[Vixen763]

Hi,

I have this new relationship which is exclusive (long distance as well) and its only two months but we are as serious as would be a two year old relationship. Why? Because we are in this for the future, and not try and error. We have been very close friends for over a decade, very close i must say and we both know like 80% of eachother...

The catch right now is he is moslem and am pentcostal and we both feel very strongly about our religions.

I brought up the subject on the weekend on the phone and am happy i did because all along, he has been hoping that for the sake of us being one, i would change for him, into islam. Why did he assume that? Because of my postive attitude towards islam and the fact that during our high school days i fell i love with this other boy and i got carzy and momentarily changed to islam without the knowledge of my parents. My boyfriend theb, was just a close friend and he kne wabout all this. Now he assumed i would change for him too and am all grown up and i dont see myself changing to another religion seriously. I cant even promise to think about the possibility...

What will happen to this relationship? I am willing to commit and get married to a moslem man (him) as long as he doesnt expect me to change my mind and convert into islam. He can keep his religion and i mine. The catch is what happens to the marrige ceremony because we have projected that for December 2008. Church? or Mosque? or do we go civil?

My family would eb uncomfortable being "dragged" to church.

Secondly, what happens to the children. If they will be muslims, that means i can not play a major role in their young religious lives. Can a man be a good example to the children religiously?

Would we have a happy life patternership in this kind of arrangement?

we are supposed to talk about this issue later tomorrow and i just need some thoughts from you

[Woggle]

I wouldn't marry this guy if I were you. I don't mean to stereotype but pretty soon he might have you wearing a burka and taking your children to the middle east.

[curiousnycgirl]

For me religion was a huge obstacle when thinking of children. When I still felt there was a chance I would become a mother, I would only date within my religion. I have a very strong religious background, and to raise children I felt it was very important that BOTH parents participate in the religious upbrining of the children, in the same manner.

It was not until a few years ago that I realized that I had waited too long and would no longer consider having kids. That is when I decided it was ok to date out of my religion. My bf (of 3 years) is the first and only person of another faith that I have ever dated. My family hates it - and still pushes me to discuss his converting.

I have refused all along to do this. My feeling is that if I love and respect this person, as a whole, then I have to respect his basic beliefs. Expecting someone to give up their faith is, in my view, asking them to change who they fundamentally are.

Not sure if this answer helps you - but I've put a lot of thought into this one - and this is a summary of my conclusions.

[tinktronik]

Did'nt you just cheat on this guy with your ex-bf?

[hdnkorul]

This is a very delicate matter that is more important than you think. It is difficult right now because your heart is involved, but if you put your heart aside, you will see that this is something that will cause you problems down the road.

I was involved with someone for 5 years and we had different religions. As time went on and we got closer to marriage I thought about the importance of our children and our future life. Every time I would talk about my religion, he would say things that meant I should change to his and he thought I was doing the same, but it was so difficult that it made me realize neither one of us could force the other to change.

This is something you have to want. He cannot make you change even if you say you will, in your heart you won't and you will be living a lie.
We ended up breaking our relationship and we stayed friends and it's the best thing I think we did.

If you truly love him and cannot see your life without him then maybe you should look into Islam some more. Maybe if he is not extreme, then you can be ok...But if you feel that you care more about your faith then I would think twice about marrying someone and then realizing you are not happy.

[Enema]

Definitely something you should iron out with him.

My only suggestion is that you should both be compromising here to make this work.

[nellstar]

Originally Posted by Woggle

I wouldn't marry this guy if I were you. I don't mean to stereotype but pretty soon he might have you wearing a burka and taking your children to the middle east.

Then what the h*** do you think you're doing? You are stereotyping. That is typical of a misinformed and ignorant -insert your own-!!! That only happens with a certain Islamic sect and not the ones from Middle-east! Get your information right. If you don't know what you're talking about, it'd be best you shut your trap, WOMAN!

[JacenR]

Having been born in a Muslim country and with many Muslim friends, I can say your case is not unusual in Muslim-Christian relationships. In general, the man will expect you to convert to his religion, and expect the children to be raised as Muslim.

You might want to elaborate on his background a bit more as well, both his ethnicity (Arab, Indian, Asian Muslim etc) as well as how close he is to his family and their opinion of you and other religions.

However, as long as he is fairly liberal, and comes from a tolerant family, I wouldn't expect any concerns along the lines of what Woggle brought up. If his family is religious and he is close to them, I can't not see him expecting the children to be raised as Muslims, and if you won't/can't agree to that it will likely be a relationship-breaker in the near future.

[catrocks]

Ok... firstly, I think this type of situation is pretty common now. I know some people who married - he is Hindu and she Christian - and they had a wedding which lasted the entire weekend. The Saturday was the big white wedding in a Church, the Sunday a traditional Hindu ceremony. As far as kids, my cousin married a Catholic (she is protestant) and was not expected to convert to Catholicism, but she did have to promise to raise the children as Catholic. Not sure if thats any help but hey.

Secondly, I would like to point out that since you are on the verge of telling this man that you recently cheated on him with your ex, perhaps you should put the wedding thoughts on hold for a while? YES you need to tell him what you did and you need to expect him to not be happy with it.... and acknowledge the possibility that he will leave. You CAN'T enter into a marriage with this lie, so sort that out before you seriously start to plan the wedding and kids.

[Annacabana]

The bible says not to be unequally yoked. If you feel strongly about your faith that Jesus is the only way, how can you even for a second think about letting your children be raised believing otherwise?

[VIP]

I think children shouldn't be brainwashed with any religious dogmas. They should be able to grow up and to decide for themselves what they want to believe in. And their beliefs must be based on their own experience. The only way you can be together is if you both give up your affiliation with organized religions. Because the only thing that organized religions do is put walls between people.

[bish]

Ok Vixen...Ive heard enough of your shiit. First you post several times of how you slept with your ex and want to make things right with your bf...now you say you are in a new relastionship? If this "new relationship" is your bf that you spoke of in previous threads, then you aren't making much sense.

If this is a someone else...then what the hell happened to wanting to make things right with your bf?

I'd say nobody needs to take you seriously anymore and should really ignore your posts.

[Vixen763]

Bish, much as i appreciate you taking the time to respond, i begin to think you have unresolved issues with your personal self that make you hateful to certain situations. Look your posts are not being helpful to my situation, its like you are out there to make me hate myself because i cheated on my boyfriend. I already feel bad and am repentful. I ahve had the talk with him and we will continue to talk about it a couple of hours later.

I came here because i need guidance on how to resolve my issues and i believe you do not slap someone in the face in an effort to help that person be a better person. I would expect you to be helping me on that front and not post negative and hateful posts. Bish please.

This is not a situation you have seen for the first time. i believe there are worse situations so help me become a better person so i do not repeat such a mistake again. YES my boyfriend and i have this religion issue and many other issues that keep cropping up like they do in many relationships. He is not staunch moslem but i would like to make right decisions and that is why my post is up there....

Does that make sense... before i told him i had messed up and cheated on him with my ex, we had this pending issue of religion to talk about and unless he chooses to break up with me, then, it will still be an issue and i dont see the problem as to why i can seek advice from here...

cheers

[taiko]

Ask yourself, if Muslim women ever marry Christian men? If not why is your situation okay? If your faith is important to you then don't pick and choose aspects of it. Live your religion and if you have to drop the boyfriend in favor of a man who shares your faith, well it is your faith

[Enema]

I just re-read your post and noticed that it's a LTR and you've only been together for 2 months.

Talk about jumping the gun.