Sunberry Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 So, this guy has been transparently trying to sleep with me for a year. By doing these things: Asking to spend all of spring break with him at his houseAsking me to drive with him cross country to a convention in his major (we're two completely different majors)Asking me to come over for drinks They're not in order, I assure you. I declined each because I was either busy or it just didn't feel right. Fast forward months later and he's changed: Talking to him feels very nice now: I can have an intellectual conversation with him about anything and that feels nice--and he listens to me too. I adressed we should hang out and just sit and talk about stuff. He then prompted to invite me in I quote "with his friends" to a concert and to his house for drinks. I go "Neat". The night comes, and he picks me up and we go eat (I havent eaten all day). He tries to pay for me and I declined and payed for myself. Next we're headed to the concert and I anticipate seeing his friends--but they're nowhere around. They never showed up. Same thing when we were about to go to his house to drink--no friends. I grew a tad uncomfortable in the middle of the concert. I told him I was tired, I had to get up early, and we can reschedule the drink thing later. He hasn't changed at all. Not to mention I found out my friend has a crush on him. What's the best way to let him down without seeming rude? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 He's pretty sleazy and immature. He knew you weren't interested and would never actually go on a date with him. So he tried to trick you into the date with the outright lie that you would be hanging out with his friends, not just him. It's pointless to confront him, because he'll just try to weasel out of what he tried to do with excuses and accusations. He's obviously not a friend! Just decline any and all future invites. Avoid him and certainly stop engaging him in conversation. When it's impossible to avoid him, be polite and civil, but distant, as you would with any random acquaintance who wasn't really a friend. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 Thank you for replying. Honestly, I feel slightly clueless. Like I should've known. Another part of me feels like I should have just left as soon as I didn't see his friends midway through the concert... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I thought you handled it well. You claimed you were tired and ended the evening early once it was clear his friends weren't coming. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) Edit......................... Edited February 17, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think it's nice that he likes you enough to hang out with you for a year without having sex with you. He must really like you a lot. I can't really blame him for not having you around his friends because then he would run the risk of one of them blabbing about how much he likes you since you obviously have no idea. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think it's nice that he likes you enough to hang out with you for a year without having sex with you. He must really like you a lot. I can't really blame him for not having you around his friends because then he would run the risk of one of them blabbing about how much he likes you since you obviously have no idea. No there was nothing nice about this. He's a creep, who refuses to Take no for an answer. She said she wasn't interested then he lies to get her alone? I knew a guy like this once. Refused to go out with him because he's married and he was away from home. Invited me to a party he was throwing at his house, said his friends would be there. Got there, nobody was there. Had a bottle of tequila out, like I was just going to go inside and get drunk with him. Ew. OP avoid him at all costs. No need to worry about being polite since his behaviour is appalling. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 No there was nothing nice about this. He's a creep, who refuses to Take no for an answer. She said she wasn't interested then he lies to get her alone? I knew a guy like this once. Refused to go out with him because he's married and he was away from home. Invited me to a party he was throwing at his house, said his friends would be there. Got there, nobody was there. Had a bottle of tequila out, like I was just going to go inside and get drunk with him. Ew. OP avoid him at all costs. No need to worry about being polite since his behaviour is appalling. You're totally projecting. Unless this one is married too they are two totally different guys. I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 You're totally projecting. Unless this one is married too they are two totally different guys. I promise. Fine, remove my experience. Take just his actions. She said no thanks to a date. He tried to force her into a date. Lied to her about his friends being there. She said no. He pushed past her "no". That's not a nice guy. Not a nice gesture. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Fine, remove my experience. Take just his actions. She said no thanks to a date. He tried to force her into a date. Lied to her about his friends being there. She said no. He pushed past her "no". That's not a nice guy. Not a nice gesture. She told him they should hang out. So they hung out. I think that's a nice gesture. She never asked where his friends were so he never explained. But you sure assume a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) She told him they should hang out. So they hung out. She never asked where his friends were so he never explained. But you sure assume a lot. Right, there's a hole in her story. She left something out. There is a point, as she was the one that brought it up. Perhaps his friends weren't able to make it. I've seen this happen. It seems after time passed, he actually was a it more laid back and less persistent and this caused her to bring it up. So at least he did something right as he wasn't as pushy on her second go-around with him. Not sure why you're making him out to be the bad guy here, as he was indeed much more even keeled the 2nd time around. Geez, cut the guy some slack!! Edited February 17, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I get a kick out of some women, she actually brings up the subject of getting together, giving this guy false hope that he has a shot once again. I've had this happen to me when I was younger, it's a wash-rinse-repeat situation. Hopefully he doesn't fall for it again. She may be even playing games with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I get a kick out of some women, she actually brings up the subject of getting together, giving this guy false hope that he has a shot once again. I've had this happen to me when I was younger, it's a wash-rinse-repeat situation. Hopefully he doesn't fall for it again. She may be even playing games with him. Maybe she should let her friend know that it's okay to date him since she is clearly not interested in dating him. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Maybe she should let her friend know that it's okay to date him since she is clearly not interested in dating him. I don't understand, you just said "It's okay for her to date HIM, even though she has no interest in dating HIM?" Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I don't understand, you just said "It's okay for her to date HIM, even though she has no interest in dating HIM?" Her friend has a crush on him. Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Wow you must be hot if he's been dying all this time lol. What's the chances of not only just one friend not showing up for the concert but many friends not showing up for a concert? I would assume they already had paid tickets? So this guy is a douchebag. Don't feel bad about being rude to him. He is the one who set you up. Tell him you feel it's best not to be friends and leave it as that. If he continues to contact you ignore him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 You already know the guy is a manipulative liar. Just put distance in here. If he presses for an explanation give him one. Point blank tell him you are not interested in him romantically or sexually so for his sake you think it's best if you two not spend any one on one time alone. Then don't. If you are already in a group of friends & he's there, fine. Be polite. Otherwise, give him the cold shoulder. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I thought you handled it well. You claimed you were tired and ended the evening early once it was clear his friends weren't coming. Next step is to go NC with him. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 These people who can't say no are not right in the head. They don't respect you or your decisions and place their desires above anything you need, so there is no reason to be polite, and usually to get rid of one you will have to go far beyond being impolite. But I agree you should now just totally block him on all social media and refuse all contact. That way you make it clear you know what he tried to do and don't want it and don't like it. He will no doubt try to get to you through your friends or family, so warn them about him and let the friend who likes him (I assume he's not interested or he'd have noticed by now) you won't want to be around him at all if she should start seeing him and don't want her telling him any info about you at all. If he was to decide to like her, that is a good way to get rid of a person like this, however, but if she's a friend, she needs to know how much of a weasel he is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) Right, there's a hole in her story. She left something out. There is a point, as she was the one that brought it up. Perhaps his friends weren't able to make it. I've seen this happen. It seems after time passed, he actually was a it more laid back and less persistent and this caused her to bring it up. So at least he did something right as he wasn't as pushy on her second go-around with him. Not sure why you're making him out to be the bad guy here, as he was indeed much more even keeled the 2nd time around. Geez, cut the guy some slack!! What I was upset about was the fact he told me his friend's were going to be there and they weren't. I couldn't fully enjoy myself because I simply felt uncomfortable. Frankly, if he wanted to have a date he could've asked me instead of using tactics to get me to go. Would I have declined? Possibly. But with that approach he's, at the least, honest. I didn't ask outright because I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I thought I we would meet his friends at the concert. I should've asked, but didn't. So, I left early. When talking to him about hanging out I simply meant catching up on our lives or eating lunch together in a public setting. I didn't really specify and probably should've clarified so that's my fault. I haven't been to a certified labeled date in a while, and when I haven't talked to a friend in a while that's what I suggest. I talked to my friend, who had a crush on him, about me hanging out with his friends and she gave me the "nod" to do something (I wasn't planning on doing anything and I told her that), but I could tell she wasn't purely okay with it. She says she hasn't tried anything because her intuition about him tells her something isn't right and she feels like she's not his type. Regardless, it just further instilled the desire not to do anything in respect for her feelings. He didn't try anything throughout the night, but after the concert I quickly knew where it was headed. In all honesty, if I wanted to sleep with him I would've done it already. But I haven't because I don't think I want to. When it comes to things like that I have to be 100% positive and into it. If I'm not, I'm not even going to try. He still thinks the drinking thing is going to happen cause I said to reschedule to get out the rest of the night, so I'm going to address that asap. I hope that fills any missing blanks (?) and thank you all for responding. Edited February 17, 2016 by Sunberry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) OP, if he has a history of being interested, and you're not, why go at all in the first place? Regardless if he's bringing friends or not. Regardless if you knew or not. Don't go?! Why pull on his strings? I just don't get it I guess. Edited February 17, 2016 by Chris2016 Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I get a kick out of some women, she actually brings up the subject of getting together, giving this guy false hope that he has a shot once again. I've had this happen to me when I was younger, it's a wash-rinse-repeat situation. Hopefully he doesn't fall for it again. She may be even playing games with him. This is what I don't get. He has a history of being interested. You're not. Why go at all in the first place? And then when he tries something, gets mad at him. Of course he's going to try something. He likes you. What's the confusion here. Don't go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 OP, if he has a history of being interested, and you're not, why go at all in the first place? Regardless if he's bringing friends or not. Regardless if you knew or not. Plain and simple ... Don't go?! I just don't get it I guess. I heard through the grapevine (a close friend of his) he moved on and was chatting with another girl. Remember, I haven't seen or talked to him for months after our last encounter and he's changed in terms of demeanor. I can be a bit dense when it comes to these things as well, but that's no excuse... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) I get a kick out of some women, she actually brings up the subject of getting together, giving this guy false hope that he has a shot once again. I've had this happen to me when I was younger, it's a wash-rinse-repeat situation. Hopefully he doesn't fall for it again. She may be even playing games with him. What game though? I'm not stringing him along. I'm not the Steven Harvey meme where I'm dangling the crown (my hoo-ha) with a fishing rod to Miss Columbia (him) and going "Oh, you gotta be quicker than that". I'm declining by saying, "I'm busy", "No, thank you", or simply not responding. I don't get it. My benevolence to hang out with him was only to catch up on what we're doing in school after I was told he moved on. That's it. Edited February 17, 2016 by Sunberry Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I'm declining by saying, "I'm busy", "No, thank you", or simply not responding. I don't get it. You made the mistake of bringing up even getting together. "Oh, he's stopped pestering me on asking me out, so I'll go ahead and ask him to join me somewhere to get the ball rolling...again." Link to post Share on other sites
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