lovesickgirl Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I need some advice on how I should proceed with a current situation between me and a guy I like long distance. We met over Halloween weekend. He lives in LA, me in SEA. He facetime/calls me every single day for the last 3 weeks, says he would like to know me better and that we have chemistry. Yes, we’ve already hooked up. I had made plans to go to Lake Tahoe for NYE with another friend of mine and the original plan was to meet up with my crush (since he would be there as well). That plan fell through and my friend is no longer going. I told my crush this last week and he said that’s ok, you can stay with me for a few days & that I had nothing to worry about. He made it sound that he did not want me to make other plans for NYE. I want to buy my flight this week on black Friday. I talked to him last night about what dates should I fly in & reminded him I would be staying with him. He got kind of weird and said “well don’t put all of this on me, I won’t be able to hang out with you the whole entire time, I do have to work while im there. I don’t know the plan in full detail and that’s the truth.” (he is working some events happening for a couple days) my reply “well my biggest fear is you’ll drop the ball on me and I won’t see you at all” him “That couldn’t possibly happen I’ll be there for 5 days” me “I just need to 100% know that I have somewhere to sleep and put my bags” & after I said that I got kind of a not certain “sure”. Now I’m panicked since he was so for me being there to being kind of elusive. I think I may suggest I visit for 2 nights instead of 4 so it takes some of the pressure off but on the other hand Ive been thinking of just saying I decided to cancel the trip all together. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Cancel the trip. If he isn't going to be accommodating then screw it. I'd be cautious continuing to see him....he's already being dou chy 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I talked to him last night about what dates should I fly in & reminded him I would be staying with him. He got kind of weird and said “well don’t put all of this on me, I won’t be able to hang out with you the whole entire time, I do have to work while im there. He doesn't sound truly invested in the game. Cancel the plans, do something else and see when is a better time to visit when he can be more committed to things. The fear being that he will indeed drop the ball and leave you doing your own thing the whole time. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I flew all the way to New Zealand to stay with someone like this. A week later he kicked me out of his apartment! I'd say save your sanity and cancel the trip. Or at least plan to stay with other friends and maybe you can see him if it works out. Don't count on him, is what I'm saying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Cancel. Don't go there and rely on his place to stay. Or go there if you wish but not to be with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickgirl Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 I was thinking of saying something along the lines on the phone tonight... So last night I was able to talk to my friend John further about Tahoe and I was right that he will only be there for the 31st since he’ll be doing other shows along the way there. It would not be worth it for me to fly for 1 day and back. I know you’ll be working the event the first few days so I would like to suggest if you’re up for it that I stay with you the 30th-1st or else I think it would be wise of me to cancel this trip if it's not something that is concrete and perhaps plans something in the future that is. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Cancel. When you were both going to be there independently & he could see you for a while then send you back to where ever you were staying he was fine with getting together. Even though he said for you to stay with him, he didn't really mean it. If you are going to Tahoe anyway, fine meet up with him if you like but do not go there just to meet with him because he is not up for that much togetherness. Sorry. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Unless you want to take the trip even if he's not in the picture, I would cancel. He offered to let you stay with him, then acted weird when it got real. If he really liked you and saw you as more than a hookup, he'd be a lot more accommodating and helpful. There's no way in hell I'd travel to visit a guy unless he made it easy and fun for me to do so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I was thinking of saying something along the lines on the phone tonight... So last night I was able to talk to my friend John further about Tahoe and I was right that he will only be there for the 31st since he’ll be doing other shows along the way there. It would not be worth it for me to fly for 1 day and back. I know you’ll be working the event the first few days so I would like to suggest if you’re up for it that I stay with you the 30th-1st or else I think it would be wise of me to cancel this trip if it's not something that is concrete and perhaps plans something in the future that is. Don't ask this. He's clearly uncomfortable being put on the spot. If you want to go, find another place to stay and just tell him what you've decided to do and then downgrade him to possible hook-up. He's not giving you much more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 In with the others: Cancel. Unless you have other mates you can hang with and another place to stay and have fun. But I have feeling he's got other "priorities" and you are an after-thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickgirl Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 Sadly, I have to agree to what everyone is saying and when he calls tonight will let him know that from our previous conversation it sounds like I’m going to be a burden for both of us and because he can’t give me some solid ground to put my foot on I have no reason to waste time and money to be there with him if he is feeling flaky. In all honesty I’ve never had a random hookup call me every night just to chat about our day. Why put in that much effort for a hook up unless you had some feelings. He’s always telling me how he can’t wait to see me again but last night conversation just gave me a really bad “F_ck boy” vibe. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 You don't know each other well enough to stay at his place. So I totally understand why you want to confirm you can stay with him, because you make yourself dependent on this guy you hardly know, and let's say he confirms it, he can still kick you out later. Not a good way to spend your vacation. But, this doesn't mean he's not genuinely interested in you. I don't think you should be too upset with him. He made the mistake of offering you to stay with him, probably because he really wanted to see you, and later realized it's not a good idea. It really was not a good idea! Link to post Share on other sites
mattelipstick Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Sadly, I have to agree to what everyone is saying and when he calls tonight will let him know that from our previous conversation it sounds like I’m going to be a burden for both of us and because he can’t give me some solid ground to put my foot on I have no reason to waste time and money to be there with him if he is feeling flaky. In all honesty I’ve never had a random hookup call me every night just to chat about our day. Why put in that much effort for a hook up unless you had some feelings. He’s always telling me how he can’t wait to see me again but last night conversation just gave me a really bad “F_ck boy” vibe. I personally think you should skip the whole "Obviously, I'd just be a burden!" speech. I know it's tempting to slip into that in hopes that he'll say you're wrong / say come anyway -- but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of making it an overdramatic convo, especially when you've known him less than a month. Just say you understand he'll be busy and so you'll catch up another time. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Make other plans for NYE. I'd have been taken aback by the "don't put this all on me" mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickgirl Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 Make other plans for NYE. I'd have been taken aback by the "don't put this all on me" mess. this is why I am here... for that sentence exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
Peachland Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Been there done that a couple of times. Cancel the trip. He sounds too flaky. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I wouldn't even bother to tell him given his flippant and clearly uninterested response to you coming. Just do not go. I would not even continue contact with him. Clearly he was talking to you to stroke his ego...no substance there or intention to truly pursue a relationship with you. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 You started being a bit needy and he started questioning his decision to invite you. At the same time, it makes obvious sense that you'd be concerned you wouldn't have a place to stay, but in his eyes you went from the super fun girl who wants to visit to the insecure girl who is super afraid I'll ditch her. He also may have met someone else in the interim which makes him less excited to see you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 You started being a bit needy and he started questioning his decision to invite you. At the same time, it makes obvious sense that you'd be concerned you wouldn't have a place to stay, but in his eyes you went from the super fun girl who wants to visit to the insecure girl who is super afraid I'll ditch her. . ^^That was my first thought too.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I disagree. I think if he had genuine intentions whatsoever, he'd be sympathetic to her concerns and give her basic reassurance. He didn't want anything with that kind of depth. Make NYE plans you feel good and excited about. I'd just tell him you've made other plans and bid him adieu. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Idk, his initial response was sure come even though your friend ditched out you can for sure stay with me. Then she was likely like "ok I'm booking my ticket, you're not gonna ditch me right?" which he thought meant she wanted to spend 24/7 with him so he said don't rely on me, then she kept saying don't ditch me. Am I right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I was in your position earlier this year. Except the man I met just once felt enough romantic chemistry to fly me over to see him and accommodate me at his house. Despite working 16 hour days for the majority of my stay with him, he still flew me over, got me a beautiful necklace and spent as much time as possible with me..... This was with a man that had I only met once. He was also a total commitment phone, cold and uncaring. Yet he still eagerly welcomed me into his home. Despite his busy schedule and despite only wanting me for fun... When a man feels the romantic chemistry strongly enough and he likes what he sees enough, he'll make the effort; he won't talk of visits only to then loose interest......... Towards the time of my impending visit to that guy, he got more excited, not less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickgirl Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 Well last night my crush texted me saying he was sick in bed, I told him when he felt better to give me a call cause I had some bad news for him (meaning I was going to cancel our plans) he replies "uh oh". calls while he's on the way to the store to buy some medicine and avoids what I had said over text. Goes on about how sick he is and what kind of medicine should he get and that work is a lot of pressure at the moment. Then he said, well I'm going back to bed I'll call you tomorrow. ? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I would have gone ahead and told him that I wasn't coming. I wouldn't have given him any warning that bad news was on the way. Him avoiding that should tell you exactly what he thinks about you--on top of the comment he already made a few days ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Well last night my crush texted me saying he was sick in bed, I told him when he felt better to give me a call cause I had some bad news for him (meaning I was going to cancel our plans) he replies "uh oh". calls while he's on the way to the store to buy some medicine and avoids what I had said over text. Goes on about how sick he is and what kind of medicine should he get and that work is a lot of pressure at the moment. Then he said, well I'm going back to bed I'll call you tomorrow. ? If he didn't want to see you, canceling would not be bad news to him, it would be good news. Link to post Share on other sites
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