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Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: doctor is married]


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 30th September 2017, 1:57 AM   #151
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
Women with options get husbands.
Duh.

As if getting a husband is winning half a thousand dollars of lottery.
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Old 30th September 2017, 9:10 AM   #152
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Originally Posted by oldbutcurious View Post
Duh.

As if getting a husband is winning half a thousand dollars of lottery.
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It must be the way women like you run after them.
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Old 30th September 2017, 9:40 AM   #153
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Originally Posted by oldbutcurious View Post
Have fun girl, go for it. I just noted some here are just jealous, and don;t have a life.

Playing middle age priests, duh!
How old are you? You sound very immature. The OP has problems with severe depression and alcohol abuse. An affair with a married man would surely hurt and damage her. She needs love and attention from people who truly have only her best interests at heart. A romantic relationship with a married doctor will not help her, it will only damage her. Telling her to go for it seems extremely short sighted and immature.

Please put some thought into your feedback. You're entitled to your opinion but it would help if you would also include your logic behind what you say. Why do you think she should go for it? What makes you believe that an affair with a married Doctor would be helpful and good for her? I'm not being sarcastic, I'm truly curious to know your reasons behind this advice.
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Old 30th September 2017, 11:02 AM   #154
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Thank you again for your responses ... I am, unfortunately drinking right now and it's 1:15 pm here.

I want to tell you everything I'm thinking, though I'm sure I'll be blasted ... maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe I deserve it.

Anyhow ... let me finish this drink....
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Old 30th September 2017, 11:56 AM   #155
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Regarding drinking, psych said I'm doing well overall and to keep going to AA.

Doc asks for a goal everytime I see him and it's tiresome, I end up feeling guilty. I have good days and bad. More and more good days though. Last time he asked how much I would drink until our next appointment (in a month), I said well I'm going out one night so I'll probably have some wine, is that good for you? He nodded, but looked disappointed.

My therapist with whom I speak via telephone knows that I've been drinking and has encouraged me to stop as the booze works against my anti-depressants.
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Old 30th September 2017, 12:16 PM   #156
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Regarding depression, as my former psych (who retired) said I have a PhD in Depression.

I'll try to explain it to you this way ... it's like the perfect storm of depression:

- existential depression
- biological depression
- environmental depression (past and present)

I've done a lot of work on the past issues, but my depression is cyclical and will come again.

I wasn't followed after my former psych retired, as it's really hard to get psychs and family docs ... I then suffered my worst depression, untreated, and came close to taking my own life. It was Depression with Psychotic Features,; otherwise known as Psychotic Depression.

Finally, I got treated when I found a family doc in Quebec then was at hospital for a couple of days in emerg. ... I really should've been hospitalized, but I'm so highly functional, no one believed I was in as bad a way as I was. I waited over 24 hours to be seen, and finally asked the psych on duty if he could see me as I was disintegrating.

When I moved to Nova Scotia, I found this doc (the family doc I have a crush on). He told me he was going to get me off meds. I said nothing at the time, as it's not my style to disagree overtly with authority figures (quite frankly I was feeling lucky to even HAVE a doc and felt like I was really vulnerable with my hat in my hand type-of-thing), but I thought his optimistic statement to be naive and irresponsible.

I was the one who asked for the psych, as I know I need to be followed or have access to a psych who knows me in case I get into trouble and require swift intervention.

Just to let you know, even though my behaviour can be dumb at times, I'm really smart ... and I am the one who suggested my current drug treatment which the all agreed with as it's a different class (SNRI) as opposed to the SSRI which had stopped working years ago.

Unfortunately, my former psych ... and I!!! .. were not aggressive enough with treating it. But, then, as my current psych said: it's a double-edged sword ... that I'm creative because of it and that's something that should be celebrated. But, then there's the destruction ...

My doc, Dr. M on whom I have the crush, ironically wanted me off meds all together, but recently ADDED ANOTHER: methylphenidate aka Ritalin or Biphentin, as is the brand I'm on.

Well, he did a GREAT JOB, and psych agreed to try it and suggested raising it. WELL it's really helping. I have more energy, I'm doing positive concrete stuff, and surprisingly I have less desire to drink.

So BRAVO to doc ...

So, on one hand I want to keep my doc. He really is a terrific doc.

Last edited by ja123; 30th September 2017 at 12:19 PM..
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Old 30th September 2017, 12:22 PM   #157
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More to come ... I will respond to your individual posts. I really appreciate your input.
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Old 30th September 2017, 1:46 PM   #158
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Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
Sadly I thought we were getting through to you. This whole situation is so unhealthy and you know this too!

Stop feeding your feelings for your soon to be ex DR. Cancel that appt and don't ever look back.
Yes, you are right. I know this, too.

We've, BOTH, gone past the point of having a normal Doctor-Patient Relationship.

I risk not getting good service now. He might want revenge or something.

We originally agreed to have a partnership in my treatment, but it was HE who was establishing the goals which I guess he thought I needed. He wanted me to be "WELL" in a way I'll never be, nor want to be.

The odd thing about mental illness is that it takes away a lot, you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy when you're in the thick of it; BUT, it gives you positives that might not be readily apparent to your average person. It's amazing, but there's a huge price to pay.

I was going to cancel the appointment Friday when he wasn't there, but I didn't. Instead, I printed some articles which I know he'll be interested in.

Yes, I must cancel the appointment ... he's a good doc ... sucks that he led me on.
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Old 30th September 2017, 1:56 PM   #159
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
I thought you were going to cancel the appt and move on with your life. He is not interested plus he is married. Move on. Wait until you get a new therapist. There is more than one so if the female doc is booked up spend your time finding another. Stop obsessing about someone who doesn't want you.
I will cancel this week, and come back here to confirm that.

I'll write all the female docs and hope to get one.

I want to get health insurance (if I can!!!) to help pay for my meds, so might need a doc's evaluation beforehand. My doc already has the blood work which is very good. I don't think he'd want to bother helping me to get it at this point. He's angry with me.

And now that he's angry with me, it seems he doesn't "want" me.

BUT, he'd not be angry if he hadn't wanted me to begin with. He'd be indifferent. Don't you agree?
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Old 30th September 2017, 2:04 PM   #160
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
Are you serious? No one here is jealous of someone who is so desperate they have to run after a MM that doesn't want them. Women who have lots of options don't have to date MM. Women with options get husbands.
Stillafool - you seem like a really normal good person/guy.

I take you as a barometer, if you will.

I guess, I could have options if I wanted to ... I guess after all the pain and hurt (abusive relationship for almost 9 years) that I don't want a husband at this point.

I'm too scared, quite frankly.

And someone "unavailable" would work; although, I really wouldn't want to be the other woman, per se. But life can be complicated and people can be complex.

I'm disgusted that my mom was the other woman, but then I wouldn't be here.

At this point in life, maybe because I'm older and want my freedom (haha ... older folk might value that more than than the young!) If I were to get married and not live WITH my husband. Upstairs/downstairs, nextdoor neighbours ... throw in a bit of swinging from time to time to shake things up ... who knows? Get a sailboat!

I guess I'm just plain weird.
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Old 30th September 2017, 2:31 PM   #161
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I've decided to pour myself another drink and this is what I'm listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmlmOk4ubcU

It's got some 80s New Wave influence to it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by oldbutcurious View Post
I hope you'll enjoy it, and not get messed up.
The only way I'd not get messed up is if I were to stop being his patient and we only met for a few designated number of times. Otherwise, if it were ongoing maybe I would get attached, BUT maybe not if he were to understand AND accept that I'd not be faithful and we just hooked up on occasion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by oldbutcurious View Post
She's flirting and enjoying it. She might like an affair, short or whatever. I wish her happiness, and lots of fun.
It was a round about way flirting, I guess you could say. Subconsciously I told him about me, the sorta-ex BF (Mohammed on whom I might open another thread), swinging and BDSM for these reasons:

- needed help with anxiety regarding meeting Mohammed by accident in the Montreal metro;
- I thought doc was one of "us" (BDSMers) due to his comments on my boots
- wanted doc to know that I'm a sexual person (4 therapy & 4 flirting)
- wanted to know whether doc was interested by provoking him in some way to see whether he would initiate something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by oldbutcurious View Post
Have fun girl, go for it. I just noted some here are just jealous, and don;t have a life.

Playing middle age priests, duh!
I think the doc is the one who's jealous actually.

For that reason, I truly believe now that he is interested.

If he were just a neutral, professional doc, then he'd be detached. He'd want to know why I agreed to prolong my stay in Montreal with Mohammed when it made me anxious. He might suggest an STI test. He might want to ascertain whether alcohol was a factor (which it wasn't) or whether I have other addictive tendencies.

I need a man who can appreciate all of my sides: including the Madonna, and the Whore.

I guess it's not him (my doc).

Or, maybe he said "it's difficult to be a doctor" because he'd have liked to have initiated something but has marriage and the Hippocratic oath which he cannot break because then his clean, simple, little world would fall apart. He, himself, might be thrust into existential depression. For that reason, I step back and am truly sorry. I think I've been a bitch.

A friend (the only one who knows about my crush, BDSM, Swinging) told me I ought to withdraw as his patient and ask point blank whether he wants to have sex with me.

I could start analyzing my doc now, but perhaps it would be in self-interest.

Better to play Devil's Advocate and agree with Stillafool that I'm not wanted and move on.

I normally do the spanking, but ought I be spanked? :P

Last edited by ja123; 30th September 2017 at 2:32 PM.. Reason: Sorry if I come off as being facetious... :(
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Old 30th September 2017, 2:53 PM   #162
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Originally Posted by ItStartsFromWithin View Post
the repercussions of traveling down a dark affair abyss.

Please stop encouraging her to, 'have fun' with a married man, with whom; by her own admission, she states, she is "obsessed" with. You're encouraging emotional turmoil, self destruction & more obsession.

we offer dire warnings of potential outcomes because we've, 'been there, done that' & if we can help just one person not to follow in our path & mistakes; then at least something good has come out of what we went through.

Please remember this isn't cosplay, this isnt a game. This is someone's real life- with real repercussions that can alter the rest of her life, with the advice you give. Please take this seriously.
Thank you. I take your advice to heart. You've been somewhere I haven't.

I feel somehow I'm able to work out some of my conflicting feeling here. Thank you for listening and for your support.

I'm going to run.

It's come to the point where, even if it's just one-sided (which I don't think it is, but alas!) on my end that he cannot be my doc anymore.

Shouldn't I go into his office and at least admit that?

My psych told me to go back and talk with doc to get reassurance that I haven't let him down. But I HAVE let him down. I don't want to force doc into lying or to going into the unadventured waters of an affair.

This isn't just transference and counter-transference, we liked each other the moment we saw one another.

He gave me 3 free sessions, don't forget. And I bought him little gifts as a thank you and because it made me happy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by anika99 View Post
She needs love and attention from people who truly have only her best interests at heart. A romantic relationship with a married doctor will not help her, it will only damage her.
Thank you thank you thank you ... I have a tear in my eye. I DO need care ... I've been through so much and I'm in the process of getting better.

I don't feel I can trust doc now that he's angry with me.

Angry why?

I told him a while back that I was in a mid-life crisis and wanted to party, "no one here wants to party", I complained. He laughed and seemed delighted. In that moment I felt we bonded somehow. He shared with me his passion for driving, as one of my goals was to learn to drive stick (which now I can!) and for good films ... usually not your standard Hollywood fare.

Now I've gone off and told him I'm seeing a younger man to which he angrily responded "So THIS has been going on for some TIME now."

You know what surprises me most?

Is that my so-called "therapists, docs, etc." want to avoid the two most major topics I think about every day: sex and death.

And here I am on an anonymous forum, asking for help.

Somehow, you're all helping me though. I'm able to work things out with you all.

I am so appreciative.

Thank you!

Last edited by ja123; 30th September 2017 at 3:11 PM..
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Old 30th September 2017, 3:20 PM   #163
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I wish I didn't find my doc so hott.

I wish that we didn't have a connection.

I want to tell him that I'm not going to be his patient anymore and that, if ever it doesn't work out with his wife, he should look me up and we can go dancing! Maybe to something in the 80s vein ... we're not really that far away in age, I don't think ... although he's got to be 5 years older.
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Old 30th September 2017, 3:33 PM   #164
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Gotta cancel scheduled appointment with him.
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Old 30th September 2017, 4:25 PM   #165
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You seem to be acting out not just self-destructively, but in ways you know to be self-destructive. Every post in which you describe your feelings and the maddening desire to act on them comes across as a manic cry for help: "please, please, stop me!"

Do you ever experience racing thoughts, uncontrollable impulses, or dramatic mood swings? It could be this is a mood disorder manifesting itself in a variety of ways. Do you have friends or family who can stay with you and help keep you under control?
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