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Scared to call my guy best friend


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Old 17th May 2018, 10:19 PM   #1
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Scared to call my guy best friend

I used to work with this guy and we were best buds. He started liking me, sending me gifts, he was very sweet. He moved away and started working from another state (he could because of his job) and I still worked in our office. He sent me gifts and always initiated contact and always asked me out when he came into town. We became great friends. Anyway, I stopped working at our office about 6 months ago. I had a tough time with our boss, and he was very supportive and has been a great friend since I left. I even saw him when he came to town a few months ago and we had a great time, he took me out to dinneró it was fun. But since then we havenít talked much. Weíve texted but not called, but only texted rarely. Iím not sure what Happened but I want to call him, but keep chickening out and Iím not sure why. Iím sure everything will be fine if i call him. Can people tell me itíll be ok to call him? Heís really become by bff over the years and i miss his chats.
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Old 17th May 2018, 10:24 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Malin889 View Post
I used to work with this guy and we were best buds. He started liking me, sending me gifts, he was very sweet. He moved away and started working from another state (he could because of his job) and I still worked in our office. He sent me gifts and always initiated contact and always asked me out when he came into town. We became great friends. Anyway, I stopped working at our office about 6 months ago. I had a tough time with our boss, and he was very supportive and has been a great friend since I left. I even saw him when he came to town a few months ago and we had a great time, he took me out to dinneró it was fun. But since then we havenít talked much. Weíve texted but not called, but only texted rarely. Iím not sure what Happened but I want to call him, but keep chickening out and Iím not sure why. Iím sure everything will be fine if i call him. Can people tell me itíll be ok to call him? Heís really become by bff over the years and i miss his chats.
Are you male or female? Are you interested in him romantically or as a BFF? I can't really tell.
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Old 17th May 2018, 10:40 PM   #3
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Female. And no, just as a friend.
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Old 17th May 2018, 11:54 PM   #4
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I'm going to take a punt and say that you're worried that he wants something more than just a friendship, and you don't want to give him the wrong impression? Given this guy is sending you gifts I'm certainly getting the idea he wants a relationship.

If you know that all you want is a friendship, then that's a firm boundary that you need to set and maintain when you're around this guy. I used to feel the same way about a lot of my female friends, but once you get comfortable in the friendship, it becomes really obvious to both people that there isn't more than a friendship there.

You should definitely call him, hang out with him and enjoy his company but if he makes a move, have your script ready.
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Old 18th May 2018, 7:33 AM   #5
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I would not call him. Men don't send their buddies gifts or take them out to dinner. This man wants to date you. You only want to be his friend. He stopped called & decreased communication because he finally grew sick of getting rejected & shot down. He has zero interest in being friendzoned. If you are connected on social media, you can stay connected, perhaps send a Christmas card & a birthday card but otherwise leave the poor guy alone. Your friendship is kind of torture because he wants more.
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Old 18th May 2018, 11:29 AM   #6
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I would not mind being more than friends with him, but what if he doesnít want that with me? What if there is another reason we havenít spoken. I guess Iím just scared.
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Old 18th May 2018, 11:33 AM   #7
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I always find a way to talk myself out of it.
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Old 18th May 2018, 11:43 AM   #8
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hey there Malin, just a mega quick one from me as im pushed for time. text him. you used to text him before so why not text him back again;


I think though you also need to be honest about what you do want with him; and as has already been said in the replies - be fair and set bounderies if you feel that they may help him if you don't want more and you think he does.


maybe he can accept a friendship maybe he cant? who knows...but only he can tell you that really as he knows you and how things have gone on or are now for him.


but yeah, send that message over to him and see how it goes. if you send a text it'll be less intrusive than calling and not knowing what to say or saying the wrong thing etc.


keep it light and suggest going for a coffee or something then its up to him.


good luck (and welcome back loveshack and the folks on the shack, its sure good to be back) haha.


best wishes, and hopefully he will be glad you took the initiative.


(just prepare for things maybe to have moved since you last got together, but you wont know unless you make that contact). so just go for it, you wont know any other way.


good luck. maxi
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Old 18th May 2018, 11:44 AM   #9
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The other reason he might gift you besides attraction is 1) if he's gay 2)if you're an influential person within the company. But yes, usually that is a romantic play.

Hey, I see no reason not to call him. He might have a girlfriend now and simply moved on. But if so, you can catch up on that. Since you're okay with either friendship or dating, you should call him and say, "You got time to catch up? Something reminded me of you and I realized we haven't talked in awhile."

Just do it. If he was crushing but is now moved where he can't do anything about it, he may have just started pursuing other women but that wouldn't mean he doesn't at all care about you anymore.

Also, he's been sending you gifts. You could always reciprocate and surprise him by mailing him one.
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Old 18th May 2018, 12:28 PM   #10
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Malin889

If he is your friend he won't intentionally hurt you. Pick up the phone & tell him you miss him. Ask when he's coming back to town. Offer to treat him this time. Act like you want to be kissed at the end of the night. He'll get the message.
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Old 18th May 2018, 6:24 PM   #11
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You just his friend, but it looks like he want more than friendship. But you made it clear you are just friends with no interest in going beyond that point. If you don't call him up he won't know if you wanted to be real bf and gf? Call if you want if you don't call then move on and forget this friend.
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Old 18th May 2018, 7:36 PM   #12
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I vote for texting him first to warm things up and get a feel of his "standing". If his response is positive, then you can ask if he'd like to chat on the phone to catch up and/or ask when he'll be in town again, tell him you'd like to meet up and it's your turn to treat.

I'm curious though: What excuses did he use to send you those gifts? Were those for your birthday or for the holidays? Did you reciprocate?
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Old 20th May 2018, 9:48 AM   #13
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Thank you everyone for the great advice!

We texted about a month ago (It was his birthday) and everything was ok. We texted back and forth for a few days. And then I kind of just let the conversation drop off. He texted me last and he didn't ask me a question or anything, so it seemed as if the conversation had run its course so I just let it drop off. So I was thinking that calling would be the next best step so we could really catch up because it's hard to catch up via text. We always have good phone conversations, so I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. I feel like I've built it up too much in my head.

As for the gifts June, one gift was, he says, for helping him with all this stuff at work, but he sent me these really nice chocolates from this small place near his house, and he sent them to my house, not to work, which to me, makes it not work-related. Then the other one was a Christmas/New Years gift. Again, to my house. Yes, I've sent him food (he's a guy and likes his food) on a couple of occasions.

I just need to stop thinking about it and just do it, before it's too late!
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Old 20th May 2018, 9:50 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by coolheadal View Post
You just his friend, but it looks like he want more than friendship. But you made it clear you are just friends with no interest in going beyond that point. If you don't call him up he won't know if you wanted to be real bf and gf? Call if you want if you don't call then move on and forget this friend.
Thank you, this is great advice.
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Old 20th May 2018, 9:54 AM   #15
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The other reason he might gift you besides attraction is 1) if he's gay 2)if you're an influential person within the company. But yes, usually that is a romantic play.

Hey, I see no reason not to call him. He might have a girlfriend now and simply moved on. But if so, you can catch up on that. Since you're okay with either friendship or dating, you should call him and say, "You got time to catch up? Something reminded me of you and I realized we haven't talked in awhile."

Just do it. If he was crushing but is now moved where he can't do anything about it, he may have just started pursuing other women but that wouldn't mean he doesn't at all care about you anymore.

Also, he's been sending you gifts. You could always reciprocate and surprise him by mailing him one.
Thank you for the advice. I will call him! And I'll say something like, something reminded me of you... something did remind me of him yesterday, I should have called but I didn't cause I was with my daughter. Again, that's me finding an excuse not to call lol!
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