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NinjaTurtlesAreCool

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool

Hello everyone,

 

Hope everybody is having a good weekend! :-) I joined a couple of days ago and have a question to ask that will hopefully get me some helpful answers!

 

Let me start with a bit about myself - I'm a single 35 year old guy living in the South of England. I'm a happy and silly person with own house, a great job and I feel ready to meet someone great to settle down and have a family with. :-) I'm also very much what you would define as a geek - I have a room full of computers old and new that I like to DIY my own hardware for, I collect Transformers and am a big fan of Doctor Who (classic and new), Star Trek, Star Wars, Stargate and sci-fi in general.

 

I love learning so enjoy reading and subjects such as history, science and astronomy.

 

I'm out most weekends (this is the first weekend in a month where I've been at home) around the country, so I'm not a 'shut-in' by any means. I'm also slim, fit and healthy, my job and lifestyle out of work keeps me fit.

 

Anyway, you'd think that finding a nice lady that shares any of my interests on the Internet would be easy but is what seems to elude me.

 

I'm a member of three online dating sites and I've done ok on them - I don't seem to have any problems getting responses. I've had women contact me first, I've been on lots of dates with women I've met off of there as well - I've met some great people, made some friends, I do have some horror stories from there too but I just see it as part of the 'wonderful world of dating'! I have had two relationships from the dating sites, both of them turned out to be quite unpleasant people after a while, but I don't blame the dating sites for that - I was just unlucky.

 

One of the common things I have found with dates from there is that anything sci-fi or geeky or nerdy is viewed by a lot of women as very off-putting. I've had dates that have gone very well but have been told they don't want to meet me again because of my interest in those things. It's not like I sit there and wax lyrical about them on a date but I spend a lot of time at conventions and have a lot of friends who work both on sci-fi shows, movies and literature as well as those who just share my interest. So it's a big part of my life and has been since I was a kid. I'm not throwing away something that brings me a lot of happiness just because someone decides they don't like that in a partner.

 

Last year, I went on a date that went very well. The next day she texted me and said that she'd see me again 'in a shot' but that she didn't want to date someone who was into 'that kind of thing' (sci-fi). I just replied back and told her that was a pity but that I wished her the best of luck in her search.

 

An ex-girlfriend a couple of years ago one evening confessed to me that she found my interest in that stuff embarrassing and that she had to hide it from her friends and family. When I told her that I wasn't going to get rid of my stuff because she was ashamed of me, she threatened to smash the lot up in a rage!

 

Those two spring to mind but there have been others too.

 

I've no idea why so many are so dead set against things like that - I can't say I've ever disliked someone for their interests like that.

 

Anyway, I'd love to meet someone who shared at least one of my interests and hopefully that would mean no being pushed away for my interests and no threats against me for it either (I'd like to say the ex girlfriend I mentioned was unique but sadly not).

 

I also generally like smart/geeky/nerdy women anyway. The usual "I spend my weekends travelling the globe and skiing, surfing, etc." profiles don't really do anything for me. I like women that have something a bit more unique about them.

 

I've searched on OKCupid, POF and Match.com but haven't really found anyone who shares any one of my interests. You'd think, this being the Internet, that a geeky/nerdy woman would be easy to find but it doesn't seem so!

 

In fact, when I try and narrow searches down I very often get 0 results in my area back. Even opening it right up to further away doesn't yield many results. I live 50 mins from London so you'd think there would be lots there, but apparently not. A search for 'Star Trek', for example, returns very few women around my age and when it does it's usually a casual mention of the new movies rather than an interest as such. Even 'Doctor Who', which apparently has a large female fanbase, seems to have hardly any interest from women near me.

 

I go to lots of conventions but find any single women there tend to be from other countries or hundreds of miles away. The large conventions these days aren't very good places for meeting people anyway. Too big and noisy!

 

I'm convinced I'm doing something wrong and there's some place online or somewhere where there are lots of women like that and, hopefully my match. I don't expect to just go on there say "hello" and there she'll be (although that would be nice) but at least somewhere that there are good odds I could meet someone like that.

 

So does anybody have any ideas? Any suggestions? Am I hoping to meet someone that doesn't really exist?

 

Any help would be much appreciated. :-)

 

- G

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You've been going to the wrong cons, maybe! I have LOADS of single female friends(though, admittedly, from all over the UK...), who are massive geeks and prefer guys to be into the same kind of stuff.

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How big a part of your like is it exactly?

 

I could happily date a man who was into that kind of thing but if he was off to a convention every weekend then I wouldn't see him often.

 

I have passions for music, cars, reading and various other things (too many to list to be honest) but I don't do them all of the time as I also make space for other things too.

The only 'passion' of mine for which I cannot make allowances time wise when dating is my work. I'm an excel geek 5 days a week (only occasionally more) btw.

 

 

I also don't talk to just anyone about the things I love - not unless I find out they love them too.

Passions are a great thing to have but also, not everyone is going to like the same things. However, if it is essential to you that they share your passions then perhaps your best bet is to keep your profile up at conventions and use your passion as a tool for meeting people.

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JuneJulySeptember

If you are getting dates, then I really wouldn't worry about it.

 

My interests involve popular things like drinking, sports, skiing, and hiking, and it really doesn't help me get dates. The physical attraction always comes first.

 

And even though you are into that stuff, women are messaging you first. You have to be happy about that.

 

I don't see the need to compromise whatsoever.

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salparadise

There does seem to be stigma attached to sci-fi geekiness as contrasted to other types of literature and entertainment. It seems to me (no empirical data) to be one of those closed special-interest niches. An in-group/out-group kind of thing.

 

I am a motorcyclist so I've had some experience with interest stigma. I've had women online write to tell me that it's a shame, because if it were not for the fact that I ride motorcycles they'd be interested- and I'm not even part of the highly stigmatized harley-davidson culture. Nobody outside that group wants a hardcore, black leather, do-rag harley guy, and those guys probably aren't interested in anyone outside their clan either.

 

All you have to do to gain a basic understanding of how sci-fi geeks are viewed by the rest of the world is watch a few episodes of Big Bang Theory. They're stereotyped as comic book obsessed, emotionally immature, overly rational, socially inept, children in adult bodies. Of course that's not an accurate portrayal of everyone who is into sci-fi, but it's nearly impossible to avoid having that image attributed if you identify as a member of the group.

 

I think you have only two ways to go as far as dating... either double down on the sci-fi thing and find a girl who is dazzled by an alpha-trekie, or back away from the stereotype and let it be one of you varied interests, but not an obsession or lifestyle choice. If you're a convention goer I'd say the former sounds more likely.

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool
You've been going to the wrong cons, maybe! I have LOADS of single female friends(though, admittedly, from all over the UK...), who are massive geeks and prefer guys to be into the same kind of stuff.

 

I guess I must have - I never really seem to meet anyone at those things. When I have got talking to women there they come from Scotland or Ireland! I find the big cons like LFCC are usually too busy and loud. I've been to smaller cons over the last 3 weeks and there are very few women at those.

 

I tend to make friends at conventions but never really meet anyone who could be anything more.

 

I also don't talk to just anyone about the things I love - not unless I find out they love them too.

Passions are a great thing to have but also, not everyone is going to like the same things. However, if it is essential to you that they share your passions then perhaps your best bet is to keep your profile up at conventions and use your passion as a tool for meeting people.

 

I don't really bring it up unless asked but usually I'll get asked what I've been doing recently and that will inevitably bring it up in conversation. I have lots of other interests too but sci-fi is a main one, no idea why so many women seem to loathe it so much.

 

If you are getting dates, then I really wouldn't worry about it.

 

My interests involve popular things like drinking, sports, skiing, and hiking, and it really doesn't help me get dates. The physical attraction always comes first.

 

And even though you are into that stuff, women are messaging you first. You have to be happy about that.

 

I don't see the need to compromise whatsoever.

 

Lots of dates are fine but I'd really like to find something more. There's a running joke at work as I've been on so many dates now and the sci-fi seems to be a real negative for a lot that I've met.

 

I've never really had a relationship with someone that shares an interest and I tend to like geeky or nerdy women (yet never meet any!) so would love the opportunity to meet someone like that but - like I say - they never seem to be where I am, be it online or in the physical world. I'd imagine having conversations with someone about things you love and knowing that they love it too would be a lot of fun!

 

My friends think I'm mad and say most people want to meet women that aren't geeks but I'm the other way round! I think it's nice to be different though! :-D

 

- G

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JuneJulySeptember

Lots of dates are fine but I'd really like to find something more. There's a running joke at work as I've been on so many dates now and the sci-fi seems to be a real negative for a lot that I've met.

 

I've never really had a relationship with someone that shares an interest and I tend to like geeky or nerdy women (yet never meet any!) so would love the opportunity to meet someone like that but - like I say - they never seem to be where I am, be it online or in the physical world. I'd imagine having conversations with someone about things you love and knowing that they love it too would be a lot of fun!

 

My friends think I'm mad and say most people want to meet women that aren't geeks but I'm the other way round! I think it's nice to be different though! :-D

 

- G

 

I don't know how old you are, but you'll find that once people marry and have kids, 95% of their 'interests' beyond making money, caring for the kids, and getting away for a trip every now and then disappear.

 

So, if you're planning on going that route, I'd venture to say common interests aren't as important in retrospect. But I digress.

 

My immediate advice if you are 20s to mid 30s is to use meetup groups. I see all kinds of meetup groups for the type of things you describe. If you are able to physically attract women on OLD, then it should be like shooting ducks in a pond with women from specific 'geek' groups.

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SupportiveGuy

Get some noise cancelling headphones and try going to the bigger noisy 'cons,' that'll double your chances. :laugh:

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I'm personally in this odd zone of having a lot of geeky interests but only to a moderate degree - I'll read books, watch TV, listen to podcasts, but have never attended cons, nor done cosplay, etc. That might be more a distinction in kind of event than degree of interest. But generally speaking, the social aspects of geekiness & nerdery are less interesting to me than the stuff I can enjoy on my own. Which makes it less likely I'll meet a geek girl, I guess.

 

The other side of it is that plenty of geek girls are not interested in geek guys, and would rather have a philistine for a mate. Which would be fine, if there were as many non-geek girls who wanted a geek guy for a mate, and I don't find that to be the case. Or I'm just unattractive, and that's just an excuse, but I reject that reality and substitute my own.

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool
I don't know how old you are, but you'll find that once people marry and have kids, 95% of their 'interests' beyond making money, caring for the kids, and getting away for a trip every now and then disappear.

 

So, if you're planning on going that route, I'd venture to say common interests aren't as important in retrospect. But I digress.

 

My immediate advice if you are 20s to mid 30s is to use meetup groups. I see all kinds of meetup groups for the type of things you describe. If you are able to physically attract women on OLD, then it should be like shooting ducks in a pond with women from specific 'geek' groups.

 

I'm 35 so just on the edge of that group. ;-) There isn't anything in the way of meetup groups where I live. the nearest are in London. I joined one last year but they tend to hold their meetups on weeknights, which is a bit tricky for me due to work. I asked about the membership and was told that it was almost exclusively male anyway! I did run my own meetup group for a bit with some friends from cons, it was a monthly thing but getting everyone together wasn't exactly easy. The last one it was just me and one other guy, so it wasn't really worth doing it anymore.

 

I think an online group might be better. I did join a couple of forums - including one which is allegedly the largest Doctor Who forum online. Didn't seem to be any women there either! I even asked and just got responses from guys basically saying "good luck"! :laugh:

 

Get some noise cancelling headphones and try going to the bigger noisy 'cons,' that'll double your chances. :laugh:

 

I already go to LFCC - I don't think there are any cons in the UK bigger than that one (especially the one last Summer with Stan Lee there - a lot of people couldn't even get in!). I guess I could boogie to some Abba* or something while I went round the stalls if I had those noise cancelling headphones! That'd probably clear a path for me pretty quick! ;)

 

*I'd just like to point out that I don't actually listen to Abba, at least not when I'm sober.

 

I'm personally in this odd zone of having a lot of geeky interests but only to a moderate degree - I'll read books, watch TV, listen to podcasts, but have never attended cons, nor done cosplay, etc. That might be more a distinction in kind of event than degree of interest. But generally speaking, the social aspects of geekiness & nerdery are less interesting to me than the stuff I can enjoy on my own. Which makes it less likely I'll meet a geek girl, I guess.

 

The other side of it is that plenty of geek girls are not interested in geek guys, and would rather have a philistine for a mate. Which would be fine, if there were as many non-geek girls who wanted a geek guy for a mate, and I don't find that to be the case. Or I'm just unattractive, and that's just an excuse, but I reject that reality and substitute my own.

 

I don't think non-geek women necessarily dislike geek guys, I think there are plenty about for just about any kind of guy. The thing is finding them!

 

- G

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I think the key here is you say these nerdy things, a lot of "women" find offputting. There are plenty of 'tweens and teens and maybe some 20-ish adults who are still into all that nerdy kid stuff, but most people do outgrow it eventually. Though they may carry a soft spot in their heart for it, like I do my china horses, most people aren't going to still be making it front and center into their 30s.

 

There's such a thing as arrested development when you never move on from the stuff you liked as a kid. Sometimes that happens from a trauma or divorce or something that caused a break in your development. Usually, it's only in one or a couple of facets of your life (one hopes) and not a huge deal. But see, in this case, it is a big deal because it's a woman repellent because it's so juvenile. You might find someone on the same page, but most women are going to want a man with man interests and not a little boy in a man's body.

 

Again, it's a matter of degree, but it sounds like you've made it the center of your existence. Trust me, even the isolated action figure has been the cause of many a break in the ol' marriage vows when either the man or the woman wants to put it out on display where others can see it. This is what attics are for. In my case, I have an old habit, music memorabilia. I earned it all. I have most of it in a junk room with the door closed and only matching framed photos and a couple of things out. Likewise, I keep my rock collection in the library, a few neatly on display, but the rest packed away in boxes. Unless someone does fervently share your passion, no one is going to want to move in with a home cluttered with any type of stuff like that. And if you ever have kids, you will not have room to devote to it like I do.

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calvincline47

The further outside the mainstream you are, the more difficult it will be to find a partner.

 

You're obviously a good-looking guy or you wouldn't have any dates.

 

In today's world, women have a lot of options and are, therefore, looking for perfection. Have you considered concealing this side of you until the woman is already really into you? This will make you look more mainstream and, ultimately, more appealing.

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"Geekiness" is one of those things that is very popular - even among adults both male and female...but it's also socially stigmatized and not really mainstream in an adult sense. To put it another way...you generally won't hear geeky subjects like Star Wars being discussed around the water cooler in law firms, banking or many other white-collar offices (especially places that mainly consist of middle-class people in their late 20s and up who are married, live in the suburbs, have kids and have conservative, low-key, "settled down" lifestyles). They're probably talking about something funny/cool their kid did, or the Oscars/Emmys, or football. "Safe" topics, so to speak. Another example - games such as League of Legends are wildly popular, played by tens of millions of people worldwide...but you won't hear a peep about such things being talked about on well-known news networks. Games still have a negative stigma associated with them, whereas something such as the iPhone doesn't.

 

It's fine to have geeky interests as an adult. (Good even, in my opinion.) You should be yourself and have interests, even hardcore interests, in whatever you want, regardless of your age. However, there's a difference between an interest and a lifestyle. A geeky lifestyle (you can substitute anything else for "geeky" that isn't mainstream) may have negative consequences for you...socially, in your dating pursuits, and professionally. You may have a harder time fitting in at various environments. It may also distract you from other adult responsibilities. Sorry, but we live in a very judgmental world, and therefore your image and reputation matters if you want to achieve certain things in life. That's just the way life is. It may be better to moderate or tone down the geeky side of you a bit, and have a lifestyle that's a bit more socially inclusive and palatable to a wider swath of people. In other words, be "normal" in the right ways and at the right times, while still retaining some of your quirks...so that you still come across as an interesting person without stepping into "he's a weirdo, I dunno about him..." territory. This is possible while still being yourself.

 

Obsessions are yet another different thing, and IMO are never good.

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I guess I must have - I never really seem to meet anyone at those things. When I have got talking to women there they come from Scotland or Ireland! I find the big cons like LFCC are usually too busy and loud. I've been to smaller cons over the last 3 weeks and there are very few women at those.

 

I tend to make friends at conventions but never really meet anyone who could be anything more.

 

Hmmm... I mean... there's always going to be a bigger ratio of men to women, but I know PLENTY of women who go to them. I don't do signing events, though. Only hotel cons. I guess it's also easier to meet people at those.

 

I think the key here is you say these nerdy things, a lot of "women" find offputting. There are plenty of 'tweens and teens and maybe some 20-ish adults who are still into all that nerdy kid stuff, but most people do outgrow it eventually. Though they may carry a soft spot in their heart for it, like I do my china horses, most people aren't going to still be making it front and center into their 30s.

 

 

You say that because you haven't attended sci fi conventions! Most people are in their 30s. I know plenty of people who have been going to them for over 20 years and I am celebrating my 10th year of attending cons this year! No intention of stopping anytime soon.

 

Other than that, though, as an interest, you watch movies/tv shows and read books. Most people do those kinds of things ANYWAY! I, and the OP, just tend to watch a particular genre more than others.

 

MY FWB is very much into festivals. He spends most of his summer going to them. The only thing I find off putting about it is really just the camping in the mud (this is the UK, after all).

I mean... most people do have interests that are front and centre for most of their lives. Be it cycling, football, whatever!

 

Why is it more acceptable for people to go watch the football every weekend than it is for other to go to conventions a few times over the year? What is the actual difference??

 

Sci-fi isn't "nerdy kid stuff". Far from it! Most of it is actually quite deep and dark and very much not for kids. I sure as hell wouldn't want my potential kids watching the most recent BattleStar Galactica!

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I know guys who go to sci fi conventions mainly for the seminaked costumed women there. Anyway, going to a convention is a far cry from living and breathing all that stuff and having your home look like a star trek factory. I know a guy who just had a whole lot of stuff that wasn't childish and was actually collectable but because it was all over his house, before his girlfriend agreed to marry him, it had to go. No one wants to live with all that crap. It had turned off every woman he ever managed to get to his apartment. No one wants to live in a warehouse.

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Why are you limiting your sphere of women to solely OLD? Most geeky couples that I know didn't even meet via OKC or POF or whatever. They either met at work/school like anyone else does, or at conventions or cosplays or game nights, or online via online games or forums.

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SupportiveGuy

Don't listen to the naysayers, being childish keeps you young! People who say otherwise are snooty and disapproving types who live in their own little imaginary "grown ups" world that they call the "real world." It's a real shame.

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LookAtThisPOst
Why are you limiting your sphere of women to solely OLD? Most geeky couples that I know didn't even meet via OKC or POF or whatever. They either met at work/school like anyone else does, or at conventions or cosplays or game nights, or online via online games or forums.

 

There's a real hot, female cosplayer I know on OK Cupid, I was actually surprised to see her on there considering she's an avid convention go-er. She's been showing off her "ab" work out a week prior to a convention and she'd have you drooling...yet I find it ironic she doesn't have men at the cons flocking to her.

 

The only reason is likely she's in her 40's and she told me that most single men there are college-aged 20-something Anime fans...if anyone there is HER age...they are usually married or in a LTR with other cosplayers.

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool

Wow! Lots of replies! I'll try and reply to everyone but apologies if I miss anybody!

 

I think the key here is you say these nerdy things, a lot of "women" find offputting. There are plenty of 'tweens and teens and maybe some 20-ish adults who are still into all that nerdy kid stuff, but most people do outgrow it eventually. Though they may carry a soft spot in their heart for it, like I do my china horses, most people aren't going to still be making it front and center into their 30s.

 

There's such a thing as arrested development when you never move on from the stuff you liked as a kid. Sometimes that happens from a trauma or divorce or something that caused a break in your development. Usually, it's only in one or a couple of facets of your life (one hopes) and not a huge deal. But see, in this case, it is a big deal because it's a woman repellent because it's so juvenile. You might find someone on the same page, but most women are going to want a man with man interests and not a little boy in a man's body.

 

Again, it's a matter of degree, but it sounds like you've made it the center of your existence. Trust me, even the isolated action figure has been the cause of many a break in the ol' marriage vows when either the man or the woman wants to put it out on display where others can see it. This is what attics are for. In my case, I have an old habit, music memorabilia. I earned it all. I have most of it in a junk room with the door closed and only matching framed photos and a couple of things out. Likewise, I keep my rock collection in the library, a few neatly on display, but the rest packed away in boxes. Unless someone does fervently share your passion, no one is going to want to move in with a home cluttered with any type of stuff like that. And if you ever have kids, you will not have room to devote to it like I do.

 

I have a few collectibles but I have seen 'worse' (or should I say - cooler!) than my house - my front room is predominantly DVDs and blu rays (as well as the odd VHS, being the sentimental soul I am) as well as pictures I've had drawn for me by comic book artists and a lot of my books. My feeling is that if someone came in my house, looked at that and decided they didn't like me because of that then they most likely didn't really like me that much in the first place.

 

If I walked into someone's house and they had, say, a huge pewter cow collection all around their front room I wouldn't think "oh my God! Run away!" I'd probably start asking them about it but that would be because I likely was interested in her enough to be going back to her house in the first place. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest that she had a million pewter cows. It is her house after all!

 

I'm not sure I'd class it as the centre of my existence exactly, I still do all the boring every day adult stuff like bills, investments, house stuff, job, studying, etc.

 

The further outside the mainstream you are, the more difficult it will be to find a partner.

 

You're obviously a good-looking guy or you wouldn't have any dates.

 

In today's world, women have a lot of options and are, therefore, looking for perfection. Have you considered concealing this side of you until the woman is already really into you? This will make you look more mainstream and, ultimately, more appealing.

 

I don't think I'm bad looking - I'm not fighting women off with a stick but I seem to do ok on the dating sites. I'm just me really but I'm quite happy with who I am and how I look. It's what makes me recognisably me, after all. :-)

 

What constitutes 'perfection' though?

 

It's fine to have geeky interests as an adult. (Good even, in my opinion.) You should be yourself and have interests, even hardcore interests, in whatever you want, regardless of your age. However, there's a difference between an interest and a lifestyle. A geeky lifestyle (you can substitute anything else for "geeky" that isn't mainstream) may have negative consequences for you...socially, in your dating pursuits, and professionally. You may have a harder time fitting in at various environments. It may also distract you from other adult responsibilities. Sorry, but we live in a very judgmental world, and therefore your image and reputation matters if you want to achieve certain things in life. That's just the way life is. It may be better to moderate or tone down the geeky side of you a bit, and have a lifestyle that's a bit more socially inclusive and palatable to a wider swath of people. In other words, be "normal" in the right ways and at the right times, while still retaining some of your quirks...so that you still come across as an interesting person without stepping into "he's a weirdo, I dunno about him..." territory. This is possible while still being yourself.

 

Obsessions are yet another different thing, and IMO are never good.

 

I can't say it has harmed me socially - I started going to conventions after the end of my last relationship (she hated conventions so when it ended I wanted to go to as many as possible - mwahahahaa!;-) and I have to say I've made a lot of great friends through conventions.

 

Where I work things like Star Trek do actually come up in conversation along with other stuff like sports, politics, etc. due to the nature of where I work (tech based). Sadly, there are very few women where I work and no single ones! In fact, I am one of very few single people in the company full stop and am always being asked when I'm going to settle down with someone.

 

Hmmm... I mean... there's always going to be a bigger ratio of men to women, but I know PLENTY of women who go to them. I don't do signing events, though. Only hotel cons. I guess it's also easier to meet people at those.

 

 

 

You say that because you haven't attended sci fi conventions! Most people are in their 30s. I know plenty of people who have been going to them for over 20 years and I am celebrating my 10th year of attending cons this year! No intention of stopping anytime soon.

 

Other than that, though, as an interest, you watch movies/tv shows and read books. Most people do those kinds of things ANYWAY! I, and the OP, just tend to watch a particular genre more than others.

 

MY FWB is very much into festivals. He spends most of his summer going to them. The only thing I find off putting about it is really just the camping in the mud (this is the UK, after all).

I mean... most people do have interests that are front and centre for most of their lives. Be it cycling, football, whatever!

 

Why is it more acceptable for people to go watch the football every weekend than it is for other to go to conventions a few times over the year? What is the actual difference??

 

Sci-fi isn't "nerdy kid stuff". Far from it! Most of it is actually quite deep and dark and very much not for kids. I sure as hell wouldn't want my potential kids watching the most recent BattleStar Galactica!

 

I think I'm just unlucky with meeting women at cons. Most seem to be in relationships - I sat at a table with a lot of women earlier this year at a hotel con and thought this could be a good opportunity... until their partners came over and joined them! :laugh: I made some good friends that evening but, of course, nothing more. When I have found someone who could be single, they've lived way up in Scotland or Ireland. I seem to be quite good at attracting Irish women in particular, for some reason! Nothing wrong with those places but they're too far away for anything more than friends.

 

100% with you on the other points. :)

 

I know guys who go to sci fi conventions mainly for the seminaked costumed women there. Anyway, going to a convention is a far cry from living and breathing all that stuff and having your home look like a star trek factory. I know a guy who just had a whole lot of stuff that wasn't childish and was actually collectable but because it was all over his house, before his girlfriend agreed to marry him, it had to go. No one wants to live with all that crap. It had turned off every woman he ever managed to get to his apartment. No one wants to live in a warehouse.

 

That's a shame - at least he found someone in the end though. :)

 

Why are you limiting your sphere of women to solely OLD? Most geeky couples that I know didn't even meet via OKC or POF or whatever. They either met at work/school like anyone else does, or at conventions or cosplays or game nights, or online via online games or forums.

 

Very remote chance of meeting someone like that at work (see above), I never seem to meet anyone like that conventions that doesn't live hundreds of miles away or is single. I'm not really a big gamer - I occasionally play RPGs like WOW, Elder Scrolls or Mass Effect but am not a 'hardcore' gamer by any stretch. All the forums I've looked at seem to be devoid of women around my age (even when I've just come out with it and asked if there are any around) but if anyone knows of any such sites (preferably with a UK presence) then please do let me know. :)

 

Don't listen to the naysayers, being childish keeps you young! People who say otherwise are snooty and disapproving types who live in their own little imaginary "grown ups" world that they call the "real world." It's a real shame.

 

Completely agree - to quote a famous sci-fi character, "what's the point of being an adult if you can't act childish?" ;)

 

Interestingly, and I hadn't thought of this until now, some people do think I appear younger than I actually am. I've had a couple of occasions on dates where I've been asked to confirm my age - one was about 5 years younger than me but was a bit worried she was actually older than me! It doesn't get said a lot but it does occasionally come up! So Sci-fi keeps you young! :D

 

There's a real hot, female cosplayer I know on OK Cupid, I was actually surprised to see her on there considering she's an avid convention go-er. She's been showing off her "ab" work out a week prior to a convention and she'd have you drooling...yet I find it ironic she doesn't have men at the cons flocking to her.

 

The only reason is likely she's in her 40's and she told me that most single men there are college-aged 20-something Anime fans...if anyone there is HER age...they are usually married or in a LTR with other cosplayers.

 

Yes, there are plenty that are much younger at cons. It seems to be more readily accepted now by those in their teens and early twenties. When I was that age it was generally seen as a bit sad. Having said that, I went to a school where even some of the school 'tough guys' liked Star Trek. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I was never bullied or anything at school.

 

- G

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Frank2thepoint

The problem is you are not an all-around type of guy. You have your hobby, which is great, but it sounds like it's all you are focused on. Women are turned off by it because of your sole interest. You don't dabble in anything else to make you appealing. Your mentioned of your ex-girlfriends admitted she was embarrassed by your hobby, because there was nothing else for her to connect with you. You are turned off by women that have "generic" interests like traveling and skiing. It's the same turn off for women concerning you. You need to expand your interests in other things to add depth to your personality, so women can somehow connect with you. Maybe take up learning a language, cooking, photography, art, bicycling, swimming, hiking, or whatever that might interest you aside from sci-fi. Add it to your repertoire, allowing you be a little more relatable.

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool

So, just out of interest, I tried a search on OKC for women near me, that are single, have no kids, between the ages of 25 and 45 and with the keyword 'cosplay'. 0 results! And that's for London (as I'm less than an hour away I include it in my search).

 

I'm not necessarily looking for a cosplayer but based on what others have said, thought it might be a good keyword to search on as it would probably go along with going to comic cons, sci-fi, etc.

 

I guess OKC is not a place to find anyone with a geeky interest!

 

- G

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SupportiveGuy

Ha, I've done the same thing for most of my interests, like robotics and artificial intelligence, only a couple of results in the entire country... really??

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OP Im a long time lurker on here but had to sign up to reply.

Im also a geek but your way too far away! :( You sound like a happy and stable guy. So many geek guys are whiny and vent a lot of hate at women so it was so refreshing to see some one ppost some thing that sounds so much more positive.

 

I dont thinl there are a lot of us about I note Im the first geek girl to reply to you. Im sure theres a geek girl in England who would love to know you. Its hard for us to find geek guys too some one needs to set up a match maker or something.

 

Really hope it works out for you.

x

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NinjaTurtlesAreCool

So I'm going to a Stargate con in a couple of weeks. That's a hotel based one so I'll see if I come across anyone there. My luck has to change sometime!

 

I'm not exclusively looking for someone that's into sci-fi - if someone shared my interest in history or in astronomy, for example, then that would also be cool. I think something in common would be nice. Even if it was just that we both like to be silly!

 

Of course, if I did meet someone who also shared my love of sci-fi and fantasy... well that would be amazing, to be honest! It's never really happened (ex-fiancee and none of my ex girlfriends have ever had much more than a vague passing interest in it) but it would be pretty cool to say to someone that I'm going to a sci-fi con and they'd say "I'm coming too" rather than "Ugh. That sounds rubbish.".

 

I hate feeling like I'm inflicting something like that on someone. When I once took a gf to a small con a few years back, I made sure there was other stuff for her to do in the hotel (gym, pool, etc.) and I paid for an extra big room, as well as made an alternative plan so I would just do the morning and then we'd head into the nearby town and do something else. I hate the thought that what I'm doing is making someone else bored or unhappy so I feel like I should do stuff like that.

 

- G

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