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My kids are claiming abuse.

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Old 1st August 2008, 12:03 PM   #91
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Dad did return. We had a huge argument about the whole thing. After that he threw his wife out of their house and filed for a divorce. He kept their son with him. This whole thing is a mess.
Meanwhile , he kids are sill with me and we have touched on the boys staying with me as a conversational topic when "his head stops spinning" as he puts it. School starts up in a few weeks and we don't have a date set as to when dad will get them if he does, so Im playing it by ear for now.
I think , even with his divorce, there are very good reason for the kids to stay. One of which is that this divorce will be apparent to the kids , and may go very hard on them even with the history here. I feel like nothing has changed in any significant way here in my home and if the kids stay, they can eventually ease back into dad's life without the stressors of divorce and him struggling .
We have not heard much from him ,to be honest. Im hoping it stays that way.
it's easy to feel beaten down by logic. -Quankanne
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Old 2nd August 2008, 10:07 AM   #92
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Originally Posted by tinktronik View Post
After that he threw his wife out of their house and filed for a divorce. He kept their son with him.
Well, at least he got his head straight about that! I know it's only after a LOT of blood, sweat and tears on your part, but still...goal accomplished on getting that "person" out of the kids' lives.

Possibly there is a positive spin that you can put on that divorce -- dad obviously believes you guys, is doing what he KNOWS in his heart is the right thing to do, obviously must love you very much, etc. (Not that is all has to be 100% factual, but enough for them to feel good about themselves and their dad, I'm thinking.)

Good for you, Tink. That was one helluva crazy and crazy-making situation, and a truly super-courageous battle that you fought and won. (I know more on the way, but at least there is assurance that she'll not get near them again.)

Sending lots of everything that you and the kids need to get through, and FAR beyond this chapter!
"Good or benign intentions do not provide a defence." ~ Tony Wong, Reporter
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Old 2nd August 2008, 6:53 PM   #93
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Wow Tink, I am glad they are still with you. Will you not fight for them to stay with with you permanent now?
Live every day as if it was your last ...

R.I.P Beautiful Lyssa ....
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Old 3rd August 2008, 10:53 AM   #94
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Originally Posted by Lishy View Post
Wow Tink, I am glad they are still with you. Will you not fight for them to stay with with you permanent now?
I think we are working on a situation where we will have a more even split. I never had any legal grounds to keep them permanently in the first place. I will keep the legal process moving forward to get into court for a change of physical if it is warranted ,and a modification and laying down of clearer terms if it is not,my ex knows this, and with the kids no longer in danger, I have not a chance of keeping them without a change in court order first.It is a very slow and as of now unclear process.

My ex is in (right now) agreement, that I should keep our middle son, who has the most severe emotional problems to try and work with him and the therapist here to see if we cannot focus in one on one and get some positive results in all aspects of his life, and help him to cope before it is too late for him and us to make these changes.

I don't know how I feel about splitting up the boys but I don't think in such a large household either way that our middles son will be able to get the "work" that needs and has to be done, but don't know what isolating him from his siblings will do either.

I don't know what the right answers are here, you only are a mom once in a lifetime , and unfortunately,my kids did not get the perfect situation the first time around.

I worry what the effect of this second divorce will be, and hope Dad does not jump into another marriage or introduce another relationship into the boys lives right away.

I would not try to pull a change of custody behind my ex's back as long as he is willing to do the work for the kids and to assure their safety.It sounds as though he initially panicked over the situation and wanted it all to be made up; then when he was introduced into the reality of the repercussions and the truth from myself our children and his mom he realized the same story was coming from everyone sans his wife.He took what I feel to be the appropriate immediate action.
I don't have to like the things he has done in the past , but such is the nature of divorce.

I always felt that while being who he is and having my own thoughts regarding him, he loved his kids and wanted to do the right thing, did when he was able to (that is why his statements in reference to this latest situation threw me the way they did), but that he put too much of the daily care of the children off onto the women in his life. Perhaps this will change now, I don't know.

The focus and attention to the children and their daily lives has to pick up on his end , our communication has to pick up on his end as well as my own.

I guess there is a lot to be decided , and honestly , I don't have a date when he is to come for the boys, so it may fall through and they may just all stay. School starts this month. You don't ever know . I would love this to happen it would be my ideal, I love the kids daily presence in my life, it inspires me in a way nothing else seems to, I feel it is the thing I am best at and is more important to me than anything else, I think it is good for the boys, they thrive here.We are incredibly stable regardless of whatever challenges we have in our lives and cope through them, we have maintained the same home for a long while now and before that lived right up the street, the same relationships, the same friends and community the same standards of care for the children the same expectations for and from them. They know how our home works, they know the boundaries , they know the affection and attention is always there, they know us as people .
I wish it were not so complicated.
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Old 3rd August 2008, 11:06 AM   #95
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It would help if all of you, even if your ex if he's willing, to do family counselling as a group. That's one option, as well as getting the middle one counselling to help him cope with his feelings.

I am glad to hear that the evil step-mom is out of their lives. What a monster she turned into!!
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