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8 months & i didnt get over him. me!


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 13th December 2017, 3:23 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by Darkchan View Post
It's been awhile since you posted! Just curious on how you coping now? It seems like yo doing better reading your previous posts
Comparing to the first 3 months, i surely am doing better. But I am kinda feeling some sort of numbness towards most of the people. It is like i dont get hurt anymore from anyone. And i kind of feel some sort of emptiness since its been almost 7 months now and I am single and its the holidays season. I am used to celebrate the holidays with someone. My wedding was supposed to be on the 30th of December and this gives weird feelings. BUT i dont think about my ex as much as i do before. Now its a different kind of pain. Just emptiness that I am trying to fulfill with a busy schedule. Literally i dont have free-time. I want to start a second job. I want to start gym next week. Planning for a huge trip to Italy soon. Just checking off my bucket list.

How are you doing ?? is it getting better ?
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Old 13th December 2017, 3:39 AM   #62
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Sometimes i think that there is a hidden truth in all of this, a missing puzzle. I sometimes think that the reason why he broke up was not what he stated ( cultural differences ). I feel like there was someone else involved. A person from his past. Just thoughts because his break up was non-sense for me. Something happened that probably i would never now.OR Maybe he just has this personality disorder thats why he keeps on breaking up with girls every 1 2 years. I dont know, i should not care anymore. Whatever the reason is i dodged a bullet.
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Old 13th December 2017, 9:15 PM   #63
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Originally Posted by toomanyquestions123 View Post
Comparing to the first 3 months, i surely am doing better. But I am kinda feeling some sort of numbness towards most of the people. It is like i dont get hurt anymore from anyone. And i kind of feel some sort of emptiness since its been almost 7 months now and I am single and its the holidays season. I am used to celebrate the holidays with someone. My wedding was supposed to be on the 30th of December and this gives weird feelings. BUT i dont think about my ex as much as i do before. Now its a different kind of pain. Just emptiness that I am trying to fulfill with a busy schedule. Literally i dont have free-time. I want to start a second job. I want to start gym next week. Planning for a huge trip to Italy soon. Just checking off my bucket list.

How are you doing ?? is it getting better ?
I'm glad to hear you are doing better in some sense even though you have this empty feeling. I feel the same, my breakup happened only 2 month ago but I feel empty and are keeping myself busy and occupied with working two jobs at the same time and trying to meet friends and travel as soon as I find an empty day. No free-time what-so-ever. It surely must suck that the wedding day that never happen is coming soon and during a holiday as well. I didn't know myself what to do during the holiday season so I decided to travel abroad again and meet some friends, while also still working at one of my jobs. I do feel different from the first few weeks, like I'm not in bed crying anymore. I do struggle with anxiety and panic attacks still and do ofc think about him. I hope to reach a point were I feel like I'm over him
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Old 16th December 2017, 3:55 PM   #64
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Something sad happened with me today when i was sleeping. I had this sureal dream about my ex, for the first time this dream was so real i felt i was really holding him. The dream was about my ex fiance coming back to town. I ran to his place to see if it was true, when i figured out it was true i hugged him. I was so happy. We talked and it was surreal. And then i woke up in the middle of the night and i realized it was just a dream and i started crying.
I realized then that I still miss him very much. That i didnt have my closure and the way he left is still in the back of my mind SO i texted him for the very time in 7 months about my feelings. The message is: I had a surreal dream about you that you were back and i was able to hold you and i was able to hear your voice and we even finally had a talk then i suddenly woke up and after a while i started crying like a baby, I haven't cried this way since you have left. I cried because i realized that i didnt have the chance to say goodbye to you, that things went suddenly wrong and you just disappeared. I know you are not the emotional guy and you will probably hate my message right now, i know that probably you moved on and maybe u met someone new or old.but i want you to know that you mattered to me and the way you left has shattered my heart. I wish we had a decent conversation, i just wish i would stop blaming myself from going to ur place that night.
You were so real in this dream, i woke up in tears ! I probably had a dream about you because i graduated today and i thought about you or maybe because i went to a museum and i bought a postcard which reminded me of you. Both cases you can ignore my message like you always do. I will be okay. Excuse my brazenness. Have a good day

I dont regret sending the message. I wanted to delete the message ( whatsapp feature ) then i said i want him to know that i was hurt since i never showed him that. I dont think he received the message yet and i am not sure he will reply. What i know is that i realized that i really still miss this guy, that i loved him and that i did not have a proper closure which is torturing me.
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Old 17th December 2017, 5:44 AM   #65
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I'm no expert but if you keep writing about him and talking about him, then you are indirectly remembering him and hurting yourself. My ex broke up with me over a week ago and I found the more I talk about her to people the more it hurts and reminds me of her. I have now deleted every picture of her I have as well as her contact number, and thrown away all the gifts she'd ever got me. I've made it so that there is no trace of her in my everyday life, as if she never existed. It's only when I'm alone and have a lot of free time that I miss her and want her to be here, but because I have no way of contacting her then I have no choice but to do something else. You need to do the same, delete his number and stop stalking his Whatsapp because your making a habit of missing him, unless you erase every trace of him, you won't be able to move on and break the habit of missing him.
Like you my ex broke up with me for stupid reasons. It hurts a lot when someone you loved and treated so well would just up and leave. I know she was bad for me and a horrible person in general but it's still difficult to not miss them. But trust me, erase every trace of him from your life or you'll never break the habit of missing him. I know I contradicted myself by talking about my ex, but I just wanted to let you know lol.
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Old 15th January 2018, 3:23 AM   #66
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8 months BU, i broke NC twice during this period, i had to break it the first time but the second time i didnt have to. I just had a dream about him and i woke up crying when i was feeling overwhelmed.

I still miss him till now, but i am not sure if i am missing him because i really loved him/no closure or because i am so single. Sometimes i think if i meet a right new guy i wouldnt mind to start a new relationship because i do miss the affection and sometimes I think that the me-time is much needed for my self-healing.

What is bothering me most is that i dream about him almost everyday, happy dreams, sad dreams, sometimes i dream about the breakup again and i wake up sweating. Not sure why he is still in the back of my mind but i guess 8 months are not that long anyway. I dont know why i feel like if i meet someone new I will stop thinking about him.

8 months that i know nothing, literally nothing about him, no breadcrumbs, no social media stalking, no friends in common. I just dont know anything about him and perhaps thats why i keep thinking about him.

But on the bright side, i am getting my life together, i am more happy than sad, my life is going well, i matured up more after the breakup, i even feel like i am smarter than before. This breakup taught me a lot of stuff; TO LOVE MYSELF MORE !!
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Old 29th January 2018, 3:53 AM   #67
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8 months & i didnt get over him. me!

Yesterday i had a sleepless night. I was thinking about the way he broke up with me and how he changed 180 degrees in 24 hours. We broke up 8 months ago in May 2017 and it is getting better and i am moving on but when i think about it i still feel the pain. It is like i expect some sort of an apology or explanation for what he did.

I know you will tell me that he owes you nothing but i was really good to him. He came to my country and he was an expat here, i took care of everything. I even started teaching him the language. I loved him from all my heart and he broke up with me this way.

On the other hand, i blame myself a lot. I blame myself for stuff i did that i think had pushed him away; Like i pushed him to buy me a new ring for the engagement along with his mother ring ( those are American traditions, my traditions state to buy a full gold or diamond set ). I blame myself that i accused him that he is stingy and i let him pay a lot.

I know this is not my fault and everything should be communicated but i feel like my culture has pushed him away and i didnt want this to happen. I didnt even have my closure, we just had a fight one night ( everything was completely okay before ), he decided during the fight that he wants to leave and he left the next day. I never saw him again, we never a decent conversation after that. He just disappeared.

Sometimes i resemble people to him and my mind tricks me that it is him; but there is noway that it would be him because he has nothing to do with my country; i just i will never see him again; Someone that i really loved just disappeared and i dont know anything about him; what does he do, where does he live, is he a new relationship, is he okay, did he get over me ? i just have no clue !!!

Sorry for the long paragraph, but it is here where i can talk about him. None of my family and friends know that i still think about him, but i think about him all the time, i wish he would text or call me someday, i just do.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 29th January 2018 at 8:46 PM.. Reason: paragraphs ~T
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Old 29th January 2018, 4:49 AM   #68
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Hey there. I'm putting a link to your previous thread on this for context http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...moving-therapy

The thing which you really need to remember is that it WASN'T completely OK before. The two of you were fighting. He was shutting down. And there were cultural issues too. He didn't do a 180 in 24 hours - this was a breakup which had been coming for a while.

I know it's easy to look back with sadness and see a beautiful relationship, but it truly wasn't that good for you.
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Old 29th January 2018, 2:36 PM   #69
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Hey there. I'm putting a link to your previous thread on this for context http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...moving-therapy

The thing which you really need to remember is that it WASN'T completely OK before. The two of you were fighting. He was shutting down. And there were cultural issues too. He didn't do a 180 in 24 hours - this was a breakup which had been coming for a while.

I know it's easy to look back with sadness and see a beautiful relationship, but it truly wasn't that good for you.
You re completely right. I just cant stop myself from missing him sometimes. And valentine day is coming & we got engaged last Valentine so that was not long time ago. But i am pretty sure that i am moving forward and what i am feeling will completely vanish someday.
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Old 29th January 2018, 7:51 PM   #70
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Like i pushed him to buy me a new ring for the engagement along with his mother ring ( those are american traditions, my traditions state to buy a full gold or diamond set ). I blame myself that i accused him that he is stingy and i let him pay a lot.
So he purchased the diamond ring and gold set you wanted. He also "date planned" and paid for those dates and you still called him stingy.

It would upset me if I tried to make my girlfriend happy and she called me "Stingy" or "Cheap". Men are NOT human ATM machines!! Personally, this would make me very upset and would be a "deal breaker" for me!!

Moreover, I prepare my budget for the month on a spreadsheet, before the month starts. There is travel & entertainment programmed in, but when its spent, its spent for the month and that's it. My girlfriend knows that I adhere to my budget and she has finally stopped complaining. Maybe your boyfriend was trying to stay on his budget.

Just my two cents, feel free to disagree with me.
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Old 30th January 2018, 3:35 AM   #71
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So he purchased the diamond ring and gold set you wanted. He also "date planned" and paid for those dates and you still called him stingy.

It would upset me if I tried to make my girlfriend happy and she called me "Stingy" or "Cheap". Men are NOT human ATM machines!! Personally, this would make me very upset and would be a "deal breaker" for me!!

Moreover, I prepare my budget for the month on a spreadsheet, before the month starts. There is travel & entertainment programmed in, but when its spent, its spent for the month and that's it. My girlfriend knows that I adhere to my budget and she has finally stopped complaining. Maybe your boyfriend was trying to stay on his budget.

Just my two cents, feel free to disagree with me.
I called him stingy when he told me that he is upset with me because i didn't return him back a holiday money that costed around $300 that he invited me to. This guy prepared me an excel monthly budget and he knows what i can afford and what i can not. I damn can not afford paying for our everyday dinners. His salary is *5 mine and he was my fiancÚ. PLUS he didnt use to pay for everything, if he was not stingy he wouldnt feel like he is an ATM. He would be glad to spend money since i didnt mind to spend money on him. Plus i am from an arab culture, and he knew that we like to splurge and we love to spend money way before we got engaged, it was no surprise for him and then he broke up because of this. I wish he communicated with me at least, he never did, he just kept all of those worries inside and he broke up, if only i knew what he was thinking about, i would definitely have solved it. Breaking up because of money, oh god !
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Old 30th January 2018, 11:27 AM   #72
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Plus i am from an arab culture, and he knew that we like to splurge and we love to spend money way before we got engaged, it was no surprise for him and then he broke up because of this.
I know nothing of the Arab Culture and this "splurging" you speak of, but I do know that everyone works hard for their money. You can only spend it once, then you have to work hard to get more.

Sometimes cross cultural relationships can be difficult. A close "guy" friend of mine married a woman from a completely different culture. I sat him down and talked to him (way before he got married) and told him he would be facing a lot of changes and challenges. He assured me he could adapt and everything would be fine. Eight years and four kids later, he filed for divorce. He later told me that the cultural differences were larger than he expected and he was unable to get past them.

I'm not saying that is the case here, but it is "food for thought"...

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Breaking up because of money, oh god !
I don't understand this line, are you upset?? Or are you in disagreement??

Just my two cents, based on my own experiences...
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Old 31st January 2018, 3:23 AM   #73
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I know nothing of the Arab Culture and this "splurging" you speak of, but I do know that everyone works hard for their money. You can only spend it once, then you have to work hard to get more.

Sometimes cross cultural relationships can be difficult. A close "guy" friend of mine married a woman from a completely different culture. I sat him down and talked to him (way before he got married) and told him he would be facing a lot of changes and challenges. He assured me he could adapt and everything would be fine. Eight years and four kids later, he filed for divorce. He later told me that the cultural differences were larger than he expected and he was unable to get past them.

I'm not saying that is the case here, but it is "food for thought"...



I don't understand this line, are you upset?? Or are you in disagreement??

Just my two cents, based on my own experiences...

I meant that i think my ex-fiancÚ broke up with me because of money. Instead of talking to me about what is concerning him, he ran away. He always used to tell me that most of the divorce reasons in the US occur because of money, but i was so supportive in this and i always used to find ways for us to save money but my country is so expensive and he knew that and we were going to move to Europe. I was always concerned he may run away because of this and eventually he did and this made me so sad. Because he broke up with me for external reasons and i had nothing to do with this. For example, my culture states that on the wedding day the groom must promise the bride with a certain amount of money in case they got divorced, i faced my family and told them thats not gonna happen for us because he is american and we re going to blend both cultures. Another example is that our culture always make huge weddings unlike americans, i didnt want a huge one, i just wanted a very simple one that we wont pay a lot on. I tried my best to compromise and to satisfy my family and him but he just left so everything i say now is meaningless.
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Old 31st January 2018, 10:39 AM   #74
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I tried my best to compromise and to satisfy my family and him but he just left so everything i say now is meaningless.
I don't think it is meaningless, I think you can learn something very valuable from this experience. You are being honest with yourself during this self assessment of your ex-fiance' and the relationship. This is a good practice!!

Often when I assess a situation that went bad, I learn a lesson and try not to repeat previous mistakes. And let me tell you, I HAVE MADE PREVIOUS MISTAKES!!

Sometimes men run away versus talking about an issue they can't fix. I don't know why they may choose this course of action versus sitting down and having a long discussion. Maybe it made him feel inferior, unable to provide and this was a mountain he couldn't conquer, so he bailed. I'm just making an educated guess.

By the way, thank you for the clarification.

I am sorry you are going through this pain.
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Old 31st January 2018, 10:53 AM   #75
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I don't think it is meaningless, I think you can learn something very valuable from this experience. You are being honest with yourself during this self assessment of your ex-fiance' and the relationship. This is a good practice!!

Often when I assess a situation that went bad, I learn a lesson and try not to repeat previous mistakes. And let me tell you, I HAVE MADE PREVIOUS MISTAKES!!

Sometimes men run away versus talking about an issue they can't fix. I don't know why they may choose this course of action versus sitting down and having a long discussion. Maybe it made him feel inferior, unable to provide and this was a mountain he couldn't conquer, so he bailed. I'm just making an educated guess.

By the way, thank you for the clarification.

I am sorry you are going through this pain.
You are completely right, some just walk away but this means he didnt really love me.

Anyway thank you for giving me an opinion from a new perspective.
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