I almost broke NC today...and I still want to

[TheMink]

I'm sure most of you don't know my story, I'm 17 years old, and basically my girlfriend dumped me around 6 weeks ago because she had lost her feelings for me, and felt bored of the relationship, and was fed up of my lack of confidence/insecurities about myself. You can find it here if you're interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/392741-i-don-t-know-how-get-over-my-first-love

 

At first we tried being friends, because I guess she still wanted me around as an emotional crutch, and I'm guessing for the other usual reasons. It really hurt me at first considering she was my first love (and I was hers). It was weird being friends at first, so instead of responding to her breadcrumbs (she sent me a message a day for almost a week). I finally caved and messaged her saying that I was taking time to myself etc. However I didn't really stick to it so we just kinda started talking casually for a few days, until we had a fight about her taking someone else to her formal (prom) after she had promised that she would still take me. She said some pretty hurtful things, and her friend started messaging me and abusing me, so I retaliated by just being rude. And now my ex just views me as a 'manipulative disrespectful *******'. And has blocked me on FB after I deleted her, and I don't know her new phone number.

 

That was over 23 days ago, no contact since then. Mainly because I feel that I don't have any hopes of reconciling with her, and that she taunted me saying 'going to run away again?'. I've been experiencing the up and down rollercoaster of emotions. But I'd like to note that I have been taking this NC period to better myself and reflect on where I need to improve myself, and I have actively been trying to do that. However today was kind of one of those days. I was missing her, among other stresses such as family issues and all of the stress of exams. I really just wanted her...someone to talk to, that at one stage a few months ago would have supported me. She was the closest and most personal friend I've ever had, and I was hers. And I was oh so close to going and trying to make contact.

 

And right now I still do. I feel like writing her a letter, not to trying and beg her back, or plead. I just want to let everything out. Just put pen to paper and just ramble, whatever comes to mind, about everything basically, getting all my thoughts and feelings out. No regrets I guess. Just telling her that I have reached indifference (whether or not I have is another story), that I'm glad that she broke up with me because I'm on my way to becoming a better version of myself, that I wish her all the best, and that if she ever feels so low that she needs someone to talk to about her depression and talk about her childhood traumas that I wouldn't push her away if she did so. And really just talking about how I view everything that's happened. I'm fully aware that it's probably going to turn her off me, and resent me. But really at the end of the day I'm not that bothered by it because the only hope that we have of getting back together, or the only time I'd consider forgiving her and reconciling would be years in the future once we've grown up.

 

However I know eventually that I will regret it, whether it's immediately after sending it, or a few days, weeks, etc. And maybe I'm just going through a phase at the moment, but I really do think that this would make me feel better, and help me reach my own personal resolution. I know that it's most likely going to send me spiralling backwards on my progress, but I feel like it's something that I need to do to help me be at peace. And I don't expect any kind of response, and I'll tell her that I don't want her to in the letter if I do send it.

Edited June 6, 2013 by TheMink

[JadedRomantic]

DO NOT DO IT. DON"T. NO. STOP.

 

Trust me when I say I feel your pain. It's been almost 2 months since my true love broke up with me. Same thing ...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/399508-dumper-sending-mixed-signals-gigs

 

It's heartbreaking and I initiated NC immediately. Despite a couple of small cracks in will power, I did not contact him (no text, no email, no calls, no telling his freidns or family anything in hopes it may get back to him) .... NOTHING. THen he called. And he texted. And I answered those. Cool, nonchalant but nice.

 

But many a time I wanted to do what you want to do. Write a long letter just explaining to him the hurt and sorrow and despair that he caused me. After all ... we shared such a deep and strong bond of love ... how could he NOT care about the pain HE caused ME? Tht's the cold thing OP. It's not that they don't care at all, but they don't care right now in the way that we are hoping and that will just end up hurting you more.

 

I was doing ok ... still sad and had weak moments but ... I was ok. Then he called me and texted and I answered and I'm not going to lie ... the pain is back and it's fresh again and I also realized that him contacting me made him feel better (i guess) but made me feel like sh*t.

 

I'm back in NC altho it's even harder this time around. But is clingyness and neediness are things she stated she didn't like ... then it's just going to annoy her and show her that she was right, not make her see her faults and the pain she caused.

 

Give her the time to miss you and trust me she will. She'll doubt her decision, she'll feel guilty, she'll miss you ... but all in her own time so don't wait around for it. U don't have to date others if you're not ready ( i tried ... not a good idea. I wasn't emotionally ready at all), but focus on school. ur work, your friends, working out, get a new hobby etc.

 

After some time, she'll see the happy, independant, confident you and at that time, if there are any residual feelings, her attraction and interest in you will come back.

 

Good luck and keep ya head up. It's hard. I know.

[Chi townD]

If you want to write a letter, then write a letter. BUT DO NOT SEND IT AT ALL!!!!!

 

Some people feel the same way and the compose a letter here at LS. Some people write a letter and immediately after they're done writing, they burn it.

 

It's okay to sometimes write down your feelings. Putting it to paper. It's like, symbolic of those feeling leaving your body and entering the paper. Sometimes it's theraputic. BUT DO NOT SEND IT!!! You're not the first person that's ever wanted to do this, and you won't be the last.

 

NC isn't easy. It's hard as hell. ANd you're going to have good days and bad days. But, just like any other addict, you just need to get yourself through the day without contacting her. Tomorrow, you'll probably feel differently about it. You may NOT want to contact her.

 

Just get through today! ONLY worry about today.

[Chi townD]

Okay, a little confused now... I just read the other thread now. Over there you were Peter, now your the Mink? Are we talking to the same person?

 

If we are, you know what the deal is with the friend of hers that started to get abusive with you that asked you to the formal was, right?

 

Your Ex set her up to do that. To ask you to the prom because she knew she was going with this other dude even though she promised to take you. She felt guilty and tried to set you up on a date. She figured if you accepted her friends invitation, then she wouldn't have to feel guilty about going back on her word. Then, all of you would have a GREAT time and it all works out in the end.

 

Make sense?

 

But, a little shady and underhanded if you ask me. Good thing that you're moving on. This alone should help you maintain NC. That she was willing to pawn you off to one of her friends rather than spend an evening as your date. That's how much value you have to her.

Edited June 6, 2013 by Chi townD

[Simon Phoenix]

If you want to write a letter, then write a letter. BUT DO NOT SEND IT AT ALL!!!!!

 

Some people feel the same way and the compose a letter here at LS. Some people write a letter and immediately after they're done writing, they burn it.

 

It's okay to sometimes write down your feelings. Putting it to paper. It's like, symbolic of those feeling leaving your body and entering the paper. Sometimes it's theraputic. BUT DO NOT SEND IT!!! You're not the first person that's ever wanted to do this, and you won't be the last.

 

NC isn't easy. It's hard as hell. ANd you're going to have good days and bad days. But, just like any other addict, you just need to get yourself through the day without contacting her. Tomorrow, you'll probably feel differently about it. You may NOT want to contact her.

 

Just get through today! ONLY worry about today.

 

Echo this. I wrote my ex a letter. It was therapeutic and when I was done with it I felt a lot better. But there was no way in hell I was going to send it to her.

 

The letter thing is one of the worst possible strategies out there. But besides that, the main problem with it is that it's based on lies. You shouldn't say you are indifferent when you aren't. You shouldn't say you agree with the breakup when you don't. And you shouldn't claim to have changed in 23 days when you haven't (no one does). It's just a bad idea all around to send her a letter. Write it to get your words out, then throw it away or just save it to some hidden folder on your computer (that's where mine is).

[flitzanu]

I'm sure most of you don't know my story, I'm 17 years old, and basically my girlfriend dumped me around 6 weeks ago because she had lost her feelings for me, and felt bored of the relationship, and was fed up of my lack of confidence/insecurities about myself. You can find it here if you're interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/392741-i-don-t-know-how-get-over-my-first-love

 

At first we tried being friends, because I guess she still wanted me around as an emotional crutch, and I'm guessing for the other usual reasons. It really hurt me at first considering she was my first love (and I was hers). It was weird being friends at first, so instead of responding to her breadcrumbs (she sent me a message a day for almost a week). I finally caved and messaged her saying that I was taking time to myself etc. However I didn't really stick to it so we just kinda started talking casually for a few days, until we had a fight about her taking someone else to her formal (prom) after she had promised that she would still take me. She said some pretty hurtful things, and her friend started messaging me and abusing me, so I retaliated by just being rude. And now my ex just views me as a 'manipulative disrespectful *******'. And has blocked me on FB after I deleted her, and I don't know her new phone number.

 

That was over 23 days ago, no contact since then. Mainly because I feel that I don't have any hopes of reconciling with her, and that she taunted me saying 'going to run away again?'. I've been experiencing the up and down rollercoaster of emotions. But I'd like to note that I have been taking this NC period to better myself and reflect on where I need to improve myself, and I have actively been trying to do that. However today was kind of one of those days. I was missing her, among other stresses such as family issues and all of the stress of exams. I really just wanted her...someone to talk to, that at one stage a few months ago would have supported me. She was the closest and most personal friend I've ever had, and I was hers. And I was oh so close to going and trying to make contact.

 

And right now I still do. I feel like writing her a letter, not to trying and beg her back, or plead. I just want to let everything out. Just put pen to paper and just ramble, whatever comes to mind, about everything basically, getting all my thoughts and feelings out. No regrets I guess. Just telling her that I have reached indifference (whether or not I have is another story), that I'm glad that she broke up with me because I'm on my way to becoming a better version of myself, that I wish her all the best, and that if she ever feels so low that she needs someone to talk to about her depression and talk about her childhood traumas that I wouldn't push her away if she did so. And really just talking about how I view everything that's happened. I'm fully aware that it's probably going to turn her off me, and resent me. But really at the end of the day I'm not that bothered by it because the only hope that we have of getting back together, or the only time I'd consider forgiving her and reconciling would be years in the future once we've grown up.

 

However I know eventually that I will regret it, whether it's immediately after sending it, or a few days, weeks, etc. And maybe I'm just going through a phase at the moment, but I really do think that this would make me feel better, and help me reach my own personal resolution. I know that it's most likely going to send me spiralling backwards on my progress, but I feel like it's something that I need to do to help me be at peace. And I don't expect any kind of response, and I'll tell her that I don't want her to in the letter if I do send it.

 

mope, blog, type, journal, do whatever, but don't send it to her. and especially don't try to pretend that you're indifferent because you know you're not. she'll see through your facade.

[TheMink]

 

I'm back in NC altho it's even harder this time around. But is clingyness and neediness are things she stated she didn't like ... then it's just going to annoy her and show her that she was right, not make her see her faults and the pain she caused.

 

Give her the time to miss you and trust me she will. She'll doubt her decision, she'll feel guilty, she'll miss you ... but all in her own time so don't wait around for it. U don't have to date others if you're not ready ( i tried ... not a good idea. I wasn't emotionally ready at all), but focus on school. ur work, your friends, working out, get a new hobby etc.

 

After some time, she'll see the happy, independant, confident you and at that time, if there are any residual feelings, her attraction and interest in you will come back.

 

Good luck and keep ya head up. It's hard. I know.

 

You're right in saying that one of the problems particularly at the start and the middle of our relationship was my clinginess and neediness, which are not particularly attractive traits. I kind of relied on her for my happiness, and I wasn't really that confident, and had insecurities and lacked self esteem.

 

To better myself I have been trying my best to fix these problems since the break up, such as starting to work out etc. I guess I'm not just doing these things so I become more attractive to her, it's also because I want to better myself for future relationships. I don't think she's really going to be able to see the person that I'm shaping myself to become because we are not going to run into each other.

 

 

Okay, a little confused now... I just read the other thread now. Over there you were Peter, now your the Mink? Are we talking to the same person?

 

If we are, you know what the deal is with the friend of hers that started to get abusive with you that asked you to the formal was, right?

 

Your Ex set her up to do that. To ask you to the prom because she knew she was going with this other dude even though she promised to take you. She felt guilty and tried to set you up on a date. She figured if you accepted her friends invitation, then she wouldn't have to feel guilty about going back on her word. Then, all of you would have a GREAT time and it all works out in the end.

 

Make sense?

 

But, a little shady and underhanded if you ask me. Good thing that you're moving on. This alone should help you maintain NC. That she was willing to pawn you off to one of her friends rather than spend an evening as your date. That's how much value you have to her.

 

Yeah sorry for any confusion I changed accounts due to problems with the email. I've tried looking at the whole situation with the prom date from every perspective, and any way that I look at it I just see her in a bad light. I don't even want to fathom what was happening and being said behind the scenes with her friend. It just sickens me to think that she would do something like that to me. That after all I've done that she treats me like absolute crap.

 

-----------

 

I guess I feel like I didn't really get a chance to defend myself when her friend and her said I'm manipulative and emotionally blackmailing my ex, because I didn't tell my ex who had invited me, just that someone did. It's like they were trapping me or something. No matter what happened, she views me in a negative light. And I know that I shouldn't really care what she thinks about me but I do.

 

I can't decide what I really want to tell her, whether that I'm just over everything and just ending things off on semi-good terms with hopes of possible friendship or reconciliation years in the future as adults, as I really do care about her and her well-being even though she doesn't care about mine. I guess it's just who I am. There's a part of me that wants to relay to her that even though that she's treated me terribly, that I am still there for her, because that's how I truly feel, and not just some silly reason as to why she should love me. I know that she doesn't need me, but I'd like to feel like I had an impact and that she valued all that I did for her (it's in the original thread if you were interested). I think that would let me feel like I tried my best that I possibly could and cared about her, kind of selflessly. That I put all my efforts into loving a person to the best of my ability and living without any regret.

 

Then there's another part of me that want to tell her that I didn't deserve any of the treatment that I received from her. That I was considering remaining friends if she hadn't lied to me and hurt me, and now she's lost the first person that had truly cared about her because if her actions.

 

Even though realistically that she probably doesn't care about anything that I'm thinking or feeling. But I feel like I'm damned if I do tell her something, because it'll ruin any future prospects of friendship or reconciliation, and damned if I don't because I'm just going to be stuck with this feeling of regret by letting her have the last word, saying that I've turned into this ******* and that I've changed, when realistically I haven't and the only reason I acted the way I did was because of her.

Edited June 7, 2013 by TheMink

[chados]

dont send her a letter. i know you feel like posting treads hoping that someone will convince you that contacting her is a good thing to do. people that are telling you not to are simply people thats been through this before and they are the people you should listen to. she doesnt hate you, she's just fed up with the relationship, and the more you talk to her the more you will push her away. everything she says or everyone says when they break up with you, you got too understand that its not always the truth, sometimes they lie to break up in good terms. sometimes they dont know why themselves. we are all the same. when life is miserable we dont think logically. just like youre not thinking logically when you have this bad days.

 

the reason you say, i might go back to her later in life is just a proof that you would take her back right now if she asked you to. in other words you're not over the relationship.

 

everyone thats been through this knows what im talking about. you have this good days when you can say. i dont want her anymore. then the next day when you're lonely you miss the feeling of having someone there and you go on loveshack posting a tread on how to get her back. because thats what this is all about. and this is also what people here are trying to explain to you. stay away, if she misses you and you end up getting back together one day, great for you. but dont do the stupid mistakes weve all been doing by answering our exes texts, calling them etc. imagine having a friend that youre tired hanging out with. you need some time before you want to hang out with him again right? now imagine a friend being tired of you. if this happened you would probably stay away for a while and let him contact you. although its not exactly the same thing, im sure you understand my point.

[TheMink]

Well I wrote the letter, I'm trying to restrain myself from sending it. Especially after running into her on the bus the other night, and having somewhat of a passive aggressive argument about everything. So instead of sending it I'll post it here:

 

You know who this is; last night was quite unexpected so I didn’t really have a chance to say everything that I wanted to properly, so I’ll do it now. You can choose to read this or not, it doesn’t really matter because I know where I stand. At the end of the day we’re both equally responsible for what’s happened, whether or not you see that right now also doesn’t really matter. I can say to myself without any regret that when I met you and we fell in love, I gave myself to you completely, all my affection, and all of my love. Looking back that was a big risk, and a pretty naïve one, but I don’t regret it.

 

By no stretch of the imagination was I a perfect person, boyfriend, a perfect friend. Neither of us was. There are so many things that I could say about what’s been going through my head over the last month, but you honestly don’t want to know. The truth is you broke my heart, I could tell you all the things that you’ve done to hurt me after that happened as well. And I’m sure you could on about the things I’ve done as well. But if you want to know what those things are I’d be glad to tell you sometime.

 

In regards to why we’re not friends at the moment, I don’t have to apologise for anything, and I’m not going to ask you to apologise for anything. But at the end of the day, you broke up with me, and the only thing I was clinging to was that friendship, because I was upset. When you chose to invite someone else to your formal, it really spoke volumes, it showed my value. I don’t want to imagine what was going on behind the scenes. I just knew that I needed to get away from you, and when *her friend* started abusing me it pushed me over the edge.

 

You can call me what you want to, tell me that my actions were, and perhaps some of them were, but at the end of the day I know I cared about you, loved you to the best of my abilities, valued you, and never gave up on you, and I know that I’m a good person, and there’s not a damn thing that you, your friends, my friends or anyone else can say that will change that. However, I can see why you did the things that you did, and I understand. I gave you all that I could give, and I know that I made an impact on your life, and I know that you got something out of this. No matter what you say to me, whatever you do, wherever you or I go, whoever I’m with or you’re with, I will always care about you, and there will always be a small place in my heart with memories of you. Just like it’s been, and always will be, there will always be a shoulder here for you if you need it. And I’d like to think that if I ever needed a shoulder I can come to you, because undoubtedly someday I’ll need it. But for now, it’s clear that we need to be away from each other. I’m not sure how long that will be, whether it be months or years, we will cross paths again. I’ve been able to see for months now that you need to be alone to continue your path on your way to recovery, and whether you want it or not I support you 100%. I can deal with you not loving me anymore, because my feelings for you were deeper than that. It’s quite obvious that you’re bitter at the moment, I could tell last night, so I don’t know if what I’ve said to you will have all that much of an effect but all that matters is that you know my perspective on things. I don’t need to know what yours is, because it’s not going to have that much of an impact on mine, and how I feel about you.

[TheMink]

Don't do it! No sending the letter!

I'm trying my best not to. I don't think I've ever been this close to doing something like this yet. At the moment I feel terrible, after I had decided to stay strong and not contact her, this is what I got for it. Now I just feel empowered to send her a meaningful message just telling her how it is and where I stand because now I know that nothing is going get rekindled between us and there's no chance of reconciliation now. I just want to rid her from my life on my own terms, and I don't want to regret not letting her know how I feel. I don't think sending her it is going to effect me because contact has already been broken. I don't want to be restrained anymore, I just want to let everything out. Right now there's nowhere to go but up.

Edited June 9, 2013 by TheMink

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm trying my best not to. I don't think I've ever been this close to doing something like this yet. At the moment I feel terrible, after I had decided to stay strong and not contact her, this is what I got for it. Now I just feel empowered to send her a meaningful message just telling her how it is and where I stand because now I know that nothing is going get rekindled between us and there's no chance of reconciliation now. I just want to rid her from my life on my own terms, and I don't want to regret not letting her know how I feel. I don't think sending her it is going to effect me because contact has already been broken. I don't want to be restrained anymore, I just want to let everything out. Right now there's nowhere to go but up.

 

She knows how you feel dude. This letter isn't going to do a thing. In fact, I would bet that if you do send this letter, in a few weeks you'll be back with more "things you have to say" and the cycle will repeat itself.

 

She knows where you stand, you know where she stands. It's time for you to move forward. Sending this letter won't do that. You'll get a crappy response and be devastated or you'll get no response and be devastated, then you'll look to contact again. And so on and so forth. Don't be that guy.

[TheMink]

From the letter I've written I honestly feel that it expresses my feelings at the moment, and what I want my future to be in relation to her. A couple days ago I felt quite confident that I would be able to continue my NC, as I was almost up to a month, but it all came crashing down. I was confident because I guess I had a foundation for it, from the argument and her blocking me. And now I feel like weird, that the talk we had on the bus left things half finished for me, and I don't have that 'foundation' for NC. So I'm finding it hard to move forward. I don't want a response from her, I just want to tell her how I feel and where I stand exactly, and not caring what she says or thinks because that's really the premise of how I feel right now.

 

I appreciate all the advice I've been given. I feel like I have an obligation to everyone to not send the letter considering what's been said.

Edited June 9, 2013 by TheMink

[flitzanu]

From the letter I've written I honestly feel that it expresses my feelings at the moment, and what I want my future to be in relation to her. A couple days ago I felt quite confident that I would be able to continue my NC, as I was almost up to a month, but it all came crashing down. I was confident because I guess I had a foundation for it, from the argument and her blocking me. And now I feel like weird, that the talk we had on the bus left things half finished for me, and I don't have that 'foundation' for NC. So I'm finding it hard to move forward. I don't want a response from her, I just want to tell her how I feel and where I stand exactly, and not caring what she says or thinks because that's really the premise of how I feel right now.

 

I appreciate all the advice I've been given. I feel like I have an obligation to everyone to not send the letter considering what's been said.

 

there's no "foundation" for NC. she doesn't want to hear anything from you, and you're only digging yourself deeper if you keep reaching out to her.

[chados]

youre saying that you will still be there for her in the letter. youre not over her and would probably take her back in a heartbeat. and likes previous poster said, this will work like a chain, especially if she doesnt answer you, you will think, maybe i should send her another letter or text. why would you be there for someone thats been hurting you. its not your job to make her happy. and it wont change anything. a letter wont change anything either. when you realize that you dont need this girl to live your life you can tell her whatever you want to.

 

trust me. listen to people here. one day you will look back and think,

 

"how could i even think about doing something like this to myself"

[ellaaaxoxo]

im seriously IN THE SAME SITUATION. except he broke up with me. im going crazy with the NC rule, its almost been 2 months since break up and 1 month since we last spoke. everyone tells me to maintain NC cuz eventually they will miss u and contact u. but idk what to think anymore. I feel like this NC is making him distance himself more from me!! But def do not contact her

[TheMink]

I can safely say that I have officially reached rock bottom. What I said to my ex on the bus was pretty much the same things that I said in the letter I wrote. My friend who I've been venting to and talking to about everything that's happened talked to my exes friend tonight. My ex told her friend everything that I said to her on the bus. Basically my ex laughed at everything that I said after she got off the bus, and after hearing that I was crushed. Apparently what I said was pointless and contradictory, and my ex got hurt when I blamed her for everything.

 

According to my ex's friend my ex wasn't in things for the long run, as she just wanted a relationship for the fun of it and wanted a best friend because she had no one else at school to talk to. At the time I was genuinely in love with her, and I'd say to her things like that I wanted to marry her eventually etc. (but I always knew in the back of my head that it was unrealistic to expect anything like that). And the only reason that she was staying with me was because she felt sorry for me and that was the only reason she was staying with me.

 

I seriously broke down hearing that, I've fallen back to how I felt the day she broke up with me, the anxiety is back, the feeling in the pit of my stomach, I've lost my appetite, all of the negative and depressing thoughts are back, and feel terrible. Last time something like this happened I self harmed, which I hope I can refrain from doing this time. It just feels like my relationship was one big massive lie, that she never really loved me like I loved her, and I was just an emotional crutch the whole time. I never thought that she was capable of doing this to me. Someone that I genuinely cared for was really just using me. I feel completely embarrassed and betrayed. I'm starting to wish that I never met her, it's left a really bad taste in my mouth in regards to my future relationships as if this is the norm for me. I thought I finally found someone that loved me but it wasn't true. I can guarantee myself that the next relationship I get into I will definitely be holding myself back, and not allowing myself to get hurt like this again. I really just want to cry and let everything out, but I can't.

 

However a small part of me is kind of glad that my first love was a bitch. I got to experience it when I am younger, so I can fend for myself better in the future and see the warning signs. I'm glad I've made mistakes with how I handled this break up, and I can see the effects that breaking NC has. I think it's easier to learn good habits and consequences by experiencing the pain rather than just listening and hearing about it.

 

Although I do genuinely care for her, because that's just the kind of person I am, and I know that she has issues that are out of her hands. I seriously do not want to hear from this person again, and I definitely won't be contacting them after this. Not a chance in the world.

Edited June 10, 2013 by TheMink

[Chi townD]

Hold on.....a little confused here.

 

You wrote her a letter that you were going to keep for yourself (just to get your thoughts out on paper.) but, you saw her on a bus and you pretty much spewd everything out at her that was on your letter? Only to find out that she was laughing behind your back about it?

 

 

Dude, seriously......when are you going to start to listening.

[TheMink]

Hold on.....a little confused here.

 

You wrote her a letter that you were going to keep for yourself (just to get your thoughts out on paper.) but, you saw her on a bus and you pretty much spewd everything out at her that was on your letter? Only to find out that she was laughing behind your back about it?

 

 

Dude, seriously......when are you going to start to listening.

Well basically that's what happened, I explained what happened in another post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/400075-my-nc-shattered-today

[Chi townD]

Okay, well...now that you know what you really meant to her. Time to get your life back.

 

You need to make positive changes to your life. You need to start doing that NOW! I speculate that your self esteem and self worth are in the toliet about now. So, now is a good time as any to start making those changes.

 

Oh, and stop talking to your friends about her. That's breaking NC. And tell your friends that you don't want to hear anything that has to do with her.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'd guess a lot of the things she was saying is anger in her because you keep pestering her and acting like a wuss. I'm sure she truly enjoyed your presence at one point, but she doesn't now. And for good reason, you've pretty much emasculated yourself at this point by acting weak and clingy and emo. You really need to get your s--t together and stop any and all correspondence with her. It's time to get moving forward.

[flitzanu]

im seriously IN THE SAME SITUATION. except he broke up with me. im going crazy with the NC rule, its almost been 2 months since break up and 1 month since we last spoke. everyone tells me to maintain NC cuz eventually they will miss u and contact u. but idk what to think anymore. I feel like this NC is making him distance himself more from me!! But def do not contact her

 

NC is not going to nake your ex miss you, and not going to make your ex come back.

[TheMink]

Okay, well...now that you know what you really meant to her. Time to get your life back.

 

You need to make positive changes to your life. You need to start doing that NOW! I speculate that your self esteem and self worth are in the toliet about now. So, now is a good time as any to start making those changes.

 

Oh, and stop talking to your friends about her. That's breaking NC. And tell your friends that you don't want to hear anything that has to do with her.

You're quite right in saying that my self-esteem and self-worth are in the toilet. Especially considering she was the first girl that ever shown interest in me and I thought that she had the same feelings as I did which obviously wasn't true. I'm not that confident of a person and I never really have been, so this has sent my self-esteem six foot under. All I can do is continue with what I've been doing in regards to trying to talk and meet new people, and work out etc.

 

Really at the moment the only thing that is letting me sleep at night is posting on here letting everything out and waking up seeing if anyone else has posted. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I really am at rock bottom right now, and the only way to go is up. Which I think will be better for me in the long run because I know the truth about her now, so now all I can do is rebuild myself.

[Chi townD]

You're quite right in saying that my self-esteem and self-worth are in the toilet. Especially considering she was the first girl that ever shown interest in me and I thought that she had the same feelings as I did which obviously wasn't true. I'm not that confident of a person and I never really have been, so this has sent my self-esteem six foot under. All I can do is continue with what I've been doing in regards to trying to talk and meet new people, and work out etc.

 

Really at the moment the only thing that is letting me sleep at night is posting on here letting everything out and waking up seeing if anyone else has posted. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I really am at rock bottom right now, and the only way to go is up. Which I think will be better for me in the long run because I know the truth about her now, so now all I can do is rebuild myself.

 

Well, you definitely starting to have the right frame of mind. Now, you need to apply those positive changes. Now, I can't tell if you're from Europe or the States, but it really shouldn't matter too much when applying positive changes.

 

First, new hairstyle and new clothes. Be styling and profiling everyday! Continue to workout and HARD!!! Get plenty of sleep and eat healthy.

 

Sounds like you're finishing up High School. You need to go to University. When you attended, there are tons of different clubs you can join! Pick one! Get involved! Put yourself out there! Meet new people! Stay Busy! Keep up with your studies!

 

Now, If your in Europe or England (which....is...still Europe, duh me!), save some money and grab some friends and have an extended weekend away somewhere! Go to Brighton! It's nice there! Plus, you can really save some money and stay in a hostel! It's all good!

 

Same if you're from the States! Save, grab some friends and go to Florida! States have hostels too!

 

Go out! Have an adventure! Do something fun! You have been emotionally and physically run through the ringer. Time to have some fun!

[chados]

the reason to ask people here on loveshack is to get other peoples insight about things you're not sure about yourself. the reason people are telling you things is because they either been through it themselves or because they just think its the right thing to do. we all said stay away. because you will get hurt again. and here you are back to square one.

 

 

you got to start listen. girls dont act like they do in movies. they wont come crawling back to you because youre doing nice things to them. you need to show them that you can change without saying it. in other words doing it for yourself. and maybe if they see you as a new person one day. you might have a chance. but you decided to push her further away by blaming her for the relationship. it doesnt matter who's fault it is. the only way that she can possibly understand anything thats been going on is to actually realize that herself.

 

i say it again. peoples beliefs towards a certain person will decide wether or not you will agree to what that person has to say or not. to make this clearer. i honestly think that she stayed with you cause she loved you once. but right now she can not see these good times you had. so she wont understand if she did something wrong. im gonna give you an even better example, people hate or love justin bieber. i dont like his music but i dont hate him. even if i go on youtube and tell everyone that he's a great guy giving money to charity or whatever, people are not gonna change their mind, they just gonna tell me that i am a retard. but when they get older and stop being jealous and hateful. they might think differently.

 

what im trying to say is. the only one who can change her mind is herself. and it can take some time. most important thing is to go out and have fun. go on dates.

you're 17, your life is not over. it just started. and this learning process will be appreciated.

[TheMink]

I felt a bit better today, although I don't think this could have come at a worse time as I'm really stressed out with exams already, and all of this has made things worse tenfold. Although holidays are coming soon and I will be going on a week holiday with friends and family during them (I live in Australia by the way).

 

My ex messaged me today, although I have restrained myself from opening it. All I know is that it starts of saying 'I don't want you to contact me...'. I am curious as to what else is in the message, I know reading it is probably going to cause me more hurt, and might provoke me to respond so at this stage I don't plan on opening it. But after my friend telling me everything last night I have no motivation to contact her at all, and I just get angry thinking about her.