but a lot better in person, plus I don't have to lie as much.

Out of 20 messages I send I average 2 replies. Its a numbers game. At one point I was doing cut and paste to save time. I figured, why read all the crap on their profiles just to be ignored anyway? Now I just do very short custom messages. Three to five lines max.

Don't fall into the trap of becoming the dancing clown where you try to tell jokes and be "unique". If anything, seem like you are interested, but not totally won over yet.

The rule of dating sites is: The less you care the better. These sites should not be a primary source of dates for you. I do it for fun, so some of the stuff on my profile is BS. I really have no problem lying to women. Maybe that makes me a jerk. Whatever.


out of those 2 responses you get, how many of them are numbers or dates?


Also are any of the girls you date actually attractive?
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Old 15th July 2012, 1:58 AM   #6
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It's pretty bad, from my experience and most men I know.

The difference in success I experience between online and real life is ridiculously stark and vast.

In real life I can spark attraction with most of the women I target. There's always that small percentage that no matter how charming I am, they're not buying what i'm selling, and that's fine.

But online is like--I'm better off changing my picture to that forever alone meme, you know, the stick figure with the massive, odd shaped, ugly head.

Granted, I don't send out messages rapid fire like some men do to improve their chances. I either 1.) wait to get messaged first (haha, i know right?) or 2.) message a handful of high quality girls

So I don't do as much as I could be doing, but ****, the difference in success compared to real life is scary...and a little sad.
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Old 15th July 2012, 3:19 AM   #7
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and I haven't gotten 1 response to 13 sent messages by me. This is just simply unbelievable.
Nope. That's entirely believable.
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Old 15th July 2012, 3:23 AM   #8
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Nope. That's entirely believable.

not for me, god I don't think I've been rejected 13 times in my entire life
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Old 15th July 2012, 3:38 AM   #9
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Well that's Online dating for ya. Its a numbers game. You just have to message tons of women until you get a response.

I don't take it all that seriously. Don't let it bruise your ego, its stupid. If you can usually attract an 8 in real life, expect 5's and 6's to reject you online. That's just how it works.

But I still managed to pull some attractive women. Just be persistent and don't live or die based on the attention you get from goofs online.

Did you get any 7s or 8s on there? Also are the payed sites a lot better option than the free sites?
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Old 15th July 2012, 4:15 AM   #10
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not for me, god I don't think I've been rejected 13 times in my entire life
In that case you may be better off finding someone face-to-face rather than on the Internet.
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Old 15th July 2012, 4:20 AM   #11
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In that case you may be better off finding someone face-to-face rather than on the Internet.
Not true. Some people are far more appealing online
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Old 15th July 2012, 5:10 AM   #12
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13 messages? Try 130.

Spam is the game when you're talking about online dating. Have a template ready, skim through their profiles, pick out certain keywords, and insert into your message so it looks like you at least looked at their profiles, and send it out. Spending hours writing a Pulitzer winning message won't increase your chances, you are still shooting internet bits into the black hole. So the less time you waste on each message, the better.

I don't do online dating. Some people do have a knack for it. If you do, you'll know, because you'll be getting dates. If not, then don't bother. Online dating is not a male-friendly environment.
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Old 15th July 2012, 8:51 AM   #13
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What are your messages like? For the love of god don't talk about boring rubbish like what the two of you do for a living. Ask at least one question. Make it open ended and about her as a person. "Are you the sort of person that..." is better than "How long have you lived here?"

Also, realise that online dating is to a large extent luck and numbers. Even if you message a girl who would normally be interested, she might not bother replying because she's busy getting to know or has just started dating someone else.

Write to the new profiles. Many of the girls who have been on for months are either really jaded or not actually trying to meet anyone. Newer profiles are more likely to be responsive and to meet up.

Also write to profiles without pictures. You'll get a much higher reply rate, and quite a few of them are actually hot girls who don't want to be judged entirely on their looks.
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Old 15th July 2012, 9:23 AM   #14
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when I did OLD a while ago I didn't use a spam approach. Besides hard facts (geographic proximity, age etc.) I only messaged women who clearly have thought about their profile and where I found really unique and interesting (!) things. I didn't really count and don't have the time to recall the exact numbers. Did this a couple of months, wrote message to roughly 20 profiles, 15 responses in general, 10 mildly interested, 5 dates of those 3 with 3 or more dates. 1 of them was possibly the love of my life (^^) but it didn't work out after all. So yeah, it's a numbers game but I don't see it frustrating. At that time I barely had real life options due to extreme amount of work. So it was ok.
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Old 15th July 2012, 12:24 PM   #15
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Unless your stats are Fabio the 6'7" horsehung dark and handsome self made millionaire you're unlikely to get much female attention though online dating
Hell, in Los Angeles, a guy like that wouldn't even get much female attention IRL.
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