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“I am a cheap date?”


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Just had a lunch date with this guy and he offhandedly said I was a cheap date since I offered to split the bill! I do that every time but the guys sometime accept and others had refused.

 

This one accepted and just that I was a cheap date. For some reason, it annoyed me. I have a date tonight and is wondering if I should stop offering.

 

Does it make a guy value me less if I am willing to pay for myself?

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BarbedFenceRider

I would think he was being a wise-ass. Making harmless banter after the fact. But if it bothers you..Ask him.

 

Put it back on him, with a simple question: "Did you feel offended that I offered to pay my way?"

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It was just an offhand comment.

 

Also, 'cheap date' doesn't mean 'low value'. It means 'low maintenance', and there's a BIG difference.

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She should always offer to split. I probably wouldn't accept because I was brought up to pay for my dates and I have the means. I probably wouldn't wise crack about it being a cheap date either. I doubt he meant anything bad by it but wasn't thinking about how his comment could be taken.

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Just had a lunch date with this guy and he offhandedly said I was a cheap date since I offered to split the bill! I do that every time but the guys sometime accept and others had refused.

 

This one accepted and just that I was a cheap date. For some reason, it annoyed me. I have a date tonight and is wondering if I should stop offering.

 

Does it make a guy value me less if I am willing to pay for myself?

 

where did you guys go for lunch?

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Keep offering. He should not have said that and should not have accepted your offer.

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I honestly don't see the big deal. I am sure he was just joking and first dates being what they are (especially lunch dates) make most people nervous so I am sure he was just trying to be funny.

 

And yes, keep offering. And if a first date guy accepts, I would suggest not having a second date (unless you chose the restaurant and it was expensive, in which case I would suggest not having a second date because you shouldn't have to choose the restaurant/bar for the first date).

 

Just my $.02.

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Shining One
Does it make a guy value me less if I am willing to pay for myself?
Speaking for myself, it would make me value you more.
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People might appreciate the "reach" to pay, but he dropped the ball by accepting the offer in my opinion. Speaks more to him.

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I honestly don't see the big deal. I am sure he was just joking and first dates being what they are (especially lunch dates) make most people nervous so I am sure he was just trying to be funny.

 

And yes, keep offering. And if a first date guy accepts, I would suggest not having a second date (unless you chose the restaurant and it was expensive, in which case I would suggest not having a second date because you shouldn't have to choose the restaurant/bar for the first date).

 

Just my $.02.

 

No, he pick the spot and he ate a full meal while I had dessert + coffee. If anything, I covered his food by splitting.

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Idk why it bothers me. Maybe cause I had guy friends who said I give off a very independent vibe, like I don’t need anyone and I can do anything. But my appearance and my clothing choices suggest a very girly girl who need to be helped.

 

Guess I am just now paranoid. Still, i am pretty conservative and appreciated a guy paying on the first date but is more than happy to trade off from then on. If I have no interest in the guy, I would insist on paying so they don’t feel taken advantage of.

 

Yeah, maybe I just won’t go out with him again...

 

ETD: thanks , shining, for saying it add more value.

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I don't think you paying would make most men value you less, but some might think it's a bad sign. Like you don't want to "owe" them anything, because you're not interested. (Might not be true at all) And then you probably have guys who feel they're supposed to pay for the date, cause they're men and all that.

 

The girl I'm dating right now actually paid for the entire bill on our first date. She didn't offer, but just quickly did it when I went to the bathroom.

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bathtub-row

I’m not sure why you ever adopted that policy of offering to pay, but I’d recommend that you stop that behavior in its tracks immediately. You’re setting a very bad precedent where men are concerned.

 

Now, I know people love to debate this issue but my opinion is that you need to let a man know that you have standards and that you expect him to behave in a mature manner and treat you with respect.

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I’m not sure why you ever adopted that policy of offering to pay, but I’d recommend that you stop that behavior in its tracks immediately. You’re setting a very bad precedent where men are concerned.

 

Now, I know people love to debate this issue but my opinion is that you need to let a man know that you have standards and that you expect him to behave in a mature manner and treat you with respect.

 

I do agree with this. It just puts a question in the guys head about your interest/intentions. One more obstacle.

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Happy Lemming
Speaking for myself, it would make me value you more.

 

I agree with this statement...

 

I would also value you more. To me, it means you are giving in all aspects, including financial.

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todreaminblue

i would be flattered......i aim to be cheap as a date...i pay my way.....and i prefer to..fi a guy flashes money at me or shows me the content of his wallet .......and throws money at me.....or expects me to pick dishes i cant afford myself .....he isnt the guy for me.......deb

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I agree with this statement...

 

I would also value you more. To me, it means you are giving in all aspects, including financial.

 

Me too. Any of the serious gf's I've had offered to pay on the first date. I never accepted, but it speaks VOLUMES as to who they are as a person.

 

One poster spoke of having standards. I have mine and a girl who doesn't offer to pay falls below them. I find it entitled and selfish not to at least offer.

 

Sure, I may have sex with her for a few months but after a while I get bored of always footing the bill which is what her not offering usually entails.

 

They seem surprised when I end it like their vagina is enough to off set the costs. Temporarily perhaps, but not long term.

 

These are the same type of women who will take you to the cleaners in a divorce. They claim to be traditional yet won't take on other traditional roles like cooking, cleaning, laundry.

 

You sound like a great woman - keep it up and you'll find a great guy.

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Idk why it bothers me. Maybe cause I had guy friends who said I give off a very independent vibe, like I don’t need anyone and I can do anything. But my appearance and my clothing choices suggest a very girly girl who need to be helped.

 

Guess I am just now paranoid. Still, i am pretty conservative and appreciated a guy paying on the first date but is more than happy to trade off from then on. If I have no interest in the guy, I would insist on paying so they don’t feel taken advantage of.

 

Yeah, maybe I just won’t go out with him again...

 

ETD: thanks , shining, for saying it add more value.

 

I really don't think you should take it personally or look into it too much! I agree with others, just an offhand comment and it is nothing about YOU being cheap. If the date was otherwise pleasant, give it another go!

 

Independence is great!! It doesn't mean you can't have someone in your life by your side. It's a 'nice to have', rather than 'need someone' which is healthy.

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i would be flattered......i aim to be cheap as a date...i pay my way.....and i prefer to..fi a guy flashes money at me or shows me the content of his wallet .......and throws money at me.....or expects me to pick dishes i cant afford myself .....he isnt the guy for me.......deb

 

Agreed! And offering to pay your share is the polite thing to do.

 

21st century!!

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Happy Lemming

Sure, I may have sex with her for a few months but after a while I get bored of always footing the bill which is what her not offering usually entails.

 

They seem surprised when I end it like their vagina is enough to off set the costs. Temporarily perhaps, but not long term.

 

These are the same type of women who will take you to the cleaners in a divorce. They claim to be traditional yet won't take on other traditional roles like cooking, cleaning, laundry.

 

 

OMG!! SO TRUE!!

 

Early on in my present relationship, I was cooking dinner and my girlfriend started complaining about me not taking her out that night and being cheap.

 

So, I took a post-it note & wrote "DOOR" on it and put it on the front door of my home. She asked what is that for?? I said "Apparently, you forgot where the door is... If you are going to continue to put me down or complain, I suggest you use that thing marked "DOOR"."

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todreaminblue
Agreed! And offering to pay your share is the polite thing to do.

 

21st century!!

 

it is ...i feel its considerate and thoughtful to not expect others to pay...

 

if i cant afford to pay for my meal.....then i shouldnt be eating or frequenting a place that's out of my budget.....i have been taken to really upscale restaurants on dates...and i really don't feel at home somewhere i look at the menu and want to throw up because i finally understood why i felt uneasy sitting there...i prefer cheese on a beach.....with the ocean as my ambience.....the food tastes so good......deb.....

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Me too. Any of the serious gf's I've had offered to pay on the first date. I never accepted, but it speaks VOLUMES as to who they are as a person.

 

I've never accepted any thing other than she picking up the tip. i know it feels good when they offer, but in the time I've been reading this forum, I've seen may be 3 or 4 threads written by women who were anfry because their date accepted a split. They did it as a sh*t test. I know that's not A whole lot but if you really think about, there are a lot more who feel that way, but don't bother to write. They know everyone is going to ask WTH and take the guy's side, which is exactly the way those threads went. So they just move on.

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