R3d's Issues (3/5): Not Designed to Endure the Stresses of Dating

[R3d]

I have deconsolidated the issues outlined in the OP of this thread into five different threads because people were finding it too much to take in. I agree that my OP was very long especially with my tendency to ramble on and on so I have broken into bites to which anyone who is interested in responding to one piece can do so without the burden of all the other information. This is part 3 of the series:

 

[...]really, the whole dating thing is just so counterintuitive for me. It completely counters me as a person and punishes my weaknesses with little mercy. That's why it's so frustrating and difficult for me. And I am starting to hate dating because it's such a direct exploitation of my personal weaknesses. If you spoke to my parents, they wouldn't be surprised at all that I am struggling so much in dating. They know too - I wasn't designed to be good at dating. It's like trying to drive a Mercedes in the snow. It's just that I am such a logical, rigid, intellectual, mathematical, and analytical person and that's exactly what is detrimental in dating. Remember thefooloftheyear was saying how I am trying to write a "code of ethics" or "rulebook" here, it seems. Dating requires proficient social skills and emotional strength and maturity, which are two gaping weaknesses for me. That's why I keep saying that dating is such a direct counter to me as a person. But it's the only way to find an SO, so I have no choice but to drive that Mercedes in the ****ing blizzard.

 

This is especially demoralizing because of The Principle of Two Weaknesses which also makes me not physically designed to be successful at dating.

 

So it's like I am both not physically and mentally designed to be good at dating, which is disheartening.

[lollipopspot]

I haven't read a lot of your posts on this site, R3d, but I am wondering if it's possible that you have some sort of obsessive-compulsive or other thought disorders. Has anyone ever mentioned anything like that to you?

 

I'm sympathetic, because I probably have traits myself. But there is something just so strangely obsessive about your posts that I wonder if you might talk to someone professional about it.

 

I'm not saying this would be something that requires medication or anything, but maybe someone could give you help with breaking your obsessive habits. Look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You can even use a self help workbook to break your obsessions.

 

Put "cbt workbook" into Google. Or cbt exercises. Or cbt therapy. Look around and see what you think.

 

If I'm out of line, then ignore me.

Edited September 22, 2014 by lollipopspot

[JuneJulySeptember]

I have deconsolidated the issues outlined in the OP of this thread into five different threads because people were finding it too much to take in. I agree that my OP was very long especially with my tendency to ramble on and on so I have broken into bites to which anyone who is interested in responding to one piece can do so without the burden of all the other information. This is part 3 of the series:

 

 

 

This is especially demoralizing because of The Principle of Two Weaknesses which also makes me not physically designed to be successful at dating.

 

So it's like I am both not physically and mentally designed to be good at dating, which is disheartening.

 

I don't know what your ethnicity is, but yes, for Asian/Indian guys it is a bit of a double whammy. Especially for ones born here.

 

They have the same personality as their white/black friends, but cannot often draw/attract women like their friends can.

 

In addition, their upbringing and what their parents teach them make them ill-equipped to deal with the rigors of the dating game in the States. In a nutshell, they are taught to be soft spoken, passive, and respectful.

 

I've met many Indian guys who come to states after being raised in India, and they are in a better position. They prefer Indian women, and their personality and demeanor is better suited to get what they desire.

[R3d]

This is a huge problem because as I said in my OP, I am being forced to defend two weaknesses here if you look at part 2 and in order to successfully do that, you have to be nearly perfect (like the 4'2 Indian guy was). And this is harder for me than the average person - remember that's what this thread is about: how I am not mentally designed to endure the rigors of dating due to my subpar social skills and emotional strength/maturity.

 

So not only do I have to drive the Mercedes in the snow, but I have to race against other cars that are much better equipped to be driven in the snow and come in first place, remembering that analogy.