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My autism is showing? Conversational skills on OLD.


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 15th February 2019, 11:35 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by Garcon1986 View Post
The two really attractive women who swiped right on me ghosted after I made a joke about model trains (despite her saying she works in a model train store) and a joke about Taylor Swift (she adores Taylor Swift).
Iím anxious to know what those jokes are. Thereís a fine line between saying a joke and saying something offensive.
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Old 15th February 2019, 11:39 AM   #62
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The thing with the OP is, I donít think he may not come across as very intellectual by strangers; rather, heís eager to show off his list of ďaccomplishmentsĒ.
I had about 3 weeks of OLD experience, and had chatted with a few guys who were way too anxious to show off their intelligence. Nothing turned me off more, tbh.
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Old 15th February 2019, 11:41 AM   #63
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Only a camgirl or fake profile here and there, so technically no haha
See, youíre contradicting yourself. You canít even attract a reasonably attractive woman online (whatever your standards for being attractive to you are), let alone one who is attractive and insanely intelligent. This discussion about screening women based on their conversation skills is a moot point.
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Old 15th February 2019, 11:55 AM   #64
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I donít get it... youíre going to change who you are, your personality, to attract women youíre probably not even intellectually attracted to, as you prefer women who are on the intellectual side with a British-like sense of humor?

I prefer to be single than to be with a ďlight hearted funĒ person that doesnít excite me intellectually in the least.

And TFY, no need to indirectly pick on me, thanks. I see you. Lame.

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Originally Posted by Garcon1986 View Post
TFY I can't honestly bring myself to enjoy the smalltalk and light-hearted humor that you speak of... I have humor but it's not to most American's taste, I like the humor that happens on the British comedy show Would I Lie to You. I can't make a Garth Brooks joke or write a joke as good as Stephen Colbert for the life of me.

Can you teach me how to be light-hearted in a way that people here also like? I do indeed understand your points. How do I make myself change my mind and also have it represent an honest version of myself?
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Old 15th February 2019, 12:04 PM   #65
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What I am aiming for is someone similar to the physicist Natalie Batalha, or the journalist Yonit Levy. The physicist wowed me by going on stage and talking heavy duty stuff about exploring exoplanets. The journalist was spectacular because she was able to interview a journalist in Italian while conducting her own report in Hebrew.


I said the girl who worked in a train store was as unique as a man with a handbag, and that I was fascinated that she would be in a male dominated hobby. I asked her how she got her start in it - met by a wall of silence.


I told the Taylor Swift fan the first time I heard of Taylor Swift was through the song "I knew you were trouble", dubbed to have extra goats. It was so entertaining, what do you like about her.


I attracted one amazing date each year since I started dating in 2012, and I've since spent money on one dating coach and dated lots of other women who taught me a lot about dating. Had three wonderful relationships that eventually failed on deep seated incompatibilities.


I've gotten a little tired of meeting up women for first dates and having it fail on bad conversation/ connection, and am emphasizing the online part because I don't want this to be an endless cycle.


Why do I get stuck on conversation and have people be so uninterested? I'm purposely trying to suppress my hobbies so I don't come off as a showoff - I purposely ask people about themselves, and get 2-4 word answers. I reveal little tidbits about myself here and there.
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Old 15th February 2019, 12:10 PM   #66
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Do you realize that you don't have to be "best friends" and share in-depth hobbies and have life-altering and universe pondering conversations with someone to date them, enjoy them, and be romantically and sexually attracted to them?

My husband would rather pluck out his own eyebrows than discuss politics with me. I'd rather pull out my finger nails then sit around and talk fishing with him.
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Old 15th February 2019, 12:12 PM   #67
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"Funny small talk" makes the world go round.

We don't all immediately launch into a diatribe about the Govt. or start a monologue about our favourite film or go off on some obscure tangent for 10 minutes with people we do not know.
Small talk gives us an idea of what they are like, we bounce off them for a while, we find some common ground and we take it from there.
Without small talk and fun at the beginning in order to suss one another out, there is usually no connection formed.
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Old 15th February 2019, 12:16 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by Garcon1986 View Post
.


I said the girl who worked in a train store was as unique as a man with a handbag, and that I was fascinated that she would be in a male dominated hobby.


I told the Taylor Swift fan the first time I heard of Taylor Swift was through the song "I knew you were trouble", dubbed to have extra goats. It was so entertaining, what do you like about her.

Ok - train store woman:
Your joke was flat. The man with a handbag and male dominated hobby...both comments were bordering on making you appear weird. Plus, for all you know, she may hate her job and/or it just happened to be a job not a career.

Taylor Swift - no idea what extra goats means. And if you ask someone "what do you like about her" about a pop star the pretty obvious answer is "um, their music?" so that's not really a conversation starter there.
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Old 15th February 2019, 12:21 PM   #69
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If I have to go out of state to do all my dating, I would like to know that I have some reasonable connection with the person I'm asking out before I drive 200 miles?


Can you share insights on how to smalltalk in a romantic setting?
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Old 15th February 2019, 12:25 PM   #70
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"How was your day"
"Tell me about yourself"

Those are two good conversation starters.
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Old 15th February 2019, 12:28 PM   #71
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I think the root of your problem is perhaps that you don't have male friends?

A lot of the stuff we are talking about come from guys who banter about with their male friends/acquaintances...

Do you own any domestic animals(cats/dogs)??

What type of guy was your dad?

TFY
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Old 15th February 2019, 12:33 PM   #72
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I have male friends who have never ever been willing to teach me dating I've perceived an attitude of well, Garcon, you are a dating loser, just stay down there where you belong.


I don't have pets because I am clinically allergic.


My dad was a reserved man who "spoke when it counted", and was referred to my Mom in graduate school days. He taught me some of the philosophies of healthy relationships but not how to get them in the first place.


I've seen endless profiles going on about "give me interesting conversation", and if I say "how was your day", that's going to be rejected as boring no?
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Old 15th February 2019, 12:48 PM   #73
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The thing with the OP is, I don¬’t think he may not come across as very intellectual by strangers; rather, he¬’s eager to show off his list of ¬“accomplishments¬”.
I see.

In fairness, I can't really comment on this as I can't get a sense of someone's personality in writing, nor do I understand how anyone can present themselves accurately in a few lines.

GarÁon, intellectual or not, you just need to be comfortable with who you are. If you don't enjoy light banter, so be it.
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Old 15th February 2019, 1:26 PM   #74
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I said the girl who worked in a train store was as unique as a man with a handbag, and that I was fascinated that she would be in a male dominated hobby. I asked her how she got her start in it - met by a wall of silence.

I told the Taylor Swift fan the first time I heard of Taylor Swift was through the song "I knew you were trouble", dubbed to have extra goats. It was so entertaining, what do you like about her.
Both very direct comments and both could be seen as judgemental.
A man with a handbag - really????

Yes the screaming goat is "hilarious" to non Taylor Swift fans but to serious fans... no-one really likes others taking the mickey out of their favourite musician. It can be seen to be a direct attack on them.

Your job is to make her feel comfortable and at ease, not put her back up.
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Old 15th February 2019, 2:46 PM   #75
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Both very direct comments and both could be seen as judgemental.
A man with a handbag - really????

Yes the screaming goat is "hilarious" to non Taylor Swift fans but to serious fans... no-one really likes others taking the mickey out of their favourite musician. It can be seen to be a direct attack on them.

Your job is to make her feel comfortable and at ease, not put her back up.
Thatís a great assessment. Personally, I donít find the Taylor Swift joke that bad, but perhaps because Iím not a fan But the first joke was totally bizarre. To me, again, it came across as trying too hard, like someone without a decent sense of humor was trying to impress the lady with his joke-telling skills. Seriously, was it an example of the British sarcasm you kept talking about?

Thereís a difference between changing who you are vs. improving your social skills. I donít see any conflicts between enjoying intellectual conversations vs. making people comfortable in the initial stage of chatting.

That said, if you were a charming hot doctor, you might even be able to get away with a joke like ďa man wearing a braĒ!
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