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My Male Friend Co Worker Is Back


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Old 11th December 2016, 11:42 AM   #1
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My Male Friend Co Worker

Typos likely.

My co worker in a different part of the building and I have actively known each other since July of this year. We both openly admitted that we are attracted to each other, but we are friends.

We have this connection. I can't explain it. We can literally get lost into each other for hours without it feeling like any time has passed. We both genuinely enjoy the other's presence.

The problem is that he's in a two year relationship he's claiming to not be happy with. He says he not planning on leaving because she would have to make that move. The relationship is troubled because of her time limits on getting married. He doesn't want to be pressured because he recently ended his marriage. He does love her. She doesn't want to have this relationship go on for years without a marriage in the cards for her due to her religious convictions.

My co worker refuses to make time for me after work. I received a promotion and my birthday celebration. He'll only agree to chat/text or take breaks with me during work hours and it's usually me that's only who initiates the communication or our breaks. He's bought me lunch and tells me he cares about me. We tease and joke with each other playfully. He uses the excuse he has his kid all the time, but I'm finding out different. He lives with both parents since his divorce. I found out his ex at times takes his kid or his parents watches the kid when he wants to work out or do other things.

My feelings for him have grown and I keep disappearing (going dark) on him because I'm trying not to fall for him. I'm single. He keeps finding me and reopening that door.

I have not slept with him or kissed him. We just now have worked our way up to a "clinical" hug.

Last night I texted him about his feelings for me because I'm confused. He never responded or at least yet. I gave him until tonight to have full disclosure with me. I have to prepare myself if he doesn't want to choose our friendship then I'll have to move on. He's really a good person and hate to lose him. I want him to make time for our friendship after work hours and just plain on investing time to nurture our friendship! Is that so hard? He told me his girlfriend already knows about me.

It seems as if he really cares about me he would want to make and spend quality time with me as friends. My other my other platonic male and female friends like to see me and celebrate my milestones.

What gives? Am I missing something here?
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Old 11th December 2016, 11:55 AM   #2
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You have a crush and he has a GF.

Obviously if he's staying with her even though he's complaining it's not in the cards for you.
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Old 11th December 2016, 12:08 PM   #3
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Thank you for your response.

Hopefully he'll leave me be so I can heal from our friendship. He keeps walking through that proverbial door I try to keep closed.
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Old 11th December 2016, 12:11 PM   #4
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What gives? Am I missing something here?
There are natural limits to friendship, which when not respected, lead to something else, like an emotional or physical affair.

It sounds like you are only narrowly on the friendship side of that limit.

Thats just something to be aware of.


Take care.
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Old 11th December 2016, 12:25 PM   #5
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Would it matter if I add that my co worker and friend has implied he wouldn't mind sexual relations with me?

And has asked me repeatedly to express my true feelings for him? Which I texted to him last night and told him my expectations of our friendship and gave him a deadline of today to respond.
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Old 11th December 2016, 12:32 PM   #6
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Would it matter if I add that my co worker and friend has implied he wouldn't mind sexual relations with me?
If you take one more step forward, you will become his affair partner, and his guilty secret.

Don't do it.

It would not be a nice experience.


Take care.
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Old 11th December 2016, 12:47 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tressugar View Post
Would it matter if I add that my co worker and friend has implied he wouldn't mind sexual relations with me?

And has asked me repeatedly to express my true feelings for him? Which I texted to him last night and told him my expectations of our friendship and gave him a deadline of today to respond.
If he's staying with his GF then your will just be a side piece.

Is that the type of relationship you want?

I can tell you there are better men out there than this.
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Old 11th December 2016, 12:58 PM   #8
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I would never be someone's side chick or anyone's seconds.

I respect my friend's relationship and actually side with his girlfriend on their issue.

I've been cheated on and it doesn't feel good. But it doesn't feel good to have our friendship left like this either.

I guess I'll close the door again and this time leave it shut permanently. No matter how much he begs me. Everything happens for a reason... maybe it's for the best.

Thank you everyone for your feedback. It helps.

If he responds to my text messages I'll come back to update. In the meanwhile I've blocked him from contacting me through online chats.

Last edited by Tressugar; 11th December 2016 at 2:18 PM..
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Old 11th December 2016, 10:56 PM   #9
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Law Of Non Action

He hasn't responded to my question. What do you think that means? At least he can tell me one way or another.
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Old 11th December 2016, 11:17 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Tressugar View Post
He hasn't responded to my question. What do you think that means? At least he can tell me one way or another.
I think he's probably confused about what he wants and doesn't know what to say.


Take care.
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Old 11th December 2016, 11:42 PM   #11
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Satu,

I believe you're right. Maybe I drop the emotional bomb on him and he wasn't expecting what I'd texted him.

A cautionary tale be careful what you ask for. He asked me what I want and finally delivered it to him.
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Old 12th December 2016, 1:44 AM   #12
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He responded just in the nick of time. He wants our friendship to last because he says he enjoys our talks. But he failed to see where I stand. He claims he's hurt by my words calling him a liar. It's just too much to list here.

I ended the text by saying this:

Let me get this off my chest because I want to close this chapter without any bad feelings. I care about you and respect you as well. And your opinion on how you want to limit our friendship.

I understand you don't want to invest time or energy into our friendship. I wasn't giving you an ultimatum. You've asked me to tell you how I feel so I told you. I don't see our friendship flourishing if you aren't willing to nourish it. It takes two to make any thing work. I guess I take friendships more seriously than most ppl. And I'm not bad mouthing you or your name.

We just have different priorities and expectations when it comes to our friendship. It doesn't make you a bad person or me one neither. I like to hang out with my friends point blank. I'm not going to change that aspect of myself. I'm not willing to compromise on devaluing or downgrading our friendship. If it doesn't mean anything to you, then I'm right there with ya.

Last edited by Tressugar; 12th December 2016 at 1:47 AM..
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Old 12th December 2016, 1:51 AM   #13
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Wouldn't the truth be more along the lines of :

It's impossible for us to have a normal friendship if I have these feelings for you. I'm afraid that our friendship will need to be put on hold until I don't care about you in that way anymore. Don't call me, I'll call you.
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Old 12th December 2016, 8:52 AM   #14
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You're absolutely right Largo! I didn't see it in this way. Thank you for shedding some light.
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Old 12th December 2016, 2:29 PM   #15
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From the sounds of it, even though he is in a relationship he is not 100% fulfilled in, he is still not willing to hurt his girlfriend in certain ways. And that is a good thing! You say you only want to hang out with him as a friend but when i read everything you wrote, i get a different impression. He is not making time for you after work because he knows where it will lead and although he may like to go there with you in his fantasy, he's trying not to go there with you in real life. It is my opinion that you need to respect that and just let it go. I know you have feelings for him, but he is already taken... you would want some other woman to do the same if he were dating you.
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