WHAT ARE people THINKING when they go MIA instead of responding???

[ecm]

Can anyone please tell me why, after pouring your hearts out to someone, do some people go MIA? Are you one of these people? Can you please tell me what goes through your mind when you refuse to respond to a good person's texts? (a person who you supposedly cared for)?

 

I get it- some people run. I've dealt with these "types" before (as I see now I must be a MAGENt for them). But are YOU one of the runners? Can you please tell me what goes on in your head? i just don't understand how people can be so rude and insensitive to just IGNORE someone.

 

ALSO, do any of you have any experience with people who have "holiday depression"?

 

Merry Freaking Christmas, lol.

 

I really appreciate anyone's input!!! Thank you!!

[Eddie Edirol]

Its because people who are chasing and pouring out their hearts dont understand when you tell them youre not interested in them anymore. You can tell them 10 times and they always have a new why question. They dont want to understand. After that, best thing to do is to just ignore them until they go away. Besides, unless youre proposing to someone, youre not supposed to pour your heart out to anyone anyway.

[ecm]

no,no, no...HEeeeeEEEEeeeee was the one pouring his heart out. Nothing crazy, like he was proposing or anything, but basically telling me how he feels, etc.

 

I gotta ask- is your "name" re a certain prescription drug for ADD? If so, I am going to die bc that's my name and I take that Rx, so it's funny to me

[Eddie Edirol]

I cant tell whats going on here, whats the story behind this?

I think what youre thinking of is Adderol....my name is something else..I wonder if ADHD even really exists.

[paddington bear]

From the little information provided, you are being used as a crutch, therapist and it is not emotional bonding as you might be reading it. He just wants an ear to dump his issues on, and therefore disappears when that ear is no longer needed.

 

Either that or he's just one of those 'not sure what I want' guys, who go MIA then come back, MIA again. From past experiences I would say avoid, avoid, avoid. This behaviour won't change.

[youngskywalker]

Can anyone please tell me why, after pouring your hearts out to someone, do some people go MIA? Are you one of these people? Can you please tell me what goes through your mind when you refuse to respond to a good person's texts? (a person who you supposedly cared for)?

 

I get it- some people run. I've dealt with these "types" before (as I see now I must be a MAGENt for them). But are YOU one of the runners? Can you please tell me what goes on in your head? i just don't understand how people can be so rude and insensitive to just IGNORE someone.

 

ALSO, do any of you have any experience with people who have "holiday depression"?

 

Merry Freaking Christmas, lol.

 

 

I really appreciate anyone's input!!! Thank you!!

 

Yeah I get holiday depression every year unless I have a SO in my life. Right now I can't wait for it to be over and start the new year.

 

As far as people going MIA. That's been discussed here many times and I think it comes down to this.

1. People are inconsiderate of others feelings and just don't care.

2. They don't have the guts to be upfront with you because they don't want the confrontation of a breakup.

3. They're on the fence, don't want to fully break it off but would like to keep you on the shelf while they explore other options.

4. They think it's the easiest way for both of you to break it off and hope that you simply get the hint and move on.

 

I think #4 is mostly likely the reason for MIA's.

 

So he poured his heart out and then launched? How did you respond to him? Maybe he felt like an idiot and figured you weren't as serious as he was and moved on because he's insecure.

 

I've never done the 'not responding' to texts before, instead I come right out and tell the person I'm not interested. Also, I can't say it's ever happened to me because if I don't receive a text back I get the picture and move on. It's worse when you DO get responses to texts and phone calls and the person isn't interested and leading you on. I hate that!

 

I've learned the hard way but I don't text with women I just met. I keep it very light and never use it as a way to get to know someone. It builds false romance and people will use you as a crutch when they need a little affection. If a girl wants to get to know me she can see me in person. Try it sometime, it works wonders! Just say to to texting!

Edited December 25, 2010 by youngskywalker

[mo mo]

I run into women who do this all the time. I must be a magnet too

 

People are just afraid of commitment I guess. Even when commitment was never a part of any conversation, ever.

[Dox]

Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.

[lso802]

I agree with a previous poster. For me, it would suck if the person no longer wants anything to do with me and still text back, etc.... I'd rather they cut all communication asap, if they can't be upfront with me.

[youngskywalker]

It would make perfect sense if YOU poured your heart out and the other person launched. That's not the case here.

 

Not too long ago I sorta poured my heart out to a girl and about a week later I flat out gave up. It never came to the point of not responding to texts and phone calls because I backed off before it got to that point. I could have kept chasing but I knew she wasn't ready to move forward. We don't talk anymore, I went MIA as you put it.

 

How did you respond to him when he poured his heart out to you? If you didn't show 'some' mutual interest then it's no surprise to me that he moved on. I would too, although I wouldn't take the same approach of not responding to texts like he did. That's a little cold IMO.

[Dox]

this just happened to me. back on the 30th of nov i told a girl that i was interested in her over a text message, (ofcourse i knew her in person she was a personal friend of mine and ive been texting her for 3 weeks) and i never got a response. She went MIA for about a week, always going offline on facebook when i log on, not texing me etc. Still today I havnt texted her since that day cos i feel like im gonna annoy her. But now we still communicate through fb (not chat tho) like nothing happend and im still hung up on her. And it kills me that I never got a response. What do you guys think do i still have a chance if I give it some time? she is a friend of mine and we are gonna see eachother sometime cos we have same group of friends.

 

btw i havnt seen her since that day

[ecm]

Yeah I get holiday depression every year unless I have a SO in my life. Right now I can't wait for it to be over and start the new year.

 

As far as people going MIA. That's been discussed here many times and I think it comes down to this.

1. People are inconsiderate of others feelings and just don't care.

2. They don't have the guts to be upfront with you because they don't want the confrontation of a breakup.

3. They're on the fence, don't want to fully break it off but would like to keep you on the shelf while they explore other options.

4. They think it's the easiest way for both of you to break it off and hope that you simply get the hint and move on.

 

I think #4 is mostly likely the reason for MIA's.

 

So he poured his heart out and then launched? How did you respond to him? Maybe he felt like an idiot and figured you weren't as serious as he was and moved on because he's insecure.

 

 

He knows my feelings for him bc we were both pretty vocal that way. We had a "hiccup" because I mentioned that it sounds like he's had commitment / relationship issues. He said he needed to think about that/ see someone/ take a step back because nobody had ever made him think like that before. I was ok being friends while he gets it together. So, we went from talking HOURS each night (he lives a few hours away), to every other day and now he's gone MIA. He TOLD me the holidays are hard for him (bc he lost his dad a few years ago), but why go MIA if I said I was ok being friends???

 

 

 

How did you respond to him when he poured his heart out to you? If you didn't show 'some' mutual interest then it's no surprise to me that he moved on. I would too, although I wouldn't take the same approach of not responding to texts like he did. That's a little cold IMO.

 

It wasn't really a 1 time "pouring". We've been talking about 2 months. He hinted about the future (not in a creepy way- as it could be after 2 months) and told me there was a moment he realized he could love me. I told him the same type of things back. We would talk for HOURS. Then, he slowed down...now, no response.

 

I think it's just plain selfish and rude, especially since I TOLD him that's what my ex would do and how much worse it made things. Have the guts to say it! I sure would.

 

I think it's a chicken-sh*t thing to do.

 

 

OHHHHH- also- do you think people do it when they are "busted"?? I called him the other night and his phone made the call waiting beep. Apparently, he didn't realize that Verizon phones make that distinct beep when the person is on the other line. So, he called me right back and said why'd you hang up? I said "you were on the other line". He said "no I wasn't". Anyway, we never had the "are we exclusive" talk, so he didn't NEED to lie. He was on the other line!!! Why would he lie? Obviously he was talking to someone else. Who freaking cares? I guess part 2 of my question is, would he go MIA bc he is BUSTED?

 

Thanks again. I feel like such a chooch. Merry Christmas.

[Jynxx]

I was ok being friends while he gets it together. So, we went from talking HOURS each night (he lives a few hours away), to every other day and now he's gone MIA. He TOLD me the holidays are hard for him (bc he lost his dad a few years ago), but why go MIA if I said I was ok being friends???

My guess is, he wasn't. He had feelings for you, and being around you while being confused by that would be torture for him.

 

 

I think it's just plain selfish and rude

...

I think it's a chicken-sh*t thing to do.

To answer the general question (not referring to your situation):

I haven't really been MIA on anyone, but you're being too harsh here. Some girls go insane after they get rejected. I wish I did it on at least 1 girl I broke up with. Imagine going to her appartment, telling her it's over, then her hitting you (hard) and grabbing a bottle and saying she'll smash your head in if you think it's over. Would that justify considering going MIA instead of breaking up with the next girl? I would say yes.

[EricaH329]

I've had that happen to me a couple of times. I couldn't for the life of me understand why. I still don't. It just doesn't make sense. No matter what excuse they use, it isn't justifiable.

 

One thing is for sure though, they are cowards. It's a cowards way out of a situation. Realizing that now, i'm much better off (as are you).

[tami-chan]

Can anyone please tell me why, after pouring your hearts out to someone, do some people go MIA? Are you one of these people? Can you please tell me what goes through your mind when you refuse to respond to a good person's texts? (a person who you supposedly cared for)?

 

I get it- some people run. I've dealt with these "types" before (as I see now I must be a MAGENt for them). But are YOU one of the runners? Can you please tell me what goes on in your head? i just don't understand how people can be so rude and insensitive to just IGNORE someone.

 

ALSO, do any of you have any experience with people who have "holiday depression"?

 

Merry Freaking Christmas, lol.

 

I really appreciate anyone's input!!! Thank you!!

 

 

Because they do not really care that much about you and if there are things happening in their lives that they believe are more important than you, you are placed in the back burner until one day when something reminds them of you and maybe then, they will contact you and say stuff like, " I passed by this coffee shop yesterday and it reminded me of you":rolleyes:..or some lame statement.

 

However, this is nothing personal on their part-nothing to do with you (for the most part) and you must just flip you hair and shrug it off. Do not ask why what happened when they come around...usually, they come back with tons of excuses, which could be really fun to listen to if it is not so pathetic .

[ecm]

My guess is, he wasn't. He had feelings for you, and being around you while being confused by that would be torture for him.

 

 

To answer the general question (not referring to your situation):

I haven't really been MIA on anyone, but you're being too harsh here. Some girls go insane after they get rejected. I wish I did it on at least 1 girl I broke up with. Imagine going to her appartment, telling her it's over, then her hitting you (hard) and grabbing a bottle and saying she'll smash your head in if you think it's over. Would that justify considering going MIA instead of breaking up with the next girl? I would say yes.

 

 

There never was a rejection, though. That's why it's weird. I get what you're saying though.

 

Thanks for the input everyone. It sucks.

 

Dox- you still are communicating via fb, so I'd say play it cool. You never know.

 

Erica H- definitely better off, but it sucks while it's happening, doesn't it? ugh.

 

Tami-chan- you're right. That's what sucks. I've heard people say things like "cut them some slack", or "not everyone responds to things the same" or, "that's just what some people do". It's hard for me to accept things like that. How hard is it just respond??

 

ACTUALLY, I have an update. I texted him Merry Christmas. (not a mass text...used his name so he knew it wasn't). I got a response: "Merry Christmas" on my fb status. Are you kidding me? DOn't get me wrong, it's better than NO response, but it's strange. Am I a snot or is that not weird? 20 minutes later- on my facebook??? I overanalyze everything so I'm not even going to tell you what I think (yet) but what the freak is that all about?

 

Thanks for listening/ helping, etc

[EricaH329]

That's strange that he would do that. Post something on your FB as opposed to just texting you back. My guess, and it's just a guess, is that he doesn't want to have a private conversation with you, but also doesn't want to be rude?

 

But then again, him ignoring you is beyond rude.

 

So I have no idea. Maybe he is just a strange guy? Either way, doesn't sound like he wants anything intimate. His loss.

[ecm]

That's strange that he would do that. Post something on your FB as opposed to just texting you back. My guess, and it's just a guess, is that he doesn't want to have a private conversation with you, but also doesn't want to be rude?

 

But then again, him ignoring you is beyond rude.

 

So I have no idea. Maybe he is just a strange guy? Either way, doesn't sound like he wants anything intimate. His loss.

 

Strange is right! I didn't think so until this, to be honest. Not intimate, after the things he said to me...that is rude. He talked sooooo much junk. I thought I was good at reading people. Pffff. Guess not.

 

You're right. His loss (even though HE is the hot successful doctor and I'm just a teacher-lol)

[dispatch3d]

can't you just take him posting merry christmas on your facebook as a nice gesture rather than some sign of x bad thing you imagine?

[BobSacamento]

Sometimes its THEY are thinking but it's what their stupid FRIENDS are thinking. I hear this crap at work all the time. Over analyzing every stupid thing a guy sends them.

 

Take this message board as a giant example haha

[ecm]

can't you just take him posting merry christmas on your facebook as a nice gesture rather than some sign of x bad thing you imagine?

 

I do take it as that.... it's just the MIA and not responding to the PREVIOUS texts for 3 days that made it weird, you know?

 

And BobSacramento- I get it I realize how it sounds... I roll my eyes at people who ask about things that seem silly (like this).

 

I initially just wanted to know why people go MIA instead of just saying what's up .

 

It's just exhausting to play these ridiculous games. I just wanna meet someone that is an adult (since I'm in my 30s AND SO IS HE) and get on with it !!

 

wheeewwww.

[youngskywalker]

We had a "hiccup" because I mentioned that it sounds like he's had commitment / relationship issues. He said he needed to think about that/ see someone/ take a step back because nobody had ever made him think like that before. I was ok being friends while he gets it together. So, we went from talking HOURS each night (he lives a few hours away), to every other day and now he's gone MIA. He TOLD me the holidays are hard for him (bc he lost his dad a few years ago), but why go MIA if I said I was ok being friends???

 

I think the answer is this. He poured his heart out to you but where does the [why go MIA if I said I was ok with being friends] come into play? In other parts of your threads you mention that you've expressed feelings for him. So which one is it? Do you want this guy or not?

 

Like I said earlier, if he has the impression that you're mostly interested in him as a friend (until he gets it together) of course he's going to go MIA. I've done the same thing while still being very interested in the girl. I'm not going to keep telling a girl I really like her and keep chasing. Once is enough and if she balks, I walk. I'm just telling you I'm 90% sure this guy thinks you're not that into him. He still likes you but is backing off so not to smother you.

 

If you really like this guy then you need to tell him that. Also you need to be there for him while he's working out whatever issues he's having. That's BS about "I'll be friends until you work out your issues". You really don't like him unless you're willing to take on his negatives too. If a girl told me that she'd be friend zoned for sure.

 

See where I'm getting at? I'm going to go against the popular vote here and say the ball is actually in your court. From what I read I think you actually pushed him away.

 

He doesn't want a "hi how are you" text from you. What he wants is "I thought about it and I want a relationship with you". Unless I'm misunderstanding your thread, I would almost not respond to you too. Flip the roles, put yourself in his shoes and ask what would you do if a guy told you "you have relationship issues but I'm willing to be friends in the meantime when you're sorting things out" You'd go MIA.

Edited December 26, 2010 by youngskywalker

[ecm]

youngskywalker I'll try to condense the story...

 

We've met in October. Right from the beginning we talked for HOURS. (He lives 6 hours away). He came for a wknd in Nov. It was the bet weekend ever. When he got home he told me he realized the exact moment he realized he could "love me". I told him the same thing. 2 wknds later, we were supposed to meet 1/2 way. He didn't call me until midnight the night before to tell me he coudln't (which was actually fine bc there was a bad storm, anyway). Then he called me at 3 am to tell me he was losing sleep over me (in a good way). So, next day we talk for 3 hours. Toward the end of the coversation, I ask him (not in an accusatory way) if he thinks there's a reason why he usually falls for girls who live in different cities. THEN, things got weird. He told me that was "heavy" and that nobody ever pointed out these things to him before (committment issues, etc) He told me he needed to maybe "see someone" and that he needed to take a step back. I said I understand. He knows I have crazy feelings for him, so he's worth it!

 

Then, we go from talking every day, multiple times per day to every other day...to he does'nt respond sometimes to texts.

 

The other night, I got a freaky message on my fb saying "stay away from the person you've been talking to". It may have been a mistake, or meant for someone else, but of course I thought it was about him. He's the only person I've been talking to!!! So, I called him (at midnight-which is nothing weird bc he's done the same). His phone made that "call waiting beep" so I hung up. He called right back and asked why I hung up. I said "I was going to leave a message, but you were on the other line, so figured you'd just call me back" he said "I wasn't on the other line". WTF??? Why lie (especially since we never had the boyfriend/ girlfriend talk)? (he didn't know verizon phones do that "beep") He didn't know anything about the message and said he isn't talking to anyone else, so it wouldn't have anything to do with him.

 

So, next day I texted:

 

Thank you for having my back last night with that ridiculous email. You truly are a good man and a good friend"

 

nothing...no response.

 

2 days later I texted:

 

Hi. I hope you have a safe trip home and a great time with your fam. I meant what I felt for you and believed the things you said to me. I don't know why things got weird, but I don't want to be sad anymore. I hope you meant what you said. Merry Christmas.

 

NOOOOOTHING.

 

An hour later...I texted:

 

I just read that back and feel like the guy from "Swingers" lol. I feel like I got played by someone I thought was for real.

 

Crickets...nothing.

 

Next day (YES- I KNOW I SHOULD TAKE THE HINT, and that I know I sound nuts, but now I'm mad bc he's being a jerk) I texted:

 

Ok, PAB..I'm fine with friends if that's how you feel bc I truly care about you. Are you mad at me for calling and asking you about that email? I dont' get why you're ignoring me.

*PAB= punk a*s b*tch- stupid joke between us

Again, nothing. F him and FML.

 

So, last thing... on Christmas..

 

Merry Christmas, (his name). xoxo

 

20 min later "Merry Christmas" on my facebook.

 

So, hearing almost the whole story, what do you think? I know what I think in my head, but I am curious to see what you/ others think bc I tend to thing the worst....way worse than what other people think is the worst.

 

 

 

I know I sound nuts. I know I should have more self respect than to continue the texts. It's just EXCEPTIONALLY difficult when someone says the things he said to me then goes MIA. So, I'm ready for a beat down if it will make you feel better.... whatever. You can't beat me up more than I already beat myself up in my head, anyway

 

Thanks again to whoever helps/ advises/ assists/harrasses, etc

[tami-chan]

ECM, I think he is hiding something from you---please, for your sake, forget this man. It is ok to text, email or call, once even twice and not get a response...but really not ok, to keep on trying. There is nothing to understand, he is dishonest and that's all there is to it.

[ecm]

ECM, I think he is hiding something from you---please, for your sake, forget this man. It is ok to text, email or call, once even twice and not get a response...but really not ok, to keep on trying. There is nothing to understand, he is dishonest and that's all there is to it.

 

I think so, too! He had no reason to lie about being on the phone. My Mom thinks I am looking for a reason not to trust him, but to me he LIED so wtf?

 

thanks, tami-chan. It still sucks, though. I hate having a good gut instinct. I'd rather be dumb.