Why do women get so upset at their men who watch porn???
Why do women get so upset when they find out their boyfriends, or husbands watch pornography? I could understand the discomfit if he watches it to where it's interfering with his priorities, denying you quality time & intimacy, or if it’s against your religion… But if those aren’t the reasons, why is it a problem?
Why do women get so upset when they find out their boyfriends, or husbands watch pornography? I could understand the discomfit if he watches it to where it's interfering with his priorities, denying you quality time & intimacy, or if it’s against your religion… But if those aren’t the reasons, why is it a problem?
I am afraid he might see one with me in it..... they are still out there I am sure.
__________________ MAY THE FORK BE WITH YOU -Damn Panda spilled my beer again!
1) The guy would rather do porn than have sex with his wife,
2) The woman is insecure about her appearance and feels inadequite because she doesn't look like the omen in porn.
3) The woman tries to control her husband through withholding sexual attention, and porn undermines her ability to do this.
I agree with StayClose. Personally, it is something that I watch personally and would like to watch with my SO. I think that if some men did not make it seem like something they are doing outside the relationship, then some women could be more open to it. We all have some sexual hangups (some of us more than others), but I say hey let's get all the porn out in the open. Many men from a young age however have been taught to keep porn hidden, including their innermost sexual desires.
Me and my SO tried to watch porn together but it backfired....we may try again in the future. I felt that he was ogling at the women in the porno as opposed to using it as a turn-on or catalyst for us both to enjoy each other....for me it was a tool to enjoy each other, for him I think he approached it as he does when he watches it alone. For him it is just a tool to "get the job done". He also has never met someone like me that is open to it so really didn't know how to behave and felt somewhat akward. Would like to try again in the future, and we have talked about it.
Another reason could be that women view it as clues into a man's sexuality that he is unwilling to share with us. (We can sometime think too much and over-analyze.) Many thoughts can occur: If he likes to watch people doing that, then how come he doesn't try that with me, or does he want to try that with someone else, etc., etc. Not really my personal feelings but a way of thinking for some women IMHO.
I don't have a problem with porn its self so long as it isn't watched or viewed in secret
that being said as a women I struggle with the fact that by buying/ordering a move or magazine I am supporting the pornography industry which is demeaning and objectifies women. It is also known for drug abuse and many women struggle with issues that lead them to the pornography industry such as molestation, rape, depression, drug abuse, and low self esteem. If the pron industry sought out people who were comfortable with themselves and were making movies/pictures because they enjoy it in a healthy way I wouldn't have such an issue with it.
Because it hurt me deeply and f**ked with my self-esteem and confidence. I have incredibly low self-esteem mainly because I'm very unhappy with my looks.
1) I'd always compare myself to the women in porn movies, knowing I could never measure up, and this would make me feel even more ugly and insecure. In turn I'd get severely jealous, depressed, self-abusive and it would turn into a vicious cycle.
2) It would make me feel like I wasn't good enough or attractive enough in bed/during sex. So, for him to enjoy sex he'd have to compensate by viewing hotter women than me.
3) It's blatant hypocrisy because on one hand he'd tell me I was beautiful and that he was perfectly happy with me and my looks. Yet, he was getting off to women who were ten times hotter than me and totally different in terms of physical appearance. Made me feel 2nd-rate, used, and lied to. You always hear the line "Men are visual creatures" especially to explain porn-watching behaviour. If that's true, then am I expected to believe that my physical traits are irrelevant to him, while the physical traits of porn actresses are counted?
4) I consider it cheating. If a single guy wants to watch porn, then fine. But in a monogomous relationship then forget it. By watching porn he was bringing another woman into the relationship and expecting me to put up with it.
5) Given all of the above, if he continues to watch porn after my request for him to stop, then it's blatantly disrespecting my needs and feelings.
__________________
"Oh look at my face. My name is Might Have Been. My name is Never Was. My name's Forgotten." - Hole.
Woman aren't the only ones in porn, and how do we know which women aren't doing it for the fun of it?
Yes this is true men are in porn as well.... but our society hasn't set men on the same standard when it comes to porn it is considered ok and doesn't carry the stigma it does when women are feathered in a movie.
Also it the porn industries target audience is predominately men so if your talking heterosexual porn it is the women who are "featured" not the men.
as far as knowing which woman is doing to it in a healthy way...... you don't that is the problem.
Because it hurt me deeply and f**ked with my self-esteem and confidence. I have incredibly low self-esteem mainly because I'm very unhappy with my looks.
Who can blame you in this 'beautiful' people driven society. I bet you look fine.
1) I'd always compare myself to the women in porn movies, knowing I could never measure up, and this would make me feel even more ugly and insecure. In turn I'd get severely jealous, depressed, self-abusive and it would turn into a vicious cycle.
Dont do that! And remember: amateur porn is the highest selling porn, with normal women. The hidden truth is its more exciting to watch.
2) It would make me feel like I wasn't good enough or attractive enough in bed/during sex. So, for him to enjoy sex he'd have to compensate by viewing hotter women than me.
Nah, its not that. Men are just afficienados with sex. Kind of like people that appreciate cars. Men just want to see it all. It should be taken personal if its not implied
3) It's blatant hypocrisy because on one hand he'd tell me I was beautiful and that he was perfectly happy with me and my looks. Yet, he was getting off to women who were ten times hotter than me and totally different in terms of physical appearance. Made me feel 2nd-rate, used, and lied to. You always hear the line "Men are visual creatures" especially to explain porn-watching behaviour. If that's true, then am I expected to believe that my physical traits are irrelevant to him, while the physical traits of porn actresses are counted?
Well, dont 'expect to believe'. Find out exactly what he thinks. Its easy to jump to assumptions, but again, men just love porn like some people like candy.
4) I consider it cheating. If a single guy wants to watch porn, then fine. But in a monogomous relationship then forget it. By watching porn he was bringing another woman into the relationship and expecting me to put up with it. No. That is NOT cheating. If I am going to be blamed for cheating for that, then I might as well actually cheat. If Im going to do 20 years for stealing a penny, I might as well steal a million if its the same offense. Does that mean he cannot fantasize in his head? What if he found scantilly clad or rated R movies hot? Is it the same?
5) Given all of the above, if he continues to watch porn after my request for him to stop, then it's blatantly disrespecting my needs and feelings.
Yes, you have a point here. But try to come to some compromise. I dont think its an unnatural desire for him. YOu might be unreasonable.
Because it hurt me deeply and f**ked with my self-esteem and confidence. I have incredibly low self-esteem mainly because I'm very unhappy with my looks.
1) I'd always compare myself to the women in porn movies, knowing I could never measure up, and this would make me feel even more ugly and insecure. In turn I'd get severely jealous, depressed, self-abusive and it would turn into a vicious cycle.
2) It would make me feel like I wasn't good enough or attractive enough in bed/during sex. So, for him to enjoy sex he'd have to compensate by viewing hotter women than me.
3) It's blatant hypocrisy because on one hand he'd tell me I was beautiful and that he was perfectly happy with me and my looks. Yet, he was getting off to women who were ten times hotter than me and totally different in terms of physical appearance. Made me feel 2nd-rate, used, and lied to. You always hear the line "Men are visual creatures" especially to explain porn-watching behaviour. If that's true, then am I expected to believe that my physical traits are irrelevant to him, while the physical traits of porn actresses are counted?
You are assuming that how good sex is is determed soley by how good looking your partner is. The women in porn may look better, but you have an important advantage as far as your husband goes: YOU ARE REAL, and sex with you IS REAL. The porn woman are just images as far as your husband is concerned.
If you stay in touch with your sexual energy and express toward and with your husband, then his experience with porn will remain a distant 2nd best to what he can expereince with you, regardless of what you look like. Then you will not feel threatened by porn.
Quote:
4) I consider it cheating. If a single guy wants to watch porn, then fine. But in a monogomous relationship then forget it. By watching porn he was bringing another woman into the relationship and expecting me to put up with it.
No. It is not another woman. It is his imagination.
Quote:
5) Given all of the above, if he continues to watch porn after my request for him to stop, then it's blatantly disrespecting my needs and feelings.
I don't know if you are withholding sexual attention or not, but if you are, that is blantantly disrespecting his needs and feelings.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
