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So Broken....


nevergoodenough

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nevergoodenough

I was with my ex for six months, I discovered a love with her I had never felt before in my life. She was the first person to ever make me feel loved, I felt so completed with her in my life. She always knew how to make me laugh, even when I was angry. She was really thoughtful and always planned little surprises to let me know she was thinking of me, she would cook dishes with me from my family and never wanted to be without me.

 

She would pick me up at my apt and tell me to come home with her bc my home was with her. Sometimes I would sit and reflect on how lucky I was to have found her. Whenever we would argue she would come after me and tell me she was not going to give up on us and she wanted to fight for us. If I would leave the home, she would come after me. She started to tell her parents every time we would argue and they started to think badly of me. Eventually, we got into an argument bc she had some pictures from old relationships stored on her computer and I was pissed.

 

I broke a cookie jar she loved and smashed her phone (it didn't break though) I took her parents contact info and said I was going to send them her naked pics, I figured it would get her to tell me why she wanted them. Stupid move, she just kept telling me how she loves me and wants to be with me. Eventually, she falls asleep in my arms and she leaves in the morning. She texts me and tells me she loves me and just wanted to be with me.

 

We had lunch together and she starts crying and saying she felt I wanted to be with my ex and she feels inferior to her. I told her I loved her and just wanted to be with her. I left and her father comes for a visit and she doesn't talk to me almost all day. She starts telling me she is busy and I text her a picture of my call log with a call to my ex. After that I said the picture thing again and she says she doesn't trust me anymore and she can't be in the relationship.

 

I asked her to come see me and I said sorry for my actions and told her that I loved her and wanted to change, she cried and I eventually left. She did tell me she told her father what I said about sending the pics to her parents though. I text her saying to let me know if she reconsiders, she didn't answer and the next day we were supposed to go to a football game. She tells me she is going with her father and she needs some time to think about things.

 

I sent her a massive amount of texts saying she shouldn't have to think about things, that we should be together and if she loved me she would know. I text her and asked to see her that night, she said maybe later in the week because she was still analyzing things and i'm like obviously you don't care you should be able to make this decision and text her lots.

 

Next day I said nothing, the following day I made a four foot card listing all the things I loved about our relationship and her. I ended it with i love you please come back to me. I put that and a dozen roses on her door for when she returned from work. Then I went on fb and took note of her removing me and called her a bunch of times and text her a bunch of times. She eventually says she is done.

 

I sent her a bunch of texts saying things didn't have to be this way and she could at least be my friend. She didn't respond to those and I wrote her an email saying how sorry I was for everything and that I just wanted to make things right After that, I wrote version 2.0 of this email like 2 days later saying how much I missed her and loved her and just wanted to be back together. She didn't respond and like 2 days later I sent her a text saying basically all of those things. Couple days later, I text her a song and saying I was thinking of her and hoped school was going well.

 

Lastly, I sent her a text saying I was working on the way I handle my anger, I plan on fixing things and I hope she can find it in her heart to give this a second chance and i'll be here when she is ready to talk. The longest I have gone without contacting her is like a week and I am so heartbroken to have lost someone that was so good to me, so considerate and made me feel so completed.

 

I feel lost in the world and I fear running into her in person bc it would hurt so bad if I went to get ignored or see her with someone else. Please help :/

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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I feel so sad for you because it does sound like she really was wonderful to you and that's hard to find.

 

But you can't blame her for being fearful of the threats and abuse. Imagine if you were her father - you'd probably give your daughter the same advice he likely gave her.

 

I know this is deeply painful for you and I hope you don't run into her in person. But if you should, just smile and be on your way, unless she makes an attempt to talk with you.

 

She is moving on. I don't think there is anything you can do to fix this for now.

 

Take the high road and let her be.

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nevergoodenough
I feel so sad for you because it does sound like she really was wonderful to you and that's hard to find.

 

But you can't blame her for being fearful of the threats and abuse. Imagine if you were her father - you'd probably give your daughter the same advice he likely gave her.

 

I know this is deeply painful for you and I hope you don't run into her in person. But if you should, just smile and be on your way, unless she makes an attempt to talk with you.

 

She is moving on. I don't think there is anything you can do to fix this for now.

 

 

Take the high road and let her be.

 

I have no doubt he did, because you wanted to move forward until she met with him. She probably spoke to her friends when she said she was analyzing it and they told her not to. She was really good to me and it sucks to lose someone you feel so connected to and never be able to talk to them again.

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I have no doubt he did, because you wanted to move forward until she met with him. She probably spoke to her friends when she said she was analyzing it and they told her not to. She was really good to me and it sucks to lose someone you feel so connected to and never be able to talk to them again.

 

You are so right. It is the worst feeling in the world to suddenly be cut off from someone's world. Someone you loved with all your heart and felt so connected with.

 

It is almost impossible to believe you'll have no more contact and you are left to pick up the sad pieces. It feels nothing short of devastating.

 

We have all been there, but I can promise you, that in time, you'll be alright.

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Canadiangirl78

The best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself and how you handle your anger and frustration. Apologizing to her for your actions/words in the past mean absolutely nothing unless you do something about it. If you don't, they are just words. You cannot blame her family for being concerned about her, they love her and want only the best for her. It seems to me that rather than telling her how you've changed, do something to make those changes happen. If you don't work on your anger and how you handle things, this breakup situation will repeat itself many times throughout your life with many different people. Women want to be cherished and protected by their man and it doesn't sound like you were doing that with her. Please take some time and sort through your own mess then maybe you will have the opportunity to show her you've changed. Until you do something about it, it's really only lip service at this point. Leave her alone and let her sort through her feelings and you do the same. Good luck

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The best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself and how you handle your anger and frustration. Apologizing to her for your actions/words in the past mean absolutely nothing unless you do something about it. If you don't, they are just words. You cannot blame her family for being concerned about her, they love her and want only the best for her. It seems to me that rather than telling her how you've changed, do something to make those changes happen. If you don't work on your anger and how you handle things, this breakup situation will repeat itself many times throughout your life with many different people. Women want to be cherished and protected by their man and it doesn't sound like you were doing that with her. Please take some time and sort through your own mess then maybe you will have the opportunity to show her you've changed. Until you do something about it, it's really only lip service at this point. Leave her alone and let her sort through her feelings and you do the same. Good luck

 

 

This is a GREAT post, Canadiangirl!!!

 

Smart and to the real point.

 

Nicely, done!

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nevergoodenough
The best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself and how you handle your anger and frustration. Apologizing to her for your actions/words in the past mean absolutely nothing unless you do something about it. If you don't, they are just words. You cannot blame her family for being concerned about her, they love her and want only the best for her. It seems to me that rather than telling her how you've changed, do something to make those changes happen. If you don't work on your anger and how you handle things, this breakup situation will repeat itself many times throughout your life with many different people. Women want to be cherished and protected by their man and it doesn't sound like you were doing that with her. Please take some time and sort through your own mess then maybe you will have the opportunity to show her you've changed. Until you do something about it, it's really only lip service at this point. Leave her alone and let her sort through her feelings and you do the same. Good luck

 

Thanks for your reply... She always wrote me love letters saying how she appreciates all I do for her, that I am so selfless and she loves the way I talk to her and make her feel. I always tried to be there for her, comfort her and show her that she meant a lot to me. I'm totally aware that my actions did not reflect that when I was angry and I am in therapy for this. I know she probably won't speak to me again, but I plan on making sure this doesn't ruin things for me in the future. I love this girl and I miss her presence in my life. Now I'm living in a mixture of sadness and fear of seeing her.

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Canadiangirl78
This is a GREAT post, Canadiangirl!!!

 

Smart and to the real point.

 

Nicely, done!

 

 

 

Why thank you!

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I know how it feels when you really felt that connection with someone you have never felt with anyone else. It's hard to move on. I say move on, because that's what I'm trying to do, but I will never lose hope. I believe that one day, if it's meant to be, we will cross paths again.

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You need to stop contacting her ASAP. You've already begged and pleaded. The dumper does not want to be like someone with that. You have already have pushed her away.

 

This is not always true because my ex's child's mother begged him the whole time we was together and I never begged him and look at me now. Dumped while she is reaping all the benefits I ever wanted for him. She begged like her life depended on it and I was right there to see it all happen for 2 years and now look.

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nevergoodenough
You need to stop contacting her ASAP. You've already begged and pleaded. The dumper does not want to be like someone with that. You have already have pushed her away.

 

Sadly, that clicked in my head way too late. I thought I would be able to beg her back because whenever I was mad at her she would always tell me she wasn't accepting this as the end, that she would always fight for us, that we should sit down and talk like adults and love means pushing forward and she would always be willing to push forward with me.

 

Since she would always come after me and tell me those things when I was mad, I figured that was the best shot I had. However, it appears I was wrong on that assumption. In the end, I feel so abandon even though she would always say she would never abandon me. I guess I did this to myself, I shouldn't have chased after her. Live and learn I guess.

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nevergoodenough
This is not always true because my ex's child's mother begged him the whole time we was together and I never begged him and look at me now. Dumped while she is reaping all the benefits I ever wanted for him. She begged like her life depended on it and I was right there to see it all happen for 2 years and now look.

 

Wow...that is terrible to go through

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I'm very sorry to hear this story... We all know what it's like to lose someone wonderful in our lives...

 

I'm afraid the best option for you is to leave this alone and bow out gracefully.

 

You've pleaded and made your case.. repeating it over and over will not convey anything different than when you said it the first time. You can believe she is hurting too.

 

Focus on yourself, and make this a learning experience never to repeated again in the future.

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nevergoodenough
I'm very sorry to hear this story... We all know what it's like to lose someone wonderful in our lives...

 

I'm afraid the best option for you is to leave this alone and bow out gracefully.

 

You've pleaded and made your case.. repeating it over and over will not convey anything different than when you said it the first time. You can believe she is hurting too.

 

Focus on yourself, and make this a learning experience never to repeated again in the future.

 

Thanks for your reply, that's what I plan on doing. I wish I could change this and somehow get her back, but I guess I have to pay for my mistakes.

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Canadiangirl78

I think that it's very important that you try to remain positive during this process. I'm very impressed that you are able to recognize what you have done to contribute to the downfall of your relationship, most people can't see what their part in things are. That to me shows you are on the right path. Not only have you recognized it, you've owned up to it and most importantly, you're working on it via a therapist. I think that shows a lot of strength on your part because it is very easy to stick your head in the sand and say why did she do this to me instead of saying this happened and what was my part in it. You should be proud of yourself for that. Maybe one day you can show her the changes you have made/making but I think more importantly you are showing yourself some much needed love and proving to yourself that you are worth working on. Hold your head high my friend, you're doing great!

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You need to stop contacting her ASAP. You've already begged and pleaded. The dumper does not want to be like someone with that. You have already have pushed her away.

 

That's what I've had to figure out the hard way. He dumped me by unfriending me from FB just a couple of weeks after I'd had major surgery. I should have known he was going to end it when he didn't check on me once post-op. We live in different cities, so I guess I should be in another post as well. I always had to go to him, but when we were together I was a princess. We had dated in the distant past, and even through a marriage to and a child with another man, I never really got over him. I should add that he and I - let's call him Jim - got pregnant back in 1982, when we were teens. He was furious back then (why? he was present at conception, too!) - turned out he had a hometown girl who was ALSO pregnant. We connected off and on over the years, but it was not til 2010 that we began seeing each other again. I was in seventh heaven. We were great for a short while, then he burned out over some issues too personal to share with strangers. In 2012, out of the blue, he contacted me again. I went running to him, of course. A week later, he changed his FB page to reflect he'd reconciled with the love of his life, and this time he BLOCKED me. I tried a phone call and texts, but he simply would not respond. It's been months since I tried any communication. In September, he added me to Google+, but I haven't heard a word since. I LOVE him, but I'm not IN LOVE with him, which is a good start. Would I risk another round of heartbreak? Not sure. Anyone with a similar story, or advice less harsh than "DUMP HIM!"?:confused:

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nevergoodenough
I think that it's very important that you try to remain positive during this process. I'm very impressed that you are able to recognize what you have done to contribute to the downfall of your relationship, most people can't see what their part in things are. That to me shows you are on the right path. Not only have you recognized it, you've owned up to it and most importantly, you're working on it via a therapist. I think that shows a lot of strength on your part because it is very easy to stick your head in the sand and say why did she do this to me instead of saying this happened and what was my part in it. You should be proud of yourself for that. Maybe one day you can show her the changes you have made/making but I think more importantly you are showing yourself some much needed love and proving to yourself that you are worth working on. Hold your head high my friend, you're doing great!

 

Do you think she ever speaks to me again? Her parents are totally against it at this point. The only hope I have is she remembers why she loved me and comes back, though it looks unlikely

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Confusedguy81
Anyone have an idea about how I can make it more likely that she speak to me in the future? Thanks

 

 

Going No Contact is the best idea. No idea if she will talk to you in the future. You don't have control over that.

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Anyone have an idea about how I can make it more likely that she speak to me in the future? Thanks

 

Mate. She sounded like she loved you ALOT. Love doesnt just evaporate over a few days/weeks. But i guarantee you, if you message her ONE MORE TIME, you will never hear from her again. If she knew how desperate you are right now, she would run, run, run! All you can do is man up, keep going to therapy, fix yourself up to the best you can be. No contact, is to A, save your self respect and dignity, B, give you time and space to think about it all, and C, to move on with your life.

Trust me though, YOU MESSAGE HER ONE MORE TIME, YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM HER AGAIN. Her last memories of you will be a clingy, pathetic mess, and you dont want that.

Forgive yourself, love yourself and be the best man you can be. If she wants to call, she knows where to find you. But dont put your life on hold, praying for a call.

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nevergoodenough
Mate. She sounded like she loved you ALOT. Love doesnt just evaporate over a few days/weeks. But i guarantee you, if you message her ONE MORE TIME, you will never hear from her again. If she knew how desperate you are right now, she would run, run, run! All you can do is man up, keep going to therapy, fix yourself up to the best you can be. No contact, is to A, save your self respect and dignity, B, give you time and space to think about it all, and C, to move on with your life.

Trust me though, YOU MESSAGE HER ONE MORE TIME, YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM HER AGAIN. Her last memories of you will be a clingy, pathetic mess, and you dont want that.

Forgive yourself, love yourself and be the best man you can be. If she wants to call, she knows where to find you. But dont put your life on hold, praying for a call.

 

I'm fearing that I already pushed her away, but I'm going to stick to this. Its been eight days since my last text to her. Any idea what I should do if I run into her? I'm dreading the possibility of seeing her and being ignored in person. I have been going out of my way to make sure I don't bump into her.

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You will seriously need to make sure you dont cross paths, because all that will do in her mind is portray you as a stalker, trust me, you dont want that to happen, so please dont get any wild ideas about 'where' and 'how' i can cross her path.

If it does inevitably happen by sheer accident and you both make eye contact, you should smile briefly and quickly walk past her and dont look back.

 

Seriously though, DO NOT CROSS HER PATH.

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"The only way I can now show her that I love her is to leave her alone and let her go"

 

This is something Ive said many times about my ex.

 

You are going to hurt. I did not beg or plead like you have done, but you know what? It still hurt like hell when she ended it so don't beat yourself up.

 

There is only 1 thing you can do in this situation. Nothing

 

Do nothing

 

Its hurts like crazy but it is indeed the best thing.

 

When you feel the urge to contact just remeber the quotes above.

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nevergoodenough
You will seriously need to make sure you dont cross paths, because all that will do in her mind is portray you as a stalker, trust me, you dont want that to happen, so please dont get any wild ideas about 'where' and 'how' i can cross her path.

If it does inevitably happen by sheer accident and you both make eye contact, you should smile briefly and quickly walk past her and dont look back.

 

Seriously though, DO NOT CROSS HER PATH.

 

I work with students at the university where she goes to school, that makes it a bit hard to avoid her. I have been scheduling my meetings off campus whenever possible to avoid her. I don't want to come across like a stalker, but feeling like a shut in sucks too. It's so crazy to think at some point she didn't even want to talk a shower without now, now we are like strangers in the night.

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nevergoodenough
"The only way I can now show her that I love her is to leave her alone and let her go"

 

This is something Ive said many times about my ex.

 

You are going to hurt. I did not beg or plead like you have done, but you know what? It still hurt like hell when she ended it so don't beat yourself up.

 

There is only 1 thing you can do in this situation. Nothing

 

Do nothing

 

Its hurts like crazy but it is indeed the best thing.

 

When you feel the urge to contact just remeber the quotes above.

 

You just let her go without even an attempt to contact her ? That's rough

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