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Pursuing women and persistence


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Old 13th May 2012, 7:32 PM   #1
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Pursuing women and persistence

When I meet new beautiful women and seem to hit it off with them, it seems that usually they are blowing me off in "phone game". If I sense any resistance at all, like she never initiates contact or text with me, I tend to mirror that with my pursuit. Like if she answers the phone and says "I'm in the middle of ____, can I call you back later?" and then she never calls, I usually end the pursuit immediately or back off big time. Or if she flakes on a first date at the last minute. Typical **** that I run into all the time from women who seemed to be really interested when we met. Just generally speaking, signs of disinterest.

One guy on here says that with all his great relationships, things either went really, really smooth from the very beginning or it didn't. The girl never really demonstrated much disinterest at all. I was thinking that was probably a good rule to follow. The problem is, I keep dating women who don't match up with me in the looks department, they're really beneath me in terms of looks. I'm not dating women with beauty levels that I should. Trust me, if I were to show you pictures of me with all the women I've dated over the years, you'd all be like what that F*** is that guy doing with her???

Several times over the last month or so, I've realized that the hottest girl I saw all day was a blonde with a black guy. I see this a lot. I mean SMOKING hot blondes with black men. Don't get me wrong, these black men are usually studs, big muscles, clean cut. It's not like they're undeserving.

That said, most white women I meet, if I ask them, tell me they'd never date a black guy. But then I see these smoking hot women with black men all the time. These women are so hot, they could get any guy they want.

So there's kind of a societal "thing" about white women being looked down on by family and friends if they date interacially

So, here's what I'm assuming: Hot blonde meets hot black guy. Likes him and gives him her phone number. The next day, she starts thinking it over and decides she'd never be able to introduce this guy to family and friends so she's gonna blow him off. But he pursues consistently and persistently. Never giving up. Eventually, he gets the girl because he pursues with persistence. That's what I think is going on. I can't imagine these guys are getting smooth sailing right out of the gate with these super hot women. They've got to be encountering signs of disinterest along the way.

And another thing I'll say about this, is, someone might counter with "Well, maybe these women just like black guys. Maybe these black guys aren't getting signs of disinterest at all." The problem is, almost always, when I see a black guy with a white girl, it's a blonde. Never a red head. Never a brunette. But a blonde. I think that means the black men are selecting these white women and not the other way around.

I look back on the better looking girls I've pursued who showed the slightest sign of disinterest and I ended the pursuit or otherwise backed off and showed less interest myself. In just about every case, I was never able to get the girl. I'm thinking I need to show consistent, persistent interest when they show disinterest.

Any thoughts on this???? I don't intend for this become a racial thread. I am white and my ex-girlfriend is black so please don't call me racist. I even introduced her to my kids and parents.

Last edited by TheSingleGuy; 13th May 2012 at 7:34 PM..
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Old 13th May 2012, 7:35 PM   #2
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When I meet new beautiful women and seem to hit it off with them, it seems that usually they are blowing me off in "phone game". If I sense any resistance at all, like she never initiates contact or text with me, I tend to mirror that with my pursuit. Like if she answers the phone and says "I'm in the middle of ____, can I call you back later?" and then she never calls, I usually end the pursuit immediately or back off big time. Or if she flakes on a first date at the last minute. Typical **** that I run into all the time from women who seemed to be really interested when we met. Just generally speaking, signs of disinterest.

One guy on here says that with all his great relationships, things either went really, really smooth from the very beginning or it didn't. The girl never really demonstrated much disinterest at all. I was thinking that was probably a good rule to follow. The problem is, I keep dating women who don't match up with me in the looks department, they're really beneath me in terms of looks. I'm not dating women with beauty levels that I should. Trust me, if I were to show you pictures of me with all the women I've dated over the years, you'd all be like what that F*** is that guy doing with her???

Several times over the last month or so, I've realized that the hottest girl I saw all day was a blonde with a black guy. I see this a lot. I mean SMOKING hot blondes with black men. Don't get me wrong, these black men are usually studs, big muscles, clean cut. It's not like they're undeserving.

That said, most white women I meet, if I ask them, tell me they'd never date a black guy. But then I see these smoking hot women with black men all the time. These women are so hot, they could get any guy they want.

So there's kind of a societal "thing" about white women being looked down on by family and friends if they date interacially

So, here's what I'm assuming: Hot blonde meets hot black guy. Likes him and gives him her phone number. The next day, she starts thinking it over and decides she'd never be able to introduce this guy to family and friends so she's gonna blow him off. But he pursues consistently and persistently. Never giving up. Eventually, he gets the girl because he pursues with persistence. That's what I think is going on. I can't imagine these guys are getting smooth sailing right out of the gate with these super hot women. They've got to be encountering signs of disinterest along the way.

And another thing I'll say about this, is, someone might counter with "Well, maybe these women just like black guys. Maybe these black guys aren't getting signs of disinterest at all." The problem is, almost always, when I see a black with a white girl, it's a blonde. Never a red head. Never a brunette. But a blonde. I think that means the black men are selecting these white women and not the other way around.

I look back on the better looking girls I've pursued who showed the slightest sign of disinterest and I ended the pursuit or otherwise backed off and showed less interest myself. In just about every case, I was never able to get the girl. I'm thinking I need to show consistent, persistent interest when they show disinterest.

Any thoughts on this???? I don't intend for this become a racial thread. I am white and my ex-girlfriend is black so please don't call me racist. I even introduced her to my kids and parents.
Black and Hispanice men don't fear rejection the way most other men do. This is factual because of the way we're brought up. The fact that we've never been known to hide our sexuality does counts for a big part of our success with women.
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Old 13th May 2012, 7:40 PM   #3
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Maybe I should just start pursuing women to the point of getting "please don't contact me anymore". I've never gotten that from a woman before. I've never been that aggressive. Yes... I do fear rejection. A lot.
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Old 13th May 2012, 7:50 PM   #4
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Maybe I should just start pursuing women to the point of getting "please don't contact me anymore". I've never gotten that from a woman before. I've never been that aggressive. Yes... I do fear rejection. A lot.
Why do you fear it? What does it really mean? The woman in question is a person who doesn't know you or anything about you. She's just rejecting you based on impulse most of the time, depending on where you met her. It's never really personal. They do this all the time.

Like I told another poster before, if you get out there and just approach, without expecting anything in return, like throwing random comments her way, or smirking at her and making brief conversation without asking her for a number, eventually you'll meet a woman that'll give you all the signs that she wants to be asked out because of the confidence you displayed.

It's happened to me so I see no reason why it can't happen for you or so many others.
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Old 13th May 2012, 8:02 PM   #5
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Right or wrong, the most persistent men are the ones who get me to go out with them. For whatever reason, it usually takes a fair amount of convincing for me to go out with a guy. I might have 5-10 guys somewhat interested in me at a particular time, and in whom I might also be interested. The one who is most persistent and regular with his communication is almost certainly going to be the one I go out with.
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Old 13th May 2012, 8:10 PM   #6
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Any thoughts on this???? I don't intend for this become a racial thread. I am white and my ex-girlfriend is black so please don't call me racist. I even introduced her to my kids and parents.
Most of these women you see with black guys are doing it because of the taboo factor. Having a taste of the forbidden fruit and all that (plus, popular culture heavily promoting the idea of interracial dating between black men and white women). I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with "game' on the part of black men. I've seen these types of women in clubs, where they would shut down white guys (even very good looking ones) trying to dance with them yet be very receptive to approaches from black dudes (even NOT very good looking ones..)

As for hot women playing hard to get, unfortunately that comes with the territory. They know that most guys will chase after them, so they don't feel like they need to return your phone calls promptly or initiate anything. It's up to you if you want to play this game....personally I don't, as I find it demeaning. No matter how hot a woman may be, she's not worth compromising your principles.
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Old 13th May 2012, 8:15 PM   #7
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Right or wrong, the most persistent men are the ones who get me to go out with them. For whatever reason, it usually takes a fair amount of convincing for me to go out with a guy. I might have 5-10 guys somewhat interested in me at a particular time, and in whom I might also be interested. The one who is most persistent and regular with his communication is almost certainly going to be the one I go out with.
Your approach to dating ensures that you end up with the bottom of the barrel. The more persistent men tend to be of lower quality. Guys who are popular and have options don't need to chase hard.
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Old 13th May 2012, 8:19 PM   #8
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No matter how hot a woman may be, she's not worth compromising your principles.
This is the best thing I've ever seen you post
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Old 13th May 2012, 8:26 PM   #9
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Meh, I don't really have a thing for blondes . (except Buffy, a long time ago......)

As for persistance, I think there is a certain level of persistance that is slightly more visibly present in black and hispanic guys, especially where I live. But honestly, it's not by much. I, myself, as a black man, have always had anxiety around the issue of girls and only in recent times have I started to overcome this. However, black guys only marginally seem to have an easier time attracting girls of all races, in my own observations of people. There is a taboo factor involved, that cannot be denied.
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Old 13th May 2012, 8:35 PM   #10
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hmm i think it wont be fair to good men out there to be labeled as bottom of the barrel just because they dont play games. its a big big turn off for me if a guy acts like he doesnt give a damn.
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Old 13th May 2012, 8:58 PM   #11
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When I meet new beautiful women and seem to hit it off with them, it seems that usually they are blowing me off in "phone game". If I sense any resistance at all, like she never initiates contact or text with me, I tend to mirror that with my pursuit. Like if she answers the phone and says "I'm in the middle of ____, can I call you back later?" and then she never calls, I usually end the pursuit immediately or back off big time. Or if she flakes on a first date at the last minute. Typical **** that I run into all the time from women who seemed to be really interested when we met. Just generally speaking, signs of disinterest.
This has typically been my pattern. Put my feelers out there and see if I get a bite If not, I back off. I also feel there is a kind of momentum when you first meet someone and flirtatious exchanges take place. That's when you have to act. If that momentum dies, then it is harder to ask her out later.

If you're going to play the "persist" game, I think there are a few ways to go about it. First, don't come across desperate. Keep the persistence humorous, and don't make her feel bad for turning you down. Don't make the constant rejections a federal case. Just kind of blow it off like "oh well doesn't bother me!". If she can see you going out with other women or that you have options in between rejections that will help. Also, if you can get in her social circle and get her friends to flirt with you that will probably help. Then, when you see an opportunity, go for it.

Personally, I've never had it work for me. ha I think to be successful at the pursuit game you have to have a minimal ego. In other words, if being turned down is going to cause you to go insane then don't put yourself through such a risky scenario.

But having been a desperate pursuer in the past I can tell you what doesn't work on hot women. Making her feel bad about rejecting you or making a federal case about it. Women remember how you make them feel. You want her to associate you with good feelings, not guilt or shame. If you can find a way to make the turning down humorous and then find an opportune moment then maybe it will work.

Being an annoying pursuer is interpreted as needy and clingy. Ironically, they want you to be clingy in the relationship, but not beforehand. That's the paradox of women.
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Old 13th May 2012, 9:08 PM   #12
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If you're going to play the "persist" game, I think there are a few ways to go about it. First, don't come across desperate. Keep the persistence humorous, and don't make her feel bad for turning you down. Don't make the constant rejections a federal case. Just kind of blow it off like "oh well doesn't bother me!". If she can see you going out with other women or that you have options in between rejections that will help. Also, if you can get in her social circle and get her friends to flirt with you that will probably help. Then, when you see an opportunity, go for it.

But having been a desperate pursuer in the past I can tell you what doesn't work on hot women. Making her feel bad about rejecting you or making a federal case about it. Women remember how you make them feel. You want her to associate you with good feelings, not guilt or shame. If you can find a way to make the turning down humorous and then find an opportune moment then maybe it will work.
Great advice. And I totally know what you mean. The desperate persistent guy is a huge turn-off - he will resort to being crass, insulting, and harassing to try to get your attention. He's like an annoying mosquito.

But the playful, confident, persistent guy is great. He highlights all the fun you could be having, if only you would melt to his undeniable charm. He's like a fun golden retriever who convinces you to get off the couch and go have some fun at the park.
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Old 14th May 2012, 1:00 AM   #13
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So, Ruby, let me ask you this. You've got 10 guys pursuing you by phone at once. Of those ten guys, I'd assume you could stack rank them in terms of your overall attraction to them, right? So guy 1 is the hottest, guy 2 is the second hottest, so on and so forth.

It sounds like you make these guys wade through a lot of **** in order to get the prize, which is you. So these guys text you and you don't respond, you show disinterest, hoping that this isn't the last you'll hear of him, right? It sounds like it's intentional, almost like you're screening for confidence on some level.

The problem for you, is, the hottest guy has more female options. It stands to reason that he's gonna have other women who are easier to get. If/when the hottest guy completely stops pursuing you, do you feel rejected on some level? After a number of days go by, do you find yourself initiating contact with him?

I see this happen with me all the time. Women always tell me I'm hot, sexy and handsome, etc. So I get disinterest from a girl I'm pursuing and I stop pursuing. A week later, she's texting me. I try to get something going again but then it usually fizzles out. Maybe one of those nine guys is beating me to the circle of trust? All I know is, if she shows disinterest early in "phone game", it almost always stagnates and nothing ever happens between us.

As for the guy who pursues consistently, persistently, did it ever occur to you that this guy has few other female options and that's why he continues to pursue you, despite obvious signs of disinterest from you? As one guy said, it's almost as if you are screening for the most desperate guy. If he had another woman giving him attention, why would he pursue a girl who seems disinterested?

I remember watching Hitch with my ex-girlfriend, and there's this scene where the girl shows the guy disinterest but that's his queue to "try harder". I remember my ex-girlfriend totally agreeing with that.
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Old 14th May 2012, 1:11 AM   #14
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I dunno.. maybe the woman wants the man to be of high value.. but yet still make him chase a little to make sure he isn't just after a piece of ass?

I'm just a guy who's also interested in more perspective on this. SO here's bumping the thread!
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Old 14th May 2012, 1:17 AM   #15
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I remember watching Hitch with my ex-girlfriend, and there's this scene where the girl shows the guy disinterest but that's his queue to "try harder". I remember my ex-girlfriend totally agreeing with that.
The way I look at it, you should do what you are comfortable with and not worry about what some woman may be expecting of you. The process of interacting with females is not supposed to be arduous and torturous. Don't feel like you are obligated to play games and jump through the hoops that some women may choose to put up for you. You are a human being, not a circus animal. Women play these stupid games because men let them get away with it.
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