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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 18th February 2019, 4:36 AM   #1
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2018 was so horrible that I didn't think I would survive, but not only did I survive, I made the best of it and had the best year I had in a long time. No self pity, no dwelling, no nothing, just hard work. I lost A LOT of weight and worked hard and hiked a lot and traveled a bit, and lots of other good things happened. I am almost done with the divorce and we are on good terms. More or less things are OK. I am happy and I am continuing my weight loss and life-rebuilding process....

Now the sad part = )))

I am 41 and all of my friends are married and with kids. I was never really into the whole nuclear family thing and I am not too traditional, but all I ever wanted was my own family. We didn't have kids and I am feeling that it's over for me in that department. Not because of my age, but because after such a long time I have to start dating again and I just can't do it.

I am not interested in anyone. I am not even attracted or curious about anyone. Not in real life, not online. I feel nothing towards women and it's not hate or resentment or blaming all women for my ex's attitude and the breaking up of our family. It's that I simply I don't trust women. I am not saying women are bad or anything like that, I am saying that I don't trust women. Yes, I am Red-Pilled, and MGTOW, and god knows what else, but I am not here for a lecture. I am 100% clear on what everything means and how things work in the real world. Hypergamy is real, whether you like it or not, facts are facts. I know there are bad men and good men, bad women and good women, I am talking about me now.

Since I don't date men, I have to deal with women's issues. And as I get older I see that I and so many men, yes men, are giving up on love because women no longer need men. Again, I am not here for a lecture so please keep that to yourself, but I am upset and kind of sad that because of this "I am woman, hear me roar" mentality, that the family unit is dead. Women no longer want that. Yes, some do and some don't, but since I am 41 and I would date someone within 10 years, up or down, and the pool of shrinking and time is running out. It's very frustrating.

My point is that I want to meet someone. I want to start dating, but living in LA, LOL, it's a joke. I am good looking, almost back in shape, I take care of my self, dress well, very clean and good hygiene, I drive an Audi and work in IT for a Media company, I make decent money. But's not enough for women in LA. On dating sites they seek the "6s"..... Six figure income? Check. Six inch d$ck? Check. Six bedroom house? Sorry, no house. Oh Ok, then not good enough.

I see a therapist monthly and she didn't believe me so I took screenshots of things that women are looking for and showed it to her. She was shocked. There is no way I can or will check all the boxes.

It's sad because these women are going to end up with many cats, sad and lonely. And I will end up alone, but I won't sad, I'll be disappointed, but men handle single life better than women, fact. I'll be fine, but I would rather have a family with someone who is strong, modern, independent, curious, but also somewhat traditional when it comes to love and family. Yeah, yeah, I am damn romantic. I guess I am, but I would rather be than be part of "Tinder Culture". Sorry for the rant, but not reeeeally sorry. I am curious if someone will understand my pov or like most times, will criticize me and tell me that I have to change something or it's somehow my fault or some other nonsense. Please, I've taken enough shaming. I am here for some logic and smart words put together to make my brain go "OOOOOH I get it !!!"

I just want to believe that there are decent women, girls, ladies, females, whatever, left in the world. Kind of like my ex, kind of someone like me, but female. Just regular, down to earth, not looking to find price charming on a white horse. The horse is dead, the prince is sleeping with the court jester, and it's just me here frustrated because I want to share my life with someone and talk to them and listening to them, but instead I have a feeling I am going to be alone forever. I got my dog and he is my whole life right now, but I wish I had a family. I didn't have a family when I was growing up. Well, I did, but it was so broken that I would rather say I didn't, and I am ending up without one right now and possibly forever. In the words of our President #sad

Merci Beaucoup

Last edited by Moderator; 18th February 2019 at 8:07 PM.. Reason: paragraphs added
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Old 18th February 2019, 6:09 AM   #2
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Though my circumstances are different (old enough to be your dad AND have that family with fairly good relationships with 'my three sons' AND live in a much less 'dense' community), I can relate. I've only been divorced for just short of two years, but separated for more than a decade and 'back in the dating game' for a year and a half. I've met several women. At my age they're looking for companionship rather than a man to raise a family with. So far nothing has stuck. One, the other, or both of us have not been interested enough to take it to the next level.

All that said, my suggestion to you (and myself) is to 'hang in there and keep swinging'. Without wanting to sound like one of my high school coaches spouting platitudes, I still agree that 'quitters never win'. While it's true that plenty of non-quitters never win either and though I'm thinking more and more about quitting, I'm not quitting yet. And it's still fun (at least for me) to go through the process of initial communication (I'm pretty much exclusively meeting via OLD) and meeting. Even if they don't want an LTR with me, they've all been decent, interesting human beings well worth meeting.
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Old 18th February 2019, 6:14 AM   #3
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Thanks. I am realistic about things. Neve say never and I've never been the one to quit. I am just disappointed that women's empowerment has gone astray from wanting actual equality to creating infantile, spoiled, brats for whom nothing is ever good enough. I am sure there are many decent women, but I haven't met one lately. My mom and my ex are the two decent women I know, that's about it.
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Old 18th February 2019, 7:14 AM   #4
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In fact, studies show that women fare better than men single, in general.

You can find women who don't expect the moon, but you'll have to lower your expectations as well.

The main thing that comes through in your post is a negative, almost defeated attitude. You won't get very far in romance with that.
What you focus on grows. -Esther Hicks
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Old 18th February 2019, 7:41 AM   #5
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It really depends what you are looking for. If you look for 25 year old hotties, then yeah, you won't measure up. But it's super hard to believe that an average single 40 year old woman is looking for a 6 bedroom house. I don't know of any, most have trouble meeting anyone that holds full time employment and is actually really divorced. You are probably overlooking women your age that are not highly attractive.
"Vision without execution is hallucination. Thomas Edison
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Old 18th February 2019, 7:55 AM   #6
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You're not even officially divorced yet. Take it easy, breathe. You are clearly not mentally or emotionally ready to date. You probably want to be, but you're not.

Also, sounds like your dating pool is toxic. When you're ready maybe look in a different place for women to meet. And as has been mentioned, have realistic expectations.
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Old 18th February 2019, 7:57 AM   #7
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What , they actually specify that , my god wtf has happened to the world.
The guys should be on there specifying on the V's they want then , and everything else, thoroughly , givem a bit of their own medicine.
All l can say is again and again if forums are anything to go by , l'm just glad l live on the other side of the planet. But why would any guy even bother with worthless women like that , can you move if that's all you have to choose from , l'd be leaving town myself, go find a real woman ?
PS , there are some very decent women in the world that want and hold dear the same things you will. lt just sounds like you might have to move to meet them

Last edited by chillii; 18th February 2019 at 8:03 AM..
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Old 18th February 2019, 8:50 AM   #8
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If you are red pilled you know women love opportunistically, men love idealistically. If you are this lost romantic, you know a woman isn't going to fulfill that need.

What you are experiencing is red pilled rage. You'll still seeking a blue pill reality, but you know it's not true. That's why you'll looking for a proverbial female shoulder to cry on. It's like the 5 stages of grief. You'll get through it friend

Women can control their hypergamy in the same way men can control their natural sexual strategy to spread seed to as many woman as possible. They are out there, but few and far between.

Also, I think the last 6 is 6 feet, not 6 bedroom house? You would need a 7 salary income for that

I think some of the problem is you're in LA. That has to be one of the most vein places on earth. Are you open to moving?
If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants. - Newton

Last edited by TheFinalWord; 18th February 2019 at 9:00 AM..
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Old 18th February 2019, 9:40 AM   #9
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Yes there are quality women out there. They are sought after, as are quality men. I know your post is a forum rant and you probably wouldn't say what you wrote here to a woman during early dates. But the fact that this is how you really feel, means this is a part of you and it will show. It shows in little things you might say, it shows on your face, it shows in your eyes.
You said you are looking for a female version of yourself. If you re-write your post, switching the genders and read it again as having been written by a woman, would she be right for you? Would you want to date a woman who wrote: I feel nothing towards men. I simply don't trust men.
It's not a good way to start a relationship. I don't see how two people with this attitude can get very far together. Something's got to give. Try to soften up and you might attract the gentler sweethearts.
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Old 18th February 2019, 9:43 AM   #10
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If you want to meet a good woman, you won't meet her in LA.

Meeting a good woman will not happen in a big city.

Move away from LA and your chances will greatly improve.

Hang in there

I wish you luck
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Old 18th February 2019, 9:54 AM   #11
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You aren't even technically single and you're already complaining about dating?

Most good women won't date men that are married...even if they are separated. Get your divorce behind you and see what happens.
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Old 18th February 2019, 10:16 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by TheFinalWord View Post
I think some of the problem is you're in LA. That has to be one of the most vein places on earth. Are you open to moving?
I'd agree with that. Used to live there for several years and I think dating there can't be compared to dating anywhere else in the world.

Also, I don't want to deny your experiences and I'm sorry OLD didn't work out for you. But, as a woman, I'm actually very surprised. In my experience it's mostly the women who are looking for serious relationships & exclusivity on apps like Tinder. Most of the guys there just want something casual. And while I definitely can't speak for all women (and especially not American women let alone women in LA) I know for a fact that neither me nor any of my girlfriends would give a f** about these things (car, house, income).

Maybe (just an assumption) you're looking at very young and very pretty girls who are on the app just to collect impressive matches & flirt around? There are so many guys on there who are the same. They just want to show off their muscles with grim-face-gym-mirror-selfies and very obvious profile texts ("Just looking for fun"). So maybe these women you're complaining about are the female equivalent? Doesn't say anything about women in general really, but about your filter settings

I'm your age (40) and I've never cared less about how much a guy earns. I can take care of myself now and while I might have been intrigued by a guy with a high income 15 years ago (when I was constantly broke myself), I really couldn't care less today. So maybe you should look in a different (your own) age range?

I do agree that older women are pickier though. And I think it does make sense. You just kind of know who you'd get along with and what you want to put up with. However, that has nothing to do with his income or social status, but everything to do with personality.

And no - I don't believe in hypergamy! Of course there are exceptions, but just go on the front page of this forum. You currently have at least three threads from guys who want to find a (younger) woman with lower confidence, lower education etc. and they struggle because the women they meet are absolutely fine with taking care of themselves, having their own career and are just not interested in guys who try to impress them with what they have, who they know or how smart they are. They just want somebody they have chemistry with and that is nothing you can buy or learn or pretend to have.

Oh, and when you read the threads from women here, it's mostly about flaky guys who don't want to commit etc. I can't remember a single female poster here writing about a guy they really liked, but if he only had a six figure income or a nicer car
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Old 18th February 2019, 11:25 AM   #13
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I would chimp in 5 cent:

1. You just recently separated, so it's totally understandable that you dont have feelings for anyone nor curious about anyone.

I would advise you to take this time to focus more on yourself, discover more hobbies, and give yourself some time. As soon as your heart is ready, you'll definitely feel it.

2. I'm a woman and I can assure you that there are so many good and intelligent women out there who wants nothing from you but your love.

Women whom you describe I think are "super hot sugar babes" looking for sugar daddies.

If you aren't sugar daddy, you shouldnt be looking at them.
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Old 18th February 2019, 11:48 AM   #14
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Hi Poster,

There are plenty of women like this, but for some reason we're all chronically single because we can't find our equivalents. I once had a man standing in line behind me at the groccery store say "If i wasnt married, I would be all over you."

I responded with "That's what they all say, until the opportunity is available." He didnt say a word lol

My point is, Im genuinely starting to believe that those of us who deserve it most will not receive it but instead continue our spiritual path elsewhere after death, because we have graduated from earth life. Most around me who have these things dont understand their importance and value, so i imagine they still have lessons to learn in that department.

The best people Ive ever met who deserve these things most are the only people whom it eludes.

Last edited by Hopeful30; 18th February 2019 at 11:50 AM..
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Old 18th February 2019, 12:48 PM   #15
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My god if I got a dime for each single woman that I heard say "Where are all the decent guys?" I'd be a zillionair.

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
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