you_can_not_see_me Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 By persistent I don't mean a guy who is constantly texting you and asking you to go out everyday. I mean a guy who backs off after a rejection, maybe you don't even see him for a few months but he comes back and makes it clear that he is still interested. related, has a guy's persistence ever made you want to date a guy? Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) YES! Definitely go for it! Men who walk away licking their wounds often lose out BIG TIME by not asking the same girl out again. Often times a woman will say no thanks to a date and then walk away kicking themselves. She's had time to TRULY think about it if you ask at a later time and often times the answer will change to a YES! It would also make me look at him differently if he had the guts to ask again. Like oh he's really interested maybe I should see what he's about. I have nothing but respect for MEN who go for what they want. Edited September 20, 2014 by HappyLove 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 YES! Definitely go for it! Men who walk away licking their wounds often lose out BIG TIME by not asking the same girl out again. Often times a woman will say no thanks to a date and then walk away kicking themselves. She's had time to TRULY think about it if you ask at a later time and often times the answer will change to a YES! It would also make me look at him differently if he had the guts to ask again. Like oh he's really interested maybe I should see what he's about. I have nothing but respect for MEN who go for what they want. I once asked out a girl four times over the course of a year and a half and she said no every time. So I will say the answer is maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 @OP.....you know we all get told that if we want something, we need to go out there and get it. Perseverance is the name of the game, and it applies to all facets of life i.e. career, sports, education etc 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 There's a guy I know who asks me out very frequently. I've told him quite honestly and seriously that I wouldn't go on a date with him. He laughs it off as if I'm joking. He's even made comments about how he's going to "break me." And that he's going to get me to go on a date with him. If I am INTO a guy, I will not turn him down for a date. If I turn you down for a date, it's because I'm not interested. I would never close the door 100% if I thought there was some chance I could become interested. If I say "no" it means, "NO." And any subsequent "persistence" frankly annoys and irritates me, and more often than not, forces me to end all communication. Even then, some guys do not take a hint. It's very odd. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I've found persistence in guys to equal problems. I see it as a big red flag. If a guy doesn't go away after you've said no, that means they don't respect your right to say no, and that's not good. Those guys turn bad very quickly. They may as well be saying "I want you whether you like it or not. I'm coming after you because I feel I'm entitled to you. You have no say in who you date because my mind is made up. I don't care about your feelings and the fact I'm now making you feel very uncomfortable. I only care about my feelings." It's not love sickness. It's only sickness. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I feel like he can't take a hint. Ugh that is so annoying. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Its annoying. Rejecting someone is hard, and rejecting the same person numerous times gets old pretty quickly. I guess there are a lot of factors that could affect this but generally no, I would not be impressed. Makes him seem desperate, controlling or lacking in self respect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Well, it depends. If she seems on the fence or some circumstance that is plausible, then it makes sense to ask again. But if she flat out says no with some serious disinterest, I'd feel a bit insulted to bother to ask again. Your self-esteem should come first. There are plenty of other girls to ask out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 By persistent I don't mean a guy who is constantly texting you and asking you to go out everyday. I mean a guy who backs off after a rejection, maybe you don't even see him for a few months but he comes back and makes it clear that he is still interested. related, has a guy's persistence ever made you want to date a guy? It happened to me once, this guy would disappear for a few months, pop back in my life..go away.. pop back in... and guess what, I feel harassed. After a year of that crap, the sight of him would irk me. No means no. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 If he gets intrusive, disrespectful and/or forceful then yea, there's a problem... I don't know, my experiences with persistent guys usually were cuz they were players...I posted here about a guy who slammed my day-planner closed as I was writing/reading it. That was rude and intrusive...Later, I ran into him and yup, he was married the whole time. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 If I rejected a guy and them changed my mind, I would approach him. Having to tell someone no multiple times would just ended up irritating me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bigcitydreamer Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 (edited) I rejected my ex the first time he asked me out. We met at a party and interacted for a few hours. Someone jokingly made fun of an idea he had and I backed him up. Later that night he asked me out and I tol him no thanks he wasn't my type. It was just a quick reaction and I hadn't really thought it through and he wasn't exactly what I was looking for. He pleaded with me a bit saying things like "come on, let me show you a good time, you won't regret it". I rejected his advances again saying I wasn't interested. The next day I thought about it and kind of wish I didn't turn him down. I saw him out a month later at a bar and was friendly towards him and he asked me out again and I said yes. We won't out for 3 years. Another time someone asked me out multiple times but I found it annoying as I was sure I wasn't interested. Every time I saw him I got annoyed because he made me feel uncomfortable. So unfortunately from my experiences there is no obvious answer. It can go either way depending on the situation. I was very friendly with the guy from the first scenario despite rejecting him and didn't distance myself from him so that's probably a sign to look for in determining whether you have a chance or not. Edited September 21, 2014 by Bigcitydreamer Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I'd only give it one more chance. Nobody is saying you should be the idiot that asks a girl out every time you see her. But one more try and after that I'd move on, hopefully you'll have a date to plan though! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Themanwithaplan Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 OP I find myself wondering this often. In my situation, she has never said no but has said yes only to cancel. Or has plans more often than not. It could be one of several reasons that she's doing this. It's never as clear as black and white or yes or no. The odds are against you and me in the regard that if somebody really likes you(and doesn't have issues), they will make time for you. With that being said, you potentially have much more to lose by not trying. 'I'm going to call her because if she is interested, I'll know. If she's not interested, I'll know'. To me, the worst feeling is the uncertainty of whether or not I should move on. Once I know, I'm good. To answer your question more specifically, girls like persistent guys that are confident and know what they want. Most won't admit it, but they also like guys that date other women as a result of the confidence that gives them... So pursue it, but date other women! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 No, no, no, no, no. I'm a fan of 'consistency' - calling me regularly when we're already dating/in a R, but not 'persistence' in the case of continuing to pursue after a flat-out rejection. IMO the only time such a thing would work would be if the woman had serious princess issues or just agreed because she decided it couldn't hurt to have someone on the back burner. If any guys want to be in such a relationship, well, that's their decision. Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 (edited) By persistent I don't mean a guy who is constantly texting you and asking you to go out everyday. I mean a guy who backs off after a rejection, maybe you don't even see him for a few months but he comes back and makes it clear that he is still interested. related, has a guy's persistence ever made you want to date a guy? Yes it has, more than once. Though, none of those times ended well for me though I maybe should re-evaluate. It would also depend on whether it came as desperation or sincere interest. Edit: In each of the circumstances where the guy was persistent I wasn't actively not interested, just not in a circumstance then. Two of them knew that specifically. Edited September 21, 2014 by isisisweeping Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I worked with an older woman, that gave me some advice on dating after a bad breakup. She told me that she rejected her now husband (of 20+ yrs) numerous times. That he didn't give up no matter how much she pushed him away. Now, after reading some of the posts here from the ladies it might seem that he was a creep, desperate etc. What she told me was that yea she felt bad about rejecting him each time, but what it eventually showed her was that if put in a difficult situation that he would always be there for her. That he wouldn't give up at the first sign of trouble in the relationship and that made him even more attractive to her. Twenty-some years later and they are still happily married. Obviously, this is only one example of a situation that went well but could she have been equally as happy with someone else...probably! But who knows what would have happened. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Harradin Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 My friend has recently started seeing a girl who rejected him first. He asked her out about 3 years ago and she rejected him, he didn't chase her again and he dated other people. They reconnected about a month ago and started seeing each other. Not sure whether its serious or anything though. I used to know a girl who friend zoned her friend, then started to like him months later but before she could do anything, he got a girlfriend. I'm not sure whether its a common thing for things like that to happen. I wouldn't ask out a girl more then once personally, as I already have put my cards on the table so she would know that I was interested so if she starts to like me, she can make her feelings clear to me or approach me. Link to post Share on other sites
the tank Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Depend why you got rejected the first time and if you change since that time. A girl can rejected a man because of the timing ! Link to post Share on other sites
purplesoccer34 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 (edited) This depends on the guy. If I know that I have no interest at all in the guy, and will never be interested, I would just feel bad for the guy for wasting his time lol. However, if I know that somewhere deep down, I could potentially have feelings for him, him asking me out a few times might get me to go out with him. Or maybe if I wasn't interested in him at first, but later developed feelings for him, I'd like him to ask me out again. This has actually happened to me quite a few times. I once had a male friend who had asked me maybe seven or eight times over the span of two years. He still continues to ask me out, saying that I don't know what I'm missing and that somewhere deep down I definitely like him, but don't know it yet. He said that he and I were destined to be together but I won't realize it until I give him a chance. This was all after me telling him "no" very firmly lol. He says he's written many songs for me and a bunch of other things lol. Every time I date a new guy, he reminds me of how much he likes me and what a big mistake I'm making lol. The truth is that I've known him for four years, and never once have I had even the slightest interest in him (although he is a nice guy)...in fact, him being this persistent has been kind of annoying. He's a great friend and I appreciate what he does for me, but sadly, I will always only see him as a friend. So I advise you not to go as far as he did lol, but asking out a girl a few times can't hurt. Edited September 21, 2014 by purplesoccer34 Link to post Share on other sites
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 I made this thread cause I was contemplating re-approaching a girl who turned me down a few months ago. She turned me down by saying that she was already seeing someone. This is while she said she liked me too, but it could have all just been an attempt to turn me down gently, or she could have really been involved with some guy, I don't really know. all I know is when we dealt with one another a few months ago before I asked her out she seemed interested and even after turning me down she made an effort to stay on friendly terms, and its not like we were friends before hand. What surprises me most is how she's still very friendly, especially when I saw her last week where she put her hand on my shoulder. This is a far cry from other women who have rejected me in the past, who are typically pretty cold and awkward once they have reject me. so yeah I m pretty conflicted on asking her out again, since I really dislike the idea of pestering a girl who is uninterested. Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 so yeah I m pretty conflicted on asking her out again, since I really dislike the idea of pestering a girl who is uninterested. Well, I think that you staying in contact is in your favor. The guys who I gave chances to stayed in consistent contact. It IS really annoying when a guy drops out of my life and pops back in to ask me out. It's like, if you want nothing to do with me you're clearly just circling through your potentials periodically to see if any fish comes out. Doesn't make me feel special and does make me feel bothered. You could test the waters by asking about the boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
singsparkles Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 By persistent I don't mean a guy who is constantly texting you and asking you to go out everyday. I mean a guy who backs off after a rejection, maybe you don't even see him for a few months but he comes back and makes it clear that he is still interested. related, has a guy's persistence ever made you want to date a guy? Honesty, I LOVE persistence, but only when it's coming from the guy I wnt it to come from. I've also had instances where I didn't like the guy so much in the beginning and made it clear and he came back months later, and then all the sudden I found myself attracted to him, just bc of how much I saw he cared. And I respected that and his persistence so much. It really depends on the girl. All girls are different. If you are persistent and thats who you are, dont change that for anyone, bc if you change, you will end up with the wrong girl. You want to be with someone who appreciates and loves those qualities about you!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
the tank Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I made this thread cause I was contemplating re-approaching a girl who turned me down a few months ago. She turned me down by saying that she was already seeing someone. This is while she said she liked me too, but it could have all just been an attempt to turn me down gently, or she could have really been involved with some guy, I don't really know. Ask her out ! Nothing to loose. What if she was telling you the truth ? Timing is really important in dating ! Link to post Share on other sites
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