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Live alone or stay with mom


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Old 30th January 2019, 8:11 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristine View Post
... and no I haven't been told to hurt
Well that is good news.

If the meds keep the voices at bay, keep taking the meds.

I still say move out and give it a try!! You can do it!!

“Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself” - Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Old 30th January 2019, 8:50 PM   #17
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I think you should try it. You can always go back. You can leave the tv on!
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Old 1st February 2019, 2:08 AM   #18
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It'll be a huge confidence booster and could actually help your anxiety and fears by living on your own. That doesn't mean you'll "be alone" though! You have friends and of course your mom, your therapist to help you when you need it. You can do dinners and sleep overs with your mom a few times a week so you won't feel isolated.
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Old 2nd February 2019, 1:01 PM   #19
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I've basically decided to move. It's a great opportunity. Mom would rather I stay living with her. She likes the money and the help. I need some independence. I went and picked up dishes off craigslist $30. Its fancy stuff but it's plain enough I can use for every day. My brother has said she can come live with him. She likes having the upper hand. So she has refused that offer.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 1:24 AM   #20
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I went through the same experience about 15 years ago. I lived with my parents until I was about 32 when I bought my condo and moved. The first day and night things were fine. Next day was fine, but the second night a had a big mood crash. My mind was telling me that this was a mistake, that I should move back with my parents.



Normally psychiatrists and therapists don't tell you what to do or not do, but my psychiatrist strongly advised me to not move back in with my parents. What I did was sleep overnight at my parents' house Sunday through Thursday and stay in my condo on the weekend. That helped me adjust a lot.



After a few months I started staying more nights at the condo and fewer with my parents. I still visited them a lot. Eventually I would stay overnight only on Sundays at my parents' house, as a sociable visit to keep them company more than for my benefit.



6 or 12 months after moving, I remember it was a hot summer day and I was lying on my bed with the air conditioning running and I was thinking to myself Damn, I love this place. I had great fun living alone. Do what I want, go where I want when I want, eat what I want...decorate my place however I want, it was a lot of fun. If I was visiting my parents and my mom got crabby and started busting my balls over something, I could say Gee mom, sorry, I gotta go vacuum/wash dishes/uh, rearrange my furniture, yeah that's it....see ya!



What a huge mistake it would have been if I sold my condo and moved back in with my parents.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 5:53 PM   #21
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The latest drama that is affecting me is.

My mom threatened with a plan suicide if she cannot afford the bills, and says if I move out she cannot afford the bills. She also listed a room to rent, intending it to be my room, though she has a guest room. Someone is coming today to look at it (edited because shocker).

I tell my brother who later in the evening says he's considering a move to the south and my mom asks if she can come he says sure she can live with him. He's offered her to live with him before she always said no, now she says yes.

Now if I move I have more bills, less money than before because I have to reduce my work hours, and my family support system is gone. They are against my moving out at this time.

If I don't move, I may be whisked away to the south where I've always wanted to go, before my daughter graduates high school, still have 2 years of visitation to manage.

I know I need therapy, calling tomorrow to see when I can be seen current appointment is 3 weeks out.

Last edited by Kristine; 3rd March 2019 at 6:03 PM..
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Old 3rd March 2019, 7:04 PM   #22
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I think you'd be better off alone than tied to a woman who would be so crazy as to threaten suicide if you don't stay there to help her pay the bills. You're grown. You deserve your own life. Your mother sounds very controlling. Again, if you hate it, you can find another situation, but I think that given who you're putting up with, this will make you feel lighter and happier and stronger and more confident. Your mother isn't a great role model. She's making you feel like SHE can't survive, but that's her sick mindset. Don't think that way! You sound like you're going great.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 7:37 PM   #23
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I think you'd be better off alone than tied to a woman who would be so crazy as to threaten suicide if you don't stay there to help her pay the bills. You're grown. You deserve your own life. Your mother sounds very controlling. Again, if you hate it, you can find another situation, but I think that given who you're putting up with, this will make you feel lighter and happier and stronger and more confident. Your mother isn't a great role model. She's making you feel like SHE can't survive, but that's her sick mindset. Don't think that way! You sound like you're going great.
unfortunately in western society senior citizens are thrown out with the weeks trash on Tuesday mornings
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Old 3rd March 2019, 8:31 PM   #24
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The mother had her own life to live as she chose. This young person doesn't have to live her mother's life instead of her own. The mother has a place to go.
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Old 5th March 2019, 6:02 PM   #25
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I'm still planning to move. It's a huge step for me. I meet with the housing person tomorrow.
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Old 5th March 2019, 6:06 PM   #26
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Congrats!! Best of luck with the meeting!!
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Old 5th March 2019, 6:16 PM   #27
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This will be so fun for you. Do not get a guest room or fold out couch.
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Old 5th March 2019, 8:48 PM   #28
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I'm still planning to move. It's a huge step for me. I meet with the housing person tomorrow.
good luck Kristine
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Old 9th March 2019, 8:16 AM   #29
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Fears with living alone

My rent will be 200 a month more than mom's house rent. Money will be tighter but I can afford it. I'm mostly worried about living alone. As I get closer to moving it's dawning on me after work I will go home to an small empty apartment. I currently come home to a big house, mom, a dog. It's a big difference.

My therapist, psychiatrist, and case manager are all for me moving out. Mom isn't and I'm concerned. Tips? Thoughts?
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Old 9th March 2019, 8:19 AM   #30
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Can you get a pet so you are coming home to somebody?

It is a big change. The 1st nights in my new place, I couldn't sleep. Every little noise made me jump. Then I got use to it. I got a dog but when he died & I was back to being all alone I had another readjustment period.
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