one goal Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Well she is really hot looking, and she is single. Like the last day of class just for grins if I hit on her and like asked her out for lunch or something like that, do you think she would freak out? I mean I'm going to a different university in the fall and that so I wouldn't be going back to the same college. Could she get me in trouble for that and claim harassment? Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 If she is grading your papers, it's best NOT to hit on her. I was faced with this same prospect. Hot professor, looked like Sarah Michelle Gellar but with brown hair. And a musician to boot! We also seemed to get along well...that is, until I found out she was married! But even before then, I was asking my friend on ENA if I should ask her out, and everyone was like, "No!" And I can see their reasoning. If a professor gets creeped out by you, she can flunk you, just for the hell of it. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 If a professor gets creeped out by you, she can flunk you, just for the hell of it. nope. that's not true Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 nope. that's not true Yes it is. I once was flunked by a professor, who just didn't like me. And this was a male professor. I don't know where you live, but in the US, you can get arrested for sexual harassment for even looking the wrong way at a woman. And the college I go to has a strict policy against students dating their professors; I could have gotten kicked out, and so could have the teacher. That is, if she hadn't been married and had fancied me in that way (I haven't a clue if she did, all I know is she was nice AND cute.) Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Your professor can't flunk you for the heck of it, but it might be considered inappropriate student conduct and might get reported to the dept. chair or even the dean of student affairs. But hell, that's probably a remote possibility if you're classy about it. I would maybe just introduce myself to her and chat her up at the end of the course and just ask if it's okay to stay in touch by email. After the term, when she's no longer responsible for a grade, just ask her out to coffee or something. See what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Don't do it! She has no desire to be hit on by young boys at her job. As a young female instructor I will tell you it's very annoying when this happens--even when the student is my age. Would you hit on your doctor or your boss? Probably not. It's simply inappropriate and makes me feel like they have very little respect for me. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 nope. that's not true this is the first time i've quoted myself for emphasis. hillarious Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Your professor can't flunk you for the heck of it, but it might be considered inappropriate student conduct and might get reported to the dept. chair or even the dean of student affairs. But hell, that's probably a remote possibility if you're classy about it. I would maybe just introduce myself to her and chat her up at the end of the course and just ask if it's okay to stay in touch by email. After the term, when she's no longer responsible for a grade, just ask her out to coffee or something. See what happens. Yeah, this is probably more accurate. I was just going off what my friend on ENA said. And the truth is, this woman wouldn't have been weirded out by it, because we got along great. Even after I passed her class (she gave me an A), she helped me get a recommendation in for the apartment I'm living at right now (she was a reference.) And she wished me the best. Even commented on the music I made (I gave her a cd - she was a fellow musician and I wanted her opinion on how good it was) positively, and said that I was "extremely talented." If she hadn't been tied to this guy (and she sounded "very married"), she probably would have gone out on one date with me. Very sweet and intelligent and talented person. Almost perfect, except for the ring on her finger! Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Don't do it! She has no desire to be hit on by young boys at her job. As a young female instructor I will tell you it's very annoying when this happens--even when the student is my age. Would you hit on your doctor or your boss? Probably not. It's simply inappropriate and makes me feel like they have very little respect for me. Umm, doctors and bosses date all the time. So do teachers. I know several student/professor relationships, that resulted in marriage. Now, if that person was only looking at them for sex, maybe it would be disrespectful. But, come on...if someone likes your personality and wants to get to know you better, is that really disrespectful? I had feelings for my professor, because of the person she was. Not just because of the way she looked. The looks was only a bonus. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I was in the academic world in the US so I can for certain say this: The only person who gets in trouble for sexual harrassment is the professor or graduate student TA, not the undergrad student. A student is in a position of vulnerability, so if the student has sex with the professor, it's considered an abuse of power. The student has no power and can lose a lot. Sex between a superior and a subordinate is thought of to be coercion. Students don't sign sexual harrassment policies in school, only grad students and professors do. They are staff of the university and must adhere to a code of conduct. If a student (male or female) feels harrassed, they should report it to the department head. Sexual harrassment in a university is a serious offense, akin to plagiarism among undergrads. It could ruin a person's career. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Cee is right, which is why it's a bad idea to hit on her. Unless she's willing to leave her job for you (and in this economy, who would?), that would probably not work out. OP, sounds like you're a player. Wouldn't you be able to "play" a fellow female student? Why resort to your teacher? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 OP, sounds like you're a player. Wouldn't you be able to "play" a fellow female student? Why resort to your teacher? The OP is definitely not a player. It might be worth looking at other threads started by the OP to get an idea of their history as it may change the advice being given here. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Umm, doctors and bosses date all the time. So do teachers. I know several student/professor relationships, that resulted in marriage. Now, if that person was only looking at them for sex, maybe it would be disrespectful. But, come on...if someone likes your personality and wants to get to know you better, is that really disrespectful? I had feelings for my professor, because of the person she was. Not just because of the way she looked. The looks was only a bonus. My question was, would it be appropriate for you to walk into work and start hitting on your boss? I still say no. It would be highly unlikely that a female teacher would want to date her students. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but generally female teachers are unable to see their students in this way. I say this after years of working with female instructors. We have a running joke where I work that we're as sexually attracted to our students as we are to 5th graders. NOT AT ALL. There are many reasons for this, one of which is the idea of losing what we've worked so hard for kills all sexual desire! The things you say your professor did for you are all very normal. She was nice and helpful. This is why we're teachers. We do those things for our students because we care. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 The OP is definitely not a player. It might be worth looking at other threads started by the OP to get an idea of their history as it may change the advice being given here. Admittedly, I don't usually do that (feel it's a waste of time, with all the trolls and etc), but I'll do it this time. This is the first time I've ever seen this poster, so when he said "hot looking teacher" and "would she freak out if I hit on her?", I assumed player. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 My question was, would it be appropriate for you to walk into work and start hitting on your boss? I still say no. It would be highly unlikely that a female teacher would want to date her students. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but generally female teachers are unable to see their students in this way. I say this after years of working with female instructors. We have a running joke where I work that we're as sexually attracted to our students as we are to 5th graders. NOT AT ALL. There are many reasons for this, one of which is the idea of losing what we've worked so hard for kills all sexual desire! The things you say your professor did for you are all very normal. She was nice and helpful. This is why we're teachers. We do those things for our students because we care. Then why are there so many female - ahem - teachers, in the news for having sex with underage students? Seems like those teachers wouldn't want to lose their jobs...but they went ahead and acted on their desires anyways, didn't they? Not comparing you, or anyone, to someone like Mary Kay Letourneau, but the truth is that a lot of 18 and over college professor/student relationships form. The only difference is, the student leaves the college, or the professor leaves the college, so that the relationship can continue. Many of these relationships result in marriage. Sorry to bring this off topic, but I had to point out the inevitable. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 It's true that some ex students and professors get married. But it's pretty rare. More rare than professors marrying each other. Many professors are married to other professors. A lot of times they got together in graduate school. Or met through their professional networks. Many universities try to hire the spouse of a professor. They do that because there are so many academics are married to other academics. Having been in the academic world, it's not all that sexy. I've been to parties where people drink wine and use words like "discourse" and "deconstructivist." The hot for teacher stereotype makes me laugh when I hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Going by the "hot for teacher" thing I had for my 9th grade math teacher (who was fresh out of college, and a former cheerleader)...umm yeah, she was sexy (at the time, at least!) But if anything had happened, no doubt that the police would have pressed charges. Not that anything would have; all the guys in the school had the hots for her, and she never tried anything with any of them. Married a fellow teacher in the school, changed her name, and that was that. I don't usually get "hot" for teachers, anyways. I think I could count the times in my life total on one hand. And would probably have to count 4 or 5 times, using both hands, to include fellow students. That being said, the fantasy is still very real, but it very rarely comes true. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 To leaningintothemuse: I wouldn't say that female teachers and male students never date, but that it's in no way the norm. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 To leaningintothemuse: I wouldn't say that female teachers and male students never date, but that it's in no way the norm. I never said it was. I was just pointing out that, sometimes, they do. I meant no offense. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I never said it was. I was just pointing out that, sometimes, they do. I meant no offense. None taken Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I've been to parties where people drink wine and use words like "discourse" and "deconstructivist." The hot for teacher stereotype makes me laugh when I hear it. Just a bit of humor (and since I've dragged this off topic before, and I don't think the OP meant this thread seriously)... My mom was a teacher, and growing up, she used to take me to teacher conferences (you know, where someone gets up behind a podium, lectures for 2 hours about blah blah blah, and then everyone claps), because I was such a handful that I wasn't able to be babysat (hyperactive.) I actually tried to pay attention to some of these lectures, but you're right, they were extremely boring. So I can see where you're coming from. Years later, I considered becoming a teacher. Then I thought, "you know, I'd have to attend those conferences..and wear a suit and tie (I HATE suits and ties.) Needless to say, I'm studying to become an audio engineer. At least, there I can dress in t shirts and jeans, and people won't look at me weird. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I don't know where you live, but in the US, you can get arrested for sexual harassment for even looking the wrong way at a woman I live in the US, who told you this lie? Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I had a thing for an Adjunct Teacher, better to date them, they don't stick around. lol (j/k) Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 It's true that some ex students and professors get married. But it's pretty rare. More rare than professors marrying each other. Many professors are married to other professors. A lot of times they got together in graduate school. Or met through their professional networks. Many universities try to hire the spouse of a professor. They do that because there are so many academics are married to other academics. Having been in the academic world, it's not all that sexy. I've been to parties where people drink wine and use words like "discourse" and "deconstructivist." The hot for teacher stereotype makes me laugh when I hear it. Why Cee, I think it's important we take the time to destabilize some of the assumptions you seem to have about Cannot resist... Let's deconstruct the problem shall we? We inhabit an hyper-mediatized society where the ultimate expression of self-hood is accomplished through individualists technologies of self-realization. While many experts consider employment (ergo educational roles) to be the one major area where subjects are produced through techniques of the self, I mobilize post-structural political economic terms to argue that love and dating is emerging as an important site of panopticism. In our governmentalized society, the potential for social marginalizations are traversed by the deployments of employment related social categories. To conclude, I would recommend the OP abstain from asking his professor out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 Your professor can't flunk you for the heck of it, but it might be considered inappropriate student conduct and might get reported to the dept. chair or even the dean of student affairs. But hell, that's probably a remote possibility if you're classy about it. I would maybe just introduce myself to her and chat her up at the end of the course and just ask if it's okay to stay in touch by email. After the term, when she's no longer responsible for a grade, just ask her out to coffee or something. See what happens. Well she's worked at the school for awhile now, so she does have tenure I'm sure. She seems like a nice lady, but you know how women can take offense to stuff easily and blow it up. You really think she would report it to her boss? Why I want to ask her out at the end of the semester. If I do and since I'm going to a different school in the fall is there anything they can do to me? Link to post Share on other sites
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