Well I am the OM taking a break while the MW sorts out what she wants. Told her I am not interested in a triangle. She broke up with me but 4 days later came crawling back. Now we are waiting 1 month boil down NC, let see what happens. I will keep the forum updated.
Good luck to you, brother. I'm sure it's not going to be easy, but you are to be commended for doing something I don't think I could do... yet.
thanks
31 days countdown thread haha
I told her in 31 days if she says she loves me, she has to walk the talk.
1-Leave her husband
2-Sign the seperation paper
3-Try to end it peacefully
4-Explain to him that it is not personal (incompatibility, etc)
5-Move out
6-Finalize seperation of assets
7-Once dust settles, stop communication with him and his family.
Basically I am using this approach
"I have to let her go. You know that saying? "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours. If not it was never meant to be." That means come back....on her own, not through pressure from you."
she is afraid if she goes with me that I dump her down the road for a younger woman.
she is still staying with her husband because no matter what he won't leave her. He has girlfriends left and right.
She does not love him anymore but feels guilty to hurt him. Been married 5years but together 18years.
Ok, I get you and ratingsguy confused at times. knew one of you were involved with a MW with kids.
Wanted that clearded up before we addressed your list.
1: Obvious. And doing this while in NC with you is an excellent idea. She shouldnt be leaving him for you it should be for HER. Yeah its nice to know your there, but your not a sure thing down the road.
2: Needs to be done to protect her. Unless seperation papers are filed she is still responsible for any debts ran up by him.
3: Good luck.
4: But it IS personal. No matter what its personal. Its about her feelings for HIM or lack there of.
5: Should have been taken care of with number 1.
6: Will be done through the divorce. If all goes well it should be a short process, but it can also be what drags it out the longest.
7: I have issues with this one. If she has developed relationships with some of his family that she wants to continue, she should be able to. I myself still have a good relationship with my ex wife nephews and see them on a regular basis.
Ok, I get you and ratingsguy confused at times. knew one of you were involved with a MW with kids.
Wanted that clearded up before we addressed your list.
1: Obvious. And doing this while in NC with you is an excellent idea. She shouldnt be leaving him for you it should be for HER. Yeah its nice to know your there, but your not a sure thing down the road.
2: Needs to be done to protect her. Unless seperation papers are filed she is still responsible for any debts ran up by him.
3: Good luck.
4: But it IS personal. No matter what its personal. Its about her feelings for HIM or lack there of.
5: Should have been taken care of with number 1.
6: Will be done through the divorce. If all goes well it should be a short process, but it can also be what drags it out the longest.
7: I have issues with this one. If she has developed relationships with some of his family that she wants to continue, she should be able to. I myself still have a good relationship with my ex wife nephews and see them on a regular basis.
Glad you approached this first. I wanted to leave the "guys" alone for a bit. Expecting to resolve all those items in the month of December is setting the bar really high. To be honest...well, let's just say I wouldn't respond favourably to anyone who set out a list like that for me. No matter how much I loved him.
In my opinion #s 1 and 5 are totally doable (now that I know there are no kids involved - though the time of year is not a great one for this type of thing)
#2 Getting the documents drawn up, reviewed by lawyers, and signed etc... is not necessarily a quick process. If #3 (peacefully) doesn't happen, it will be that much more difficult.
#4 - well bonehead said it all.
In my case, the assets were distributed within the separation agreement.
As for #7 - well that would be a dealbreaker for me. No one tells me who I can or cannot have contact with. Especially people who have been a part of my life for the past 18 years.
#2 Getting the documents drawn up, reviewed by lawyers, and signed etc... is not necessarily a quick process. If #3 (peacefully) doesn't happen, it will be that much more difficult.
The seperation is fairly quick. Filing a divorce is a little longer process.
All the seperation does is legally say she isnt responsible for any debts he incurs.
If she truly wants out she shouldnt file for seperation she should file for divorce. Huge difference.
-Once dust settles, stop communication with him and his family.
Because of their kids, this can't happen. Those kids have to have him in their lives, as well as their grandparents, his parents. And at some point, ofcourse there can be limited contact between MW and her ex inlaw's, but for the sake of the kids, noone should be avoiding eachother! The better everybody gets along, the happier those kids are going to be. Its' gonna be hard enough if this move happens. That's ALOT of changes happening quickly.
Can I ask? Is this your plan or is this something that is actually going to happen, like you two have sat and discussed this and the kids know what's going on etc?
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