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Married folks: How often do you have sex?


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Old 28th May 2011, 2:38 AM   #1
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Married folks: How often do you have sex?

I have noticed a common pattern, and I'm wondering if it's just a coincidence amongst my friends or if there's more to it.

My friends who were in their early- to mid-20's when they married, are all now in pretty much sexless marriages or very infrequently (like, once every month or two), and have been since their late 20's. This is true regardless of whether they have children or not.

My friends who were in their late-20's to early-30's (or later) when they married, are all still very sexually active with one another, also regardless of whether they have children or not.

So, my questions for the married are:

-How old were you when you got married, and how old are you now?
-How long have you been married?
-How often do you have sex now, and how often were you having sex when you were married?
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Old 28th May 2011, 10:52 AM   #2
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Married at age 22, age 39 now. Married 17+ years, together 18+ years.

For us sexual frequency changes greatly. There have been months were we did it 25+ times, and months were we did it only twice.

When we got married I would say 3 times a week. Over the last year probably 6 times a month on average. We did it twice in the last two nights, and had a 10 day dry spell before that. I used to let dry spells bother me, but I really don't anymore (at least I try really hard not to), it works so much better for me when there is no pressure or need to have it on a regular basis.

I would honestly find less value in the intimacy if I could have it whenever I wanted it...
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Old 28th May 2011, 11:32 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Star Gazer View Post
I have noticed a common pattern, and I'm wondering if it's just a coincidence amongst my friends or if there's more to it.

My friends who were in their early- to mid-20's when they married, are all now in pretty much sexless marriages or very infrequently (like, once every month or two), and have been since their late 20's. This is true regardless of whether they have children or not.

My friends who were in their late-20's to early-30's (or later) when they married, are all still very sexually active with one another, also regardless of whether they have children or not.

So, my questions for the married are:

-How old were you when you got married, and how old are you now?
-How long have you been married?
-How often do you have sex now, and how often were you having sex when you were married?
My SIL, the doctor, says one of the greatest issues she deals with is a loss of labido in younger, newly marrieds. She is not sure why, this is becoming an issue, but it is.

Married 30 years. I was 22 and he was 24 when we married. We were childhood sweethearts, (15 and 17) with one a 4-yr break up during college as I could not handle a long-distance relationship.

Three kids. The longest we have gone without sex is 13 days after he had back surgery, and that includes his affair, which we have succesfully overcome: twice a week during it, for cryinoutloud!...though of course, he convinced his OW otherwise.

Maybe we are rare. Maybe we amongst the very lucky ones. While other areas in our marriage have needed addressing, our sexual desire for each other has always been off the charts.
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Old 28th May 2011, 11:47 AM   #4
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Married around 20, now around 40, had kids around 30 (so we were married a bunch of years before having kids).

I find it very difficult to quantify "how often?", because what counts as sex?? But frequency started high and remains high. 2-5 times a week, depending on what counts

Frequency dipped during pregnancy and baby-years, but we experienced a "honeymoon period" after each child started sleeping more regularly.
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Old 28th May 2011, 1:30 PM   #5
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I was 23, almost 24 when we got married and he had just turned 23.
Married 14 years this coming August.
Sex has been up and down over the years. There have been some long down periods due to mental health issues on my part brought on by the birth of my second child who had birth defects that required serious surgery early on. That lasted two or so years - and still we averaged 4x to 6x a month then. Then it was up to 3x to 4x a week for a few years. And then he started having some medical issues and it dropped down to 4x to 6x a month again. Now that his medical issues are resolved its back up to 5x to 7x a week.
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Old 28th May 2011, 1:41 PM   #6
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The longest I have went without sex since marriage was a week when I went away on a business trip it was impossible. If you take that out I would say a few days.
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Old 28th May 2011, 3:22 PM   #7
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-How old were you when you got married, and how old are you now?
We married in our late 20s.

-How long have you been married?
We've been married 11 years.

-How often do you have sex now, and how often were you having sex when you were married?

Depends. Some days like today it's 2x/day, and other times it's maybe 2-4 times a week. We've had it more and there been times it's been less because of work or family committments. But we've never had issues with sex. It's one of the areas where we're very compatible.
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Old 28th May 2011, 3:31 PM   #8
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Married nearly 12 years, together nearly 13 years. I was 27 years old when we got married and Hubby was 38.

No real average as it's not about that for us but if I have to really think I would say between 2 - 5 times per week but this can be lower or higher depending on what is seen as making love. Some form of intimacy does happen 2 - 5 times per week though.

Longest without full love making was 9 weeks, due to external pressures at the time. This happened about 10 years ago. Other stuff went on but not the full deal.

At the start of our sexual relationship and up until about year 5 it was just about every night. The most was 7 times in an afternoon.. but were were crazy, crazy addicted to each other then. We do have periods such as this pop up again but not as frequently as back then.

Take care,
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Old 28th May 2011, 5:11 PM   #9
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We've been together six years, married two years. I was early 30s and he was late 30s when we married.

I guess it goes in phases, and right now we probably average 2-3x per week. Sometimes we have 'good' weeks, where it's more like 4-5x, sometimes we have a dry week when the kids are sick or work is crazy. Lately we've been in a slow spell, more like once a week, because we've kind of bitten off more than we can chew stress-wise: major job reorg, starting a side business, important court case, and buying a new house/moving all at the same time. Like we never heard of pacing ourselves . But, we're back on an upswing as things are getting resolved and stress is easing up a bit. This last week was another 'good' week.

We do have kids, school-age and toddler. The little one was a terrible sleeper for a long time which is what caused us to scale back to 2-3x a week in the first place--the first few years, we averaged more like 6-10x per week, after we moved in together.
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Old 28th May 2011, 5:38 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Star Gazer View Post
So, my questions for the married are:

-How old were you when you got married, and how old are you now?
-How long have you been married?
-How often do you have sex now, and how often were you having sex when you were married?
Do divorcees qualify?
Been married twice, 20s and 30s, aprox. 3 years each time.

A good friend of mine, who is very religious said to me recently: "I will tell my kids, 'if you want to have sex - get married!'"

I told him, "No! Tell your children 'if you want to have sex, DON'T get married!"

Does that answer your question?
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Old 29th May 2011, 3:41 AM   #11
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Do divorcees qualify?
Been married twice, 20s and 30s, aprox. 3 years each time.

A good friend of mine, who is very religious said to me recently: "I will tell my kids, 'if you want to have sex - get married!'"

I told him, "No! Tell your children 'if you want to have sex, DON'T get married!"

Does that answer your question?
he he. i guess the goat was during single period then.

my advice is. pick the right girl. and never stop. when there are breaks in the sex its harder to find your way bak. and at one point the girls at the gym looks like an easier target than your wife:-)

and make sure there is a dirty element every now and then,a dn include her in your sexuality. so, on a saturday morning after brekkie, when you have that 3 hour porn watching festival together, watch in a position so she can give you a two hours blow job.
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Old 29th May 2011, 4:10 AM   #12
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and at one point the girls at the gym looks like an easier target than your wife :-)
but they're not. And slowly but surely, the goat seems like the only available option. Plus, goat cheese is delicious. Nordic, I know you love my goat.

Quote:
and make sure there is a dirty element every now and then,a dn include her in your sexuality.
Oh, god, be sexy, but don't be pushy. Just a little touch here and there. Leave the long groping for bed (i.e. for sex time). I mean, it depends on the woman, but I think totally cold outside the sex time or totally pushy is not good.

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so, on a saturday morning after brekkie, when you have that 3 hour porn watching festival together, watch in a position so she can give you a two hours blow job.
Make sure you watch a man on man porn though cuz 'stead of sex, you'll get the "So you actually liked that slut with the big fake tits and skinny ass and bleeched hair? "

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Old 29th May 2011, 4:11 AM   #13
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Married at 22. Relationship lasted 24 years. The frequency fluctuated a lot when I was with my now xW. I would say an average of twice a week. There were hot and cold weeks/months as to be expected.

To be honest, there is an absurdly large number of variables to consider when it comes to the sexual relationship in a marriage. Really does depend on the individuals involved too.
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Old 29th May 2011, 4:14 AM   #14
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he he. i guess the goat was during single period then.
Why, you think I wouldn't cheat?
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Old 29th May 2011, 5:47 AM   #15
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but they're not. And slowly but surely, the goat seems like the only available option. Plus, goat cheese is delicious. Nordic, I know you love my goat.

Oh, god, be sexy, but don't be pushy. Just a little touch here and there. Leave the long groping for bed (i.e. for sex time). I mean, it depends on the woman, but I think totally cold outside the sex time or totally pushy is not good.

Make sure you watch a man on man porn though cuz 'stead of sex, you'll get the "So you actually liked that slut with the big fake tits and skinny ass and bleeched hair? "

i do like your goat. its growing on me, you know that.

mmm, i think you should act the way you are, if its gonna work over any longer period of time. i am just very physically possessive and touchy which makes me act in specific way. if i act in another way, its not me anymore. plus, i never had women complain really, and some did get time enough.

i like to fall asleep with a good piece of my woman in at least one of my hands, makes me fall asleep quicker. it varies in which way that physical feeling is expressed though. typically the closer i feel, the smaller the signals and emotions get. i could lie on my back after sex with a womans hair on my breast with that weightless feeling in my body and just let my fingertips feel the skin on her upper arm while she is sleeping, but that doesnt happen often enough coz it needs a special something. there is no contrdiction to the other emotions though, its just thta spectrum gets wider. i will still like to fall asleep with an ass or a breast in my hand with the same woman at another time. or attack he while she putting make up on and trying to get dressed.

mmm, i grew up in sweden, where blond girls are the norm.

dont like fake tits, absolutly hate skinny asses, and see no reason for bleeched hair.

i had most fun with smallish brunette girls in fact. but that might just be by chance. they seem to like beautiful nordic viking princes, which we are very happy for
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