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I've cheated - now what?


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Girlygirl1

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I love him so much. But one night out with my friends I had sex with a guy I met in the club. He was so tall and handsome I didn't know how to say no. But next day I realized what I did and felt awful I've almost throwed up.

 

What now? Should I tell him? My friends who I was out with seen some of me talking with that guy. Don't know if they saw us grinding or kissing, I didn't care about anything else when we did.

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RangerJeremiah

Hmm, that's tough... I think you should tell him, but let him know you will give him one "free pass" to have sex with someone else.

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Girlygirl1

Ugh stop judging me! I've made a mistake - I know it! And please stop telling me I must not love my bf! I really do! I just don't know how it happened with that guy like I couldn't get my mind off him and still think about him but I know I can't see him again. My bf is such a sweet guy and I want to work it out!

 

You're saying I should tell my bf - I dunno I'm scared. I'll try. he's texting me now and I'm kinda cold to him.

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Girlygirl1

I've sent him a message that I have something to tell him and we need to talk. We're meeting in 3 hours. Soooo nervous he might leave me...

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RangerJeremiah

He won't leave you. He will totally understand.

 

Maybe call/text him now and give him a heads up? Think that's the best way.

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Ugh stop judging me! I've made a mistake - I know it!

 

Stop it. Own up to your s.hit. You didn't make a mistake. You made a very real, and very conscious CHOICE.

 

You CHOSE to talk to this guy in the club.

You CHOSE to grind all over him.

You CHOSE to leave with him.

You CHOSE to have sex with him.

 

Nothing about this was a mistake. It was a set of very calculated decisions you made.

 

And please stop telling me I must not love my bf! I really do! I just don't know how it happened with that guy like I couldn't get my mind off him and still think about him but I know I can't see him again.

 

You don't love your boyfriend. Anyone who genuinely loves and cares for their partner doesn't go spreading their legs for some idiot at a club. A person so in love also then doesn't say things like, "I still can't get my mind off him."

 

Obviously this guy has something your boyfriend does not. You may love the idea of being with your boyfriend, you may love the fact that he's so sweet and nice, but you are not in love with him. Not even remotely.

 

Tell him. He deserves to know what kind of person he's dating. :sick:

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He won't leave you. He will totally understand.

 

Maybe call/text him now and give him a heads up? Think that's the best way.

 

He won't leave and he'll understand? He'll understand that the girl he's with is a whore?

 

And you advise telling him via text message? How old are you, 12?

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if he's hot and has options he could leave her.

 

Also, guys are generally much less forgiving regarding cheating than women are.

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TaraMaiden
He won't leave and he'll understand? He'll understand that the girl he's with is a whore?

 

And you advise telling him via text message? How old are you, 12?

(It's sarcasm. he doesn't mean it.... he's being 'contrary'.... ;) )

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ChessPieceFace
this is just so ridiculous i hope you're a troll, existence of such humans makes me want to puke.

 

Well said.

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TaraMaiden
I've sent him a message that I have something to tell him and we need to talk. We're meeting in 3 hours. Soooo nervous he might leave me...

I do hope so.

It's the least you deserve.

Then you can go back to Mr Tall dark and handsome.....

 

And everyone will be happy.

 

Remember, you CHOSE to behave that way.

Now, you have to accept the consequences.....

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ScreamingTrees

Just grant him a ONS with a total bombshell, T&A, the whole nine.. The kind of girl that no man could say no to.. Fair enough, right? ;)

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Oh geez. People make mistakes. Everyone does. Stop acting like all of you are saints or something and stop being bitter.

 

I've been cheated on and yes I know how it feels like but as I've said everyone makes mistakes. Yes she did wrong and yes she has consequences to face but she came here for advice not bashing -.-.

 

At least she owned up and is going to tell her bf that she did him wrong. And that takes courage. Atta girl for owning up and being prepared for the consequences I say. Now cut her some slack. This is a forum not a witchhunt. People should be able to share their secrets without fear of being spit at or mauled at. Criticism yes, hateful bashing? Shame on yourselves

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LonelyInsomniac

Well, the biggest thing is realizing that what you did can't be undone. It happened, and something went seriously wrong in the relationship for that to be able to happen.

 

You've got two choices. The first choice is continuing to dig your hole deeper. You do this by hiding what you did, minimizing what you did, lying, focusing on controlling his reaction rather than owning up to your own actions, and continuing in this downward spiral of emotional dishonesty with yourself and your loved ones.

 

The second choice is facing it now rather than later - because some time, some day, someone's going to smell that corpse. It will likely be your current boyfriend via the "something off" vibe that we give when we're not being genuine (example: your coldness toward him to distance yourself from the situation, which comes at his expense even though it might not seem like it). You can do this by getting rid of your excuses ("he was so hot!" =/= "I put myself in a bad situation and had an inexusable lapse of judgment"), telling your ego to stuff it for a moment (your ego is that voice that chimes things like "what will he think of me?" and "I don't want him to break up with me!"), and taking a moment to acknowledge your role in this affair - and if you want the relationship to last, what led up to this.

 

It could well be that this is your way of realizing that you're not ready for an exclusive relationship.

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todreaminblue
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I love him so much. But one night out with my friends I had sex with a guy I met in the club. He was so tall and handsome I didn't know how to say no. But next day I realized what I did and felt awful I've almost throwed up.

 

What now? Should I tell him? My friends who I was out with seen some of me talking with that guy. Don't know if they saw us grinding or kissing, I didn't care about anything else when we did.

 

 

I have read your whole thread and commend your plans on telling the truth to your boyfriend.....it is the right thing to do.....however it turns out i know you will have learned something from this...... it might not be what you want to learn....but life is full of that..live and learn.we all make mistakes...takes a real person to own them and show remorse and then...not repeat...good luck....deb

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Girlygirl1

I'm at my bf place, he's sleeping now.

 

When we met he knew something was up. He asked me what's wrong. I said 'nothing'. He comforted me for a bit and I forgot about issue. We went out, had a good time. When we were back, he wanted to have sex with me. I told him I'm not in the mood. Then he offered to at least go down on me. I wanted to protest but he went down anyway. He tried to get me off and couldn't so I started crying. He was so comforting, and then in tears I've told him what I've done. I only told I've kissed another guy on that night. He got angry and told me to leave him alone. I've slept on the couch. I asked him if we still have a chance. He told me he'll think about it.

 

I dunno... :(

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TaraMaiden

Karma has Consequences.

These are yours.

but it's not even the full consequence, is it?

I mean, you've withheld all the info, haven't you?

 

This is what happens when you lie, and when you lie about 'lying'' with another guy.

 

You're not only a cheater, but you're a coward and a liar.

 

Harsh, but true, no?

 

This is very sad, but this is what happens when you act with no thought to what your actions will reap.

 

I suggest that you take the initiative, and you be fair, you be kind, you be honest - and you be the one to end this.

 

Tell him that you can't hurt him this way, and that you think it best you two part.

 

And go.

And stay away, and leave this alone.

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Toddbt12y1

You told him a half-truth. You did far more than "kiss" this other Guy.

 

A half-truth is still a total lie.

 

Tell him the whole truth.

 

He will be able to make a better choice - for himself. You still haven't owned up to your sin. He needs to now the whole truth.

 

Now that you've cheated -- you're in the dark...afraid of the light, that is TRUTH...but...the truth has it's ways of revealing itself. Shame on you...for being cowardly...and not telling the truth.

 

You just "manipulated" the one you claim to "love." By telling him that half-truth. Accept your fate...you brought this upon yourself....we all have to answer for the things we do...

 

I feel sorry for your b/f.

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Girlygirl1

Looks good for now :)

 

I have made my bf a breakfast, gave him nice good morning kiss, hugged him tight and asked how is it gonna be with us. He said he will give me a chance but made me promise I won't do it again. I said I won't and gave him a big kiss. Then we said goodbyes.

 

I'm happy now :)

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Toddbt12y1
Looks good for now :)

 

I have made my bf a breakfast, gave him nice good morning kiss, hugged him tight and asked how is it gonna be with us. He said he will give me a chance but made me promise I won't do it again. I said I won't and gave him a big kiss. Then we said goodbyes.

 

I'm happy now :)

 

Well...who said half-truths don't work? Glad you got by with telling him a partial truth...

 

Otherwise it would have been much worse I'm sure.

 

How exicting :) I gotta give this half-truths a try one day..

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TaraMaiden
Looks good for now :)

 

I have made my bf a breakfast, gave him nice good morning kiss, hugged him tight and asked how is it gonna be with us. He said he will give me a chance but made me promise I won't do it again. I said I won't and gave him a big kiss. Then we said goodbyes.

 

I'm happy now :)

No, you're not.

You're relieved.

because you're still a liar and you think you've gotten away with it.

But something, somewhere will come of this.

And you know, inside, you're a liar and a cheat.

You know that maybe, somewhere, some time, something will happen to make him find out.

 

So for now, it's safe.

 

For now.

 

Watch your ass.

 

Something is going to come up and bite it.

Hard.

 

When?

How?

Who knows?

 

That's part of your fun.....

Just waiting.

 

For the schytt to hit the fan.

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