LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > In Search Of...

Confident Women on Dating Sites


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

Like Tree19Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 18th February 2019, 3:17 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 27
Confident Women on Dating Sites

Hey,
Looking for some thoughts on this.
I am a late 30s guy who has sampled online dating over the past few years.
I have met perhaps 15 ladies in this time (and still searching for the right person although I have made friendships with 3!!)


What has generally surprised me with the online dating is how confident, articulate, well travelled and high achievers the ladies are.


I suppose my perception initially was that ladies on online dating sites might be a little bit less confident, less achievers etc.


Why do you think women on online dating sites are so confident?


I feel like I am a decent guy , however my personality is best suited to a girl who is somewhat less of an achiever, a little more vulnerable and so on.


and where are the less confident, more down to earth women, or where can one meet them?
Foxhall is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th February 2019, 3:41 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 663
Must be the sort of person your choosing. You could easily pick that stuff up from her page on the date site those type have a real way about them.

When l was on one back when there was all kinds of women and personalities.
But the only ones l bothered with were the few that sounded as close to the type of person and girl l'd go for as l could find.
chillii is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th February 2019, 4:55 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Andy_K's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Exeter, UK
Posts: 2,010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxhall View Post
Why do you think women on online dating sites are so confident?
A cynic might suggest that many of them have a slightly inflated sense of self worth, and are online because they can't find anyone else who values them as much as they do.

Quote:
and where are the less confident, more down to earth women, or where can one meet them?
People project how they want to be seen online, it's not always reality. Spend enough time with whom you consider to be confident or aloof women, and you'll find they have plenty of insecurities. They're just normal people.
Andy_K is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th February 2019, 6:00 AM   #4
Established Member
 
PegNosePete's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 9,727
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxhall View Post
where are the less confident, more down to earth women, or where can one meet them?
They are on there too, but you're not messaging them.
__________________
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-- Douglas Adams
PegNosePete is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th February 2019, 6:58 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Ruby Slippers's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: in the moment
Posts: 10,006
The more educated and accomplished a woman is, the harder time she has finding a suitable partner in general, as most women don't find men who are less accomplished than they are desirable for romance. So online dating is a typical route for these women to search from a wider pool.

Also, accomplished women are usually better marketers, know how to take and showcase those attention-grabbing photos that reel in prospective dating site dates.

For the less accomplished women you're seeking, you'll need to look under the radar. Filter to women with only a high school education or some college. Look at the profiles with pics that are less glam, more average.

In the wild, chat with women in service occupations - waitress, barista, store cashier, cleaning lady.
__________________
You don't need love. You are the love.
Ruby Slippers is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 18th February 2019, 7:41 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 809
It takes some initiative and confidence to go online, post photos of yourself, chat with a variety of men from different walks of life, and go meet strange men in person. Many less confident, awkward low achiever women are not up for all that. It's basically negativity and complacency that makes someone end up being a low achiever. Those same traits would tell her to not bother with online dating because the attitude of the low achiever is: it's too much effort to do all that when it won't work out anyway.
Gretchen12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th February 2019, 8:58 AM   #7
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 32,704
Putting yourself out there on a dating site takes confidence. OLD is only one tool. To meet a variety of people use a variety of techniques. Also work on your own self esteem. Then these accomplished women won't be so intimidating.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th February 2019, 11:10 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 305
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby slippers View Post
the more educated and accomplished a woman is, the harder time she has finding a suitable partner in general, as most women don't find men who are less accomplished than they are desirable for romance. So online dating is a typical route for these women to search from a wider pool.

Also, accomplished women are usually better marketers, know how to take and showcase those attention-grabbing photos that reel in prospective dating site dates.

For the less accomplished women you're seeking, you'll need to look under the radar. Filter to women with only a high school education or some college. Look at the profiles with pics that are less glam, more average.

In the wild, chat with women in service occupations - waitress, barista, store cashier, cleaning lady.
excellent! Love your reply <3 ;-)
soyou is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th February 2019, 12:03 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,875
I dont think the question should be why are online women confident. The question should be, why are confident women resorting to online means? Says a lot about the selection of men...
Hopeful30 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th February 2019, 6:38 PM   #10
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 27
cool,


thank you , I enjoyed all the responses


Donnivain, to be fair you have summed it up in a nutshell really,


thank you all for taking the time to reply.
Foxhall is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th February 2019, 7:15 PM   #11
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 23,368
I think the real issue her is your own sense of self-worth.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th February 2019, 4:18 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 431
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxhall View Post

and where are the less confident, more down to earth women, or where can one meet them?
Right here, just saying.
__________________
When someone dumps you, you learn how much you don't matter to them.

Give me loyalty.
MeadowFlower is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th February 2019, 12:53 AM   #13
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 5
I am in a similar situation - 30 year old female, on and off dating apps for the last few years. I see the same thing with guys on these apps but I attribute it to them selling themselves. I read a Wall Street Journal article about dating via apps that dives into the challenges faced by prospects on dating apps vs. the old school ways of meeting someone in person. I should mention this article was recommended to me during a first date with a guy I met on an app and it didn't work out because, well, he reads the WSJ and I do not (ding on me I guess).

Unfortunately, I can't find the article now but basically, to sum it up - you have no time at all to make an impression before the left or right swipe. Your first picture. Your first comment. Your first typo could be enough to make someone swipe left whereas in the real world you have a chance to redeem yourself. You have time to make a real impression.

So in a world of unlimited swipes - how do you make yourself stand out and seem most interesting to someone else?
Cfgrace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th February 2019, 7:16 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: upstate New York
Posts: 1,000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cfgrace View Post
I am in a similar situation - 30 year old female,
So in a world of unlimited swipes - how do you make yourself stand out and seem most interesting to someone else?
1) 30 y/o? You are a child. (I'm 65)
2) Swipes are not unlimited
3) At your age, I can make a strong argument that your social contacts are still open enough (many, if not most, of mine are DEAD) that you still have options to meet people without using 'the apps'. I'd say that it's time to turn to the apps somewhere north of 35.

All that said, if you must turn to 'the apps', there are a few that give you the possibility of 'picking' less superficially. As much as I hate to sound like a salesman for the site, because there is a LOT I don't like about it, I appreciate match.com for the breath and depth of the information about potential dates that I get from it. BUT, you have to do your homework, too. That is to say you must read the profile and look at and assess all the pictures to get more than a superficial idea of who the person is. And there are still pitfalls. The person may not have taken advantage of the open-ended format to tell a lot about themselves. Or they be simply lying or faking (photos taken when they were 20-25 y/o?). At least you can have more to go on than swiping on the basis of a few photos. Anecdotes: I tried Bumble for a month and got no matches while I'm averaging a month in between face to face meetings generated on match.com (again, not a sales pitch, just my experience).
nospam99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th February 2019, 7:24 AM   #15
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeadowFlower View Post
Right here, just saying.

hi Meadowflower,


yes I have read some of your posts on other threads with interest,


me and you would probably get on quite well.


just a thought!
Foxhall is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
A human is not going to be confident if there is nothing to be confident about smg15 Dating 15 8th March 2015 7:46 PM
Are paid dating sites better than free dating sites? spanishchick00 In Search Of... 26 26th January 2015 6:01 AM
Online dating- Free sites vs Pay sites unixuser Dating 12 8th February 2011 5:57 PM
Dating a confident guy, but I'm not a confident girl darioadalia Dating 9 18th August 2008 5:41 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:23 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.