TheMink Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 (edited) Well today my 25 days of no contact, and all of my emotional progress that I had made was shattered today...but it wasn't my fault. For you's that haven't read my previous thread's they're here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/392741-i-don-t-know-how-get-over-my-first-love http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/399655-i-almost-broke-nc-today-i-still-want As you know I was contemplating sending her a letter the other day, and just letting everything out. However, I chose not to as difficult as it was. I woke up today and started writing one, not to send to her, just for myself to let everything out. I got a bit of it done but I didn't finish it. I was at home all day, but after working out, I had a shower and left to go meet up with some friends that night to go to the movies with. So I waited for the bus, hopped on and sat down...I looked up and there she was...sitting beside me....on her way home from work... My heart literally skipped a beat. And she noticed me, and inevitably we talked. I should have just ignored her but I didn't. We exchanged awkward pleasantries, asking where I was off to and how was work etc. Basically the premise of the conversation was that she wanted me to apologize for 'ruining our friendship', and that she made excuses for not taking me to her formal. I said to her that we both made mistakes that lead to what happened, but she replied with something like 'I guess we have different viewpoints on that'. I said to her that she hurt me with the things that she said, which she "apologised" for, obviously not meaning it. I told her the truth, as pathetic as it was sound to you guys, and probably her, I said that no matter how much she hurt me, or whether she despised me, or whether I was just and emotional crutch for the whole relationship, that I still cared about her no matter what. I also said that I acted the way I did because I wasn't going to wait there while I got abused by her friend, and that I was sick of not standing up for myself throughout the relationship. I said that I can live without any regrets because I loved her to the best of my abilities and tried my hardest to make things work. I was feeling pretty emotional during the conversation so I couldn't really contain myself unfortunately. I can't really remember the finer details of the conversation as it feels like a blur to me right now. She got off at her stop after we said goodbye. My friend said that she tagged a guy in a photo of her and my ex's friend (the bitch) later that night as well. But realistically I'm not all that focused on that part because I know that not much is going to develop between them after her formal, and even if it does it's just a rebound. At the moment I feel terrible, after I had decided to stay strong and not contact her, this is what I got for it. Now I just feel empowered to send her a meaningful message just telling her how it is and where I stand because now I know that nothing is going get rekindled between us and there's no chance of reconciliation now. I just want to rid her from my life on my own terms, and I don't want to regret not letting her know how I feel. I don't think sending her it is going to effect me because contact has already been broken. I don't want to be restrained anymore, I just want to let everything out. Right now there's nowhere to go but up. I'm a good, loving and caring person, and there's not a damn thing that she can say to change that. Her loss, not mine. Edited June 8, 2013 by TheMink 1
Simon Phoenix Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 You already let her know how you felt in this conversation. No need to send a letter on top of it.
shadow15 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I understand your view, I did it with my break up, but don't send it. It will make you look pathetic, and the crazy ex bf. Write it down, post it here, BUT DON'T SEND IT. It's not for her it's for you. As bad as I hate to say this, but she is out of the picture man, and you have to be a man. No girl or no ex gf wants to hear that cause it comes off as needy. Trust me I did it, and I regret it afterwards. In our minds it may seem like your being this honest guy and shows he cares, but ignore her and let her go; show independence.
Author TheMink Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I do realise that sending this letter will come off as needy and pathetic, and make me look crazy. But I'm back at rock bottom again, just where I started. I really just want to get it all out of my system, even though I know I'm going to regret it. Seeing her on the bus and talking with her has sent me spiralling and now I'm finding it incredibly hard to restrain myself.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I do realise that sending this letter will come off as needy and pathetic, and make me look crazy. But I'm back at rock bottom again, just where I started. I really just want to get it all out of my system, even though I know I'm going to regret it. Seeing her on the bus and talking with her has sent me spiralling and now I'm finding it incredibly hard to restrain myself. Write it then, but do not send it to her. Getting your thoughts out on paper can be helpful, but sending is a terrible idea. 1
Cognitive Miser Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I'm a good, loving and caring person, and there's not a damn thing that she can say to change that. Her loss, not mine. This. What you have stated up here is all you need. Writing a letter to her now would be futile and only make matters worse. Forget her and keep reminding yourself of that. 1
dreamliver7 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Well today my 25 days of no contact, and all of my emotional progress that I had made was shattered today...but it wasn't my fault. For you's that haven't read my previous thread's they're here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/392741-i-don-t-know-how-get-over-my-first-love http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/399655-i-almost-broke-nc-today-i-still-want As you know I was contemplating sending her a letter the other day, and just letting everything out. However, I chose not to as difficult as it was. I woke up today and started writing one, not to send to her, just for myself to let everything out. I got a bit of it done but I didn't finish it. I was at home all day, but after working out, I had a shower and left to go meet up with some friends that night to go to the movies with. So I waited for the bus, hopped on and sat down...I looked up and there she was...sitting beside me....on her way home from work... My heart literally skipped a beat. And she noticed me, and inevitably we talked. I should have just ignored her but I didn't. We exchanged awkward pleasantries, asking where I was off to and how was work etc. Basically the premise of the conversation was that she wanted me to apologize for 'ruining our friendship', and that she made excuses for not taking me to her formal. I said to her that we both made mistakes that lead to what happened, but she replied with something like 'I guess we have different viewpoints on that'. I said to her that she hurt me with the things that she said, which she "apologised" for, obviously not meaning it. I told her the truth, as pathetic as it was sound to you guys, and probably her, I said that no matter how much she hurt me, or whether she despised me, or whether I was just and emotional crutch for the whole relationship, that I still cared about her no matter what. I also said that I acted the way I did because I wasn't going to wait there while I got abused by her friend, and that I was sick of not standing up for myself throughout the relationship. I said that I can live without any regrets because I loved her to the best of my abilities and tried my hardest to make things work. I was feeling pretty emotional during the conversation so I couldn't really contain myself unfortunately. I can't really remember the finer details of the conversation as it feels like a blur to me right now. She got off at her stop after we said goodbye. My friend said that she tagged a guy in a photo of her and my ex's friend (the bitch) later that night as well. But realistically I'm not all that focused on that part because I know that not much is going to develop between them after her formal, and even if it does it's just a rebound. At the moment I feel terrible, after I had decided to stay strong and not contact her, this is what I got for it. Now I just feel empowered to send her a meaningful message just telling her how it is and where I stand because now I know that nothing is going get rekindled between us and there's no chance of reconciliation now. I just want to rid her from my life on my own terms, and I don't want to regret not letting her know how I feel. I don't think sending her it is going to effect me because contact has already been broken. I don't want to be restrained anymore, I just want to let everything out. Right now there's nowhere to go but up. I'm a good, loving and caring person, and there's not a damn thing that she can say to change that. Her loss, not mine. I believe it was a great opportunity that you got and you have already made the most of it by talking your heart. Understand this that the relationship ended because you had disagreements in the first place so it is not fair of you to expect her to understand your point of view! And I agree with other folks on this thread here when they talk about not sending the letter... just too much attention to her and empowerment if you send that letter out. If you still wan't to hit send on that letter, try us folks here on the forum rather than your ex
Chi townD Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Ugh...dude! OKay, in situations like that. You should have ignored her. If she engages you in conversation, then you keep your answers short and to the point in a calm and cool manner. Giving off the vibe that you're not being disrespectful; but, you're just not interested. Chalk it up to lessons learned.
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