I am still struggling to get over low self-esteem and immense self-doubt, and it frustrates me that I keep sabotaging myself. I feel as though I am preventing myself from getting better, as if I honestly think I don't deserve to feel good and be stronger.

Why so? Its like I feel I don't deserve to be strong because I am weak. Isn't that a weird contradiction? I hate myself for being weak so...I make sure I stay weak. That doesn't make sense.

Or maybe I can't forgive myself for being so awful so many years ago. I'm not that person anymore, but I feel so much shame that I keep myself weak.

So do I keep myself in a permanent state of shame, or do I forgive and heal?