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Pearl27's Journal

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Entries in this journal

Developing Social Skills

I've always had the worst social skills. I have been painfully shy for years and struggled with social anxiety. Its strange how I put myself out there by joining social groups, yet feel so uncomfortable being around people. I tend to think that everyone thinks I am a freak because I used to be so socially awkward.   But another reason is because I lack social confidence and I really don't know how to present myself to others. The only time I am relaxed is when I am silly, spewing one-liners and

Pearl27

Pearl27

Why Don't I Believe I Deserve It?

I am still struggling to get over low self-esteem and immense self-doubt, and it frustrates me that I keep sabotaging myself. I feel as though I am preventing myself from getting better, as if I honestly think I don't deserve to feel good and be stronger.   Why so? Its like I feel I don't deserve to be strong because I am weak. Isn't that a weird contradiction? I hate myself for being weak so...I make sure I stay weak. That doesn't make sense.   Or maybe I can't forgive myself for being so aw

Pearl27

Pearl27

What is Stopping Me?

Each day, I feel as if something is stopping me from becoming a better person. Is it anger issues? Low self-esteem? Laziness? Stubbornness?   Sometimes I wonder if I am not taking enough responsibility for myself and that I'm being too reactive. I think I need to be more proactive - a lot more proactive. I should really read that book, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People".   Other times I wonder if I am really beaten down by anger and being overly suspicious of others. I know I need to stop s

Pearl27

Pearl27

Learning to be a Good Person

I never was a good person. I wasn't even a bad person either. I drifted between both, I guess. I had been told as a child that I was a bad person because I wasn't what my parents wanted me to be. Because I was unhappy in an unhappy home, I became moody, cranky and even bad tempered. That led to me being frequently called a grouchy kid, a bitch, and that I had a nasty attitude.   I would try to prove that I was a good person. That made me eager to please others and also convince myself that I wa

Pearl27

Pearl27

First Entry

The whole reason why I came to LoveShack was to meet others trying to personally improve and heal whatever haunts/harms them. I also wanted to share my experience and evolution with others, so I can be supported, albeit online. I'm part of other forums, but I needed a place where I can freely discuss my personal development. So here I am   I'll try not to flood my journal with entries. If I do, it is because I had a bad day. But hopefully, I'll learn to reign myself in.   Take care!

Pearl27

Pearl27

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