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Why can't people be single and happy?

In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 7th April 2019, 12:18 PM   #31
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I'll expand upon my previous statement.

IMO, people are most happy in relationships when they find contentment being single. I have way too many friends and acquaintances that bounce from poor relationship to poor relationship because they're lonely. Their relationships aren't necessarily unhealthy or abusive but they don't last because they're primary motivation to be in a relationship is simply to avoid being alone. The relationship fails when they realize that they're just as unhappy being in a relationship as they were being alone.

Companionship with the opposite sex is a delightful thing but it's not the only form of companionship. People on this thread are correct; human contact is a necessity to stay sane. But that isn't exclusive to the opposite sex. For me, just spending time with my close friends is more than fulfilling. I can honestly say that the majority of the time I spend with these friends has been more enjoyable than many of the dates I've been on over the last few years.
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Old 7th April 2019, 1:14 PM   #32
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I'm currently content with being single.
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Old 7th April 2019, 4:12 PM   #33
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If you were single and unattached almost your whole life, past 40 or 50, then yes you would likely be unhappy, possibly miserable and hate your life

You really don't care for the opposite sex,
you have a very low sex drive,
you are so addicted to something that you don't care.
you discover, you feel happy with no one
and you do not know what you are missing.

It's knowing what you are missing that hurts.
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Old 7th April 2019, 6:34 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by OatsAndHall View Post
I'll expand upon my previous statement.....
They often just plane choose all wrong too , and then they do it again and again.
lmo people have to be very careful about what they let start into a so called relationship.
lt's pretty natural to have a few in our teens and 20s but personally l think it's really important to wise up later. We should know what we need by then , best to hold out for that imo.

And yeah , live your life single and happy until or it just starts cycle of into something, out , lonely, into something else, out again, lonely and on and on. Meanwhile all these little stints end up wasting more years and years and they lose the ability to actually choose properly and so on and on it goes.

Seen this cycle with all the now older singles l've known , well apart from the divorced ones.

Last edited by Moderator; 12th May 2019 at 1:20 PM.. Reason: Fix quote
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Old 9th April 2019, 7:20 AM   #35
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I was single my whole life up until I was 23 years old (I'm 27 now). Why waste time pretending to have to find who I am when I know who I am? If I'm feeling like I'm over the ex, then I'm over him and can look for a new one, without rushing into just any relationship.

My last relationship was pretty much dead a month or two before we finally had that chat to breakup, so I did not waste time before jumping on OLD right away. Did I start meeting guys right away? Nope. I still was extremely picky as always and then started meeting people. As I was meeting some, even if it didn't end up working out, this reminded me that I am attractive and a great catch. This got me ready for this current relationship which has been twice as long so far.
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Old 13th April 2019, 8:19 AM   #36
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Know what single people's #1 complaint in life is? Being single. Know what married people's #1 complaint is? Being married. The grass being greener syndrome.

I have been single most of my adult life, at 44 I have to accept certain things - I will never get married, will not have children, etc. People ask me all the time how and why this is the case. I am a bit of an odd duck, I admit,but I am not a snob either. I live a very isolated life and never meet anyone without the internet datewise. I just have to accept things as they are. But it's better than having a neverending train of people going to and from, creating drama, and having 2 or 3 divorces behind hou.
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Old 13th April 2019, 9:20 AM   #37
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haaa, l'd imagine those complaints would be about right too.
To me being married and watching other now long marriages , it def' is a very mixed bag and admittedly l don't envy many.
Matter of fact lately l'm thinking if l was to get married again from now on sometime, it might be a much better time later in life than it was back in my early 30, looking at others still married from 20 or 30 yrs.

Last edited by chillii; 13th April 2019 at 9:25 AM..
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Old 20th April 2019, 10:40 AM   #38
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My quick take on friends that are married for a long time and if they made it or not.

MK/JC. Met in 1998, Married 2000. Had kids in 2003/2005. Still together, no major upset and I am close to them to know if there are any hiccups.

MO/MM. Met in 1991. Married in 1996. No Kids. They are thriving and they seem happy.

SA/JB. Met in 1988 end of high school. Had kids in 1993 and 1996 and 2000. Married in 1997. Broke up in 2017. The wife-JB said she does not know herself with out SA. I don't know the real scoop. SA is with a new woman now. I don't know if JB was bluffing to SA hoping for some sort of change in him. What ever that would be.

AW/SG. Met in 1993 married in 1996 has four kids starting in 2000- boy/2003- boy/2006-boy/girl twins. AG has had bouts of wanting to divorce SG, but stayed. the last time she called me and said she was wanting to divorce him. I and her sister sort of talked her out of it. I sent her a letter and a care package and now they seem strong again. I beeive if I and her sister did not intervene in our own way. She may have been divorced.

We are all going through our lives. Some of us have it cut and dry. Others loopy at best. I am single and I don't have a problem with it in the sense that I am going to die because of it. I have to work through my frustrations of dating.

I came to a conclusion that the only way I am going to be coupled up. Is that a woman is really going to have to be more the driving force to couple us up. After a while. You see a pattern with your life. In the only way I can explain it looking at myself and the past situations with women romantically. If a woman likes me romantically. For her towards me. There really is no major struggle or obstacles that will stop her from being with me. If I like the woman. There is always some sort of obstacle in the way.
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Old 20th April 2019, 4:26 PM   #39
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I guess people can be happy single up to a point, If they are unable to meet anyone, then the person has to develop an ability to function solo, there comes times though when everyone needs someone and the loneliness will resurface, to all of us who are seeking that partner and struggling to find them, I believe it is important to keep trying and not just accept being alone, also there is the fear of rejection and heartbreak which can stop people from trying again, but I think we all need other people in our lives no matter how comfortable we are with our own company,

Health, a soulmate and a circle of friends would be the three most important things from my viewpoint.
If you do not have a partner, you at least need good friends and not fareweather ones.

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Old 20th April 2019, 5:05 PM   #40
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I'm happy and I'm single.

I don't know for sure whether these two facts are correlated but I suspect not.

I have a naturally positive, 'glass half full' mindset and expect I would be equally happy in the right relationship, except I'm not looking to be in one.

So I shall continue to be both content and single at the same time without worrying about what may or may not be.
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Old 24th April 2019, 3:43 AM   #41
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If I could override my desire for a woman, that I want to have interesting conversations and laughs/Physical Affection. Who also wants a romantic connection with me. Add to that we line up with each other.

I personally think that I am due a great romantic relationship.
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Old 24th April 2019, 9:03 AM   #42
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I think the problem is all of us meet someone who makes us feel something and you want that intangible feeling more often then just once. Its very, very hard to go through life not wanting that feeling.

Personally I think if you can have experiences in life you probably wouldn't miss a partner that much but for most who do 9-5 then the sense of not having anything is greater.
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Old 29th April 2019, 7:54 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
I love being single. I love spending time alone.
Since I am an outlier, I spent a very long time pushing myself to be in relationships. I was miserable in every single one. I would count down the days and hours till I can be alone again.
Eternal Sunshine, I can definitely relate with you. I also struggle to maintain friendships because the desire to be single isn't highly sought after... most everyone is paired up, or actively searching. I think most people are concerned with what might be the "norm", they suddenly think they have to do this, that and everything else others are doing or there is simply something wrong with them. I'm single and happy, though I have previously been in longer term relationships in which I thought I was happy, but deep down I was not. It's ok to be single, it's ok to not get married and for god sakes it's ok to not have kids. We're all different and more people should be accepting of that.

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Old 1st May 2019, 1:53 PM   #44
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Here is my life in a nutshell.

Friends. Most of them are great. 3, I have issues with, but they can be managed.

Family no problem.

Work. The odd Turbulence with some co- workers.

Love relationships is like this for me at the moment. I have stated this before. If I like a woman romantically. There will be an obstacle in the way. She is attached for the most part. Its like for me, from what I have observed. Most women don't seem to like being single and will stay in a relationship, even if its bad.

If a woman likes me. For some reason. I say its easier for her to get with me romantically. This is because I don't entangle myself up with FWB or some woman that are toxic. I do have a couple of female friends, but other than that. Her looking at me should not be that hard to get with me. Except if she wants to sleep together right away/living together/bio kids together.

The actual singleness does not bother me. Its the lack of affection that I don't get. Unless your their main squeeze. Most women are not going to be affectionate towards you.
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Old 2nd May 2019, 2:40 PM   #45
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Originally Posted by Eddy1832 View Post
Why is it the moment someone breaks up with someone, they immediately start searching for a replacement? Do you/they need validation at all times? Are you insecure by yourself?
Not everyone does this.

But research shows that a painful breakup makes the same part of your brain light up as when you feel physical pain and it's a very difficult, painful process to get to the other said, esp if you weren't the one who wanted things to end, and so for a lot of people they want to avoid that pain (understandably so) by jumping into something else. Most times you realize this doesn't help and many people do try to heal and move forward on their own before getting back out there, but others don't or learn the hard way that rebounds don't fix things.

It's not always about insecurity, but about the real difficulty of getting over an attachment. But sure, for some folks they cannot ever be single or alone and are in back to back relationships or stay in bad ones because it's less scary than going it alone.
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