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She travels for work constantly


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 31st October 2017, 7:20 PM   #46
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I am currently a plant manager five buildings and 750 employees, it's a world-class company with many plants worldwide. We get a constant influx of visitors, as well as doing our fair share of visiting. Rarely, very very rarely do I socialize outside of what pertains to work. So yes, she can avoid the socializing, it's likely not a part of her job, in fact I would guess her company doesn't endorse the drinking.

Reassurance or gaslighting, from our veiw it looks the same, right?
I guess it depends on your company...John is expected to attend dinners...John is expected to attend bowling...and cooking classes...and do volunteer work...and play golf. I have seen the agendas...he hides nothing from me. Not only is it expected...it is REQUIRED. He doesn't have to drink....no one can MAKE you drink alcohol...but alcohol is supplied at most functions.

So making a blanket statement about these kinds of things is futile. It all depends on the company and your boss and the kind of work you do.

My job does not require fraternizing.....and I don't.
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Old 1st November 2017, 9:10 AM   #47
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I travel for work a lot. The last two years I would be gone two to three weeks a MONTH!!!! At first it was exciting. Going to new places, nice dinners, co-workers respecting what you have to say and your opinion but it did eventually get old & it will for your GF too. Luckily this year I am down to a trip maybe every other month or so.


I ONLY travel with males as my job is an extremely male dominated field and 99% of the clients we go see are males.


I have only been hit on once & I immediately stopped the dinner, went back to my hotel room & called & told my DH. I also refused to go see that client alone again.


Bottom line is I actually care and love the co-workers I travel with. When you are in a plane together, rental car, meeting room all day, and then required to take clients to dinner at night you do develop relationships with people. Not sexual but for me friendships. One of my project managers I truly look at like a father figure. His and his wife's are adorable together. She has even brought me lunches to work before. Another co-worker is like a brother to me. I know all about his wife, and kids, what he is getting them for Christmas etc. Another co-worker just a great guy with two babies at home that likes when he gets to travel because he doesn't get woken up in the middle of the night but also feels guilty & always brings his wife a gift back because he hates she is at home doing it alone. This is a guy that drove to four different stores one night while we were on a business trip to find my husband special beer I could bring home to him that is not sold in our state.


I guess what I am trying to say is it is very hard not to develop some kind of relationship with co-workers you travel with BUT that does not mean they will be sexual in nature in any way shape or form.


My Dh has got to meet most of my co-workers at Christmas parties. I also tell him everything that was shared to me when I get back to my hotel room at night. He has gotten to travel with me once & he knows he is ALWAYS welcome even though it is not feasible because of his work.


When I am going on a business trip with a new person he has not met I usually look the person up on linced in or FB & show him their picture. I call him at the airports. When I land, when I get in my hotel room & during breaks through out the day. I call him before I go to dinner with my clients & when I get back but I don't check my phone while we are at dinner because it is rude.


I like what Mrs John Adams said.... you need to feel comfortable talking about this with your GF and find what wil work for you to feel more secure. It is okay to have this bumps in the road now & then, but it is how you discuss it & find out how to work through it that matters but travel does not = cheating. Do you truly worry she will cheat or is it just hard her having a part of her life that you are not in or a part of? I personally could see how that would be very hard.
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Old 1st November 2017, 9:46 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by Mrs. John Adams View Post
and it is up to him to decide what he can or cannot tolerate within his own relationship and not up to others to decide that for him based upon their own opinions and prejudices.

If her traveling is something he cannot live with...then he certainly can choose to end the relationship...but he should do so because it is what is right for the both of them. It would be a shame to throw away a relationship without first exploring every available option to save it.

I don't know enough about either of them to declare them incompatible


I see this happening more and more in the future. As we enter into a more information/technology based age, and emerge out of the industrial/manufacturing age, women will come to dominate business and commerce because they are more adept at the skills necessary to work in those fields. Men who work in construction, industrial and technical fields will soon have their incomes eclipsed by their wives. It is the progression we are seeing now.


So old fashioned guys like me will have to adapt to this new construct, and along with it our expectations as to what constitutes marriage and relationships with women. We either evolve as men and women together, or I believe you will see a drastic reduction in marriage and birthrate. I honestly believe that. Marriage as we know it now may be going extinct.
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Old 1st November 2017, 10:09 AM   #49
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I am currently a plant manager five buildings and 750 employees, it's a world-class company with many plants worldwide. We get a constant influx of visitors, as well as doing our fair share of visiting. Rarely, very very rarely do I socialize outside of what pertains to work. So yes, she can avoid the socializing, it's likely not a part of her job, in fact I would guess her company doesn't endorse the drinking.

Reassurance or gaslighting, from our veiw it looks the same, right?
You are a plant manager You have obligations to be nice to the visitors when you are in your building. If you are the person trying to develop business for the company you would be obligated to spend more time with these visitors. You would probably be required to take them out to dinner. You may be obligated to travel to them & again entertain them or be entertained by them. People do business with people they like & that requires you spend time socializing with customers. Your job doesn't have all of these obligations but sales & executive jobs do. After you do it for a while you feel like a trained monkey who is on when the organ grinder (your company) plays the music & you must sing & dance for the customer. It's the opposite of sexy; most people resent it after a while & it stops being fun quickly.

Most of this interaction is simply networking There are those who misuse it as a dating / sexual venue but that is more rare & those folks tend to be outliers. Everybody is so politically correct these days I think most men in a work context would be scared to make a move lest their behavior is unwelcome & they end up on the wrong side of a sexual harassment charge. At least that is how most men I know feel about the whole subject. So even if the OPs GF is willing, she'd be fishing in the wrong pond

These two may be incompatible because she has a job to do & he can't handle it. But I really do think he needs to power down & trust her unless he has more hardcore evidence of infidelity. The fact that his GF is on a business trip & male colleagues stay in the same hotel & they all occasionally consume alcohol together is not evidence of cheating. He may not like it but it doesn't make her wrong
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Old 1st November 2017, 10:19 AM   #50
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I travel for work a lot. The last two years I would be gone two to three weeks a MONTH!!!! At first it was exciting. Going to new places, nice dinners, co-workers respecting what you have to say and your opinion but it did eventually get old & it will for your GF too. Luckily this year I am down to a trip maybe every other month or so.


I ONLY travel with males as my job is an extremely male dominated field and 99% of the clients we go see are males.


I have only been hit on once & I immediately stopped the dinner, went back to my hotel room & called & told my DH. I also refused to go see that client alone again.


Bottom line is I actually care and love the co-workers I travel with. When you are in a plane together, rental car, meeting room all day, and then required to take clients to dinner at night you do develop relationships with people. Not sexual but for me friendships. One of my project managers I truly look at like a father figure. His and his wife's are adorable together. She has even brought me lunches to work before. Another co-worker is like a brother to me. I know all about his wife, and kids, what he is getting them for Christmas etc. Another co-worker just a great guy with two babies at home that likes when he gets to travel because he doesn't get woken up in the middle of the night but also feels guilty & always brings his wife a gift back because he hates she is at home doing it alone. This is a guy that drove to four different stores one night while we were on a business trip to find my husband special beer I could bring home to him that is not sold in our state.


I guess what I am trying to say is it is very hard not to develop some kind of relationship with co-workers you travel with BUT that does not mean they will be sexual in nature in any way shape or form.


My Dh has got to meet most of my co-workers at Christmas parties. I also tell him everything that was shared to me when I get back to my hotel room at night. He has gotten to travel with me once & he knows he is ALWAYS welcome even though it is not feasible because of his work.


When I am going on a business trip with a new person he has not met I usually look the person up on linced in or FB & show him their picture. I call him at the airports. When I land, when I get in my hotel room & during breaks through out the day. I call him before I go to dinner with my clients & when I get back but I don't check my phone while we are at dinner because it is rude.


I like what Mrs John Adams said.... you need to feel comfortable talking about this with your GF and find what wil work for you to feel more secure. It is okay to have this bumps in the road now & then, but it is how you discuss it & find out how to work through it that matters but travel does not = cheating. Do you truly worry she will cheat or is it just hard her having a part of her life that you are not in or a part of? I personally could see how that would be very hard.
I think the big difference between you and the OP's girlfriend is you make an effort to show your husband how much you think of him during these trips. You're also very transparent about all of your business relationships and whom you spend your time with while you're away.
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Old 1st November 2017, 10:25 AM   #51
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I see this happening more and more in the future. As we enter into a more information/technology based age, and emerge out of the industrial/manufacturing age, women will come to dominate business and commerce because they are more adept at the skills necessary to work in those fields. Men who work in construction, industrial and technical fields will soon have their incomes eclipsed by their wives. It is the progression we are seeing now.


So old fashioned guys like me will have to adapt to this new construct, and along with it our expectations as to what constitutes marriage and relationships with women. We either evolve as men and women together, or I believe you will see a drastic reduction in marriage and birthrate. I honestly believe that. Marriage as we know it now may be going extinct.
I agree with this wholly. The one thing that stands out is that men and women still have their "traditional" and genetic makeup that will still rear it's ugly head. Jobs willing or not. You can't beat primal urges like this. While it still for a few may like the "new" societal norm, the majority will not.
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Old 1st November 2017, 10:40 AM   #52
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I hate traveling for work, and have rarely had to do so, except for one-off trips for a special purpose. Likewise, I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who has to travel for work, routinely. I like having a continuity to our home life, and travel does not allow for that.


And, travel can lead to other issues - for example, the majority of cheating happens because of work relationships and work travel. Even when that does not happen, there can be the fear that it could. Trust is essential, and has to exist - at least until it is violated. Of course, far from all business travelers ever engage in inappropriate behaviors, However, I'd say it is natural to hang out with coworkers while away from home, because nobody wants to sit in a hotel room all evening watching lousy TV shows. The alternatives can be worse - bars, clubs, etc., where you can get hit on by strangers.
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Old 1st November 2017, 10:41 AM   #53
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I see this happening more and more in the future. As we enter into a more information/technology based age, and emerge out of the industrial/manufacturing age, women will come to dominate business and commerce because they are more adept at the skills necessary to work in those fields. Men who work in construction, industrial and technical fields will soon have their incomes eclipsed by their wives. It is the progression we are seeing now.


So old fashioned guys like me will have to adapt to this new construct, and along with it our expectations as to what constitutes marriage and relationships with women. We either evolve as men and women together, or I believe you will see a drastic reduction in marriage and birthrate. I honestly believe that. Marriage as we know it now may be going extinct.
As babies are born and raised in this society...they will adapt to the changes and mindsets.

Example....John never assisted with the care of our children...or housework...or cooking. He was the king of his castle. He came home to dinner on the table every day at 5 pm. The family ate together. This is how it has been for 45 years.

However....My son Does ALL the cooking....and he and his wife SHARE the housework and taking care of the children. He is happy. She is happy.

So while you as an old fashioned guy may have trouble adjusting to the new norms of society...the younger generation will have already have a new mindset.

Marriage will never be extinct...it is a big business.
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Old 1st November 2017, 10:45 AM   #54
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I hate traveling for work, and have rarely had to do so, except for one-off trips for a special purpose. Likewise, I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who has to travel for work, routinely. I like having a continuity to our home life, and travel does not allow for that.


And, travel can lead to other issues - for example, the majority of cheating happens because of work relationships and work travel. Even when that does not happen, there can be the fear that it could. Trust is essential, and has to exist - at least until it is violated. Of course, far from all business travelers ever engage in inappropriate behaviors, However, I'd say it is natural to hang out with coworkers while away from home, because nobody wants to sit in a hotel room all evening watching lousy TV shows. The alternatives can be worse - bars, clubs, etc., where you can get hit on by strangers.
My husband goes to happy hour...gets two glasses of wine and takes them to his room. How do I know? cell phone...elevator bells....bartenders voice....elevator bells....open door to room. He then answers e mails...how do i know? Typing on a keyboard.

If a person wants to cheat...they will cheat. It doesn't matter if they are traveling, going to an office, or going to walmart.
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Old 1st November 2017, 10:57 AM   #55
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I don' think OP is insecure. I think he is like a lot of traditionally raised men who have found themselves behind the times and outdated. He wants a GF who is not out traveling all the time. He wants a stay-close-to-home woman. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Beating him up as being insecure is off the mark.
The difference is that traditionally, the woman often doesn't work outside the home. She lives under her father's roof while the man courts her, and after they get married she lives under his roof and HE supports her.

If the OP is truly so very traditional that he is willing to be the sole or at least main breadwinner after they marry, and before that, willing to date a woman who isn't working - fine. Can't blame him. But if he would like a woman who works and contributes to some of the bills (and given that he lives in the UK, chances are that he does), then this is often a necessary part of it. All work typically requires some sort of sacrifice. You can't be "traditional" in the aspects that suit you but expect "modernity" in the aspects that don't, especially when the aspects involved are so closely linked.
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Old 1st November 2017, 11:04 AM   #56
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My husband goes to happy hour...gets two glasses of wine and takes them to his room. How do I know? cell phone...elevator bells....bartenders voice....elevator bells....open door to room. He then answers e mails...how do i know? Typing on a keyboard.

If a person wants to cheat...they will cheat. It doesn't matter if they are traveling, going to an office, or going to walmart.
Right. In fact, even SAHMs cheat...

If someone is relying on "lack of opportunity" and "rigorous reporting" to "ensure" that their partner doesn't cheat, they're likely in the wrong relationship or in the wrong headspace to be in a relationship (and it doesn't work, anyway).
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Old 1st November 2017, 11:16 AM   #57
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I agree with this wholly. The one thing that stands out is that men and women still have their "traditional" and genetic makeup that will still rear it's ugly head. Jobs willing or not. You can't beat primal urges like this. While it still for a few may like the "new" societal norm, the majority will not.
This is why so many husbands feel emasculated when their wives earn more than them.
It's the primal urges to be the provider that you mentioned.
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Old 1st November 2017, 11:21 AM   #58
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This is why so many husbands feel emasculated when their wives earn more than them.
It's the primal urges to be the provider that you mentioned.
This is understandable, but the part I find really mind-boggling is that some people don't seem to understand the implications of their "urges". Like a man wanting a "close-to-home" woman but expecting to split the bills 50/50. Or a woman wanting a "provider" man who earns and pays much more than her, but expecting him to split the housework 50/50. Or either gender wanting a "man/woman with a great career" but expects them to only work 9-5 M-F with zero business trips or after-hours. Or, like in another thread, a woman who expected her husband to earn as much as she did while he did all the childcare.

I suppose all of the above are technically "possible", but IME are fairly rare, and unrealistic to expect.

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Old 1st November 2017, 11:28 AM   #59
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This is why we "date"...to find out if we are compatible and share the same goals and dreams.

If my idea of being a wife had not been the same as my boyfriends...he would not have married me. Now...times have indeed changed....I did not work early in our marriage. But as society changed and more and more women got into the workforce...i too got a part time job.

Life...relationships...evolve.

This op needs to express to his girlfriend his dreams and expectations of their relationship as he sees it...and she needs to do the same. If they are not on the same page...then they both need to evaluate where to go from here.
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Old 1st November 2017, 11:28 AM   #60
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Not to jump over the thread much but THIS is my relationship with my wife right now. Love her to death and we are making life work, but when the economy dropped years back and I changed jobs, I found myself on the outside looking in. She was real supportive, but definitely put it out that I can be a stay at home dad....NO WAY. I found work, but a very significantly less pay and more hours. I love work. And love that I can provide. My wife has been moving up and on the corporate track for a few years now and she is the bread winner. The problem now...I don't relate to her lifestyle and circle of activities. Its all around others with her job. That brings in new stress...Its vicious. It would be nice to find a happy medium and equilibrium so relationships can be healthy. The OP is battling up a hill and its a big one to boot.
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