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OW for almost 2 years, now pregnant and terrified ** Updated **


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 24th May 2017, 11:05 AM   #46
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Well it's good that you have been able to reach a definite decision in a short time. The emotional angst and confusion just becomes worse the longer the decision is put off. As long as you feel that you are making the best decision for yourself and nobody is pressuring you one way or the other then you are fine.

Hopefully you realize that the MM was quick to agree because he doesn't really have any plan to leave his marriage. It's kind of disturbing that you both thought it was a good idea to use a baby to break up a marriage. If you really want out of this mess you need to terminate your relationship with him. He is just bad news who will cause you pain.
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Old 24th May 2017, 11:10 AM   #47
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I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. I wish you well as you move forward and I hope you have some support in your life.
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Old 24th May 2017, 11:11 AM   #48
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I hope for a better future for you.
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Old 24th May 2017, 7:31 PM   #49
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Also, to clarify, we have had sex without a condom basically the entire time we've been together, I am very in tune with my cycle and when I'm ovulating and we didn't do it when it would have been risky, or if we did, I used plan B. So it wouldn't have been a reason to get me to let him go bareback.
For what it's worth I think you're making the best decision in a bad situation. You will get past it. You won't be scarred for life by the termination. But if you don't end this dysfunctional relationship you may impact your current child and you most certwinly impact your own life.

I wanted to address the above because I have fallen pregnant While taking Plan B. It's emergency contraception and shouldn't be your only birth control plan. You need to take better ownership of this.
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Old 24th May 2017, 9:39 PM   #50
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Thanks to all of you. I wish I could say I had a support system. There was only one person who knew and we are no longer friends for reasons that have nothing to do with this, so I am by myself on this. I know there is better out there, people who will put me first, but will I always find myself comparing the way I feel about him to others? It's almost unbearable. I don't think I'll ever find the passion or raw emotion.
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Old 24th May 2017, 9:57 PM   #51
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Just wanted to thank everyone for your input. I am going through with the termination. He wouldn't suggest it but I could tell it was what he wanted so I suggested and he agreed. I don't see how our relationship survives this anyway, so I feel this will take care of both issues as I'm just kind of numb toward him at this point. Thanks again for all your advice and feedback, it was helpful.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine how alone you must feel. Is he at least going to go with you for the procedure?

Bless your heart- I hope you heal and move on quickly! Not to say that you should rush the healing but I hope you're able to recover quickly and not hurt for too long.
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Old 25th May 2017, 12:25 AM   #52
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Thanks to all of you. I wish I could say I had a support system. There was only one person who knew and we are no longer friends for reasons that have nothing to do with this, so I am by myself on this. I know there is better out there, people who will put me first, but will I always find myself comparing the way I feel about him to others? It's almost unbearable. I don't think I'll ever find the passion or raw emotion.
Please consider some counseling just so you heal healthy.

Do you have any other women friends who you can rely on and open up with?

Bolded: You will, when the timing is right. Of course right now you can't even consider that but it will happen in the future.
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Old 25th May 2017, 9:18 AM   #53
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine how alone you must feel. Is he at least going to go with you for the procedure?

Bless your heart- I hope you heal and move on quickly! Not to say that you should rush the healing but I hope you're able to recover quickly and not hurt for too long.
I appreciate that very much. No, he isn't going with me, I'll be on my own. He already left town and won't be back for another 2 weeks.
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Old 25th May 2017, 9:35 AM   #54
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Tough.

Please take care. I wish you had atleast one person to share this overwhelming situation to, well,you seem to be soft but strong, you will pull it through.

Try not to idolize this person because he is faaar from being it and I think there are loads of people better than him and you wont have any problem connecting with them because they arnt as hard as him. Give yourself a chance, see what he has done to you.

May be try professional help, atleast you will have someone to talk to. (())
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Old 25th May 2017, 10:13 AM   #55
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Op, I'm here for ya if you should feel the need to talk or vent. You can PM me, if you like. If I was there in your city, I'd accompany you to lend you support.
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Old 25th May 2017, 10:14 AM   #56
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Thanks to all of you. I wish I could say I had a support system. There was only one person who knew and we are no longer friends for reasons that have nothing to do with this, so I am by myself on this. I know there is better out there, people who will put me first, but will I always find myself comparing the way I feel about him to others? It's almost unbearable. I don't think I'll ever find the passion or raw emotion.

The fact that this was a long distance affair heavily fed your feelings of passion and emotion. The distance, the limited time together, the secrecy, the waiting for more, the highs followed by lows followed by more highs, the isolation in having to hide the true nature of your relationship, all these things lead to passion and
an actual emotional dependency on the married person. It's very dysfunctional and akin to an addiction.

It will be very hard to recreate those feelings in a normal healthy relationship. You need to give yourself lots of time to recover. In some cases dating others helps as a distraction and as validation that you are attractive and desirable but more often than not it ends up falling flat and turns into a false affirmation that nobody else will ever compare to the MM so I would recommend not dating too soon.

I believe you said that you already have a child. How about spending a year or two focusing on the well being of yourself and your child. Think about what kind of man you want to bring into your child's life on a fulltime basis and realize that your MM was not that kind of man. He is a man who went looking to cheat on his wife right after she gave birth to his baby, a man who encouraged you to get pregnant and now left you to deal with the termination all on your own while he gets to go back to his little happy family feeling relieved that your getting rid of this problem for him.

He lacks principles and morals, he is selfish and uses women to satisfy his own needs with little regard to their emotional well being or the best interest of his children. He sure as heck was never going to be a good father to your child.
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Old 26th May 2017, 1:42 AM   #57
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Just have to tell you guys what he proposed today. First of all, he asked me how my first appointment went which led to an emotional conversation (on his end too). My second appointment where medication is administered is Saturday. He makes me go through all this crap mentally and then had the nerve to tell me I didn't have to have an abortion. Here was his suggestion:

I could go through with the pregnancy and let him adopt it. With his wife. Then he would get divorced from her when he could and after that happened we could raise the kid together. I nearly lost my mind on him. Super convenient solution to make him look like a saint to his family and friends while making me go through all the shame. And to even suggest that I could just let his wife raise my baby, while lying to her and telling her it was someone else's from work that he felt compelled to adopt. Just was unbelievable to me. To put either of us (she or me) in that position.

I'm sill going through with termination. But what a mindf***.
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Old 26th May 2017, 2:46 AM   #58
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Just have to tell you guys what he proposed today. First of all, he asked me how my first appointment went which led to an emotional conversation (on his end too). My second appointment where medication is administered is Saturday. He makes me go through all this crap mentally and then had the nerve to tell me I didn't have to have an abortion. Here was his suggestion:

I could go through with the pregnancy and let him adopt it. With his wife. Then he would get divorced from her when he could and after that happened we could raise the kid together. I nearly lost my mind on him. Super convenient solution to make him look like a saint to his family and friends while making me go through all the shame. And to even suggest that I could just let his wife raise my baby, while lying to her and telling her it was someone else's from work that he felt compelled to adopt. Just was unbelievable to me. To put either of us (she or me) in that position.

I'm sill going through with termination. But what a mindf***.
So this is the first time I have ever commented on anything on here, but i have been reading your posts.
The fact that he has the hide to suggest he and his wife adopt the baby is one of the most deplorable things I have heard in a long time.
My heart breaks that not only are you having to go through a termination (and I completely understand your decision), but you also have to face the reality that this man has zero emotional capacity. He does not sound like he can see things from anyone else's point of view but his own.
I am really sorry that you are going through this.
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Old 26th May 2017, 3:05 AM   #59
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OMG!! What a mental case!! What the hell is wrong with him? What makes him think his wife is going to agree to adopt a strangers baby and if she did agree to that what makes him think she would just be okay with taking the baby away from her in a year or two? Mostly how does he think it would feel for you to have him take your baby and have his wife mother the infant? What if he never left and now his wife has your baby?!!

Good grief!! That guy is seriously messed up in the head. That idea is even worse then his "let's have a baby to make me leave my marriage" idea. It's like he doesn't view humans as people with hearts and feelings but more as objects to use for his pleasure. Sad that he's treats women that way but horrifying that he also treats his children the same way.

I mean just imagine all the trauma your baby and his existing children would suffer through if you agreed to his stupid idea and his wife actually agreed to adopt your baby, then he left her, managed to take the baby away from the woman he/she bonded with as its mother and his existing children had to watch their dad walk out the door with their sibling while their mother is having a total mental breakdown at both finding out her baby is actually the child of the woman her husband has been having an affair with and now that woman is taking her baby back. OMG just putting that in writing made me crack up laughing because not even someone who writes those cheesy lifetime movies could come up with such a stupid story line. If your MM was serious then he is batsh*t crazy. Are you sure he is an educated attorney because that's about the stupidest thing an MM has ever said.
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Old 26th May 2017, 3:52 AM   #60
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Good lord, that is truly awful. So sorry
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