shadowplay Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 I feel like my head isn't in the right place lately (as if it ever is), but I need some advice because I don't trust my instincts at this moment in time. I've made some stupid decisions lately. On the first date we went back to his place and made out for 45 mins or so. No clothes came off, but we did touch touch each other through our clothes. I think it probably would have proceeded to sex had I not cut it short. He was getting really into it. Now I feel like I've set a precedent and I don't know what to do, because I don't even know what I want. Like, I'm super attracted to him. He's really hot. There are only two real reasons I'm hesitant to have sex with him tomorrow, and it's 60% the first reason, and 40% the second: 1) I don't want him to think less of me if I sleep with him too soon. 2) I've never slept with somebody that soon, so I don't know how I'd take it. For the most part, though, I've never been somebody who associates emotional closeness with sex. I guess it's a bit surprising given how emotionally sensitive I can be, but I think it makes sense once you get to know me a bit better. So, yeah, I think I'd enjoy it if I wasn't concerned it'd ruin any chance we have of something more. But it's a bit awkward, because I know he'll invite me back to his place after the movie if all goes well, and I don't want to turn him down since I went last time. That would be weird. Oh, he imed me again just now and we're having a dorky conversation about scrabble and podcasts. Bleh. Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 I feel like my head isn't in the right place lately (as if it ever is), but I need some advice because I don't trust my instincts at this moment in time. I've made some stupid decisions lately. On the first date we went back to his place and made out for 45 mins or so. No clothes came off, but we did touch touch each other through our clothes. I think it probably would have proceeded to sex had I not cut it short. He was getting really into it. Now I feel like I've set a precedent and I don't know what to do, because I don't even know what I want. Like, I'm super attracted to him. He's really hot. There are only two real reasons I'm hesitant to have sex with him tomorrow, and it's 60% the first reason, and 40% the second: 1) I don't want him to think less of me if I sleep with him too soon. 2) I've never slept with somebody that soon, so I don't know how I'd take it. For the most part, though, I've never been somebody who associates emotional closeness with sex. I guess it's a bit surprising given how emotionally sensitive I can be, but I think it makes sense once you get to know me a bit better. So, yeah, I think I'd enjoy it if I wasn't concerned it'd ruin any chance we have of something more. But it's a bit awkward, because I know he'll invite me back to his place after the movie if all goes well, and I don't want to turn him down since I went last time. That would be weird. Oh, he imed me again just now and we're having a dorky conversation about scrabble and podcasts. Bleh. I love scrabble! I know it's for old grannies and grandpa's and all, but I'm just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted September 9, 2010 Author Share Posted September 9, 2010 I love scrabble! I know it's for old grannies and grandpa's and all, but I'm just saying. yeah, this guy shares every dorky interest I have in common with me; it's crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 yeah, this guy shares every dorky interest I have in common with me; it's crazy. :love: Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Keep your activities outdoors, while still showing interest if you want to know him on a personal level. If he can't understand that, oh well. You don't owe it to him to go to his house after every date. hmmmpf! Link to post Share on other sites
GivenUp0083 Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Why does everything have to be so complicated?? Do what you feel like doing. Do what feels right and do what YOU want to do without worrying about what other people think, including HIM. I know plenty of people who are happily married and effed on the first date, or even hooked up from meeting drunk at a bar. If it's the right person, then things will work out and it won't matter WHEN you slept together. Just do what you want to do. You could get hit by a truck tomorrow and you'll wish you had done it. Or if you really don't feel like sleeping with him then don't lead him on. You could always try talking to him about it and tell him that you think it's moving a little fast and you're not ready to sleep with him yet but that you like him and want to keep seeing him. Was that so hard? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted September 9, 2010 Author Share Posted September 9, 2010 Why does everything have to be so complicated?? Do what you feel like doing. Do what feels right and do what YOU want to do without worrying about what other people think, including HIM. I know plenty of people who are happily married and effed on the first date, or even hooked up from meeting drunk at a bar. If it's the right person, then things will work out and it won't matter WHEN you slept together. Just do what you want to do. You could get hit by a truck tomorrow and you'll wish you had done it. Or if you really don't feel like sleeping with him then don't lead him on. You could always try talking to him about it and tell him that you think it's moving a little fast and you're not ready to sleep with him yet but that you like him and want to keep seeing him. Was that so hard? I don't know. I've heard a lot of guys say they'll dismiss a girl if she screws them too early. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 I don't know. I've heard a lot of guys say they'll dismiss a girl if she screws them too early. A guy will not dismiss a girl whom he's truly interested in, regardless of when the sex happens. If it naturally happens sooner, then so be it. If you want to sex him, then sex him. If he finds that particularly offensive and dismisses you, then so be it; he likely wasn't interested enough, and you're better off without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted September 9, 2010 Author Share Posted September 9, 2010 A guy will not dismiss a girl whom he's truly interested in, regardless of when the sex happens. If it naturally happens sooner, then so be it. If you want to sex him, then sex him. If he finds that particularly offensive and dismisses you, then so be it; he likely wasn't interested enough, and you're better off without him. Yeah, you're probably right. I do want to have sex with him, so if he doesn't turn all creepy today...I probably will. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Yeah, you're probably right. I do want to have sex with him, so if he doesn't turn all creepy today...I probably will. :bunny: Enjoy. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 I don't know. I've heard a lot of guys say they'll dismiss a girl if she screws them too early. Unfortunately this is true. I would play it safe and wait a few more dates. When I was in the same situation with someone I dated recently (first date make out session for 30 minutes) - I ended up having a 2 hour make out session on the second date. Third date - he got to the second base. I feel that there has to be some progression but not necessarily sex. Although in my case, we didn't go to each other houses. We did it on the couches in some dark corner of a city bar (second base was in his car though). I kind of don't mind making out in public, as long as there is nobody that I know to see me. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Yeah, you're probably right. I do want to have sex with him, so if he doesn't turn all creepy today...I probably will. :bunny: You were just hysterical and crying over your ex a few hours ago. Are you sure you should even be thinking about having sex with another dude, who you think isn't all that interested?? Really?? Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 You were just hysterical and crying over your ex a few hours ago. Are you sure you should even be thinking about having sex with another dude, who you think isn't all that interested?? Really?? I suggest anal give her something new to cry about Link to post Share on other sites
callingyouuu Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 You were just hysterical and crying over your ex a few hours ago. Are you sure you should even be thinking about having sex with another dude, who you think isn't all that interested?? I just popped over here from browsing the Coping forum, and I must say this was also my first thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 You were just hysterical and crying over your ex a few hours ago. Are you sure you should even be thinking about having sex with another dude, who you think isn't all that interested?? Really?? Seconded. Waiting won't hurt. Falling into bed too fast might. Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Vote "no" on sex until a few more dates. Else we will be reading "I did it and he hasn't called, I'm never having sex again!" Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Vote "no" on sex until a few more dates. Else we will be reading "I did it and he hasn't called, I'm never having sex again!" In all likelihood, he won't try to have sex with her, even if she comes on to him, and she'll still feel rejected... Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Vote no. You were about to cancel the date because you are concerned about his interest levels. Wait until you feel confident and secure before you sleep with him. Keep the dates out of private places until then. I'm not saying his interest level should be through the roof right now. You guys just met and are getting to know each other at what seems like a normal healthy pace. It will be healthier for you that you wait until you at least feel a bit secure in the R. I worry that your sense of self-worth is already too tied up with what this near stranger thinks of you. I don't think it's time to throw sex into the mix. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 I worry that your sense of self-worth is already too tied up with what this near stranger thinks of you. I don't think it's time to throw sex into the mix. Agreed 100000000000000000000%. Shadow, you should re-read dispatch3d's comments in SACWA's thread. They apply to both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 It takes two to tango. A man who is put off because I sleep with him on the second date is a hypocrite and goes straight to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
jamesum Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 So women get the urge to f*ck a guy they find hot just from looking at him, too? Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 So women get the urge to f*ck a guy they find hot just from looking at him, too? What's up with the question mark at the end of your sentence? Link to post Share on other sites
jamesum Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 What's up with the question mark at the end of your sentence? I was wondering. You know what they say about women not getting hot just by looking. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 I was wondering. You know what they say about women not getting hot just by looking. Well personally I need a brain and soul to accompany the body, but I can detect whether that's present by the second date Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Shadow, when it comes to this question, I would urge you to pay attention to the advice of the people who have a full grasp of all the changes you're implementing in your life. The focus right now is on your well-being. To me you don't sound like you're quite in a healthy space when it comes to this guy. Wait until you find yourself in a healthy space before you sleep with him. For yourself. No one but you can take care of you. I know you think your self-esteem will be damaged if somehow this guy isn't madly fully into you. I think you're so afraid of what this will do that you're focusing too much on pleasing him. You're already afraid of loss, this for no good reason. This fear is obscuring the bigger picture. What you need to develop is your ability to take care of your own self, to have your own back. That way, you'll be better able to judge when the right time to sleep with a guy is and your focus won't be on his interest level, but rather on whether or not you're into him. Your focus will be on getting to know him, not whether or not he likes you. You'll love yourself enough that dating and it's up and downs won't be damaging to your self-esteem. The first step is to get busy with activities that make you feel good. What are they Shadow? What helps you stop obsessing over a guy you just met? Link to post Share on other sites
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